The BlogMe project I came up with turned out to be far bigger than I anticipated and it is with great humility that I notice people still doing this. By all means, if you’d still like to participate, have at it! In fact, I check back on this thread written by Lisa Stone every so often to find that it’s still alive and kicking. As of today, there were 43 replies in the comments and that’s not even everyone who has gotten involved. Another one she wrote has 32 comments and every time I see another one I’m all about blinking several times and mouthing “Wha…? Seriously?”
While searching blogs this morning I noticed that Krista over at The Silent K is doing a new version of it using questions from Proust that Mama Blogs Toronto posted.
Recently, Krista also asked me to write an “About” page in comments she left for me. Admittedly, I have tried to start writing one for the last 6 months or so and each time I begin I am stuck. Should I write something serious? Smart ass? Silly enough to crack myself up? I never know, but something is stopping me from writing it.
Right now what is stopping me is the fact that Jayne is getting a new harddrive installed (is she a demanding little bitch or what?) and anything I’ve written is saved on that laptop-that-has-been-in-the-shop-too-much-lately.
Specifically, Krista wondered about being a teenage mom and then rightfully compares me to Lorelei Gilmore from The Gilmore Girls. My response to her was that someone must be taping my life and passing it off as a tv show on the WB and that I’M NOT GETTING CREDIT FOR IT. The teen pregnancy, the single-parenthood, the coffee-swilling, the fast-talking, the close relationship with the daughter… the list goes on and on.
Perhaps you can start by reading this post that talks a little about it, but I can certainly offer some details here until that “About” page comes together. Some things are just factual and some are lessons I’ve learned along the long hard road I like to call You Dumb Ass Girl, What Were You Thinking?
- I was pregnant at 14 and turned 15 the month before giving birth to Mallory.
- My parents were separated during this time and I got myself into trouble by taking advantage of this detail.
- I was much weaker back then and quite a pansy, but I’m one bad mofo now. It made me S-T-R-O-N-G.
- You will lose friends by getting pregnant in high school and that’s ok.
- The birth father, Richard Cranium*, and his family MOVED OUT OF STATE TO AVOID THIS PREGNANCY.
- The birth father’s FATHER was my health teacher. Oh, the irony.
- My parents didn’t “make it easy” by letting me slide. I still had to work to pay for everything, but they did let me live at home.
- I didn’t tell my mother I was pregnant. The principal did. By this time, I was 6 months along.
- Yes, I waited too long on purpose. Scared? Hell, yeah. Uncertain about just what abortion meant? Most definitely.
- I finished high school with my class and went to college when everyone else did.
- I had to quit all the sports I was in (basketball, volleyball, track, cross country and softball) but I remained in show choir and also became Student Body Vice-President my senior year.
- Far too many times to count, I would whisper to Mallory, “Hey, kiddo. I don’t know what I’m doing here, ok? But when I know better, I’ll do better. I promise.”
- Many wonderful people wanted to help me out and when I was at college (with kid in tow, mind you) I met some amazing friends who helped to babysit and lent a sympathetic ear.
- One of those amazing friends turned out to be the person I would marry. Ken has, from Day One, been the only father she would ever know as “Dad”.
- I was on welfare for 7 years straight. It’s hard to give it up and have to pay cash for groceries when food stamps saved my ass for so long.
- My college classes were my “work” and it was the hardest thing I ever survived.
- Most of the time people wonder how I did it. I never provide a sufficient answer for them because I, myself, do not really know.
- Watching her walk across the stage at her high school graduation superseded my own, for she did so with honors.
- That kid saved my life and I have been a mother now for longer than I’ve ever done anything else.
- Some teachers at my high school were vicious. Sometimes more so than the students. Two, in particular, stand out and I still talk to them to this day because they were kind and supported me.
- The greatest compliments come from both Mallory and my mom who think I’m a damn good mother.
- I wouldn’t trade those experiences I’ve had from dirty looks, people looking down on me, or the expectation that I would be a statistic for anything.
- She was 2 years old when I was crowned Homecoming Queen at my high school.
- That was a mixed-bag because I was glad my friends accepted that I was still a student and a kid myself, but it got weary listening to everyone talk about THE SCANDAL OF IT ALL. (GASP!)
- She is my magnum opus.
In close-knit conversations I talk about this easily. Writing it down just now was hard.
