Here’s what I need: a forty pound bag of hundred dollar bills.
No. Just kidding. Wait. I’m really not. That would seriously come in handy for the holidays since I’m never with the foresight to open a Christmas Club account at the bank. Who does that anyway? The same people who go out on Black Friday after Thanksgiving to do their shopping, that’s who. Crazy people. What deals are you getting that I’m missing, huh? I don’t need more shit in my house. No way.
What I really need is to make a column in my sidebar for Reader’s Favorites because I’m too stupid to remember what I’ve written about in the last year. Do you have a favorite? Have you been here at Mocha Momma that long? Will my pretentiousness get the best of me and turn me into a pariah for even asking such a question?
Irrefutably, I’m befuddled and need your help. I’m also slowly gaining my weight back and it’s making me cranky. (Hello, Five Pounds. I didn’t miss you. You can go away now.)
Categories don’t matter, but I hope you’ll assist me in coming up with some posts to link to that are either funny or serious or have to do with my boobs. I say this knowing that I rarely write about them. They’re not that spectacular because they don’t do tricks and can’t make me a grilled cheese sandwich OR ANYTHING.
It’s so nice of you to help me. I just gave you a really big hug for doing that. You know what? You smell nice. What is that you’re wearing?
So give me some titles or just an idea of what the post was about and try not to throw up at the thought of me doing this. It’s just that it’s time and I’ve put it off as long as possible. PLUS! There are new NaBloPoMo people here who might want to sample some of my Mochaliciousness and here you’ve been keeping it all to yourself.
I’m making fried ham sandwiches (from the leftover Honey Baked ham) and hash browns for a snack with a side of sweet potato pie. You can come over for some if you help me, mmkay? Wash your hands first, please.
{ 23 comments }
OK. With regard to the 40 pound bag of hundred dollar bills? I had that ready to take down to the UPS store so they could ship it to you, and now all of a sudden, I can’t find the goddam bag! Christonapony! This memory thing is really getting BAD! I mean who in hell loses a forty pound bag of money? *sigh* I’ll keep looking for it, and send it along if/when I find it, k?
Speaking about your sidebar, WTF is up with that anyway? I see stuff sometimes, and sometimes (like now) there ain’t nuthin’ there! Guess that means you’re workin’ on it, huh?
Reader’s favorites? Yikes! OK – I’ll giver a shot: Anything to do with boobs, butts, farts (and other unseemly bodily noises), anything containing obstreperous remarks made by the children (yours or @ school). That would be a good start I think. Probably be about seventy-eleven entries which would qualify.
On your boobs doing tricks: You mean you can’t put tassels on em, and make the tassels spin? I’m very disappointed…
Is that home-made sweet potato pie, or store bought? if I’m gonna by an airplane ticket, I need to know.
By the by, I remember reading the ‘NaBloPoMo’ article, wherein you defined WTF NaBloPoMo means, but now I can’t find it, and I have forgotten the definition (memory issues here remember? Hell, I just misplaced a forty pound sack of Franklins forcryinoutloud).
National Blog Posting Month… Never mind – found it.
By the way, when I first come in the door, your sidebar is blank. it only loads up for me after i post a comment. Is that happening for anyone else?
Yeah, just fix things so it works in IE. Micro$oft is taking over the world, ‘member?!?
And I was sure that the five pounds I had gained were the ones you shed this summer that came to roost on my hips. Dammit, Who in this room sent me these lovely WEIGHTS?!?
My favorite posts have to do with Mallory. From springtime 2006. Oh, any post where you talked about ME. Oh, you don’t have any, do you. Freak!
hugs,
Sounds like a delicious snack for sure!!!
I like the Thanksgiving one where your sister asked if your boobs were getting bigger personally. That, and the one about you and your mom cooking drunk.
I will try to browse through your archives and see if any other posts stand out.
I have apparently not had enough coffee today, because I can’t for the life of me find the posts I think you should definitely link to in your sidebar-the ones you wrote about making friends with the custodian at school? I looked all over your archives and can’t find the posts, but I found them incredibly moving (and worthy of being their own book).
Fried Ham sandwiches? MMmmmmm.
I have seen your blog in both Firefox and IE, and it looks beautiful, just like you.
Your Banned Books posts should be in your sidebar – they rocked!
Talk soon?
Shash
I get it, we tell you our favorites and then you do a “Best of MochaMama” for the month of December! I think you need to keep writing everyday!
