It isn’t often that I happen upon a new blog and fall head over heels in love with the writing immediately. The first time I started seriously reading them and realizing the power of the words of normal regular people like me who were out there practicing their writing was a joyous day indeed. There was no snooty English teacher telling me that these writers weren’t published or that it wasn’t good writing or that the patriarchcal deconstruction negated the thesis statement blahbity blah blah blah. No. They were just writing and reaching out to people through this phenomenal medium.
Jenn of Breed Em And Weep has won me over. She’s no secret being kept because just recently she won a blogging award. Her writing is just so… how do I say this?… umm… it’s really good. Better adjectives escape me at this moment, but there was something about this post that led me to spill my own guts to her (and get a sweet and kind private e-mail back from her and for a moment, I swooned and murmured awwww and how nice). Do you know what was really clever about the comments of that post? Everyone started describing their coffee cups to her and I clunked myself on the head and yelled aloud to no one in particular: Why haven’t I ever thought of that? Duh! I’m all about the CUPPA!
Because of her brilliance I am nominating Jenn for a Perfect Post Award (begun by Lucinda of Suburban Turmoil and MommaK at Petroville) for this post because it was a remarkable follow up to the thread of comments she was getting for the first one. It’s entitled “Breaking Up With Wanting” and she clearly has her finger on the pulse of what binds us human beings to such destructive behavior.
Was I vulnerable and tender when I read it? Absolutely. Did she describe me so well that I was scared? No doubt. Because of that, I have no choice but to offer her something in return:
Dear Jenn,
I’m trying to break up with Wanting. It’s grip is so very tight and sometimes I try to pry it off of me and then I realize that it’s hands are warm. They’re comforting. They feel good. So I relax my clasp on it and let it take me over. Then, my Wish List begins and it’s long and selfish and turns into something I never expected: a pity party. For one. It’s just me and a tedious recital of all the “woulda’s” and “coulda’s” in my life that follow the “if only’s”.
Wanting wants me. It calls to me and never in a loud voice, but a silent, nagging one that tells me everyone else has it better than me. It whispers “You never get what YOU want. You’re just a pawn in the trade called Deal With What You’ve Got and you try to make good decisions out of all those poor choices you make.” It’s then that I realize it’s seizing me again. Yet, I never seem to tell it to get lost. It needs a proper goodbye because it seems to think it can get comfortable in the core of my soul, and let me tell you: that just makes me tired all over again. I’m going to send it on its way, but I know it will try to come back. Wanting always does. This time, I hope it’s not very often.
I certainly hope I can shoo it away when it does.
Love,
Kelly
Thanks for the inspiration, Jenn.
I read quite a bit of the posts on Jenn’s blog. I was struck at how many of the things she said struck me right in the heart and soul. I found myself nodding along and crying. So many feelings put into the words I could never come up with. Too shy to even leave her a comment after reading all the other comments. What can I say that wont come across sounding like a dumbass?
Thank you, for leading me somewhere new, to a very special lady who writes all the things we ALL keep hidden in our hearts and souls.
I am not sure that I ever gave up wanting, I think I just pasted over it with a wallpaper of hope. Either way, the dissapointment knocks me on my ass everytime. And I am growing quite tired of picking myself up off the floor.
Nothing I have ever wanted has been impossible or unobtainable. Yet I still NEVER seem to get them. I am yet to understand this flaw in myself. I need to replace the hope/want with peace and contentment and let my heart and soul rest and breathe for a while.
Much love to you
Yvonne
Now I am the one blinking back tears. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Wanting is squeezing hard these days and it is such a blessing to hear from other souls who struggle with the same thing.
Yvonne, I LOVE the ‘wallpaper of hope.’ I am waiting for you to post on that!
Much love from here in wintery New England, where it is suddenly less cold.
Wanting doesn’t have to be a bad thing – without the spark of Want, how else will you learn something new, or have new adventures? Wanting is a wonderful way of creating. The trick is to be thankful for what you DO have, instead of pitying yourself for what you don’t have. Yet.
This is completely off-topic but I wanted to say I hope you enjoyed your soy chai latte! I LOVE ‘EM! Starbucks makes the best (out of 3 whole places I’ve tried, lol). I prefer a 1/2 soy, 1/2 non-fat chai latte, please!
Hey Mocha, forgot to check yesterday … (today’s post about wanting makes me want to stop wanting too … ) but check yesterdays comments … left you some good ‘ol KC BBQ tips. Enjoy your time here!
I don’t think “want” is bad – if you can keep it within reason.
Great Post and Find. **wiping away tears**
She’s an amazing writer- I’m definitely head over heels from the first time I read her blog. Thanks so much for that first link to her!
I wholeheartedly agree. It was an excellent post, it made me want to….
“Wallpaper of hope”. Oh. Right in the gut. Ouch. That was a good one.
Keep sending those recipes, folks. I have some grocery shopping and taste testing to do this weekend.
Wasn’t it nice of me not to mention the other naughty things I’d be doing this weekend? Yeah, I thought so, too.
Wow! That is a great post! Thank you for sharing it with us!
yeah. she rocks. and so, my lady, do YOU. very evokative letter–has me thinking about my own kind of Want.