It’s not that I’m going for a record, but I’m certain my train brain is on a journey headed straight for hell. Or the nearest Dairy Queen where tweens are flicking sprinkles at one another and stealing the salt and pepper shakers to be found in their backpacks later.
I can only start with the obvious Imus Assholus statement that is apparently confusing everyone. They seem to think that linking his comment to every black person’s racist comment made since the beginning of time is necessary. Or perhaps they’re just trying to flummox us with the filthy thoughts of hos and equate them to college educated female athletes.
It’s a strategem as old as the hills: first, make a comment or wave a flag or dress in blackface with 40 ounce malt liquor bottles in your hand, feign ignorance or innocence or both, and then force blacks to defend why the action was hurtful. Leave it up to blacks to explain to you that what you said, how you acted, or what you did was painful.
Nappy headed hos. I was just kidding! It was a joke! Can’t you take a joke?
This is my flag and my heritage and I’ll put it on the bumper of my car and on my t-shirt and wave it at my state’s capital building if I want to! You can’t tell me what to do! You must not know your history if you want me to get rid of the Confederate flag!
Oh, stop your complaining! It was a party. Don’t you enjoy dressing up like a white person from time to time on a white person’s holiday and taking pictures of it? You just don’t know how to have a good time!
Behave, then accuse. That’s the ruse. It’s also the rub. It rubs the wrong way.
One of the op-ed pieces that ran in my paper was from a Washington Post Writers Group member, Kathleen Parker. She postulates that we aren’t forgiving Imus fast enough, that “Piling on is awfully fashionable at the moment” when, in fact, we’re merely asking for people to accept responsibility for their actions. I’ve said it before here, referring to myself: there is no freedom of speech. There is always a price.
She also goes on to mention that “It was also racist”, but she fails to mention that it was also misogynistic. Do I have to spend time explaining that to this priveleged, white woman? It seems as if I’ve done this before too many times to count. It gets weary.
I don’t ever pretend to speak for “all” people whether they’re black or white or teachers or mothers or wives. But I feel safe in saying that black people are TIRED of always explaining to whites WHY what they did or said was wrong. Would it be enough if we simply said, “Hey. You know what? Being called a nappy headed ho was very painful. Especially since I’m a college student trying to work toward a career while playing a sport. It’s really hard to study and get good grades and be an athlete, so can you stop calling me names? Thanks. That would be great.”
“Hey. You know what? That confederate flag is a part of my heritage, too. It’s a painful reminder of the past when my family were slaves. When my people were ravaged and raped and my culture was denigrated. I’m not too fond of it. Can you stop waving it in my face on your t-shirts and trucks and state capitols that make up MY legislative assembly? Thanks. That would sure be nice.”
“Hey. You know what? Dressing up in black face and putting stuffing in your pants and taping malt liquor to your hands on the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday was very insensitive and rude. It hurt my feelings. I didn’t like it. Can you stop making me uncomfortable with that? Thanks. I know my family who loves me and knows me intimately is wounded by it.”
In her article she goes on to say:
Black hip-hop artists have been denigrating the women of their families and neighborhoods for years with terminology that reduces all women to receptacles for men’s pleasure. Sharpton and Jackson would do well to direct some of their outrage to that neck of the woods.
Instead of a comment for her, I actually have a question. Are you, too, responsible for directing your outrage at those artists? Is it only for blacks to address other blacks behaving badly in the rap world? So you’re saying that black people are responsible for other black people?
I didn’t make a mistake there. I meant “rap”. It is the “rap” world. Not the “hip hop” world. The fact that a Washington Post writer doesn’t even know the difference between the two makes my point for me. What “hip hop” is she listening to anyway? Does she know about the verbal skills and social consciousness promoted by the hip hop underground? Would she know how to find the music of Talib Kweli and Blackalicious and Mos Def? What does she know about De La Soul and A Tribe Called Quest? I’m not even naming the truly underground hip hop artists, but ones that are mainstream. (Dear iTunes, Please do a better job of distinguishing the two genres. Hip Hop needs it’s own category. When you linked it with “rap” you really only featured rap. I notice you didn’t do that with “dance” and “electronic” so you have the capability. Get someone who knows music on that, would you? Thanks.)
Yes, it’s a little clubby at times, mutually admiring and self-absorbed, but those characteristics also create a sense of relaxed intimacy that is part of the show’s attraction.
If relaxed intimacy was attractive for his little “club”, then perhaps Imus just gave blacks a taste of what whites truly feel for them. His slip of the tongue on the radio just gave everyone an idea of what they say behind closed doors. Do I have that right or do you secretly portray blacks in favorable circumstances when you’re by yourselves?
It doesn’t take much to discredit Pat Robertson, but I must say that the people who blindly and ignorantly listen to him won’t even question this remark seen on You Tube:
“Yes, what he says is pretty gross… but, the main problem we’re dealing with here is not this remark, it’s the treatment of black women by black men.”
