It’s not above me to poke fun at other people for my own entertaining purposes, but I feel a qualifier is in order before proceeding: I make more fun of myself than others do. Ummm…hello? Yesterday I wrote about a pig farting on me. Why would any reasonable person admit that?
My geekiness is well documented. And that’s ok.
Geek is the new hot, anyway.
Prior to the pig farting incident at the fair(on my shoe, by the way…MY SHOE, which I wiped off extensively in the grass afterward and which I’m burning ceremoniously in effigy soon) Mallory and I agreed to not only notice the freaks and geeks we saw at the fair, we decided to make a game out of it. Make no mistake about it: if you are going to go out in public without the decency or good sense to hide your freakishness, I have every right to point you out to anyone within earshot.
In all honesty, my feeling on the subject mostly boils down to this: go ahead and let your freak flag fly. You color my world and make it interesting.
Me: Mal! Want to play the Fair Game while we’re here. You know, get points for them? I’m calling a moratorium on mullets, though, because they’re EVERYWHERE here.
Mallory: Oooohhhh, yes!
Me: Well, they can still be worth something: Mullets, 1 point.
Mallory: Muffin tops, 2 points.
Me: Eeeww. I won’t want to look at them, but ok. Women-with-obvious-tattoo-issues, 5 points.
Mallory: Men with ridiculously long hair in a ponytail, 2 points.
Me: Slutty teenage girls, 5 points. No… too many of them… ummmm…. 3 points. But they travel in packs, so only count them as a group. And they have to be wearing belly shirts.
Mallory: Oh! Oh! Oh! Socks with sandals! 10 points.
Me: Oh, that’s really bad. Yeah, 10 points if you spot that one. I’m not even counting baggy pants and seeing boy’s underwear. That’s too easy.
Mallory: Harley-Davidson types, but not the real ones. The posers, 3 points.
Me: Good one! Ok, stupid parents with their babies out in this heat in nothing but a DIAPER and NO SUNBLOCK or a hat on their little precious heads, 5 points.
Mallory: Oh, yeah. Shirtless men who have no business being shirtless in public, 8 points.
Me: But! (I stop and look her in the eye for the seriousness of the situation) A toothless woman? That’s an automatic 50 points and you win the game.
Mallory: (sighing deeply as we buy our tickets and enter the fairground gates) Mom, I love coming home. I never realized that until I moved away to college and then came back.
Me: Yeah. I love the quirkiness of this place. These are my people.
August 16, 2006 @ 6:32 am | Filed under Freaky Family | Permalink |
Juli Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 7:49 am
YES!!! GEEK IS THE NEW HOT!!! I’m in!!! Woo hoo!!! (jumping up and down like a freak - okay, ducking now in embarrassment but gathering my sense of cool).
I love this game and I can play from my office window. Why aren’t you coming to visit ME at the fair? I am all for trashing another person who so blatantly puts it out there for you to do so. If they don’t want to be ripped on, then live within the so called rules of society. Fair game. That’s why it’s the fair. I’m with ya sister. This was hilarious and so real which is why it is so scary. oh well, by the by. I love that geek is in. I’m so there.
Dana Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 8:00 am
MAN!!! You guys have the best fun ever. Tomorrow my family is going to Six Flags in Chicagoland. All of us (well except Doug, he has to work). My dad, my mom, my brothers and my sister, and me and Dawson. Will I survive? Will my mother nag me about which rides are suitable for Dawson.
Any motherly advice for me? Hey! Maybe Mallory could give her point of view, too!
-hugs tight-
Wish me luck!
So the fair, it was good? And did y’all see that toothless woman?
Alex Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 8:05 am
Just stopped in to say Hi.
freckledsasha Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 8:28 am
the pig farted on you? Like, you felt it? Um, gross.
My husband and I play a similar game in public. We find the grossest people, and it works like this:
me: oh hun… what are you doing over there with the fanny pack on?
him: oh, you know… but I want to know why you had to wear those purple pants today…
etc… I love playing freak games.
Tom Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 8:28 am
OK, so tell me if this is geek, slutty, or cool. Those thongs undies that show whenever you bend over. (We are talking about girls) I guess it would depend on the girl. Some girls definately shouldn’t be showing ass crack, but how would you classify the ones who can get away with that? Slutty or cool? It seems like they are doing it on purpose. They gotta know their ass is hanging out. So do they get style points or geek points?
QofS Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 9:20 am
Were you in Florida on vacation with me? Because I’m pretty sure I saw that EXACT same crowd of people.
jenny Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 9:43 am
Yeah, I used to think muffin tops were a riot, until i looked down and realized I had one.
[quickly pulls pants up, pushes away scone]
RW Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 10:15 am
As one of those men who have no business being shirtless, let me just say that the worst of all these are the women who have tattoos, missing teeth, and stand in line at the WalMart looking like they’re chewing a cud or something.
Cripes… I think I just grossed myself out…
chris Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
My god, where do you live???
Although if I left my house I would surely see the same things I am sure. The worst I saw recently was a girl wearing a pair of SHORT shorts with the front unbuttoned and unzipped so the her black underwear with the rhinestone heart would show.
My 3 yr old daughter asked her why her pants were too small.
Linsahl Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 2:23 pm
Best of the Brew to you!!!!
Just gave reading blogs a chance about 10 days ago. I’ve lurked back there and then over to here for 3 days now. Read it all!! Laughed, cried, giggled, sniffled, moaned, growled, agreed and not. Thank you and Allen and your family and friends for sharing you.
Now it’s time to start getting ready for our school year. Researched and read and waited for the Fairy Godmother to put it all into lesson plans. She failed me! Dang!!!! So it’s off to the salt mine. Summer’s been fun and ended with making a new friend. Thanks, girl!
