Just yesterday it seemed that I found out I was having a baby girl, but it’s been much longer than that. It’s been over twenty years since the person who has lived with me the longest in my life came to me. It was just us. For a long time, it seemed, but it was only four years after that when I met Ken.
Mallory knows me well. She reads me and studies me and I do the same for her. There are some important things I know about her:
- She took her first steps wearing a red dress.
- When her first tooth came in I was studying for a trigonometry final.
- She slept through the night almost instantly.
- Her first word was “Mamala” and sometimes, she still calls me that.
- The six freckles on her left cheek make the shape of the Big Dipper.
- When she looks at me and laughs, she scrunches up her nose. She was the one who told me I do the same thing.
- I laughed uncontrollably when trying to teach her how to drive a stick shift. Then, I made someone else finish and she’s really good now.
- When she lies to me she repeats my question to her.
- Her love of that nectar of the gods, coffee, has been one of our favorite things to share.
- When she’s worried about something there’s a little quiver in her voice and I know it’s time to step in for a hug.
- She has great taste in shoes and purses.
- Her mind works way better than mine and her talent for art makes me envious.
- The most loyal friend in the world would be lucky to have her because she is just as loyal.
- Her love language is Quality Time.
- She’s my Brown Eyed Girl.
- In the twenty years she’s been lent to me and trusted in my care, she’s been able to shake off all my bad parenting and turn out to be one hell of a woman despite me.
- When she moves into her first apartment this weekend she won’t come home to live anymore because she’ll have internships and jobs to keep her away.
I don’t know what I’m going to do when that happens.
August 17, 2006 @ 9:59 am | Filed under Freaky Family, Lessons I'm Learning | Permalink |
Tom Stormcrowe Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 10:29 am
You’ll adjust….
Besides, you’ll enjoy Mallory even more as an adult, watching the growth process continue as well as feeling some serious pride in her accomplishments as an adult. This will probably exceed the pride you had in her childhood accomplishments because the adult accomplishments are so much harder!
J to the Wall Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 10:31 am
….and she’s all yours!
Now, how did the boys do with the shots??
jennifer Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 10:46 am
awww! you’ll be fine.
Plunky(Deb) Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 10:52 am
Awww. That was so sweet. I’m a little teary. She will appreciate you even more now that she won’t live with you though. I think you may even become closer!
dfinley Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 11:09 am
I’m so emotional as I am days away from leaving for Ethiopia to pick up my son. I know you daughter loves you and needs you as much as you need her. There is something special in that bond. She will miss her mom but will probably be too proud to tell you. Daughters…we are like that. Way to go. You are an incredible mom with and incredible daughter.
Cyndi McCarthy Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 11:09 am
This morning at 5am I drove my 22 year old daughter (the youngest of three daughters) to the airport. She is flying to Texas to marry her boyfriend. I won’t see her get married. I don’t know how this happened - I have planned for the day she got married since the day she was born. It was not my decision to make - that is something that has taken me two older daughters to learn. IT IS NOT MY DECISION!!! Like you I will adjust to this new life and I am sure that there will be new surprises and new joys.
Colleen Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 11:26 am
The first apartment is SO exciting for the daughter. How she loves you and how responsible she is shows reflects the great mom you’ve been. I think the friendship side of your relationship will just deepen.
JoAnn Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 11:49 am
You will do what you’ve always done it seems. You will be you. You’ve done things that people have always said you couldn’t. You are a hell of a mom, woman, friend. You will be great, it comes naturally. LOL, I always say I can’t wait for them to move out and I still have years. Maybe I should rethink that!
Lyn Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 12:35 pm
I just wandered in here per Willowtrees invitation and I read and my eyes welled up with tears and I made a whimpering noise in the back of my throat. I cant even THINK to the day my son moves. I just have a really hard time with him being a teen and not wanting ‘mommy time’ on the rocker any more. Not wanting night night readings. Not wanting me to touch his hair as I talk to him. Just thinking of how you worded the beautiful sentiments in your heart for your daughter has me teary.
*sigh*
tanilan Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 1:23 pm
As the first week of school comes to an end, I am proud to say that I haven’t had the emotional breakdown I thought I would. But I know it is coming! My baby boy, Marquiz, started Junior High. My oldest began his junior high athletic career (they start playing school sponsored athletics in 7th grade; 6th graders still play community sponsored.)
I can’t imagine those little souls moving out and going off into the world…not yet. I joke about it, but I don’t think I will handle it very well when they time comes. They are my angels and I don’t want to let them go. But I know I must.
Smile and remember always!
Cordaville Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 1:27 pm
You always make me tear up when you write about her! Somehow you will be OK
Hugs just in case,
Cordaville
Lyn Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 1:41 pm
I dont know what happened to my post, so I hope that this doesnt appear twice…….
