This week I’m doing another internship at an elementary school. It’s required, normally very fun, and always informative. It’s good to get out of my school and see what’s going on elsewhere. For some reason (oh, I don’t know - maybe this recent bluesy state I’m in?) I just knew the first day would be tiresome and I asked my mom to make these Devil’s Food Drop Cookies that Becky gave me the recipe to after I scarfed on them at her house last weekend during a sweat lodge purging of the soul in which I drank lots of wine and stared into the fire in her new firepit… I’m digressing here. I just know it. All I’m saying here is who DOESN’T want to come home to warm cookies their mother is making for them? It doesn’t matter that I’m in my mid-thirties. Warm cookies from mom at 35 is as good as getting warm cookies from mom when I was in 5th grade.
Anyway, the cookies were what I needed because my mother was lovingly frosting them as I walked in the door when she asked about my day and I moaned, “Two words: ELEM-EN-TARY SCHOOL.”
She laughed. Then I added two more: “Playground duty.”
You elementary teachers can just SHUT up right now because you wouldn’t last a day in junior high with all the hormones. The hormones would pick up on your fear and send you running into a corner where you will remain in the fetal position until the smelling salts awaken you out of your stupor.
The principal, under whom I am studying, had something to do and asked that I take a class outside and I agreed. This would be fun! (Gosh, I am so stupid sometimes.) They were sitting criss-cross applesauce on the line and looking up at my as if they wanted to proclaim, “An Amazon woman! Run! Run, everyone! She can’t be trusted! She wore sensible shoes and can catch us when we try to flee from her on the monkey bars!”
My advice from the principal when leading them out is exactly the opposite of what you would hear in junior high: When you see a crowd on the playground, go stand in the middle of it.
Playground duty for me, a stranger to these children, consisted of being called the generic “teacher” at least a dozen times, tying shoes (but if they didn’t thank me, then I untied them so they’d learn manners), and aligning myself with those who would most amuse me. As a teacher of those in the throes of middle school angst, I quickly found the Big Dogs. The Rulers Of The School. The Fifth Graders.
I made my rounds from the tetherball pole to the soccer field (where I shouted “Offsides!” and they looked at me like an alien) to the kickball field (where I had a conversation with myself: “Must not join in, Kelly. They don’t want you to.” where I answered myself, “But it looks like such FUN, you should ask to play.” and I retorted back “You’re too competitive. You’ll make the first graders cry.” and I knew this was the finality because it was probably true.) and finally to the swingset back in the corner.
Back in the corner was the key. The fifth graders try hard to be clandestine about their antics. There were three girls on all three swings and the boys were standing so close to them on the upswing (upswing? front-swing?) that I was sure their feet would knock them right in their faces, but they were cool. These boys were doing their best to be cool. They were teasing the hell out of the girls, too.
In the ancient rituals of mankind the first australipithicus struggled to walk upright and clumsily worked with his tools to make it to the other side of the valley just to call the females names and tell them they have cooties.
Cooties have been around a long time and yet modern medicine has not cured us of it, as ten year old boys continue to blame the girls for their cootiness.
My rounds had to move on so I went circled my way back and on the second round decided to comment to the three girls who were, by now, surrounded by about 6-7 boys and I said, “Isn’t it interesting how the boys keep telling you that you have cooties and this has been going on and on and yet… they’re still here?” to which the girls all shouted, “Yeah! That IS interesting!”
The boys stayed.
Round three.
This time, the girls looked a little weary of the boys like they just wanted to swing in peace, you know? Can’t we swing, guys? Can’t you shut UP about the cooties? When I saw this look on their faces I decided to step in once more. After all, there were only 5 minutes left for recess and they needed a break.
“Aaaahhh, so the boys are still here, hmmmm?”
“YES! And they won’t stop talking about cooties!”
“Yes, I noticed that. So all the while when you girls are swinging and you boys are talking about cooties I notice that you (I pointed to one of the boys) have a ball to play kickball with and yet you’d rather stay here and tease the girls. That’s so interesting.”
“Yeah. INTERESTING.” one of the girls chimed in again.
There was mild grumbling from the boys and the girls were nodding and continuing to swing. I turned away from the boys and directly addressed the girls:
“You know why that is, don’t you girls? Surely you’re smart enough to figure this out, right? Because they are afraid that you, yes, even you with the “cooties” will laugh at them when they attempt to play kickball because…” I turned around to the boys to be sure they’d know I knew they were listening.
“…because,” I smiled at the girls, “they just AREN’T VERY GOOD AT KICKBALL.” I nodded knowingly and the girls smiled.
The boys shouted things like, “Oh, whatever!” and “We ARE good at kickball!” and “Fine! Just watch!” and then they took their ball and went to the kickball field…
…leaving the girls to swing in peace.
October 11, 2006 @ 4:34 am | Filed under Education | Permalink |
Janet Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 5:10 am
Oh the wonderful elementary school playground..I know it well.
What are you interning for? The Marines? Why would they send you out there to do battle? Well, you handled yourself.
I usually play kickball with the kids…I’m not that competitive, I let them win. (They thinks its funny that I “can’t” play….)
Juli Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 5:35 am
Be grateful your recess duty isn’t today. Gosh it’s dreary outside. Then again, it would be inside and they would simply be screaming in the gymnasium. Ish.
Your description reminds me of the kindergarteners from the cartoon RECESS. That cracks me up.
Jeankfl Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 5:42 am
Damn, you’re good! I love getting into the dynamics with kids..they’re soooo predictable, but think they’re not. Wish I had you as a teacher!
hugs,
Jean
Heather B. Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 6:34 am
Is it just me or does the playground now look considerably smaller and less daunting??
