Pity Shopping Expedition
Mucinex has a bizarre effect on me that didn’t kick in until later on in the day. This was, mind you, after my afternoon Second Wind that prompted me to say to Kennimus, “Can we go shopping? In Bloomington? Where they have a J.Jill and a Chico’s and I can spend part of my $200 we got from your brother for Christmas?” He was powerless to my sickly hankerings but mostly he was tired of looking at my pathetic tube-top-wearing, ponytail-having self for the past 11 days.
Why don’t we go see a movie instead? We can work up to the shopping. That’s an hour away. You may not be READY for shopping.
How could he have let me talk him into that? I hit the wall after an hour of shopping but had just enough strength to talk about the stupid salesgirl “Well, I would know trendy. I mean, you know, like, I’m totally trendy and all, but they just should NOT bring back this awful broomstick skirt. And yellow. You’d never see me in yellow.” Apparently, Trendy McStickUpHerAss didn’t realize that her BEIGE sweater and BIG BROWN BELT and TAN PANTS weren’t all that trendy. They were “safe” and she didn’t have a trendy bone in her average body. Ass clown.
My strength lasted long enough for the hour ride home where I kicked Kennimus’ butt in the Artist Game. That’s where we put the radio on “scan” and the first one who names the artist of the song gets a point. He was closing in with Pink Floyd, Pet Shop Boys and Heart, but Dido, Vanessa Williams and Hall & Oates were in my back pocket and the whoop ass was on.
For the record, pity shopping is equivalent to make up sex.
Lustiness Leads To Big Stuff. Just Not For Me.
Fighting over Mr. Obama (I have to call him that now. It’s not because there is a restraining order or anything. This is per Kennimus.) helped to inspire Erin aka Queen of Spain to write a letter to Mrs. Obama that prompted some interesting hoopla. She even invited me to read about it when she commented on this post. So comment I did, and though my response to her article was nothing special, I am exasperated by people who sound off about Malcolm X (why were we discussing Malcolm X when this was about Barack Obama?) when they don’t know anything about the man except what they continue to regurtitate from the ignorance that others spout. In my comment I tried to eschew a written smackdown, but I can be blatant here where the hot topics of politics and racism are, well… nonexistent at this time. But I’ll bring it up if I want to!
Her controversial article was first published on The Huffington Post (where she writes) and now it’s been picked up by the Chicago Sun-Times. The comments on The HuffPo were varied and tendentious so I can only imagine the shitstorm coming down after even more people read about it. For good measure, I’ve sent her a huge umbrella. Now, I realize no one influential reads The Complete Oeuvre of Mocha Momma that is this weblog, but I blame Time magazine. They said I was Person Of The Year and now I’m a little full of myself.
I’m Pretending To Write A Resolution. Stay With Me, Folks.
There are some things that are entirely off limits for me when writing. For instance, I’ve promised not write anything that would embarrass my children or get me fired. So far, so good. To have the proper level of enjoyment in writing, I have to ensure that I add a heaping helping of humor, alliteration on occasion, and sometimes write about my career or finishing that damn Master’s degree that vexes me periodically. (Are you keeping count? Because I’ll be done with one of them in 2007. August to be exact.) However, the things I’ve shied away from are probably things that would be helpful to write about both as a form of catharsis and as helpful discourse to others. That is being the parent to two very challenging children. My boys. That is not to say that raising Mallory was/is a piece of cake, but she is a different beast altogether.
So, for my writing to branch out a bit I’ve determined to write more about my struggles as a parent to my sons. This would be impossible to do without also writing about where they get their quirkiness from and how much it drives me crazy, but I must be careful not to breach confidentiality with Kennimus Maximus who is, without a doubt, the Poster Child For ADHD. Sometimes it’s cute. Sometimes, not.
I’ve also resolved to sell the coffee mugs to make money for my students. Artwork, done by the gracious Karen Rani of Troll Baby, can be seen here. Watch for updates.
Finally, I’m going to stop writing about being sick. That is so 2006. I’ve joined (God help me) The Biggest Loser contest at work so I’ll make an ass of myself talking about what I’ve NOT been putting in my mouth and complaining about not having time to exercise. Some things will stay the same: Shoes will be bought and photographed. The tedious recital of my displeasure in education and the need for reform will go on. My predilection for coffee will continue. And once in a while, I’ll pretend to be a coherent grown-up.
But not too much.
December 29, 2006 @ 8:34 am | Filed under Everyday Mundane, Freaky Family | Permalink |
furiousball Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 8:46 am
That is the closest that the words “Hall & Oates” and “whoop ass” ever appeared in the same sentence.
RWA Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 9:25 am
“Apparently, Trendy McStickUpHerAss didn’t realize that her BEIGE sweater and BIG BROWN BELT and TAN PANTS weren’t all that trendy. They were ’safe’ and she didn’t have a trendy bone in her average body. Ass clown.”
Wasn’t it just her attire that bothered you - or did she do something else to set off this hilarious rant?
The Artist Game? I am impressed. I thought some friends and I were the only ones who played that - although we call it “Lyrical Genius.” Fancy name for a pretty silly game, huh?
Janice Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 9:45 am
I’m going to look forward to reading about the boys, I’ve always been curious about them!
QofS Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 9:45 am
See…this is why you are my muse.
deannie Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 9:58 am
Must try pity shopping sometime. I have missed the storm over at QofS’s, heading over there now.
