The things I had to do yesterday to set up a $1,000 webinar conference call which was reduced from a $3,000 training because I’m trying to save my school some money
Get a computer with Windows on it.
Jayne wouldn’t do. Obviously. I’m a Mac girl.
Set up and sync 6 palm pilots.
Beg a favor to get software installed on Jayne.
Export names from a database and put into browser-based program.
Remember that I don’t need all the names.
Type in all the names one at a time and use birthdates and 7 digit long ID numbers.
Cuss myself for leaving that part until last the night before.
Charge all 6 palm pilots.
Set up the Windows laptop illegally and get a lecture from someone in the tech department.
Deal with the second person in tech who came over to chastise me some more and tell me that I’ve now exposed the system to viruses.
“Borrow” a phone with conference call capability and nearly yank it out of the wall due to frustration level.
Look at the clock and realize I’m now 20 minutes late in making the phone call.
Take phone call from company left wondering where the hell I am and why I’m late so they could tell me they thought I lived in the Eastern time zone making them think that I’m an hour and 20 minutes late.
Decide to try Jayne and realize Hey! She might work! Forget the Windows computer!
Find out that the web page I need for the webinar is blocked by my school district.
Call head of tech to a) admit guilt, b) beg forgiveness and c) ask for assistance.
Call back after getting disconnected and continue apologizing for ever trying to hook up a Windows laptop while head of tech unblocks the website I need to get to for conference call.
See the participants of conference call begin to enter room where all this is set up and realize I’m sweating clear through to my bra.
Wonder if I smell, too.
Put cradle of phone on shoulder while I try to hook up projector to laptop.
Realize that a crucial cord is missing from the projector bag and begin to silently put a curse upon the head of the last person who used it.
Finish talking to head of tech, hooking up projector, silently motioning for someone to get me crucial cord for projector, and check to see if website is now unblocked.
Realize that conference presenters are still waiting for my call and cut short conversation with head of tech.
Do a quick pit check and determine that I must somehow take off the wet, sweaty shirt but keep on the sweater I’m wearing over it.
Wonder why I decided that any of this was a good idea.
Welcome participants to room as I finish up and try to find the phone number and login information for conference call.
Hear secretary out front say, “Hold on. She’s right here in the conference room. Kelly? Your daughter’s on line 1.”
Think that my daughter has the worst timing in the world.
Answer phone in exhasperated, irritated voice. “Mallory, whatever it is… can it possibly wait?”
Listen to the words that make me feel like a total shit.
“Oh, sure, Mom. No problem. Just wanted you to know there is a tornado here and I’m in the basement.”