Kim Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 6:47 am
Wow, that was awesome. I find the “cooties” such a funnyy situation when you are looking back as an adult and understand what is going on:o)
Tanilan Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 6:48 am
If I could start all over in life, I would want you to be my teacher. You are the coolest!
P.S. Heather B., it does look smaller doesn’t it? I thought it was just me.
Much Love
Steve Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 7:19 am
More great posting, Kelly. I won’t lie, though — I am a little worried. From your reply yesterday thanking everyone for the movie recommendations you talked about licking faces in gratitude. But wouldn’t cooties be a concern?
VENTL8R Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 7:36 am
Yes, Heather, it does look smaller. Want another big shock? Go inside your old elementary school and go to the gym. It feels like your bedroom now! Or better yet, walk down the halls with coat racks now hitting you at your boobs instead of towering over you.
Caffeinated Librarian Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 7:38 am
No Steve, you silly man, because Coffee negates coodies (as every Coffee Drinker knows). This is why I’ve tried very hard to convince every man I’ve dated that he really wants to make me coffee…it’s all really out of concern for his (and my) health and well being. We can’t let those cooties spread! The little buggers are more pernicious than flu germs!
Kelly, isn’t it amazing that so many men (no matter what age) are the same? Insult their mad skillz (sic) and they’re falling all over themselves to show you how wrong you are. I find that vaguely comforting, in a Mars/Venus kinda way.
jen Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 7:39 am
hilarious….think of all the warrior women in training you have early access too…or wait, i think you already are.
Lia Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 9:37 am
When I became a teacher I wanted to teach jr. high. I ended up being placed in 2nd grade and now I am terrified of the “BIG” kids. You can keep your hormones any day! While you wouldn’t want to stay at an elementary school, isn’t it fun to spend a day or two there just to see how the younger kids operate? It is like when your friend has a baby and you love and cuddle it and then you send it home with her at the end of the day.
Cordaville Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 9:39 am
Well done! I wouldn’t want to go back to 5th grade for anything! I remember hating it!
Hugs,
Cordaville
Kimberly Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 10:38 am
Well, those are some pretty unsophisticated 5th graders if they are still talking about cooties. When my kids were in 5th grad just about 7-8 years ago they were making movie dates. Cooties were done in 1st grade.
Maria Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 12:11 pm
Cooties! I am trying to ingrain the belief in cooties into Joseph. Mainly because he’s incredibly cute and the girls chase HIM around the school. One day he won’t run so fast and will allow himself to be ‘caught’. Ugh.
I loved this, btw. Reminds me of how much FUN the playground was. Now I want to go swing. Meet me at the park?
M
Nora Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
How true about those junior high hormones. I am not sure if the hubby can do junior high, he’s about to freak out. (Again. Yes I am having a crappy day.)
First your mom bakes you cookies, my mom is going over to my brothers to watch his kids, do his laundry and she takes them breakfast burritos. I need to move closer to Mom, I need some spoiling too.
Lastly, I find this technique still works on most men. ; )
Ariana Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 2:22 pm
Oh THANK YOU Mocha. After having a full day of elementary school adventures of my own, I sorely needed a good laugh. My day included indoor auditorium duty, caring for an abused child, and a call to DCFS to report the incident…yeah, one of THOSE days.
Leah Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 4:32 pm
I can remember playing tetherball and kickball and when boys had cooties…. Now all they have is the ability to get you pregnant. ARGH. When life was easy.
Mocha Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 4:51 pm
The Marines would be easier to intern for now that I’ve done this at a few elementary schools. Also, ummm… it was raining today so here are my Two Words for the day (say with all the angst of those junior high students): Indoor Recess.
I’ll rethink the licking. Bad idea, I suppose.
Send cookies to Nora, everyone. Anything chocolate, mmkay?
See you at the swingset…
Mocha
Tina Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 7:26 pm
LOL!!! Oh, I love what you did about the “cooties” situation. VERY clever!!!
Josh Said,
October 11, 2006 @ 9:02 pm
LOL…the junior high age is such an interesting age…I understand that COMPLETELY…grrrr!!! (it has been one hell of two weeks).
That’s so funny about those boys…It’s the same…insult them and they’ll HAVE to show you how “good” they really are…my junior highers are funny that way too…
Dana Said,
October 12, 2006 @ 7:34 am
australipithicus?? This is the first time in a looooooong time that I’ve had to get out the dictionary AND encyclopedia when reading a blog! You sure like to make me think, don’t you?
-hugs hugs and hugs-
I miss my Mocha.
J to the Wall Said,
October 14, 2006 @ 11:35 am
K to the Elly:
Ok. So…you tell me to come eat lunch with you everyday to get away from the Freak Show in the lounge and then you ditch me for a week?
And…I have had my students for almost an entire quarter….”teacher” is still my
name to some of them. It sucks.
Anyway, you missed a lot of drama at school this week…on top of a LONG and boring ILT meeting. Why in the hell did I say that I would Chair it?
J to the Wall
Elizabeth Said,
October 15, 2006 @ 7:16 pm
That was like some kind of Jedi Mind Trick you pulled there. Well done! I remember playground monitors as being generally mean and uncaring. Those kids are lucky to have you.
Mocha Momma » You Should Go Visit A Classroom Said,
January 29, 2007 @ 8:22 am
[...] Before I did, however, I was reading about this program in Illinois where they’re recruiting potential teachers from poor communities and helping them pay for college expenses while they get a teaching degree. This, of course, appeals to me because I realize that had I not gotten financial assistance to get my own degree I wouldn’t be where I am today. However, I’m also cursed with loving children and teachable moments and take advantage of what I consider my gifts at all times. [...]