We’re confusing a lot of issues here. Hip hop and rap are NOT the same. The treatment of black women PERIOD, not by black men, is something we don’t talk about but to discuss it in relation to the Imus statement is absurd. Don’t confuse the issue by bringing up the Duke case, either. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the Duke story broke last week in the midst of this? If so, this calls for a lesson in Media 101.
People coming to his defense have tried, unsuccessfully, to express what he really meant. That he wasn’t a racist, but he made a racist comment. That he was joking. That his humanitarian efforts far outweigh the fact that he called black players “nappy headed hos” and the white players “cute”. Humanitarians, last time I checked, are concerned with or seek to promote human welfare. His comments did not do that.
To have truly learned a lesson here I really would like to have seen him keep his job, but to see a noticable change in his efforts. The real trick with being a “genius” (far too loosely thrown around a term) is to continue his political commentary, retain his sponsors and advertisers, and find a way to help change the racism in this country. Imus can’t do it alone, but I would have genuinely stuck around to watch that happen.
I’m here to watch other things happen. Things that may seem small and insignificant, but that affect me greatly. In writing about them, I chance alienation, but how much worse could that be?
When I started to seriously write last year I also had to seriously read. Most of the people I was interested in reading were popular bloggers who were getting opportunities that seemed incredible to me. They were being invited on a trip to Amsterdam to discuss the world of blogging. I jumped from blog to blog on the links they provided to see who else was going and was intensely disappointed to find that only Liza Sabater of Culture Kitchen was respresenting bloggers of color (and if I’m wrong about this, please correct me – because I checked the list again and didn’t see any) Where was that fair represenation? I wondered. Where are the black SAHM who write for a living?
Again, this year I recently read about bloggers being invited to view a taping and live interview session for the television show The New Adventures of Old Christine. Sure, I noticed a little diversity there. But again, where were the black bloggers? Were they certain that no black people watched the show and decided to forgo an opportunity for them? Still, when I read AlphaMom I’m not at all surprised that they feature Dooce, Melissa, and Amalah….three white women.
One of the last things I did before “quitting” this blog (don’t even go there right now) was leaving a comment for the Soccer Moms asking where the moms of color were. They responded in the most positive way – they invited me to join. The problem for me was an issue of time – one of my worst qualities besides drinking out of the milk container and scratching myself in public is that I overextend myself on projects. I had to say no to them, but I did promise to lead an all-call for black bloggers to respond to their plea of creating diverse political opinions. They still want you. Where are you? Are you out there reading this? You need to let them know.
It’s the being absent and invisible that is the worst. Imus can say what he wants. He has that freedom of speech, but let’s not confuse that issue either – you may say what you want and not be thrown in jail so long as you don’t overtly threaten the lives of others. Make no mistake, there is still a price to be paid for your words. Once again, the problem is not that people are being held accountable for their words, it’s that it’s taken so long for that to occur.
A friend of mine from class last week wondered, “Why is this happening now? What about when Jimmy the Greek made those comments over 20 years ago? Nothing happened to him. Why not?”
Black people have been wondering that for a long time.
The perpetuation of sterotypes is what is killing us. Let me offer a few examples. First, I think about the ridiculousness of VH1’s “Flavor of Love” and how, incredulously, they continued by giving New York her own show after that. There are a few colleagues of mine who were discussing it one day and saying how much enjoyment they get out of that show. Besides the intellectual decline it provides, it also gives an excuse for them to attribute those qualities to all blacks. The same thing happened with the first season of “The Apprentice” when everyone only discussed Omarosa. Even at the very beginning, I could see how they were going to get their ratings and it was an old trick: create a scary, angry black bitch character and watch your audience increase. How tiring. But it was the end that bothered me the most. The benign tasks given to Bill and Kwame seemed so bland that there was no clear winner. During the commercial break I commented to my husband that I would no longer watch this show or any other reality show if the white guy won.
Why not?
Because of the lesson in racism.
What lesson?
The lesson that we’ll all learn if the white guy wins again. The lesson for all little black boys watching this show. The lesson we won’t talk about in the media but in small circles when it’s safe: you can be a black man with an MBA from Harvard, but you still won’t beat the white guy with a 4-year state university degree.
It’s the “club” that is still the hurtful part of our society, our world. There is a “club”, but we rarely talk about their responsibility in race relations. When others form their own “clubs” to combat racism that seems to be taken to task more than the original “club”. It comes in the form of accusatory questioning.
Why do we need Affirmative Action?
Why are women’s rights so important?
Again, we defend. We try to explain. Even this very post is because of the numerous emails from friends and readers who wanted to know how I felt and what I really risk here is another example of defense: they will want to correct me and have me defend my words instead of listening to the plea behind them and taking them to heart. Issues will cloud and confuse, but the heart of it is a rift long-standing in this country so I know I won’t change anybody’s feelings with my small contribution.
“The black-white rift stands at the very center of American history. It is the great challenge to which all our deepest aspirations to freedom must rise. If we forget that – if we forget the great stain of slavery that stands at the heart of our country, our history, our experiement – we forget who we are, and we make the great rift deeper and wider.” – Ken Burns
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Let me start by saying I understand why people are upset about Imus’ statements, and I agree that they were offensive and inappropriate.