I wandered in here per willowtree’s request and normally lurk around and digest someones writings for quite a while before unlurking myself to post a comment but my goodness your beautiful words just choked me and I found tears welling up and I made a whimpering noise in the back of my throat for the feelings you invoke.
I cant even begin to THINK about where you are now with my son. I cant. Just watching him seperate from his little boyhood to his teenage years is tearing me up inside. I NEED mommy time in the rocker!!!
You have such a way with words. Thank you for sharing.
Jessica Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 1:59 pm
Awwww…it will be hard I’m sure. I do know that my Mom and I get along soooo much better since I moved out. We talk about everything and then when I need her to be my Mommie she is. It’s great. Be that for Mallory.
QofS Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 2:37 pm
Can I please, just once this week, read you and NOT tear up.
That would be great.
Thanks.
JJ Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 2:39 pm
I have no words of wisdom. Just empathy.
Our youngest is going back to the dorm a week from Sunday. It’s hard letting her go; but at least I know she’s home for summers.
She’s already warned me that by the time she finishes her second year, she’ll be apartment hunting.
I’ve tried my best to bribe, entice, and all but beg her to live at home. She needs to go. I need to let go.
It’s not easy. And she’s only living in the dorm. 15 minutes from us. I think I’m going to need some serious prescription drugs IF (see, still in denial) she does get her own apartment.
Inquiring Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 5:50 pm
Oh wow…
As a mother of a teenage daughter this really brought me to tears. I am seriously choked up over this. In a few years I’ll be in the same boat and I am just a little terrified.
You have raised an amazing woman but that doesn’t make it any easier to let her go out on her own.
She’ll be fine. You’ll be fine eventually…make many coffee dates.
Her Bad Mother Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 6:42 pm
Oh.
I tear up, knowing that day will come for us, too. I yearn for it (to know the adult HER) and (mostly, now) I dread it.
So, yeah, teared up. I’m teary these days, but still.
freckledsasha Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 8:30 pm
first of all… I think you can get away with saying “Ooh La La” for yummy in French…
Second, I love reading about your daughter. I have said before that you guys remind me so much of me and my mom. When she moves, if you are anything like my mom, you will be on the phone with her all the time, for no reason at all…
My mom calls me from the parking lot of the grocery store, waiting to get her hair done, because she forgot to tell me just one more thing… I love it.
Natalie Said,
August 17, 2006 @ 8:49 pm
A. Pig. Farted. On. Your. Foot. Your. Shoe. Your. Person.
Ah…hahahahahahaha! That is the funniest freakin’ thing! I hope it missed your matching handbag.
Ah… hahahahaha!
You know, God love ya, you are always good for a laugh. No, wait, a howl! lol
Awes… Mallory… off to school and her own apartment. I can bet you just don’t believe it in some ways. You certainly did something right, right?
So, you are losing the youngester and gaining your mom.
Here’s a question: Does excellent taste in shoes and handbags run in your family?
I bet it does.
Natalie
ali Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 5:41 am
as i watch my son run around my my house wearing nothing more than a binky, a diaper, and one of his sandles i can’t imagine him moving away into his first place. don’t really want to either…but i know it will come….and it’ll kill me!
chris Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 6:01 am
Oh, you are making me tear up. My daughter still needs to do most of the things on your list, but when it gets to the last one I am going to cry…
VENTL8R Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 6:04 am
I hope I do as good a job raising Jenna as you have with Mallory.
I need a kleenex.
Again.
WHY do you DO this to me?!?! *feigned dramaticism*
Ann Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 6:36 am
I’ve been through it twice. Heartbreaking both times but also exhilarating to see that you have been successful in your “job” as a mother. BTW, my girls still need me, the needs are just different. Congratulations!
Heather B. Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 6:40 am
If it makes you feel any better; since I moved out and to a different state (at 17 no less) my mother and I have talked everyday at least three times a day. Not long and extended conversations but just about stupid stuff. And of course I still need her and I’m sure Mallory will still need you like 24/7. Like when she needs to be assured that it’s ok to buy a ridiculously expensive bag or when she’s spent every last cent. Ok, maybe I’m just speaking for myself. But seriously, she’ll need you and things will just be different now.
Dana Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 6:40 am
Mocha, something’s wrong with me. I’m crying again. And that probably doesn’t help me. I feel like you’ve let us borrow Mallory. She’s like a daughter to me too, now.
I’m too emotional for this mother business. Why did God decide I could do this? I’m crying over every sweet thing in the world.
Don’t worry about Mallory. She’ll come to visit. Often I hope or I’ll have to have a talk with her because I’m gonna miss you writing about her and all the great things you do together.
