Yesterday when I asked for help with posts you really came through for me and for that I’m eternally grateful. For as many commenters who left suggestions there were almost as many people who simply e-mailed me to mention their favorites. While compiling them I realized the sheer variety of topics there are in my archives. That doesn’t negate, however, the fact that people still do Google searches and end up here for strange reasons. They are probably sorely disappointed when they get here after searching for huge breasts and crack whores. It’s not my intention to dash their hopes or yours, for that matter, but there will be no Mocha breasts on display here.

The Allen series really is here somewhere, but the files from MSN didn’t transfer too well so I have to spend some time copying and pasting here some other time. He truly is my “Morrie” and I want to keep him close to me.

Since my comment spam is getting so bad many of these posts no longer allow comments and are closed. Some of them are ones you helped me choose and the others are ones I liked or got many comments about, thus securing them admission to my Favorites. Since I don’t want any bad juju coming back at me for not including the ones suggested to me by you, I put my picks toward the bottom. Categories notwithstanding, here are a few posts that I plan on using.

“Math Manipulatives” Licking seems to be a hot topic here. Who started that anyway?

“Have I Mentioned My Mom Lives With Me?” Yelling is a great parenting trick. Try it.

“I Keep Thinking He Has No New Tricks” Apparently, Kennimus farts a lot and I write about it. A lot.

“That Certain Smell” People at the DMV like to sniff me. This is not, I repeat, NOT about farting.

“Maycomb…was a tired old town” The first of the Banned Books series and my favorite book. Read it with a Southern drawl. The book, not the post.

“Rap Music and Other Rants” This is one of those posts that proves I shouldn’t be allowed a “Publish” button when I get my panties in a wad…

“Own Or Rent” Another one where I spout off about issues of race and racism. I’m kind of opinionated, aren’t I?

“Pain and Panties” Speaking of panties…

“So! The Entire Internet Knows I’m On My Period” There may be some boob talk here. I can’t quite remember.

“Of The Ass-Chapping Variety” I originated the phrase “Jesus Ass Chaps”.

“In Defense of Teachers” Writing about education is always passionate for me. Thank a teacher today, would you?

I saved the best for last and both have to do with Mallory. One of them got me the most comments ever and the other made people cry and tell me that it wasn’t safe for work.

“Life Is But A Dream” Now that I know how to add pictures into the post, this one is updated.

“A Long Time Coming” Tears, tears, tears. I can barely read through this one again without the tears.

Read at your leisure with that awesome fried ham sandwich I made for you. Because you’re that special.

Here’s what I need: a forty pound bag of hundred dollar bills.

No. Just kidding. Wait. I’m really not. That would seriously come in handy for the holidays since I’m never with the foresight to open a Christmas Club account at the bank. Who does that anyway? The same people who go out on Black Friday after Thanksgiving to do their shopping, that’s who. Crazy people. What deals are you getting that I’m missing, huh? I don’t need more shit in my house. No way.

What I really need is to make a column in my sidebar for Reader’s Favorites because I’m too stupid to remember what I’ve written about in the last year. Do you have a favorite? Have you been here at Mocha Momma that long? Will my pretentiousness get the best of me and turn me into a pariah for even asking such a question?

Irrefutably, I’m befuddled and need your help. I’m also slowly gaining my weight back and it’s making me cranky. (Hello, Five Pounds. I didn’t miss you. You can go away now.)

Categories don’t matter, but I hope you’ll assist me in coming up with some posts to link to that are either funny or serious or have to do with my boobs. I say this knowing that I rarely write about them. They’re not that spectacular because they don’t do tricks and can’t make me a grilled cheese sandwich OR ANYTHING.

It’s so nice of you to help me. I just gave you a really big hug for doing that. You know what? You smell nice. What is that you’re wearing?

So give me some titles or just an idea of what the post was about and try not to throw up at the thought of me doing this. It’s just that it’s time and I’ve put it off as long as possible. PLUS! There are new NaBloPoMo people here who might want to sample some of my Mochaliciousness and here you’ve been keeping it all to yourself.

I’m making fried ham sandwiches (from the leftover Honey Baked ham) and hash browns for a snack with a side of sweet potato pie. You can come over for some if you help me, mmkay? Wash your hands first, please.

The very sweet Melissa is sending me some Kona coffee. From Hawaii. It never ceases to amaze me how NICE PEOPLE ARE. She won’t let me send her anything, either, but I do have this wonderful 11 year old son who is housebroken and everything… but he can’t make a decent cuppa just yet. Today’s coffee was a bit strong but I think it’s because I used too much of the Kenya coffee from Peets because I can’t remember if this cuppa was made from the fresh bag I just got or the older bag I meant to throw away two months ago.

Not so much you as me. And by me I mean that you should pay attention to the lessons I’m learning so that this advice really IS for you. So, yes. It’s for you.

My family teased me about the way I was doing some things differently this year for Thanksgiving (namely, getting tanked on the crunk juice the night before). However, some of them turned out just fine.

Instead of making an entire pan of stuffing/dressing I sprayed my muffin tin (didn’t that sound dirty just now?) with cooking spray and then made stuffing muffins. Everyone argues over getting the crunchy corners anyway because they’re the best part. This way, everyone has the crunchy corner and it’s in a perfect serving size.

Instead of taking a day off this week to clean the house before company gets here I opted for the second best piece of advice: If you can’t deep clean, deep hide. They never checked the study room to see that the ottoman was in there because I didn’t get a chance to get it cleaned NOR did they see the FULL BASKET OF CLEAN CLOTHES that got shoved in there.

When making a mix-and-refrigerate cheesecake that doesn’t set up properly, put it in the freezer for half an hour. Any more and you’ll have to nuke it in the microwave to get it back but then it will be soggy and didn’t we just try to stop that from happening? Best to order a cheesecake next year from Eli’s.

That’s all for now. Do you need some advice on something? Let me know. I’m all about bossing everyone around and telling them things to fix their lives and make them better.

It’s a gift, you know.

While my sister watched me cross the room.

Erin: Umm…Kelly? Are your boobs getting bigger?

Kelly: Yep. Why? Aren’t yours? Huh. Guess that’s not a family trait then.

While playing Outburst Jr.

Mason: Ok. Here’s the category: Things That Are Black And White. And nobody gets to say “Mom” either.

Later, when the category was Things In A Schoolbag we had exhausted 9 of the 10 “things” (books, pencils, erasers, lunch, etc..) and were getting desperate. At this point, we’re entirely too giddy to answer because we’re shouting over one another.  There was a long silence while we all sat there thinking.

Morgan: Meth making materials!