*not his real name, but a fun one to use nonetheless
July 26, 2006 @ 5:28 am | Filed under Education | Permalink |
VENTL8R Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:01 am
You are an amzing woman, Kelly. I can’t even fathom how you did it.
I need a kleenex, dammit….
krista Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:03 am
this made me well up: “Hey, kiddo. I don’t know what I’m doing here, ok? But when I know better, I’ll do better. I promise.”
You are amazing!!
JoAnn Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:10 am
I am in awe, first by your life experience and how much of it reflects my own and secondly how eloquently you put it down. I can remember using a baby bathtub as a crib because that’s all I had at the time.
I hope as I get older, I can share with someone as much as you share so freely. I am so glad I happened to come across your blog.
LOVE the Richard Cranium name! Much better than the sperm donor label I use!
You are one hell of a woman!
sassymonkey Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:12 am
I wasn’t a teen mom (still not a mom and really have no plans to be one either). But my mother was as were my two older sisters. Oh and about half my cousins. My oldest sister tried to do the university thing but just couldn’t manage it. My other sister had already dropped out of high school before she got pregnant.
Thank you for talking about this.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:34 am
This is a great post, Kelly. I love the honesty.
Your kids are lucky to have you. I’ll see you Friday.
PointlessBallyhoo Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:48 am
Everytime I read about you, I’m amazed.
IT Chick Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 7:27 am
I learn something new every time you post a new “About” list. What was the word you posted about coffee? Same applies to you, Kelly. “Uh-may-zing!”
Dana Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 7:49 am
Kelly! You definitely are an amazing mother. And I’m glad to have met you. You make me realize that regardless of what happens in life we can perservere. And I know Mallory, Mason and Morgan are so damn lucky to have you for a mother. I hope I can be just as excellent as you are in the motherhood dept.
-hugs tight-
jennifer Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 8:00 am
“Hey, kiddo. I don’t know what I’m doing here, ok? But when I know better, I’ll do better. I promise.”
i’m teary-eyed, too…
Jennifer Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 8:02 am
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. You are strong and amazing. I hope to be as amazing a mom as you certainly are!
Jennifer
GullyGirl Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 8:28 am
I absolutely love the Gilmore Girls. My own mother is amazing and I have “that bond” with her. Congrats on not becoming a statistic. I love it when teen mothers show everyone that is something that doesn’t have to happen.
I love your blog…keep up the good work!
Ami Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 8:33 am
I’m glad you shared all of this. I’m sure it was difficult, but it certainly helps people to understand more of who you are. I know so many women who have been through this situation, and each one dealt with it differently. I have the utmost respect for the ones like you who pulled through it (with the support of family and/or friends) and found a way to beat the odds.
Natalie Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 8:45 am
Anytime you *think* you *can’t* write… stop thinking and just do it.
Natalie
deannie Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 8:55 am
I am just glad to call you friend. I think what I love most about you is that you aren’t afraid to move forward (well, maybe you are but you did it anyway!).
Jill Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 9:13 am
Kelly, It is with great joy and appreciation that I tell you this. I do know exactly what it is you went through. I finished high school with a gpa of 3.85 (was the 25th highest out of 325 kids). All the putdowns and negativity I got from my so-called friends turned enemies only made me stronger. I had my down sides to it all but I would not trade it for anything. I discovered at my 10 year reunion that I was far better off than those that gave me the hardest times, because they were now experiencing things I went through in high school and just didn’t know how to deal with it… I have been a parent for longer than I have been an adult… which is longer than anything else in my life…I am sorry this is such a long comment, but this is what I live with day to day and I am proud to know that someone else can easily relate to what it was like to be a teen mom in the late 80’s
Bless you and Mallory… and if you ever just want to talk… email me…
HUGS
JIll
Siobhan Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 9:52 am
That’s amazing. I didn’t have my child until I was 39 and half the time I feel like I haven’t got a clue. The next time I start to feel overwhelmed I’m going to remember this post and tell myself to be freakin’ grateful. You have so much to be proud of!
QofS Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 10:41 am
I never made the gilmore girls connection until just now. And it’s my FAVORITE show. Like, can’t miss an espisode favorite.
It all makes sense now.
See you FRIDAY
Erin Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 11:32 am
You. Are. Amazing.
Brava!
Molly Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 12:12 pm
That is so wonderful to read. Thank you so much for sharing. Being pregnant in high school in 1964 got me kicked out. Community college and life continued my education.