Dana Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 6:41 am
I meant “help you”. My crying doesn’t help you not to miss Mallory any less when she goes to her first apartment. See? I’m such a goofball.
mothergoosemouse Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 6:58 am
Wow. I love that list of what you know about her. Since I haven’t been reading you long, it was a perfect was to get to know her (and you too).
And don’t you dare knock your parenting. I may not know you well, but well enough to know you’re an incredible mother.
Amy Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 7:12 am
Hi Mocha Momma-
I have a confession - I’m a lurker. I have been since you had that site on MSN and were a “best of” last year or sometime. I lurk on a lot of sites though, but because MSN won’t let me comment without “signing in,” I haven’t made any comments. Ever. But I feel that today might be a good day to tell you that I love your writing. I read you about once a week so that I can have a whole bunch of snippets to read, and it’s a highlight in my week. Breaks up some of the work duldrums, you know? So, in short, thanks for your writing - you’re an amazing woman with a lot to tell, and I just wanted to let you know that you have admiring audience, at least in me.
Jennifer Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 8:10 am
**BIG HUG** I can’t imagine having my little girl move out! I think you will find some wonderful new way to bond with her. In fact I know you will….you are a great mom.
I will now go upstairs and hug my little Abigail (2) for all she will let me!
Jennifer
jenny Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
Yeah… it’s pretty clear that she didn’t turn out this way despite your parenting.
And good luck with the move - I’m sure it will be emotional, but how proud you must be!
Janice Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 3:21 pm
Ok that does it, I lurk no more…but I didn’t cry!
Both my sons leave this month to go back to school. The oldest moves into a dorm (3 hours away) and the youngest moves into an apartment (5 hours away). This was probably our last summer together as a family…just the three of us.
I’m having a hard time dealing, but refuse to let them see. I know the oldest will be home at semester break, but he has said he will be looking for an apartment then.
It’s time to let them go, they need to go and I need to let them go….I never, ever thought it would be this hard.
Now, I have tears.
Amber Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 4:26 pm
That is soooooo far ny future that I can’t even imagine it (moving out). For now, I’m working on #3 (SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!)
jeankfl Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 8:46 pm
Oh.my.God. It goes by soooooo fast. They grow by leaps and bounds, and the best parts are changing all the time! I can’t believe my nieces are 29, 23, and 15….and my step daughter is 16!!! I remember the first day I met all of them..some on the day they were born, some later….but the common thread is that I just blinked and they grew up! Overnight…and they’re amazing women…and I had something to do with it! Mal is just a product of an amazing woman, just like mine are…Just wait til you’re a grandmother!!! That will really flip your lid!!!
Just thought you needed something else to think about…lol
hugs,
Jeankfl
EricAtRandom Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 9:33 pm
Yikes… I have enough concerns about missing these “wonder years”! I refuse to start fretting about 12 years or so from now when they start to leave the nest!
Hey… you still got us!
leahpeah Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 9:59 pm
love love love love love
Elizabeth Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 10:34 pm
You might think she’s blossomed already but just wait and watch her bloom now. *hugs*
PS… let me know how you make it through this so I can jot down some notes when it’s my turn in about a dozed or so years…
Elizabeth Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 10:34 pm
You might think she’s blossomed already but just wait and watch her bloom now. *hugs*
PS… let me know how you make it through this so I can jot down some notes when it’s my turn in about a dozen or so years…
Elizabeth Said,
August 18, 2006 @ 10:36 pm
Can I get a WHOOPSIE!?!?!?!??!
Izzy Said,
August 19, 2006 @ 12:03 am
Awww…I can’t even imagine going through this with my girl. It seems so far off. But I imagine it goes fast, if the first six years are any indication.
Whenever you talk about her, it’s always with such love and admiration. it’s truly heartwarming.
With you in her corner, she’ll do great.
Must go and sob now…
{{hugs}}
supa Said,
August 19, 2006 @ 6:41 am
good luck to her — and to you this weekend. sounds like you did a good job bringing her up.
Mom101 Said,
August 19, 2006 @ 1:59 pm
I’m so impressed at the details you remember all these years later. I can hardly remember my own, only a few weeks after the fact. Thanks for reminding me to pay better attention.
deannie Said,
August 19, 2006 @ 2:46 pm
Feels strange, doesn’t it? We work so hard to help these wonderful people that the grace of God brought into our lives and then when they respond properly and just blossom, it is a secretly bittersweet marker of a goal reached.
I have said many times that my daughter is someone who I would just want to be friends with anyway and well, we are! And that relationship only seems to deepen and inspire me as we go along. Mallory seems to be crafted from the same lovely materials as her mommmy. Rejoice in the midst of those secret tears! We are lucky women!
