I’m no Steve Irwin. That’s who RW tagged for this meme back in October. However, I started working on this two weeks ago and it’s time to publish it, so I made some minor changes and finally finished it.

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
“With disgust, my mother tore a Bounty paper towel from the roll and handed it to him. “I should just let you bleed to death for terrifying our son like that.”
Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. It’s been sitting there since I read it last summer.

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
The table next to the bed which has on it 3 seasons of Sex and The City on DVD, my extra pair of glasses, and a remote control. The other arm touches the dog. I poked her in the butt when I did that, too. Huzzah!

3. What’s the last program you watched on TV?
Veronica Mars. On Tuesday. I haven’t watched anything since then.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
6:30pm (It was 6:13)

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
Fall leaves yanking themselves from the trees outside my window and throwing themselves on my car so that I can turn on the wipers while I’m driving and grab for them, thus looking like a complete tool.

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
I spent some time outside on Saturday taking pictures of my shoes. It was also a good time to oversee the work being done by the boys with the leaves.

7. What are you wearing?
A cargo skirt, camisole, and a long black sweater. Not nearly as fetching as it sounds, either. When they make “Mocha: The Musical” it will look hott. (Now I’m wondering who will play me in the movie. That’s sad. Kevin Kline? Queen Latifah?) (Wait a second. What will they be wearing?) (There is a shooting pain seizing me at this moment because if Kevin Kline is playing me in “Mocha: The Musical” and looks BETTER THAN ME IN A CAMISOLE then I will be understandably upset.)

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
I dreamt that an alien life form came out of my belly and … no, not really. It was just your garden variety erotic dream about Adam Brody.

9. When was the last time you laughed?
About 10 minutes ago. I laugh all the time. Obnoxiously, too. In the Land of Mocha, it’s all heresay and snarky-like. Especially when Mallory’s home. (Oh! Mallory’s home! For Thanksgiving!)

10. What’s on the walls, in the room you’re in right now?
The picture that Mallory drew for me for Mother’s Day this year and the most beautiful yellowy-creamy paint I’ve ever seen. Some bug that I squished the other day still has his bug juice there. Maybe even one of his legs. Kinda gross, eh? But the picture is absolutely a part of my heart.

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
I can’t imagine anything stranger than a costumed Renaissance Faire person at the gas station. There was an instant realization that it could have been me. What else am I qualified for as a post-grad English major? I could have lived that life. I could have used my skills at turkey leg eating contests and slipping the word “portcullis” into everyday conversation. Couldn’t you?

12. What do you think about this meme?
That I’m fairly pathetic for stealing it from RW and even more pathetic that he tagged only Steve Irwin and not me and yet I’M DOING IT.

13. What’s the last film you saw?
“I Heart Huckabees” I did not heart it. Weird. Very weird. But Lily Tomlin has some serious cleavage in the movie. Did you know that?

14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
I’d become a professional schadenfreude. Oh. That’s not a career choice? In that case, I’d help out poor schools by going in there and kicking ass first and taking names later. There’s far too much mediocrity in education and we’re all of us just allowing it to happen as if it doesn’t affect us phenomenally. The first order of business would be to reduce class size. After that, I’d buy some shoes.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.
Most people don’t know that I have a decent singing voice. Not in the you-should-get-a-microphone-in-this-girl’s-hands-RIGHT-NOW kind of way. But a nice she-sings-along-with-the-song-and-I-don’t-want-to-slap-her kind of way. I’m good in the chorus.

16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
Everyone would be cared for in the way they need. Whether that’s love, money, compassion, or education.

17. Do you like dancing?
Haven’t I mentioned this before here? Yes. I’m a rump shaker.

18. George Bush?
I didn’t name mine and if I did it wouldn’t be a boys name.

19. What do you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?
Anything that starts with an M. I’m stuck on that letter now.

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Absolutely. It’s a secret goal of mine to teach in a foreign country and learn another language. Joe-from-the-Netherlands has already sent me a job application.

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
“What made you think pink eyeliner was ever for you?”

22. Who should do this meme?
Everyone who is stuck on what to write for their NaBloPoMo.

*Oddly enough, I think less people will actually DO a meme I suggest than do one that I didn’t tag as a meme. Weird, huh? You know what else is weird? If you tell me you, too, had an erotic dream about Adam Brody.