MeL Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 1:12 pm
Reading about what you went through helps put things in perspective for those days I throw myself a pity party for getting started on this so young!
“I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!”
Something for me to remember when I think the going is too rough… I’ve got an easy road compared to SOOO many others.
You are now, officially, one of my personal heroes (in addition to being on my internet “crush-roll”).
Josh Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 1:55 pm
WOW…what a story. What an amazing testimony you have…I am so glad you shared it. I am so amazed and joyful at how you stuck it through and rose above the circumstances and achieved so much…It’s truly awesome.
Liz Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 2:57 pm
(me kneeling at your feet wailing, “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!) You amaze me, you know that? You really do. I am just in total awe and amazement over your strength, perseverence, determination, etc. If I could just have a quarter of your personality, I know that I could just change things in my life in a heartbeat and all for the better. Can I come over and like rub your ankles like a kitten in hopes that some of your personality will rub off on me? Oh, wait, that would require me travelling outside of safe area. How about you just email your vibes my way and maybe that will do the trick. LOL!
Now seriously. You are an amazing woman, and Mallory, Morgan, and Mason are blessed to have you as a mom, and Ken is blessed to have you as a wife. Have a safe trip to San Jose for Blogher and have fun. I expect a huge entry posted when you get back on everything. And I do mean everything as this may be the only way I will get to experience something like this. It will make for some interesting reading for the next few days.
Liz Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 3:00 pm
Oops, almost forgot. Hey let me write your about page. I rather write about other people than myself anyway. Just email all the things that you would like in an about page and I’ll do a write up or at least try to. LOL Honestly, if you can write what you just did you most certainly can write an about page. I am actually more curious about your job as a literacy coach and would like more details on that.
Colleen Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 3:42 pm
You are beautiful, Kell. Out and in. Keep writing. Your heart on your sleeve is what keeps us all coming back.
RW Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 3:54 pm
When we were at “Davecago” and you said the age of the child in question I remember I said (without knowing you) “What? Did you have that child when you were 11?” And it was a way of saying how fabulous you looked for someone who had a kid of that age - in the manner of a compliment. And then you said “I was 14″ and it was like one of those moments when you just want to reach out into the air and puuuulllll back all the stupid verbiage you just said because it was soooo inane when compared to reality - that I was actually redfaced for days afterwards.
On the other hand you took it exactly as it was meant and took no offense.
Which is why you have a lot of class.
Tom Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 3:57 pm
I am having a hard time responding to this entry. I usually like to be sarcastic or funny, but I can only say that you are an exceptional mother, wife, and woman. Then it hit me, DICK HEAD! That’s funny.
TJ Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:33 pm
Amazing.
Shash Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:35 pm
Wow. What an amazing post. I’m glad you wrote that down to share with us. You are an amazing woman, Kelly. Mallory is one lucky lady to have a momma like you!
Have fun at BlogHer and have a drink for me, will ya?
Shash
NursePam Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:43 pm
Have a blast at BlogHer Kelly. You’re a hell of a woman.
aunt tea Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 6:54 pm
well worth sharing.
Mom101 Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 7:00 pm
I look forward to talking to you more about this stuff this weekend. My nephew who’s been staying with us, his mom got pregnant with him at 15 and I’d love to pick your brain on some stuff.
You’re a rock star, lady. In more ways than one.
dfinley Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 7:17 pm
Maybe this will now work. I have been trying to post a comment all day.
You are my hero. I was raised by a teen mom–who married my not a teen anymore father. My mom did not handle the pressure of parenthood with any of the courage, strength or grace that you did. You have so much to be proud of. You are an inspiration.
dragon-mum Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 10:07 pm
Kelly
I have been trying for weeks to leave a comment. Hope this one actually works!
Do you see how many people’s lives you touch and change just doing this one thing alone? You are a whole bunch of angels, all by yourself and I swear you could just ask a mountain to move and it would! That makes everything you have been through sound blase but I dont mean it that way. I just wanted to say that you amaze me more everyday.
If my mother loved me with even an IOTA of the depth you love your family, friends and students…… my world would have been a much different place. Thank you for sharing some hope around and some ideas on where I’d like my next steps to land.
Missing you….. have awesome fun at Blogher
Love Yvonne
jess Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 10:26 pm
Get your ass here to san jose because you can definitely lick me now.