Hugs,
Elizabeth Said,
August 19, 2006 @ 7:46 pm
I was just about to leave the same comment as Mom101. I can barely remember Ryan’s first steps, let alone what he was wearing. This post makes me want to go back and look through photos and write that stuff down.
*Sniff* Mallory is so lucky to have you as a Mama. And you’re lucky to have her, and *sniff* you are both so special!
katy Said,
August 20, 2006 @ 1:04 pm
Damnit if that didn’t just make me cry. I don’t even have any kids–what’s my problem?
KM
RW Said,
August 20, 2006 @ 6:32 pm
Yes it is a bit rough when they walk away to do their lives. You don’t want them to go. Lynne and I went through that and now there is a grand-daughter.
In time you will get used to it, and discover a new person there, being an adult you can talk to face to face & that’s a wonerful gift.
And then of course, when all the kids are gone you can have sex on the dining room table again! I mean… er…
Did I say that?
Mocha Momma Said,
August 20, 2006 @ 7:48 pm
There are so many things to respond to here and I couldn’t do it justice. That’s because I’m far too emotional at this time and because I’ve been too busy getting ready for school.
So, yes, you may ask That Dreaded Question now. I know that some of you are dying to do so. Go ahead. I can take it.
In any case, thanks for the nice words. They made me feel infinitely better this weekend as I kept re-reading them and thinking about such encouraging words. In all sincerity, thank you.
jess Said,
August 20, 2006 @ 9:58 pm
Oh that was so sweet. I love the way you write about her. It makes me so hopeful for my future relationships with my kids. I hope your doing okay.
xxoo
Krisco Said,
August 20, 2006 @ 10:39 pm
You’ve done a good job. And it’s breaking my heart 16 years in advance just thinking about…
Ron Said,
August 20, 2006 @ 11:25 pm
They seem to grow up so fast, don’t they!? What a beautiful way to honor her. I’m sure she would disagree with the bad parenting comments though! From the sounds of it…you have done an outstanding job.
Hugs,
Ron
Julie Said,
August 21, 2006 @ 7:21 am
Okay, I didn’t cry but I had an “AWW” moment. I love your list. This is my favorite post.
I do not have kids of my own, but when my youngest step-son graduated from college and then moved 10 hours away it hit me hard. I miss him like crazy! We email, he doesn’t like talking on the phone, and when we do see him it is really hard to leave him again. It is nice to see him do things on his own. Grown up things: buying a house, owning a business, etc.
Miranda Said,
August 21, 2006 @ 4:07 pm
I don’t personally know what it’s like to “let your children go”, but I do know, fairly recently, what it’s like to be let go of. To know that my family has upmost trust and pride in me as I go about my path -not alone, by any means- gave me the tools I needed to succeed. It’s such a learning experience, made all the better knowing I have a place to return to when I feel a little bruised by it all. I know that during those times my family, who am I kidding, my MOM will be there for me and send me right back on my way even stronger than before.
You’ve raised your daughter into an intelligent, beautiful, funny woman that has so much to look forward to and learn from. You’ve also raised your daughter to know that you will always be there for her, and that is absolutely the best you can offer during this time.
You’re a smart woman, I know you already know all this. Sorry this is slightly mushy, some things have been going on with my own mother that are causing me to be a bit more emotional lately.
Take Care,
Miranda
Belinda Said,
August 22, 2006 @ 11:03 am
No. It isn’t happening. Because if it’s happening to you, well, then…it could happen to me one day. And that–that just can’t–I mean, it’s just too horrible.
Tell me you just forgot to put the punchline on this post? The part about the APARTMENT and the NOT COMING HOME. Because that won’t happen here. Will it? No. You’re messing with me.
Susan Said,
August 22, 2006 @ 7:04 pm
I don’t envy you Kelly, but I know that you will pass this test with flying colors. You and Mallory are so tight that a little thing like her own apartment isn’t going to come between you two!
Sarah Said,
August 23, 2006 @ 8:23 pm
I’m waiting for baby to arrive, due in four days, and thinking of that fabulous moment when baby is ready to take on the world - thanks to my love and the love of my partner.
Sarah
Gary LaPointe Said,
August 26, 2006 @ 12:47 pm
Sigh… I can’t wait until I finally have a baby…
Gary LaPointe Said,
August 26, 2006 @ 12:48 pm
(Oops, hit submit too soon)
And have a list like yours that I can put down. I’m sure the time will go way too ast once it starts
Janet Said,
August 29, 2006 @ 1:27 pm
My Goodenss, you have totally made me cry.
You are a wonderful team. I can only wish to have that relationship with my daughter one day.