Just yesterday it seemed that I found out I was having a baby girl, but it’s been much longer than that. It’s been over twenty years since the person who has lived with me the longest in my life came to me. It was just us. For a long time, it seemed, but it was only four years after that when I met Ken.
Mallory knows me well. She reads me and studies me and I do the same for her. There are some important things I know about her:
- She took her first steps wearing a red dress.
- When her first tooth came in I was studying for a trigonometry final.
- She slept through the night almost instantly.
- Her first word was “Mamala” and sometimes, she still calls me that.
- The six freckles on her left cheek make the shape of the Big Dipper.
- When she looks at me and laughs, she scrunches up her nose. She was the one who told me I do the same thing.
- I laughed uncontrollably when trying to teach her how to drive a stick shift. Then, I made someone else finish and she’s really good now.
- When she lies to me she repeats my question to her.
- Her love of that nectar of the gods, coffee, has been one of our favorite things to share.
- When she’s worried about something there’s a little quiver in her voice and I know it’s time to step in for a hug.
- She has great taste in shoes and purses.
- Her mind works way better than mine and her talent for art makes me envious.
- The most loyal friend in the world would be lucky to have her because she is just as loyal.
- Her love language is Quality Time.
- She’s my Brown Eyed Girl.
- In the twenty years she’s been lent to me and trusted in my care, she’s been able to shake off all my bad parenting and turn out to be one hell of a woman despite me.
- When she moves into her first apartment this weekend she won’t come home to live anymore because she’ll have internships and jobs to keep her away.
I don’t know what I’m going to do when that happens.
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I don’t personally know what it’s like to “let your children go”, but I do know, fairly recently, what it’s like to be let go of. To know that my family has upmost trust and pride in me as I go about my path -not alone, by any means- gave me the tools I needed to succeed. It’s such a learning experience, made all the better knowing I have a place to return to when I feel a little bruised by it all. I know that during those times my family, who am I kidding, my MOM will be there for me and send me right back on my way even stronger than before.
You’ve raised your daughter into an intelligent, beautiful, funny woman that has so much to look forward to and learn from. You’ve also raised your daughter to know that you will always be there for her, and that is absolutely the best you can offer during this time.
You’re a smart woman, I know you already know all this. Sorry this is slightly mushy, some things have been going on with my own mother that are causing me to be a bit more emotional lately.
Take Care,
Miranda
No. It isn’t happening. Because if it’s happening to you, well, then…it could happen to me one day. And that–that just can’t–I mean, it’s just too horrible.
Tell me you just forgot to put the punchline on this post? The part about the APARTMENT and the NOT COMING HOME. Because that won’t happen here. Will it? No. You’re messing with me.
I don’t envy you Kelly, but I know that you will pass this test with flying colors. You and Mallory are so tight that a little thing like her own apartment isn’t going to come between you two!
I’m waiting for baby to arrive, due in four days, and thinking of that fabulous moment when baby is ready to take on the world – thanks to my love and the love of my partner.
Sarah
Sigh… I can’t wait until I finally have a baby…
(Oops, hit submit too soon)
And have a list like yours that I can put down. I’m sure the time will go way too ast once it starts
My Goodenss, you have totally made me cry.
You are a wonderful team. I can only wish to have that relationship with my daughter one day.
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