And I, as a white male, find lyrics and videos by rap artists equally offensive and inappropriate.
Yet, I read an article online yesterday interviewing folks who claimed there was a difference. One person said that rappers are “entertainers,” and that’s different. One person said that rappers “don’t mean any harm.” Some of the people quoted were females.
I don’t buy those arguments. I think it’s all inappropriate and degrading.
I agree with Al Sharpton on this one. He has said repeatedly that these types of comments and words shouldn’t be tolerated in any form – music or otherwise.
I think it’s wrong, and I don’t care if you’re saying it as a joke, singing about it in a song, or saying it to be hateful and offensive.
Sorry for the soapbox speech.
Wow sister. I was just checking in to see if you were commencing to the business of posting that you quit (so dedicated, you are) and you SNAPPED! I love you for that.
You know what’s so interesting about the Don Imus thing, is that black folks that I’ve talked to are not at all surprised about this. For many people of color, we assume, however unfortunate, that white folks already feel that way (I know that’s hard to hear white people, but that’s life). He just got caught. The many facets of media nowadays are backfiring on white America – their hatred, racism and bigotry are being broadcast because they are slipping up.
He should not have been fired – for what? So that douchebags like Ann Coulter and Bill O’Reilly can continue? It’s all the same – whatever.
What I find so interesting is what you just talked about – how the media has spun this to be about Black folks in general and the hip hop community in particular – instead of about RACIST WHITE PEOPLE – duh! Don Imus is NOT a rapper.
These people know nothing about hip hop – they see the mainstream crap that gets played on the radio and video channels that shows ignorant thug-types disrespecting women. Gee, who do you think green-lights that music? Hmmm…I wonder…Black folks? I think not.
Where ARE the Talib videos? Common? Mos? Pete Rock? Foreign Exchange? Dead Prez? Madlib? Blackalicious? The list goes on and on…
The bottom-line is that there will ALWAYS be a rift in this country between black and white – the 1st questions out of white folks mouths is “Well, if THEY can say (ho’s, n-word, fill-it-in) why can’t WE?”
Why the hell do you care to say it is the bigger question?
OK, I need to either shut up or get my own damn blog, but this pisses me off. Love you!
Mocha, this was beautifully written. I have so much to say about your post, but first I have to let it all sink in. You’ve made some excellent points. Points I had never even imagined before. So much to think about, here.
As a person with an assload of nappy hair..I just want to say WHOA.
Just WHOA. That was pretty kick ass. And like Dana said you brought up a lot of valuble points that I never even remotely thought of. Especially the diversity within the female blogosphere.
I’m half tempted to write about this on BlogHer but it’s not in my category, but I’m throwing it out to the CE’s.
i have so many thoughts running around my head that i’m sure i wouldn’t be able to eloquently express a single one. so instead i’ll just thank you most sincerely for writing this for us all to learn from.
(oh, you see that dangling preposition? just hanging there? yep, me too.)
White girl here, with pretty smooth and slippery hair actually – which has its own problems when dealing with styling. But that’s just me trying to make a nervous joke.
I think the big problem with condemning Don Imus now is that IT WAS NEVER DONE BEFORE. He’s been a jackass with nothing to contribute for pretty much the entirety of his career. He was permitted to speak like this for years, and then suddenly it’s not ok. Which is true now of course, it’s not ok – but it wasn’t ok all along. So why now? Why was this the final straw? I guess I’m displacing some of the blame – oh yes, he’s a racist idiot – but what racist idiots let him slip by all this time??
So please include me in your “club” of angry women. I could never be called nappy headed but I sure could be called a ho, and that makes me angry as a part of the offended class, at least 50% there. But I’m not angry at Imus. I’m angry at the “machine” that churned out and subsidized and profited from his schlop for years and then suddenly holds up their hands in horror when somebody else calls him out. The same “machine” that produced all of the other instances you cited (And I’ll take your word on that stuff, I don’t watch tv. That subtle and often unsubtle manipulation is a part of the reason why). And then that makes me look at you, read you, and see “black woman” instead of just reading you and seeing “woman.” He’s divided us then, too, in a way, by pointing that difference between us out and making it into a bigger deal.
Well, harm to the black community is harm to me, too. Harm to you is harm to me. Just know that I know that. I wish more people did.
No you’re not wrong. I was the only black and latina invited to Amsterdam. They got a twofer with me. Perez Hilton was the only other “colored” blogger there –but many who wouldn’t question his latinoness, would certainly question his coloredness.
I am the only black and latina blogger invited to anything because if I don’t ask, nobody invites me –and it’s getting bleeping tiring. I want you and others to be out there because it only helps us all. Not just me. Not just you. All of us people of color.
I opened culturekitchen as a community blog for others like me. It’s like effing pulling teeth to get people of color to blog on my blog. It’s ridiculous. If I could read all the blogs out there, I would. I don’t have the time because I do actually do a lot of OFFLINE activism and networking as well as work and take care of my two kids and family. People forget that sometimes being at the top takes a lot of work and effort and countless sleepless nights.
