Check Your Pop Tarts Prior To Purchasing
Since we are a family of tall people, with the exception of Mallory, we keep the microwave on top of our refrigerator and we hid food from the children on top of that so that they can’t even see what is up there. The downside to this is that Mason is now taller than me and closing the gap of height on his father with a quickness. In fact, his arms are longer and Kennimus had to ask Mason to help him reach the string on the ladder to pull it down so he could get in the attic recently.
Morgan has simply bypassed the idea of not knowing what lurks up high and he often gets reprimanded for standing on the countertop to peek up there to see what kinds of Pop Tarts are available. Not too long ago someone in the house (see Mr. Mom, Kennimus) bought some Pop Tarts with no frosting.
Sacrilige.
Morgan found them today as the box was simply sitting on top of the fridge collecting dust and he assumed that he’d hit the jackpot with this find. He was quite disappointed.
Dad, these have been up here a really long time. There was no frosting on them. What’s wrong with these Pop Tarts?
You Shouldn’t Call My House, Telemarketer Minions
Since we got on the “no-call” list it’s been sweet, sweet silence because the telemarketer people have better things to do like help Santa with the naughty list, sharpen their retractable claws, and create hellish inventions like the Stairmaster. However, once in a while they get us and last night I let Kennimus answer the phone.
Kennimus: Hello? Umm hmm…. I’m a homosexual and there aren’t any women who live in this house. Thanks anyway.
You Should Avoid Skeletor
One of my colleagues got a promotion this year and is now in charge of several buildings instead of just one. The downside to this is that she now has to work with someone we affectionately call “Skeletor” and I told my former colleague that she should be wary if Skeletor asks her to start doing “social things”. She (known here as FC - make up your own name if you need to) and Jenni and I discussed her newfound position and the perks that come along with it.
FC: It’s not all bad, you know. I got invited to her son’s wife’s baby shower and that was pretty fun.
Jenni: Ooohh. That means you’re in.
FC: I know. [She is smug] I’m in the Inner Circle, so HA.
Kelly: Yeah well, you realize that it’s Dante’s Circle and that you’re headed straight to hell, right?
November 28, 2006 @ 7:08 am | Filed under NaBloPoMo | Permalink |
inthefastlane Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 8:10 am
Speaking of crazy people…my daughter told us on Thanksgiving that she was “thankful that her parents are some of the weirdest people she knows.” At least at 12 she is still thankful for craziness.
kari Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 8:25 am
first of all, we have someone we call skeletor, too! how weird is that? also, when i read the words “inner circle” i had almost the exact thought that i went on to read from you. we have some strange psychic connection going, lady.
RWA Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 10:03 am
Isn’t the “no call” list fantastic? I was so impressed that all the calls at dinner time decreased significantly.
I like the “Dante’s Circle” comment. That’s hilarious!
Elizabeth Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 10:25 am
Pop Tarts without frosting?! Who the hell is doing the shopping in your house?!?!? Oh, that’s riiiight. I hope you have Taught Him A Lesson.
Tracey Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 10:44 am
I’m sent to the store specifially for “frosted” cherry and brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts. Occasionally, I’ll get away with a french toast or something similarly sweet tasting simpy because there’s swirls of frosting there…But NO frosting? GOD NOOO!! Hell would freeze over first and they would collect dust.
Your FC could be my ST! Buenos dias!!
T
Inquiring Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 2:32 pm
There is someone who our family lovingly refers to as skeletor…won’t say who but I am in the inner circle.
Mocha Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 6:05 pm
inthefastlane - That’s so sweet! How wonderful. Share in the craziness that’s what I say.
Kari - I didn’t realize “Skeletor” was such a popular nickname.
RWA - But how do those buggers still slip through occassionally?
Elizabeth - You’ve been here long enough to know that it’s not me so I can’t possibly be blamed. But I am a mean mommy who forces them to have healthy cereal first. Someone should fire me.
Tracey - There are certain people who live here who have been known to lick the frosting off and not finish the Pop Tart. I’m not at liberty to divulge names. You wouldn’t ever think to lick it all off, would you?
Inquiring - Skeletor again? Hmmm. What is it that these people have in common?
Dana Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 7:49 pm
I love how you make me laugh every.single.time.
Every time!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Susan Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 8:22 pm
I once rented a room from a woman whose husband had passed away. Telemarketers would call all the time and ask for him (everything was in his name) and she would say, very matter-of-factly, “Jack is dead.”
Totally worked.
(Also: unfrosted Pop Tarts make the Baby Jesus cry.)
RWA Said,
November 28, 2006 @ 8:55 pm
Well, they have some crazy rule about if they are a non-profit organization, or if you have ever done business with them before. That gives them an exception to the rule - I think.
I heard a great tape of a guy who pranked a telemarketer a while back. He pretended to be a police officer investigating the person’s murder. He asked the telemarketer all sorts of questions about how long he had known the person, what his business was with the person and so on.
It was hilarious.
VENTL8R Said,
November 29, 2006 @ 7:04 am
Telemarketers…..back in the day when they would call, it paid off to know an exotic foreign language, like Russian.
Not too many telemarketers know how to respond when you answer with, “Preevee-et!” That means “hi.” Or my personal favorite, “Ya eedo na pochtoo.”
Sounds impressive, huh? What does it mean? “I go to the post office.” They hung up right after that.
Ah, those were the days…….