In lieu of a post this illustrious Friday morning (and I will get to the recipe, people! The emails begging and pleading, my word. And no, I will not come collect your children and houseboats as payment I will just do it for free) I have some questions.
First, however, I should say that I learn best by discussing and talking. My report cards in elementary school claimed that I was a “social butterfly” which got me into quite a bit of trouble. Then, after researching learning styles in my education undergrad I realized that this was a good thing! Those teachers weren’t allowing me time to digest materials and let my creativity flow through! This means, of course, that now that I’m an educator I have to allow for those learning styles and being the master teacher that I am, tra la la, I do.
I’m digressing so let’s get to the point. Because I thrive and learn and live on interaction I need some feedback to chew on. This stems from all these conversations that are going on (at least in my neck of the internet) about race and blogging and community (and if you’re sick of this for now, hold on, because I need something from you, too) and it’s getting me to wonder.
Why do people feel safe reading about race here? Why do they want to comment and why is it that I get more email about that lately than anything else?
How is it that a community of readers is cultivated so that there is a fair amount of respect and healthy learning taking place? That wasn’t intentional on my part, but it rather happened organically. If I were to try that again, how would I go about it?
Finally, what is it about the politics of hair (black, white, you name it) that divides us to the point of total misunderstanding? For instance, a black girl will have a “weave” whereas a white girl would have “extensions”. Huh? The questions and issues of hair are ever present for me and right now I’m au natural with the free flowing curls (not kinky curls, either because gah! that makes me crazy when people say that due to the negative connotation) and if one more person comes up and grabs one and says, “Boing! These are fun!” I’m going to put my finger up their nose and yell, “Zing! I got one!”
While I could talk hair all day, I won’t. I’ll leave you to comment on the above. While you’re at it, you could combine all those questions into whatever the answer for this is: is there a reason Tyra Banks is beginning to look more and more like the white woman that Michael Jackson wants to become? Seriously. Girlfriend looks ridiculous.
August 17, 2007 @ 5:48 am | Filed under Everyday Mundane | Permalink |
jenny Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 6:46 am
well, there’s one pet peeve that is colorblind - pulling on the curls. seriously - what the f is with that? i would never think to yank on some straight haired gal’s ponytail - so why are they always messing with the curls? and why is everyone always trying to straighten my hair? i just find that strange - like if i kept going up to my friends and telling how much i wish they would get a perm. ooh. now you got me worked up about the hair…
MeL Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 6:46 am
I love this question. Or, rather, this series of questions.
I have to say, for myself, that it’s a constant learning experience. I grew up all over the US, but mostly in places that were not culturally diverse (e.g., white-bread, middle-class neighborhoods). My first black friend was the daughter of a Sudanese diplomat, and my parents made a big deal of being proud that I was friends with Black! Diplomat! and I thought it was odd for them to make a big deal. I was 7.
I’m not racist - not in the least. I am, however, admittedly ignorant about other races. I try to learn as much as I can. T had an amazing, incredible, talented boss who he raved about all the time. He never mentioned that his boss was black, and when I met him I was surprised for about 4 seconds, simply because I had assumed he was white.
HIs boss is a published author, and his book (Company Man) was all about the experience of being black and a manager in the corporate world. It’s not autobiographical, but it incorporates aspects of his own experience. I read it in a single sitting, and I realized I had never stopped to consider that point of view. It had just never come up.
I think that’s what happens for a lot of people. There are very few opportunities, corn-fed white girl such as I am, to actually stop and learn about aspects of black culture. I try to assess everyone I meet - no matter the race, economic status, or background - as an individual. So I teeter between curiosity about the shared cultural experience of being a black American, and being leery of offending someone by actually *noticing* they are black, because there’s no way for me to know what *being black* means. (stereotype? A weave and a love for mustard greens? But maybe they were raised in Detroit? or Jersey? How to know? How to even broach it without being offensive?) So the best option usually looks like pretending not to notice someone is black unless/until they reference it themselves, and then approach it cautiously and tactfully. Because I’m curious. It’s that childlike quality: ebony skin of any shade is different than my scottish-inherited, freckled-pale skin and cherub cheeks. Anything different is interesting, and I can’t help but want to know what that is like. What is different? Is she really any different from me? Is it because she’s black, or because she was raised somewhere else, by different people? How many of our experiences are shared experiences? How much is mystery?