That was an amazing story and still is. Your words are so touching and heartfelt.
see you soon.
dragon-mum Said,
July 26, 2006 @ 11:12 pm
Kelly
Please read your email. It’s important. I need some advice for Bowen. Thank you
Love Yvonne aka the winged pain in your arse!
Avitable Said,
July 27, 2006 @ 7:39 am
You live the Gilmore Girls. I think you’re even better than I thought before!
Jessica Said,
July 27, 2006 @ 8:47 am
So great. I love reading stuff like this! I got pregnant with my first at 19 so I did get to miss the torture of high school kids. I have to say though I felt like a freak at college. My school was all kids, all party and I was a huge outsider. I have always looked young (loving that now!) so people would just stare when I was out with my son. Anyway, I don’t know how I got through college either…working, taking a full load of classes and raising a 2 year old. It was a nightmare and I know my son probably has some damage from neglect during that time. But, I can say it is all worth it now to live in the nice section of town and not worry where food is going to come from. Congrats to you and all young Moms who refuse to be a statistic!
SomedayQuilter Said,
July 27, 2006 @ 10:55 am
I really, really, really liked this post. I’ll never forget when my son was two months old and this little, older lady looked at me, then at him, then back at me and said “That isn’t your is it?” LOL - I had just turned 20, but looked 15. My proudest moment was watching him and his sister walk across the stage to receive their college diplomas, something I had never had the perseverence to accomplish. I applaud you.
T. Said,
July 27, 2006 @ 2:49 pm
Is it ok with you that I print out your bullet items? I have a student who was two months pregnant at the start of the summer, and (fingers crossed she’ll be back this year) I would really like to share this with her.
By the way, when you get a chance, lady, I would LURVE for you to swing by and read the comments on my “Grits in School” post. Ooo-ooo!
jenny Said,
July 27, 2006 @ 4:11 pm
You’re one badass mamma jamma, and a super cool lady, Kelly. Glad to have met you! And have a blast at the Blogorama!
Kimberly Said,
July 28, 2006 @ 6:40 am
Okay, you have heard it a million times I am sure but….you are amazing.
Jeff Said,
July 28, 2006 @ 6:47 am
Touching story - thanks for sharing…
Belinda Said,
July 28, 2006 @ 3:32 pm
My great-grandmother got married at 15, had my grandmother at 16. She, in turn, did the same, and finished school. My mother got married at 17 (after she graduated), but waited to have me until she was 20.
Then I came along, and wrecked the whole “young family” dynamic by not getting married ’til 34, and not having a baby ’til 36. Yup–at the age I was breastfeeding a baby, MY mother was helping me fill out college applications.
There is a lot that is wonderful about having a young mother, and I’m kinda sad that Bella will miss out on that.
MommyWithAttitude Said,
July 29, 2006 @ 9:09 am
Kelly this is beautiful and inspiring… and please pass the kleenex! I had a young mother too (nineteen, not fifteen - a big difference, but still young) and sometimes I’ve wondered if there was any point to my waiting so long to have my kids. There are positives and negatives to both choices, but in the end, what’s that saying? It’s not the hand life deals you, it’s how you play the game… or something like that.
aak Said,
August 1, 2006 @ 4:11 am
Richard Cranium. That is brilliant.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. It is wonderful that you came through despite all the stupid people out there discouraging you. If that was me I would have died and I would have failed. I do not think that I could handle that kind of pressure. Sh** I think if I get pregnant now I will about die (23, married).
My cuppa goes out to you.
aak
Tiffany Said,
August 2, 2006 @ 6:52 am
Thank you so much for telling your story. It really does inspire me. I am a young mother myself, and I know exactly how it feels. I hated the way that people stared at me when I was pregnant. And now they assume that my baby belongs to my mom (”Oh, you’re so young!). Thank you.
kate5kiwis Said,
August 3, 2006 @ 12:19 am
mate
i was five years older than you (and probably nearly as mature) when i had my eldest, D16. and i totally know what you mean by scandal. we had a shotgun wedding. i think i’m nearly over it now :o)
and i’m *so* glad i did it. we did it. hubby isn’t a richard c, he really rocks, and i graduated and went to work (teaching little kids) while he studied and took our baby to creche..
wow, that seems so long ago, and i have rich memories of those days when we juggled our bills: paying half of one and half of another, eeking the money out week-to-week.
beautiful memories of two lads who adored me, and we lived in our little bubble.
life is such a bowl-of-cherries..
PS you made me cry.