The Digital Ethnorati Project that I have been talking about for a year is still on. I still want you to be part of it. I just need people to say, “OK, I’m here, what do we need to do”.
So drop me a line or two so we can get this thing moving along.
Peace,
liza sabater
http://www.culturekitchen.com
ps : and yes, if you link to me and i get a hit through my referrers, i will most likely end up on your blog
it’s a sloppy shortcut but one that always works 
I’m humbled by your ability to write so well.
Yeah, and what RWA and TracyDay and Dana and HeatherB and Lara and G and Liza said. And definitely what you said.
This is one of those amazing posts where I feel like I have to comment to say THANK YOU FOR BEING AMAZING, but then also feel completely stupid and humbled and embarrassed because I’m just some white woman who doesn’t know a damn thing about hip-hop’s underground. You know?
I want to do the right thing. I want to say the right thing. I want to say, “Yeah! You DO kick ass!” and have it mean something, even though I’m afraid that it won’t because I can’t ever really know what it’s like to be black in this country.
But thank you for this incredible post. I think it sheds much-needed light on an issue that’s being clouded over.
I couldn’t agree with you more and I love the fact that you didn’t hide behind what many people are afraid to say out loud and in public. I admire you greatly for that – I get tired of the bullcrap people write about trying to sweep issues under the carpet… hoping people won’t see the truth. Nothing infuriates me more than that… but that would explain why my blog has received more attacks than others for speaking my mind.
Sadly – here in Canada – the whole Imus debacle has not gotten much press so I must plead a certain amount of ignorance regarding the issue and his racist comment. But you cover so many points in your blog – women’s rights, lack of black female bloggers, discriminating behaviour in rap (and the fact is – all races buy these CDs … so this isn’t an issue of Black mentality – we condone such behaviour and stereotyping by allowing such things in our house in the first place – very few jumped up and down when Eminem desicrated his then wife, threatening her with death… calling it artistic expression? Please – double standards all the way). Your posting made me think about even the company I work for and the very few African Canadians that work here, let alone are in positions of authority, despite having MBAs and degrees from prestigious schools.
People live with blinders on when they say discrimination and racism doesn’t exist. What’s worst is they try to sugar coat quotes made by blatantly racist people… but the truth is – racism will always exist as long as we stay quiet and not continue to speak up and against it.
Thank you for this amazing post. I am inspired to put fingers to keyboard (vs. ink to paper) to say a thing or two… but I will need to put some thought behind it. Thank you again. You opened my eyes up to a few more areas that need further thought.
Ciao bella,
KC
Ok, I’ll GO THERE:
I was under the impression you WERE NOT writing here so I haven’t been by. And I’m here, and you HAVE THIS POST UP…the one THAT ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF.
I miss you. Come back.
It’s a sad day, and this message will ramble some given the scattered state of my thoughts. I have the words of Lucinda Roy in my mind, rattling around. I tried to get him help…
forgive me that digression… reading your post, I am both touched and saddened anew, not because you are wrong, but because these things have need to be said at all.
People complain about political correctness, and my response is to ask what it is they are stopped from doing that they wish to do.. so what is it? Is it to use young women as the basis for white male humour, a cheap laugh?
Who really is the whore here, Imus?
Kelly,
I am a white man and I understand why races of color feel left out of the “club.”
I work in the golf industry. My entire crew is Hispanic. My boss is white. My assistant is white.
After I finished college, I needed experience in the field in order to get into the management position that I went to school for. I started at the golf course that I work at now at the lowest entry level.
While my Hispanic crewmembers trained me how to do my job, they would make comments like, “When you become a manager, you’ll need to know this.” I would tell them not to assume that I was going to be their boss. They would just smile and say. “OK.” They knew and I knew they were probably right. It felt awkward to be thrown into that “club.”
Yes, I became their boss, probably faster than they have ever seen. I am always telling them that they can do it too if they want to. Just to show that I’m a man of my word, I promoted one of the women on the crew to be my second assistant. She is very qualified for the position and will do a great job.
I know its small potatoes, but I just wanted to say that I could understand your message.
RWA – Soapbox speeches are a normality around here. You’re just fine.
Tracy – Hello, my lovely little sister. I’m so pleased to have pleased you. Sure, I snapped. Remember what Mom has said about that? If you’re always bending over backwards for people eventually you’ll lose your balance. All those excuses for the convenience for the “club” just got to me. And I snapped. Still got my balance though!
Dana – C’mon back, hon. I want to hear your thoughts.
Heather B – Whoa. Uh huh. That says it all.
Lara – You, too, should come back to comment. Dangling prepositions are allowed. Just this once.
G – I love what you said about harm. That was beautiful and you were dead on. Brava.
Liza – A line has been dropped, my dear. Just remember my capacity to overextend and give me something small to start with, ok? Glad you stopped by.