Biggest mystery of all, apparently: Can I ever shut up?
dawn Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 7:09 am
Kelly are you going to get some great comments/ideas or what. Okay. I was drawn to your blog because I am a white woman raising black children–one son adopted from ethiopia and a little girl from ethiopia on the horizon. I am lucky/unlucky that I grew up in a diverese city–even though said city is pretty segregated and quite racist–in both directions.
You have created a safehaven here and I don’t speak for everyone and this is really just supposition, but I think the reason for that is–you are seen as not just a black woman. I know that doesn’t sound right. I read you and feel comfortable tackling race issues here and on my own blog because I need to understand them for my childrens’ well-being. Also, I feel kin to you in that I am a teacher and I am a teacher in mostly black communities, so I see a lot of issues that those students face that I didn’t as a suburban white child. I also think it is comfortable here because your writing/topics are relevant to what is going on and is not just about race to be about race. Not that I have really experienced writing about race for race sake on other women of color’s blogs–I have only read a few.
Your tone is a huge plus. You are a teacher and that comes across in your writing. It is thoughtful, thought provoking and not at all preachy in anyway. We–your loyal following–can relate to you. And I think the reasons are many and varied. You ask the questions that beg to be asked and you offer ideas about answers and are open to those of others–regardless. I read your blog because you speak to issues that are important and interesting to me. That they are important and interesting to you adds to your readiblity.
I don’t think I have articulated exactly what I want to say…I will think more and write and email maybe.
Just know–you rock!
Daisy Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 8:22 am
The blogosphere makes for a comfortable atmosphere, a “safe risk-taking environment”, as my teaching books would say. I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I read you for a long time before I even realized you were black. I feel embarrassed because it may have been part of my sheltered, narrow, white-middle-class upbringing. Assumptive? Darn it, that’s just dumb of me.
But anyway, I read you for fun and because we’re kindred teaching spirits. I can’t wait to hear how your high school dean position goes.
RWA Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 8:29 am
I think Daisy makes a very good point. The blog world is different. It allows a certain amount of anonymity and comfort. However, you would think that would allow the racists and the ignorant folks to be more likely to spew their hatred - but they don’t.
Maybe they don’t have computers, or they’re too busy on their hate blogs.
I digress.
I enjoy reading your blog and commenting (when I at least think I have something remotely intelligent to contribute to the discussion). You bring up interesting topics - and sometimes you just talk about crazy stuff with your kids. It’s all good.
I think your presentation helps the discussion. Your words are always presented intelligently. You aren’t on soap box. It’s almost like, “Here’s a subject. Here’s what I think. What do you think?”
This has probably not made a bit of sense. I should stop now.
Caffeinated Librarian Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 8:40 am
I can’t speak to why people come here or feel comfortable talking/emailing you about race. I can only speak for myself and I come here because we’re buds, I enjoy reading you, and I respect you. But then you know all that already.
But maybe you and yours can answer a question that I’ve had about my own blog. I don’t write about race much, just like I don’t tend to write about religion or politics, but when I do write about race the response is always the same - complete silence. Seriously, you can almost hear the crickets in the background - the subject is a comment killer on my blog. And I don’t understand why.
I don’t know if it’s because folks disagree with me (which is fine; I’m a big girl, I can handle that); or if a white Southern woman writing about race makes folks uncomfortable (which would be annoying if it were true - I would hope, as I expect we all do, to be considered more than the sum of my demographic); or do they just not feel safe commenting (which, if true, would make me very sad). It could just be that they find nothing worth commenting on in those posts, which is fine - it happens to all of us from time to time.
It’s just curious and something that I have no answers to.