“So give me some titles” ….Uh I thought it said titties! Once I get my mind out of the gutter I’ll let you know my favorite Mocha moments. haha
Well, if I had a memory I would give you a list of Fave Mocha Posts. But, alas, ummm, what was I talking about? I’m “one of those people” that you can tell the same joke to over and over and it’s like I’m hearing it for the first time. I know, it stinks – but I’m a hit at parties because I’m so easily entertained!
Seriously, I like all your posts. That sounds kinda smarmy but it’s true – if I didn’t I wouldn’t keep coming back!
I’m hoping it’s not the same Honeybaked ham that’s been recalled for listeria – http://www.wlns.com/Global/story.asp?S=5727221 – we want you around to create more “best of” moments.
My favorite is this one…I laughed so hard I pissed my pants…
http://www.mochamomma.com/2006/09/21/have-i-mentioned-my-mom-lives-with-me/#comments
and I am wearing Eau De Couch. Thanks for asking.
Ooh and thanks for taking that five pounds back, I appreciate it.
Why write about your boobs? Why not just show us?
Show us the boobs!
Show us the boobs!
Seriously, you want money from me? What do you expect me to do, bend over and pull it out of my ass? I think I’d rather see your boobs!
And you expect me to remember what you’ve posted? Cripes at least you post every day! Sometimes I go for a week without posting. I still would rather see some cleavage at least. C’mon! Please?
I’m wearing Eternity (Calvin Klein) and yeah I know it smells good.
Heck Kelly … they’re all good. Each and every post. How the heck am I supposed to come up with one? Besides I’ve only been reading your blog for the coffee tips … jk.
*de-lurking*
Hi Mocha, *waves shyly*
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now…since the first of the year, perhaps? Not quite sure when or how I found your place. All I know is that I find it delightful, and it’s the first place I visit each day.
As for my favorites, I enjoy your stories of Mallory. I share a similar closeness with my daughter, who is 23, and it always makes me smile when I read about your escapades together.
Another fave is the “Allen series”. I don’t know if that counts as it was on your other site, but it really tugged at the ol’ heartstrings and I had to mention it here.
That’s all. I’ll be around if you’ll have me…I like it here. You (and everyone that hangs out here) are pretty damn cool!
~Roz
*runs back under rock*
My vote is for the banned books, definitely.
*sniff sniff*
I haven’t showered today cause I have the flu and I’m friggin SICK! And my breath is probably toxic. Sorry.
I’m surprised that Allen hasn’t made an appearance here. Those were fantastic stories. The lurkers, or the ones who haven’t heard of Allen are surely missing out. He was your Morrie.
Happy Day!
Tracey
Too hard. Just gimme a fried ham sandwich anyway. And the Honeybaked–is it one of those new “deep-glazed” models? BECAUSE I WILL BE THERE.
Alright, I spent the entire day reading every single entry over the last year, and I like the one where you called me a slut, a whore, and a genius, all in one comment! I felt special that day.
Okay! First of all….I have a Christmas Club account. Second of all, I stopped going out on Black Friday years ago. So I’m only PARTIALLY crazy, TYVM.
My favorite post is the one about you crying during yoga. Namaste. That’s it.
Okay, I’ve got lots more faves, it’s just that my mind is blank right now.
Ooooh…and I did some photoblogging today, you’ve gotta check out the olive hands. You just gotta!
Love you Mochalicious.
Did you know my nickname is Danalicious? Ha. I’m such a dorkalicious.
Wow, its boobs on your blog and balls on mine. What IS the world coming to?
Well, you could start by looking at the Tour de Blogs for the last year – any posts mentioned there ought to be contenders. If you want a more refined list you’ll have to wait til I can give them a gander myself and give you my top ten.
K. Bye.
I can’t stand those people who plan for shit that they know is coming ahead of time. Ugh. What’s with them being all responsible like and everything?? I have exactly negative $39 to buy Christmas presents with this year. Should be fun.
“Boobs aren’t spectacular…they can’t do tricks or make a grilled cheese sandwich”. This is funny. Okay, I’m new here, but considering I’m a guy and I absolutely love grilled cheese sandwiches, (thought I was gonna say aomething else huh), I’ll be back.
S
btw – I came here via Deannie & Jade
I can’t remember the whole story now, but it was about a pig at the fair. Dang, I know I laughed about that one, just can’t remember it now.
Definitely the Allen Series. That was so well written and had such a moral to it. You should really wirte a book on that one.
-S.
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