Mommela – You know what? Umm… thank you. I’m learning take a compliment and I’m equally humbled by your praise. I was afraid this sounded much like my puke-of-the-mouth disease when I get bent out of shape.
Kristy – Try out some of those artists I referenced (or the ones my sister added) because, while you can’t know what it’s like, you can still hear us. This post is really about being heard.
KC – Don’t you want to SLAP people when they ignore racism?! What bubble do they live in that they can’t see it? Ah, to be that ignorant in 2007. Wow.
QofS – Fine. You HAD to go there. Let’s call it a sabbatical, shall we? Can I be forgiven then? Or, better yet, what if I just start posting periodically again?
nelle – Oh, God. That last line. Sweet.
Tom – Small potatoes is all anyone can ask of the individual who is part of the collective community. Good on you for doing your part. I’m sure she appreciated that more than you know.
Kelly,
You made so many good points, but I’ll just respond to two (if I can help it).
I love what you say about black representation in the media, and in blogs. I hope this isn’t mis-understood, but it is just so easy to put people of color in little boxes. It is only now, when I have the chance to work with so many different people of color that I see that there are no boxes–just a spectrum. It took me a while to get there though since my hometown is so very segregated. I think that blogs could be a wonderful place for people to experience the spectrum in a way that isn’t neccessarily provided in real life.
Regarding rap or hip-hop culture: I think this issue is confused not just by the white community, but by many of our youth. As an educator, I worry that we are raising a generation of children who know more about gold teeth and baggy pants than about non-violent protest and Brown v. the Board of Education. I’m not trying to be stereotypical in that comment–I mean it.
I could write so much more, but I’ll leave it as it is.
Do you read James Burnett’s Urban Etiquette? I’m an idiot, and don’t know how to link it here – but his blog is on my sidebar.
There is a lady who lives across the street from us who hangs her Dixie flag over her carport, facing our house. I just don’t understand the meaning of it. I wonder if she would rather have lived in that time, or is it a heritage thing? Sometimes, I feel confused by the rift between races. I can only hope that we will all be forced to appreciate each other fully someday.
Very interesting points. Keep speaking your mind, girl!
You talk good. If I ever start a debate club I’m gonna pick you first. I agreed with most of what you said, but disagreed with several points. I don’t want to argue the disagreements. I would rather respect your right to your opinion, and agree to disagree. We all form our opinions based on life experiences and teachings. I get so tired of people thinking they can change someone’s opinion just by out-yelling them in a discussion, which is why I don’t watch much news television. I would never try to claim, as Imus or Michael Richards did, that I am absolutely not prejudiced blah…blah…blah. I try NOT to be but every once in a while those ol’ toads will pop out. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson really bring out the worst in my attitude. And then when kids at school come by to visit or I’m laughing with friends, my prejudice goes back into remission. And when I’m holding my precious grandsons on my lap or they call me to say “Grandma I love you” prejudice and color don’t exist. Prejudice is not exclusive to white people, it’s not exclusive to the South. It’s everywhere. People have prejudice against anyone who is different from them for any reason. I’ll stop. I kinda got wound up there, didn’t I? One of these days I’ll tell you how I feel about the Confederate flag. Methinks I’ll need to save my eggshells first, though. I so much reading your work. Whether I agree or disagree you always make me think, and I thank you for that.
I so much ENJOY reading your work. I left out a crucial word. DUH.
I agree that what he said was wrong, but I so disagree with the way that Sharpton and Jackson handled it. But I love what you had to say. I think that it is wrong how it appears, and note, I say appears, that two people, can appear to strong arm a network, when personally, I do not think either of their porches are clean. Just my humble opinion.
I love the dialogue that America is having, though. And we do need it, especially in the wake of the events of the last week.
You are one bad sharp tongued, incredibly gifted sister. So very well said. Thanks for putting into words what I feel.
Holla!
I have lots to say about this subject, but for once I won’t clutter your space with my comments-so-long-they-get-marked-as-spam.
Instead I’ll post them on my own blog later, but not tonight – I know better than to try to unravel my feelings about race at midnight. But thanks for writing about this, honey; as usual you’ve inspired me.
I love that you wrote this. And I am so sorry you have to.
Wow. In some ways it’s worse that Imus got away with saying all the things he said before this one: “The New York Times, what a great newspaper, it has the cleaning lady covering the White House.” THIS was referring to Gwen Ifill, now of PBS and a fine, fine journalist (and African American.)
And look at this from Media Matters for America: The muckraker Philip Nobile has been tracking Imus’s racist rap in a series for the webzine tompaine.com. When you take this patter out of laff-riot context, it’s strikingly similar to the drollery of David Duke. Imus and his buds have called O.J.’s lead attorney “chicken wing Johnny Cochran,” Sammy Davis Jr. “a one-eyed lawn jockey,” Patrick Ewing “Mighty Joe Young,” Defense Secretary William Cohen “the Mandingo,” and his black wife “a ‘ho.”