A different Ken Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 9:12 am
Good questions. Well, how did I arrive at Kelly’s blog? I trekked here from your comments left on another blog a long time ago (I forget who: Muse Monkey (R.I.P.)?, Toad Pizza?, Fat Cyclist?). Doesn’t really matter now. I stayed for all of the reasons others have mentioned above. Musings, intense discussion, real life, but through the blog.
In the blogosphere, you’re different. To tell you the truth, I never really considered your race when I first started reading. I thought that you were an excellent writer worth reading; been reading you ever since.
How to duplicate or create a formula for what you’ve done? Tall order. Your ability to filter, dissect and succinctly analyze is uncommon.
Can you get a paying gig as the Oracle of How to Blog?
Would-be bloggers and marketeers can come and be with you, training, hoping that some Kelly uniqueness will rub off. How else to grab the intangible, I don’t know.
I feel as though I’ve left you with no answers to your questions. I’m just part of the audience.
BTW, as attractive Tyra Banks might be in swimsuit, I cannot stand to happen by her TV show. That Hollywood-tainted vacuousness is impossible to deal with; I don’t care however it’s packaged. Maybe it’s just a guy thing, I dunno. (Do I lose my Man License for stating such things?)
Mocha Momma Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 1:40 pm
These are really good. Keep ‘em coming. I’ve asked a few people to post their email responses to me because they’re so good. No one sounds stupid or is rambling and this is all good.
But watch those compliments. I could get a big ego from that. So stop.
(I was forced to say that by the person standing over me as I type)
Tyra simply joins the ranks of the vacuousness of Hollywood. Listen closely and you can hear the air around her head being sucked out.
mom2amara Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 1:44 pm
Kelly, I found you from a blog of a friend and have stayed, not because you are a minority woman like me, but because you are a phenomenal writer. And I feel comfortable commenting on race, motherhood and any other topic you write about because you have a very welcoming, very open environment here. You foster that.
I never understood about hair. My thick, straight, jet black hair was always something strangers felt comfortable touching, commenting on how my “oriental” hair was so different than their’s. One, who still uses “oriental?” And two, if I started to caress the head of a total stranger, I think I’d be arrested.
And BTW, I saw Tyra on TV last week and mmmm, girl…so wrong.
Kendra Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 2:07 pm
I love your blog and your discussions on race because they really make me think. And that’s what it’s all about right? I have become more aware of racism. I have broadened my perspective even though I live in a predominately white western town. I am challenged. For example, I made a comment thinking of course I had it right. Then someone else commented and questioned my thinking and sure enough I had it wrong. I am not faced with racism every day like people of other colors are so I am not as sensitive to it. I forget.
Now for your hair question. I’ve thought about it and have come up with 2 ideas. Is it a cultural thing? For example, I might use one word for something but in another culture they use a different word. The 2nd idea I had was is it a tradition? My thought process was well my mom called it a weave on a blank woman and extensions on a white woman so that’s what I did. Does it go back to when whites felt the need to distinguish themselves from blacks? I really don’t know but it has again made me think.
About the curly hair, I admit it. I am guilty. But it is only because I am jealous. I would die for hair that curly but of course we always want we don’t have.
As always, thank you for such a thought provoking discussion.
Tricia Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 3:13 pm
Is it too simple and naive of me to suggest that we are, as individuals, the product of our upbringing, black, white or otherwise and really have no idea what it is like to be in the others’ shoes. With the American history of slavery and mistreatment of other cultures (dare I bring up the abuse of Italians when there was a large influx, and the Irish, and so on and so forth) most importantly, the prejudice that exists towards non-white cultures, because it is still so prevalent today, makes individuals who are not racist, nervous. And scared. Nervous to say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question, acknowledge race. As a woman who identifies as black, you are safe to probe. No one will say “what does she know?”
Scared to offend. I worry that you prefer the term African American, or perhaps mixed race, or Mulatto?? Although, I have been told that using the term Mulatto is offensive- not by someone who was from mixed parentage… Right??? Wrong??? There is no etiquette book on the complexities of racial differences and I have a feeling if there was it would change rapidly.
