Talk To Me, Baby

*I tried posting this in the morning. No dice. I’ll post the Fried Mac and Cheese recipe soon.

Tonight there is a Podcast tonight with Glennia from The Silent I and Jason from Daddy In A Strange Land. In fact, there is a new button on my sidebar that you can click to get there. It’s at 9:00 pm EST and we’re discussing Inclusion & Exclusion: Where Are The Bloggers of Color and Why Aren’t We Reading Them? Actually, I thought it was just on “Race & Blogging” but Glennia mentioned this title on Kimchi Mamas and I didn’t want to look stupid like I didn’t know what the topic was.

Callers on the show are welcome (646) 915-8634 but the most exciting thing is that I’ll be doing my best to disguise my otherwise deep, Midwestern voice.

Among other things we’re discussing how ethnicity and cultural identification affect writing, perceptions about the lack of bloggers of color, and that whole PR can of worms I opened. I’d like it to be known, however, that I opened the can. Stefania ripped that top off with her teeth and growled with dripping saliva all over her teeth. I love her for that.

My less-than-stellar response would have been Listen up, bitches!

To be honest, it would have sounded more like this:

Dear Public Relations Folks Who’ve Been Ignoring Me,

You’ve surely seen my Google page rank. Well, by now you have because you’re wondering Who is this loud-mouthed woman anyway? Those of you who have written to me or about me have even admitted that it’s higher than some of the white-middle-class-stay-at-home-mom’s blogs you pitch. But you defend your position. You say that you don’t know what I’d like.

Let me tell you.

I want a mop that doesn’t crap out on me every 2 months.

I desire a shampoo in a hotel room that doesn’t “Add Body” because you really need to pay attention to the fact that we don’t all need body added to our hair.

I wish for a make-up for my face that actually matches my skin tone and doesn’t force me to mix and apply, mix and apply until I find the right shade because those scientists in your lab can’t seem to do it. Also, I’ll take a “flesh colored Band-Aid” that is truly the color of my flesh. Fleshy colored.

I long for socks that hold shape after washing them more than 10 times.

I yearn for a television show where the main characters look as varied as my own but that don’t adhere to every single stereotype therein.

I aspire to hear that I’m “articulate” or “well-spoken” without it sounding condescending or like a nice surprise for the person uttering that back-handed compliment.

I fancy a pair of jeans that accentuate my hips and my ass without making me feel like I’m “special” just “standard”. (And ones that truly FIT without that stupid gap in the back)

I crave quality writing paper and pens to leave love notes for my children.

I hanker after a good piece of gum that doesn’t burn the holy hell out of my tongue because it’s the FRESHEST, ZINGIEST, MOST POWERFUL GUM ON THE PLANET. Honest to God, I just want fresh breath after my morning cuppa, not a hole in the fleshy muscular organ in my mouth.

I hunger for a good blanket to cuddle up with my kids with that is soft and snuggly.

I thirst for a really good wine that doesn’t turn my ears red.

I cry out for a good, soulful song that makes me feel the kind of cozy that comes on a cool Fall day.

I covet a perfume that smells clean and sexy and yummy all at the same time.

I’m dying for you to know that I go to Target stores to shop because they are my Zen and that online shoe shopping helps me remember that I am a woman because I squeal with delight to find a pair that suit me.

Love, La Mocha

That’s all you need to know, people.