Hugs my dear,
EricAtRandom Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 10:11 am
Shopping? I believe the male term for that is “chasing”. Or perhaps “hauling”. Maybe it’s “sitting on a mall bench with the other significant others”. Ah well, whichever it is, it is to be avoided at all costs!
Sorry you’ve been ill. I’m glad to see that your energy level has reached the point where shopping sounds good again. Here’s to a speedy and complete recovery!
Sorry I’ve been such a blogslouch. I need to work out a better balance between Real Life, Second Life, and the Blogsphere. That will be my resolution for the coming month (year? who can do ANYTHING for a whole year???).
Take care and feel better!
Eric
odd time signatures » Blog Archive » Blame Time Magazine Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 12:03 pm
[...] Because they inspired this post. She is the only writer who I’ve read that can place the words tendentious and shitstorm in the same sentence and get away with it. While you’re there, get a look at the artwork for the mugs she’s going to sell to raise money to help her students. [...]
Daisy Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 12:04 pm
Coffee mugs for sale with the proceeds to benefit students….Coffee mugs for a good cause? Oh, my. Hide my credit cards!
Good luck on your masters. I felt so good when I had all my ducks in a row and that was finished! Yes, I have a “Ducks in a Row” coffee mug now, too.
jen Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 2:17 pm
sick or not, you are freaking hilarious.
Ms. SassyMcSassyAss.
Belinda Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 8:10 pm
For crying out loud, I PITY YOU ALREADY. Move along with the sickness, OK? Just kidding. Whine away.
And I think that Erin deserves some kind of honorary flak-jacket award for even consenting to write for HP. I could never do it–too much crazy in the comments.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Said,
December 29, 2006 @ 9:43 pm
You are totally trendy.
Beige is the new black.
(or something)
Lady M Said,
December 30, 2006 @ 12:03 am
Who can say no to more shoes?! All the best for your resolutions.
SassyStudent Said,
December 30, 2006 @ 12:28 am
Please. Make the big, scary belts go away. Far. Away.
I was stopped by a salesgirl at the Big Regional Mall in my town today.
“Um, you’re totally wearing, like, red with like, tan and brown plaid, and that’s totally like, wow, awesome. Like, so trendy.”
Um. Thanks? That’s just what I aspire to be. Trendy. I’ll be sure to tell every rich white guy in connecticut that the combo of plaid and red works. They’ll be thrilled.
Mocha Said,
December 30, 2006 @ 8:30 am
furiousball - First, I’m loving the name. Second, umm… oh, that was all.
RWA - I wasn’t irritated with her until she called herself trendy. That’s just stupid. When I see Stupid so blatantly before my eyes I can’t help but call it out. It’s a gift.
Janice - Oh, they’re not nearly as interesting as you would think. KIDDING. They keep me on my toes. And my back. Because they make me tired.
QofS - I aim to please.
Deannie - One can pity shop by themselves. It’s true. I looked it up.
EricAtRandom - Howdy, stranger. Good to see you. Now quit slouching and stand up straight.
Daisy - Did you ever want to strangle the ducks? Just wondering. This shit is getting old… they make me study, read, write… ugh.
Jen - OMG. How did you know my nickname? HA.
Belinda - I know what you mean. HP brings out the crazy. The crazy just lives over there.
Sarah - You’ve made me ponder a question: When is black the new black? See? I’m capable of Deep Thoughts.
Lady M - NOT ME.
SassyStudent - Does Burberry know about you? You’re like, all up and down trendy, girl. White Connecticut men wouldn’t know trendy if it bit ‘em in the ass. That is…if they had an ass. (Note to all White Connecticut Men reading me… umm.. why do you never comment?)
jess Said,
December 30, 2006 @ 10:25 am
Well, i look forward to everything you write.
I just like being around you.
Black is the new black and old black in my house.
RWA Said,
December 30, 2006 @ 10:46 am
I understand…what’s that old saying…”stupid is as stupid does”????
Dana Said,
December 30, 2006 @ 7:11 pm
Mocha, you are the Goddess. I feel inclined to make you a Mocha-ccino cake. My aunt just gave me the recipe and you would love it….it’s fabbo. But I don’t know how to ship it to you!
QofS Said,
December 31, 2006 @ 12:35 am
….why didn’t anyone tell me it was on the front page too.
whole new sstorm a brewing now….
jackets of any kind and more umbrellas are welcome
no belts though.
rachel Said,
December 31, 2006 @ 10:41 am
i look forward to your challenging children posts. I need to write more about that myself. My oldest can “pass” as normal for a while, so I forget.
love pity shopping!
glad you’re feeling better. Here’s to a Healthy 2007!
Megs Said,
December 31, 2006 @ 2:55 pm
Just stopping by to wish you a Happy New Year.
: )
Becky Said,
January 1, 2007 @ 7:57 am
Happy New Year!
javajabber Said,
January 1, 2007 @ 8:04 am
Have been catching up on blog reading today. All I can say is, awwwwwww, you poor thing! I hope you’re getting betteer!
Riley Said,
January 1, 2007 @ 1:06 pm
I am new here but I have been reading all day, I love it! Some funny ass stuff I can relate too thats for sure.
Ami Said,
January 1, 2007 @ 1:23 pm
Just stopping by to catch up after my holiday hiatus and wanted to wish you a happy, healthy, love-filled new year!