People try to speak Spanish to my Mexican children and are surprised and generally a bit bewildered when they don’t understand… I have four Caucasian children, one Asian, and three Mexican- sometimes I forget. Not because I do not acknowledge their race, but because as a white woman raising these children their culture will be what I present, which is middle class, white, somewhat Christian’ish (overly simplified for the example here). Do I attend fairs of their designated race, so as to provide them with some of “their heritage”? Have Laos night and Mexican night? Look like the “white woman trying to hard”???
And how about our “culture” as a lesbian family in a straight world?
The mish-mash of Irish, Norwegian, German, Catholic, Lutheran, middle class, blue collar,upper class, white collar, no dad, Caucasian, Mexican, Laotian… makes me dizzy.
“How is it that a community of readers is cultivated so that there is a fair amount of respect and healthy learning taking place? That wasn’t intentional on my part, but it rather happened organically. If I were to try that again, how would I go about it?”
This part I think is based on relationship. Your readers have a relationship with you. You are one of the few bloggers, that I read, that often responds to comments and responds in a positive, thought provoking, conversational manner.
Curlysue Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 3:56 pm
I agree with what has been said above. I think people feel safe enough to comment because (1)you probably don’t know them and will never know them; (2)if someone didn’t like what they posted they probably won’t show up on their front door and beat them to a pulp; (3)your writing style and content is so appealing that people are drawn to participate and love to keep coming back. I have been reading your wonderful posts since the MSN Spaces days (boo, hiss–they stink) and I was glad to see that you have not only kept up the blog on this site, but I like it even more. I love this site and hope that one day mine will actually be “something”….so until then I will continue to come back for guidance and a GREAT read. Keep it up!
Curlysue Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 4:04 pm
I forgot to say I second the “pulling on the hair bit”. What the h-e-l-l?! As you all can see from my username it is obvious I share Kelly’s problem. Although I’m a white woman and Kelly is, well duh, a rockin’ black chica–we both still have to put up with people invading our space problem. I think curly hair shows a personality in itself and most women with natural curls have a bit of mystery and oomphf to them. Wouldn’t you agree Kelly?
As for Tyra Banks—blah. I think the hair color washes her out and it actually has a bit of a gray tone to it and just doesn’t go well at all. She is a beautiful woman and I’m happy to see what she has accomplished considering all the hurdles she had to clear to get there. But I agree, I think her look is changing and it’s all because of her show. I actually bought a Sports Illustrated once with her on the front because she just looked amazing. Does that sound weird?!
She just looked healthy, happy and completely fit–unlike some women I seem to see on magazines and in shows every where I look.
Opal Tribble Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 6:53 pm
I get the same thing with my locs. Some people are shocked that I actually look “normal” in them since they “heard” that all loc’s are dirty. I mainly get that one from other blacks.
I occasionally write about race on my blog, and I always have received fabulous feedback on the issue. I usually open it up to hear how others have been affected by stereotypes.
Although they might not be able to relate with some things I’ve experienced as a minority they surely can understand some of my feelings if they were judged incorrectly because of their political beliefs, religion, size, gender, etc.,
Mrs RW Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 6:58 pm
I think hair unites women, not divides them. I’ve yet to meet a woman who was happy with her hair. If it’s straight (like mine) we long for curls and vice-versa. I think “hair talk” can be the unifying theme for strangers. It says that even though we look,talk,think differently we have something in common. Sort of like men: take a woman from every county around the world and we’d have the same complaints about men, wouldn’t we?
Talking about race is tougher because it come packaged with so many assumptions: what we heard from influential people (parents, teachers, peers) as kids mixed in with the opinions we’ve developed on our own. Face to face I would only feel comfortable talking about race with someone of another race if I knew them well and that they would not despise me for my questions but realize that they stemmed from honest interest, not vapid curiosity.
So I guess my answer to your question is that here, at your blog, your many posts have developed the commonality that is needed to speak openly. Even though we don’t really know you (or at least, most of us don’t) you’ve written about topics that we can all identify with at one time or another. So that makes us feel like part of a “race” - the race of bloggers. So we feel that since we have so much in common, talking about race is just talking about ourselves.