So the question becomes WHY was he allowed to go on for so long? And who is laughing. And why is it ok to laugh? And when are we going to make money-mad talk radio station owners accountable? If they can be fined ridiculous amounts of money because of a curse word in a drama, WHY WAS THIS, FAR WORSE, OK FOR SO LONG?
OH and how do we keep these questions from becoming an excuse for people who want to censor GENUINE free speech as opposed to corrosive, genuine hate? Glad you brought it all up in such a thorough context Kelly. You are, as usual, wonderful.
It is what we say and how we act when we think no one is listening or watching that defines us. If Imus says this on the air, what does he say and do in private? Scary.
You are so eloquent, and stong and beautiful (inside and out!). I love reading your stuff, we miss you when you aren’t here.
Perhaps I’m a little naive here but I had no idea you are black. I saw the picture and somehow missed that. I think your post is wonderful! Thank you for broadening my perspective.
At first, I said well she’s just being racist against whites. But after taking your challenge here:
“they will want to correct me and have me defend my words instead of listening to the plea behind them and taking them to heart.” After really taking your words to heart, I find them to be so true. Just out of curiosity, I pose the question if Imus was black would that have changed anything? I would hope not but I think it would have. So my last question is why is it all right for blacks to call each other those kind of names but for whites to it’s completely offensive? Or am I wrong. Is what you’re saying that it is inappropriate for blacks to call each other those names as well? I recently watched Beauty Shop and found that to be true. It was completely ok for the blacks to speak to each other in a certain manner but when the white girl spoke that way it was inappropriate. Is that a misrepresentation of blacks?
I live in an area where I am surrounded by mostly white people. So I don’t see it as much. But I do have a few black friends and to me it makes no difference. It makes more of a difference to her than to me. I see her as just the same as everyone else. But then again I’m not faced with it every day like blacks are. Thank you again! I’ve missed you as well.
Your post about this is SOOOO much better than mine. Of course, you are coming at it from a slightly different angle than I was. But very eloquent and well written. Social change is not the same as it was 30 or 40 years ago. And that is a terrible shame.
Fact is, I’m nervous, worried, and a little scared. I am a white middle class lesbian raising three children that are Mexican and one Laotian (and five other Caucasian ones). I worry that I will say the wrong thing. I have been corrected to say that the Mexican kids are Latin American- their parents are from Mexico- doesn’t that make them Mexican? I am open minded and would like to claim not racist, but everyone is a little bit racist (thanks Ave. Q), right?
I don’t want you to explain or defend as a black woman. But I’m saying, I’m scared of saying the wrong thing when it comes to race.
Wrong button- wasn’t really ready to post… Anyhow, my comment is a simplified form of my complicated thoughts-
Oh wow. How do you always manage to write something that will make my mind boggle and spin for days on end.
I know nothing about any of the stuff you spoke about. I’m ashamed to admit it. I never saw anything on the news, but remember I live in Australia. I avoid alot of rap/hip hop music because I am offended by the words they use, and I don’t want my kids learning them either.
I have banned my husband from playing “Grand Theft Auto San Andreas” until the kids are alseep, and then he must wear headphones. It is so violent and the language is horrible. The main charachter is a black man and the way he speaks to his girlfriends no matter their colour makes my insides BOIL. And the game is rated for kids 15 or older. How can I raise 2 loving compassionate boys to respect women and themselves when everywhere they turn there is so much accepted racism and degredation? I cannot lock them away.
I am trying very hard to understand everything you have said. And I’m so sorry that I only get a small portion of it. You are the first black person I have ever had the chance to speak to or get to know. I’m learning the culture/ heritage and testing the waters with you holding my hand.
I wish I could have made this come out so you could understand what I am trying to say. The thoughts are here but the words needed to express them…. fail me.
I apologise with all my soul for the utterly thoughtless email I sent you regarding bacon grease. Please forgive me. I never thought about it, for even a second. To me you are just Kelly. You have no colour. You are just the most wonderful woman I have ever known.
On the subject of that email. I have a qquestion. Please answer honestly. I sent it to you because I thought it was funny. Do you as a black woman take offense to the picture in the email? Am I racist because I sent it to you? I would have sent it no matter what race the woman in the picture was. Maybe I am not as good a person as I had hoped I was.
Miss you
Yvonne
Kelly,
I am blown away.
Brilliant, eye-opening and thought provoking. Your words allow me to see the world through your eyes. Your points stike to the heart of the issues while using a little humor, a lot of hurt and a kick in the pants to get the brain bubbling. I can not begin to express how your words have affected me. Convicted me.
I am guilty. Guilty of not being involved, not paying attention and assuming that racism was a thing of the past. You have given me so much to think about.
Thank you for this post.
Aloha,
Missy
So…you know how I said I’d write on this? Well I worked on it last night and came out with 4 pages, single spaced in Word and I didn’t even get to most of the points I wanted to make…and I think that might be a tad long for a post, even by my wordy standards. *sigh* Methinks this will take a while before I have something fit to print.
