• No
  matter how many times I’m introduced before students, someone always
  asks, "Are you going to be our new principal?" causing me to blush in
  front of the current principal. "No," I politely answer. "But someday I hope to be a school principal."
  
• No
  matter how many times I wink at students in the hallway, I have to
  remember not to do so in the classroom lest the child says loudly, "Hey! She winked at me!" causing a mild interruption.
• No
  matter how many times I try to dress as a professional and look my age,
  when new people I meet ask me the ages of my children I will always get a look wondering how in God’s name I have an almost 20 year old daughter.
• No matter how many times a students asks me to sit by them and read to/with them, I will do it. Everything else can wait.
• No
  matter how many times I’m introduced before the students, someone will
  ask me if I’m someone’s momma. Yesterday, I was Tiesha’s and Isabella’s
  momma.
  
• No
  matter how many times I go into a new building, I’ll inadvertantly
  break a rule like walking on the wrong side of the stairway and be
  chastised by a child.
  
• No
  matter how many times students see me in the building, I may be asked
  if I’m someone famous (not sure why that is). Twice this week, I was
  asked by the same little boy if I was Patricia Polacco, the children’s author.
• No
  matter how many times I see children in the office for lice, I will
  psychosomatically scratch my head and arms the remainder of the day.
• No
  matter how long my day is and how overwhelmed I get from work and
  school and papers, I will somehow try to write about it here. Or here.
  
• No
  matter how crappy a day turns out to be my face will give me away and
  my children will tread carefully, offering hugs when needed. They will
  also make me look, look, look at what they’ve done in school or what game they’ve mastered.
• No
  matter how much pressure I feel from Life and living it so fully I know
  that nuzzling under my husband’s arm and having him stroke my
  possibly-lice-infested hair will calm me and make me want to keep on
  living it.

I promise. I’ll share my grade with you.

• 
  Kindergarteners are sweet and cherubic and will wave to anyone who
  comes into the classroom. The wave is tiny and near their cheeks and if
  your heart doesn’t melt from experiencing this, then you are the
  world’s only living heart donor who is still walking around because it’s precious.
• 
  Playground duty is best if you carry a whistle or can whistle loudly
  with your fingers. Also, kids will hug new, friendly faces and then ask
  sweetly, "Will you push me on the swing?" which you will do until they realize you’re just the new sucker on duty.
• 
  Students that come up to my hip are at the perfect height to get my
  attention by reaching their arms up to pat me to get their attention. I
  am at the perfect height for them to pat my breasts. This happens just
  once and then you stand with your arms folded in front of you. They
  don’t seem to notice that they’ve just violated your space, so deal
  with it.
• 
  Any child that asks if they can read to you when you are walking down the hallway is to be accomodated. Every child. Every time.
• 
  They still use Ranger Rick magazines in the elementary classrooms. Cool.
• 
  The older children in the building (grades 4 & 5) will simply ask
  if you’re somebody’s momma if they think you look like that student.
  Today I was Ashley’s and Carter’s and Felicia’s momma.
• 
  Kindergarten teachers are adorable. It’s just not fair. They’re petite and perky and sweet. I hate them.
• 
  Kids don’t give a damn what No Child Left Behind says. They just want a
  hug, a good meal at lunchtime, some nurturing, and to be challenged. They might also want a cookie and think you have them magically hidden in your pockets.
• 
  To think that anything is beyond their grasp is poor judgment and underestimates them greatly.
• 
  Always wear clothes with pockets. This is crucial.
• 
  Julius, The Baby of the World is a great after-recess book to read to calm kids down. I may have taken a nap during the reading. I’m not sure.
• 
  If Ronald McDonald visits the school to talk to students about making
  good choices, he might also hit on you and think you somehow find him
  attractive in his clown makeup and large red shoes. Let him down gently
  so he can be happy in front of the kids.