Sueb0b Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 7:46 pm
People are generally afraid to talk about race because it can lead to bad feelings. We don’t quite know how to behave with each other or even with ourselves.
It’s hard to be curious when you think people will get furious. And you have such a lovely, funny, way that is both gentle and fierce. I guess people feel safe with you because your ego isn’t out of control crazy.
The touching your hair thing - my white-blonde Danish-American friend has the same problem. Her whole life, people have been coming up to touch her head. So hair ignorance transcends race. Some people’s mothers just didn’t teach them right.
MommyWithAnAttitude Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 9:21 pm
I can’t comment on the hair thing, because I have no idea what you’re talking about actually. I get a “cut & full weave” or “cut & partial weave” depending on the season — but other people might call what I call a weave, foiling or highlights. I apologize if that makes me racist.
But seriously, to answer your other question I think in large part it has to do with what I tried to say here a few weeks ago and that is, many many people have had experiences with racism, or things they don’t understand about people or opinions on how these issues should be addressed within communities. BUT, if they are not a member of the group in question, they are probably loathe to just blurt out what they think about that. (same goes for religious differences I think too)
So, to make a short comment long, I think that when you bring it up, and you bring it up with thought-provoking intelligence, humor and a generous spirit, that many people are just so thrilled to have a chance to tell their story — because they can, because YOU essentially told them that it’s ok to share it. Because basically, unless you ask, most people would assume you (and everyone for that matter) couldn’t care less what they have to say about it.
I know I assume that, but perhaps I just have low self esteem.
MommyWithAnAttitude Said,
August 17, 2007 @ 9:29 pm
It would be a lot of work, but it would be really cool if you invited all bloggers, regardless of race/ethnicity to blog about some semi-specific race-related topic and then you could do a post linking to everyone who participates. I bet we could all learn a lot - and read some great stories.
KC Said,
August 18, 2007 @ 7:39 am
It’s in the presentation Mocha… the topic of race, ethnicity, religion, hair… is a very sensitive topic for many. But you present it in such a manner that not only does it become palatable… but enjoyable to read and learn. You have a gift at pushing the buttons without people even knowing thier buttons are being pushed. I love that about your words. They are straight-forward, to the point without making me defensive and on guard… in my mind, that is the best way to address such issues. You make people feel safe to see the errors of their ways and we are eager to please! There are no judgments behind your words when I read them… and yet I know you are pushing for change which doesn’t come easily. Your a revolutionary … pioneer … I wish I could be more like you that way… But in life there are teachers, the masters and there are the students… at any given time, we are both. For in order to teach… one must learn to be a student.
Now as far as the hair … I know THAT one FAR too well… all my life people touching my hair when its pooffy (can things bounce off your hair???) or when its long they like to pull on it to see it bounce back (look look…. its like a real spring!!!) It boggles my mind that I have to explain time and time again… that my ethnic root are not mixed and it is possible to not be a person of color - mixed or not - and have curly hair. It appears that only people of color can have curly hair and therefore I must be one… my family roots must have some deep dark secret that explains my RED curly hair but dismiss my strong Irish/Scottish bloodlines. Then they act even more surprised that its not coarse, its actually soft and pet me like I’m an animal at a zoo. Now unless your a hot single man trying to get into my pants… don’t pet me!!!! I’m not a freak show!!! I simply have GREAT hair… which supposedly makes me stand out.
(Oh and don’tcha just hate those 3-1 shampoos that supposedly work on ALL hair types???? Have you EVER tried getting your comb or brush thru your hair after using one of those shampoos??? Dear lord… )
Have a fabulous day,
KC
Caffeinated Librarian Said,
August 18, 2007 @ 8:40 am
If you decide to take on MommyWithAnAttitude’s idea, I’d be game. I might even be willing to write about my neighborhood, which I’ve never done before mainly for privacy reasons. But let that simmer a bit, Lady - as always, you’ve got a whole bunch on your plate at the moment. ;-P
Oh, and I agree with Mrs. RW about the unifying power of hair issues. My hair has been thinning out since my late 20s and it’s amazing that complete strangers feel completely comfortable telling me what I ought to be doing about that. My favorite line: “Do you know your hair is thinning?”