Kelly,
Thank you for your upfrontness. It is such an important issue–being absent and invisible. The issues are so much deeper than what “Imus” said. I am glad that he took responsibility for what he said, but he didn’t acknowledge the wrongness of his belief and the belief of the society that fostered his views. There is much work to be done and we must all work at it if we don’t want Ken Burns to be right about the rift growing bigger. Thank you….
Standing ovation for MOCHA!
Did the argument change from Imus(be an idiot) to rappers saying the same kinds of things to some how take the sting out of it. Sounds a lot like the “I am sorry you feel that way” apology to me. Mocha don’t play that. I have also heard that Imus is degrading to all women, so why did it take this to get him fired?
You can fix stupid you just put them on the radio I guess.
Does anyone else think Imus has bitter beer face 24/7?
Amen.
Kelly, I wondered if you were going to write about this and I’m glad to see that you did. I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about “Imus” in the past two weeks. Call me ignorant, but I had never heard of him before this debacle. Avoiding talk radio is one of my goals and I’m pleased to say that I have achieved a fair amount of success!
But what I really want to know is why would anyone want to listen to a grown man make mean and cruel statements about a high-achieving group of young women? And apparently commentary such as this was Imus’ stock in trade, right? So he said all sorts of nasty things, for a good many years apparently. Why is there a demand for this? When I heard what he said about the Rutgers team, it wasn’t the racism that struck me as much as the pure meanness. It was yet another example of men believing that they have the right to make cruel statements about women’s looks and vicious assumptions about their behavior.
One of your commenters remarked that this has at least opened up a dialogue and it’s true that a lot of people have been filling the airwaves with plenty of talk. I just wish that there was some way to sit people down face to face for a real conversation. So the average Joe that loves to listen to Imus’ putdowns needs to be across a table from you, Kelly–do you mind if I nominate you?–so that he can explain himself and you can explain to him why he’s being offensive.
Keep up the good fight!
Kelly,
I was hoping you’d have a response to this. Your thoughts and comments on the world always get my thoughts stirring. I’ve been mulling over this subject ever since the news first broke and I’m hoping to write a bit about it on my own blog very soon. I was hesitant to respond to the Imus debacle because I’m white and felt any opinions I had would be blunted (and tainted) by that fact. But what G said above made me realize that as part of this community of human beings, my anger at Imus’s comments, and the generally racist atmosphere that we all live in, is justified. I have a right to my indignation because we all bleed the same color, even if we don’t all come from the same background and have the same experiences. Every one of us deserves to be treated with respect and dignity, no matter what the color of our skin. When that doesn’t happen, we should ALL hurt. It’s too bad that more of us don’t.
Thanks for your insights and for just plain being you.
Haven’t read the previous comments so if I am repeating someone I apologize.
But friends speak frankly, right Kelly? Ok…
I would have defended the principle of free speech if 1.Don Imus wasn’t a horse’s ass and/or 2.(if one were to listen to the whole thing)he wouldn’t have kept pounding it and pounding it like he did, repeating and playing off of something that wasn’t funny to begin with.
But Imus is a horse’s ass and he did keep pounding at it. I’ve never liked him at all. In fact I always had a pretty active dislike going on with that moron. And for a “humorist” to misjudge something he was trying to be funny about this much, doesn’t speak too well for his “talent” or ability.
HOWEVER, to go pimping to Al “Tawana” Sharpton and/or Jesse “Hymietown” Jackson only puts three horse’s asses on the stage. And the point is if these guys represent the “race dialog” in this country we are all basically screwed.
The heavy lifting in the conversation about race is done by you and me speaking honestly to one another without trying to be afraid or hurtful or spiteful and then laughing about ourselves to ourselves with no strings attached. The heavy lifting on this issue is done by kids in a “mixed” classroom who really don’t notice each other’s color until some idiot grown-up fills them with venomous poison. That’s where the serious stuff about race will and is being accomplished.
The tragedy of America is that we white people never allowed that black people could demonstrate leadership or wisdom. But we are also far past the idea that only white people can be bigots – or should be. My problem is thatt if the “conversation” has to be led by these three frauds – and this is what what passes for the work of building bridges so people stop treating each other shabby – then I just quit.
Oh and another thing – I just started “getting” rap music and actually I think Ludicrous is great and now they’re gonna take THAT away.
Great. Nothing EVER works out for me. If everybody just did what I said we’d be all better off. But NOOOO!
P.S. Jimmy the Greek lost his job and his career. So the idea that nothing happened to him is incorrect. Trust me, I was there. I’m old.
Simply well written K!!! IMUS’s time has run out and due to the overwhelming influx of diversity and the global transition this country is going through today, his shit has stained his pants and he is stinking!!!!
I cannot wait to hear what you have to say about Bratz and Barbie’s “My Scene” rip-off!!!
Another entry that makes me resolved to learn to write as well as you. You are able to express yourself so well.
Racism obviously exists even still. While you cannot please everyone all the time, trying to exucuse oneself with the phrase “I was joking,” doesn’t address the real issue. Someone’s feelings were hurt. I had to talk to a few people I worked with about that phrase. No you can’t call someone a beaner and then play it off I was joking.
