Does it seem like I’m always addressing that?

Today, one of them came to me to talk about a strange, awkward
situation she found herself in. She loves her students and has a good
handle on when to apply pressure and when to back off. A certain
student, a volatile girl whom we both handle with kid gloves, was in
trouble with another adult and Teacher A (no one up there is named
Ashley or Angie or Agnes, so this is safe) got involved by monitoring
the situation. I’m glad she did and she has every right to do so as a
teacher. I applaud her efforts to want to know what’s happening. Girl A
was being calmed down by a Black staff member and Teacher A came in to
bring her back to class. It is her firm belief that this child should
not roam the halls and be pampered in the office, so she was right to
usher her back into a place of learning.

In an effort to bolster Girl A and support her, this Black staff member
looked at Girl A and said, "Remember. Beautiful Black. Beautiful Black."

This is where the discomfort came in. Teacher A is white and came to
ask me what that meant. I must confess. I do not know. I can only
wonder if she was trying to instill pride in this girl who has such low
self-esteem and struggles with school.

Was she trying to show her that no matter what happened, she was still
a beautiful person? That she was beautiful outside? Inside? That is was
her blackness that was beautiful?

I knew what was coming next from Teacher A. She immediately responded
with a common defense: What if I said that to a White child?

Beautiful White. Beautiful White.

It is often the case as a mulatto that I’m a safe person to ask about
these things. More so, it is the case that I’m safe because I’m open to listening and learning and that stradling the fence on issues is just a place where I seem to find myself most often.

But I can’t explain every racial issue to every person who asks.

Today I had no answer and I didn’t address any of it with anyone else
because Teacher A just came to talk and I listened. I can’t support the
statement because I wouldn’t use the statement. Ever.

But I’ll admit something I said in a terrible situation when a parent
accused me of being racist when her son didn’t get the grade she wanted
for him. Her hostile phone calls turned to a confrontation at my school
where she demanded a meeting with just me and her and her son. She
berated me and argued with my principal at the time about my not
agreeing to be in a room alone with her (I was in my mid-20’s and I at
least knew that much as a young teacher). He supported me by staying in
the room and it was utterly ridiculous. She wanted him to have
something which he did not earn.

When I realized this wasn’t going anywhere I looked at my principal and asked, "Are you telling me I have to change his grade?"

"No. I’m not. I’m here because you wanted me to be here."

"Good. Then I’m not changing his grade."

After that, I looked past her at her son who was brave when his angry
mother was defending him, but was quiet and respectful in the classroom
up until that day and never again.

"I’m very sorry for this. I’m very sorry that your mother is teaching
you this awful lesson. That to be Black means you can be lazy and get
things which you do not earn. Because that has no bearing to what you can expect in real life AT ALL."

That was not a beautiful day for me. I never felt worse when dealing
with a parent. I wasn’t Beautiful Black or Beautiful White or Beautiful
Anything that day.