EricAtRandom Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 9:30 pm
I love muffin tops (for humor value, that is)! It’s such a perfect name for the effect that I see them, think of the name (and Seinfeld, where I first heard the term in its original context), and can’t help but laugh. Poor fashion slaves!
Elizabeth Said,
August 16, 2006 @ 9:49 pm
My husband have been playing “let’s go to the Mall and make fun of people” for years! But I’ve never thought of assigning points, that might make it even more fun.
willowtree Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 12:18 am
Damn! You people are cruel. Talk about destroying someone’s self worth! I was the most valued person there until that bitch showed up without her teeth!
deannie Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 4:21 am
Oh, this is sooo wrong. When I would go to the Carowinds amusement park in Charlotte, NC as a teen with my pack of friends, I would walk through the park and pick out future wives for my male friends. Way too much fun…
Hugs,
Mom101 Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 5:08 am
Maybe what she loves…is coming home to you. Playing this game with her?
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 6:04 am
I love the mother/daughter bonding.
Jill Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 6:29 am
If geek is the new hot, then I am hot… hmmmmm HOT… that sounds like a great m/d bonding thing. Becca and I were doing something like that the other day when we went shopping for her birthday…. ‘cept we were making fun of those rednecks that come to town during fair week to do all their school shopping and don’t have the decency to act human…. after all one does not normally take up the entire isle to talk about the cowpie one tossed at the other three weeks ago and expect other people to stand there while they do it…..or the best one we saw was the two in obvious farm clothing, including the doodoo on the boots, talking about which boxer would be best for those in case emergencies of the middle of the night… lolol
Have a great week.
Jill
Caffeinated Librarian Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 8:04 am
Okay, someone pleas enlighten me - what’s a muffin top?
Hey deannie, my first job was working food service at Carowinds! The experience put me off corn dogs forever. My favorite when was always when we’d run out of corn dogs, the ice cream maker would break and we’d have no ice. All of which meant that all we could serve ppl was hot Coke (or in NC-ese: Coke Coke, Pepsi Coke, Dr. Pepper Coke…).
You ever tried telling a family of eight, with six children under the age of ten, who have been out in 98 degree weather for four hours and have just finished riding the “Days of Thunder” for the third time in a row, that all they can have are hot drinks and yes, they still have to pay the same price for them? It’s amazing that I lived to make it college.
And don’t get me started on the rubber shoes or sexy polyester wardrobe. *shiver*
Caffeinated Librarian Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 8:05 am
Can I buy a vowel?
I’d like an “e” please?
hannah Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 10:33 am
I might have to play that game this weekend. I go the Iowa fair tomorrow! Yippee!
And, I would like to point out, the reason why the big pig is next to the place you can buy your pork chop is because these 4-H kids are raising these animals for MEAT. On a stick, of course.
Plunky(Deb) Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 10:48 am
I am so happy to learn geek is the new hot…I am smokin now, I guess.
OMG, I don’t even know what I would do at a state fair. I am so fascinated by the country folk. I would probably just literally park my ass somewhere and watch them.
A different Ken Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 11:36 am
Kelly,
Here’s potential conundrum for you. If you’ll visit this URL: http://tk3.storage.msn.com/x1pX43kt4W_t1mffuOa6JScDTd2fSQW75oT0OP4l7RBgKLrf2RLtawFWLrVyEyln4OXqzoewqaBpXfD9qvKnoXDgWkdKzTE9nA-Ekw4k9S465jx22ITkr2gwIwgXYlST7Ii9VwLlZJhs71Ym1H7G3L0sGimFHMhOjpb , you’ll see one Fat Cyclist (Elden), wearing sandals with socks. How many points is THAT worth?!
Now, depending on where you are and what you do, sandals w/socks are common (do you sense that I’m being defensive and starting to rationalize a behavior - that’d be correct).
I am a cyclist and I wear socks with my sandals. This is infinitely more comfortable than cycling shoes. The socks provide cushioning, while the sandals provide blessed, airy relief.
Now, I will say that I only do this in “post-ride” mode. I NEVER wear socks with sandals when just “out and about” in the warm months of the year. Then it’s sandals only.
And in all times, I don’t wear those toy flip-flop deals, but manly Teva river sandals with Codura nylon and lotsa’ Velcro. Yeah, that’s it.
(He finishes his statement, defending the practice of selective use of sandals and socks as okay, masculine thing to do, only too sure that his comment will be placed within the borders of a lovely pink box.)
EricAtRandom Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 2:34 pm
Punky(Deb), they have places at country fairs to park your car. You wouldn’t have to ride your donkey. As a matter of fact, I’m quite certain they wouldn’t have a place to park a burrow without paying for exhibit space. (geeky laugh/snort!)
nan Said,
August 20, 2006 @ 10:42 pm
Lovin’ your blog! Oh and… how can you tell if a baby is wearing sun block or not?! Do you have ultraviolet vision that can’t see the actual baby under the layer of lotion if he’s wearing it? ;^)
Nan
(migrating from Ree and WT’s blogs)
Julie Said,
August 21, 2006 @ 7:14 am
Oh what fun! We have always played that game minus the points. We are adding points next time. That is the best part of going to the fair - seeing the freaks! Oh and looking at all the new cars.
Like the whole m/d bonding too. What a special relationship you have with your daughter.
The Dana Files » Close to Healthy Again Said,
November 14, 2006 @ 8:57 pm
[...] So anyway, Seth was a hottie. I sat next him because our seats were assigned alphabetically. And he was always a very nice guy. And there was something about him that made me giddy. To this day I can’t place it, but when I think about those old days at SPASH, that same feeling keeps flooding back. Man. I sound like a dork. But as Mocha says, “Geek is the new hot.” [...]