The bottom line to me is simple. I hate it when people judge me. I hate it wheen people judge me without any knowledge. The whole reason racism is offensive is it judges individuals usually on half truths and lies. Why is that so hard to understand?
I still missed a typo, but I am not wearing my glasses. yeah that is the ticket, that is why my fingers work improperly.
OH..and posted a photo of me today with the yarn ribbons in my hair. Totally thought of you!
Excellent.
xoxo
Please don’t leave links here that identify me. I had to delete a comment just now for that purpose.
Okay — after letting it all sink in, I’ve realized that racism runs so deep. Many people do not even realize that the remarks they’ve made about others are hurtful and offensive, yet others do know the repercussions of their words and still choose to spit those awful words out.
Imus got off easy when he got fired. He hasn’t had to do anything else but apologize and even his apology doesn’t appear to be sincere. He only said he was sorry after he caught the heat.
However, I wonder sometimes about the differences between white and black when it comes to the races. I never had to deal with racism where I grew up.
I had two black friends in junior high and it never occured to me that my white friends would freak out when I hung out with black friends. I always assumed they were just jealous that I was not spending time with them.
It wasn’t until years later that these white friends admitted they thought I was trying to “be black”. The words stung me because I hadn’t a clue what that meant.
I didn’t speak in “black language” or wear “black clothes”. And then it hit me. These white friends made me feel uncomfortable. They planted a seed that made me analyze how black think and act. And those thoughts alone were racist. And I knew it. And it angered me. These white friends made me acknowlegde the stereotypes and re-evaluate my friendships. I didn’t hang out with my black friends as mucn because I worried that people would think I was trying emulate their race and their culture.
It was confusing and discouraging because I started to over analyze everything. I was made to feel that the racial lines were meant to be separate. “I shouldn’t cross the line.” I thought.
It wasn’t until college that I threw caution to the wind and decided to get to know the person regardless of what others thought about my friendships.
When you talk about this: “When I started to seriously write last year I also had to seriously read. Most of the people I was interested in reading were popular bloggers who were getting opportunities that seemed incredible to me. They were being invited on a trip to Amsterdam to discuss the world of blogging. I jumped from blog to blog on the links they provided to see who else was going and was intensely disappointed to find that only Liza Sabater of Culture Kitchen was respresenting bloggers of color (and if I’m wrong about this, please correct me – because I checked the list again and didn’t see any) Where was that fair represenation? I wondered. Where are the black SAHM who write for a living?”
I really related to that paragraph. Not only in the sense of black and white bloggers, but also on the topics of religious and political beliefs of bloggers.
When I read blogs I see mostly left leaning (liberal/Democrat) writers and that’s okay — but there are so few conservative bloggers out there. I can’t voice my opinions without receiving outrageous comments or being made to feel that my voice is not as important. I start to feel like the odd man out all the time. I feel like no one wants to read my blog or offer me any great opportunities because I don’t fit the “blog norm”. I sometimes wonder if the blogosphere has cliques. I don’t know. Just my contemplations put to paper, I suppose.
I know it’s completely different than the lack of representation for black bloggers, but that’s just how I related to it.
I want to thank you for writing this post. I’m still an immature writer. I still need work on my points but I’m trying, and I’m thankful to have read this. It really made me think long and hard.
-hugs-
Dana
Can’t you post your pics on a SECRET site and give those that want to see them a PASSWORD? I miss my Pics. of you.
I think IMUS is an idiot. I always thought that….always found it hard to believe he was popular with any group of people.
I think Al Sharpton is an idiot as well, he has said hateful things as well. He almost brings a circus atmosphere to everything he touches.
I think the media should stop trying to place their opinions on others. ie telling us how WE should feel.
Have you noticed I say “I think” before each line. Yes, just me thinks this way…at least that I know of. I hope it’s not wrong in your eyes because I respect your opinion.
I think you should be running our country.
I am going to have my Creative Studies kids do a piece on Imus while I am gone. Won’t the sub just love me for it!! I’ll let you know how it goes and what my kids think!
I thought you were done, too, but I’m so glad you wrote about this. I’ve been under a rock, and your post was the first I’d heard of Imus and his mess.
I used to listen to him, but thought twice about it when my kids told me that he hated kids–they picked up something from his angry tone of voice.
Just wanted to tell you how eloquent and well thought out and written this post was. Keep writing when you can, and we’ll keep reading.
Also wanted to thank you for opening the door over at soccermom. We black bloggers do exist, and it’s a matter of being connected.
Generally speaking, I’m ultra sensitive to racism, but when I heard about the Imus thing, I didn’t really see why it was SUCH a big deal. And the reason why is because I thought, wow, I’ve definitely heard MUCH MUCH MUCH worse than a comment like that…
But I guess that’s not very heartening, is it?
I don’t generally think of myself as a “priveleged white woman who needs enlightening,” on these matters, but your perspective has been really helpful to me — thanks so much for sharing it.
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