“Noooooo! Really?! I never actually LOOK at myself in a mirror, so I never even noticed. Thank you for changing my life and telling me!”
*tpppfffttt!*
angie Said,
August 18, 2007 @ 4:39 pm
You know, I thought black girls wear extensions when they have braids, and weave when it’s not braids. I have heard of it being called weave with white girls, too, most notably, Lacey on So you think you can dance. . .
That whole hair touching thing is a mess. One thing I hate to see is when all the little black girls in a classroom find some long-haired white girl and just stroke, and pull, and play with it for hours, like they have nothing they’d rather be doing in the world. That’s easily as annoying as the whole ‘your hair is softer than I thought it would be’ comment.
When I was in Undergrad, I would only read the school paper if it had a racism article. A whole anti-racism movement rose up when I was there, so the paper got pretty exciting for a minute. I think there is a salacious element to your discussions of race here. You really manage to bring it up very eloquently, and in a non-confrontational way so that people feel safe to comment on this exciting, but usually scary topic. I really appreciate the doors and the dialog you open. You’re great!
angie Said,
August 18, 2007 @ 4:50 pm
Oh, and you know you are wrong for that Tyra comment. Don’t hate, appreciate.
Veggie Said,
August 18, 2007 @ 6:46 pm
I linked here from somewhere else, can’t remember. I stayed for the coffee beans (I can almost smell them), but also for the honest discussion. I grew up in a small town, and while my parents tried to make sure I was exposed to a lot, you can’t do that much in small town MN. I like the discussion because I’m raising my daughter in a larger city, and I know she’ll deal with race in a way that I never did, and I want to have a clue. Blogsphere is safe place for me to soak it all in.
Oh, and about the hair thing, totally not alone. When I met my future MIL for the first time, she had to grab my curls and pet my head. Kinda made me want to grab her boob and see how she reacted. The politics of hair are weird regardless of race. I grew up around straight haired blondes and I have curly dark hair, and I couldn’t get a decent haircut until I moved to a large city.
styleosophy Said,
August 20, 2007 @ 12:28 pm
Mocha, I came to know your site through Blogher and although this is another topic altogether, I RSS’ed you because of the ten seconds of getting to know you. I’m a newbie to blogging, started right after Blogher.
I can’t really say why folks feel comfortable speaking on race here, other than you’ve made them feel comfortable. It’s just like a welcoming home, or a relaxing day at your for favorite coffee spot. It’s just feels like whatever conversation that is going on, I’m welcome to have an opinion. The internet is vast, but you make it feel as if in this small spot, everyones thoughts are important and relevant. A rarity? Maybe. More significant is that it is simply a lot to read out there. You make me feel like I can be myself and take my shoes off (holey socks or not). Race is one of many hard topic to discuss, but you make folks feel like they are at home and able to reveal honest thoughts on variety of things.
I don’t get the whole weave/extension thing either. Maybe if everyone stopped talking about hair altogether, it would no longer be a topic of confusion.
styleosophy Said,
August 20, 2007 @ 12:30 pm
Oh, and try afrobella.com for more insight on the hair thing.
Janice Said,
August 20, 2007 @ 12:33 pm
Yes. Well. I have been coming here to read because you are you. By the way, I kept checking the other temporary site and couldn’t figure out why you hadn’t posted anything new over there until I figured out to check back HERE.
I usually don’t get lost that easily.
I do have very curly blonde hair. I do not like people touching my hair or commenting on curls, they are the bane of my existence.
As I said I come here because I enjoy reading what you write. You make me laugh, cry and you educate me. Sometimes I forget that you are a woman of color, but then you’ll put something in writing and I’ll be reminded that you have had different experiences than I….and I appreciate you even more.
I was extremely lucky to have been raised by a woman who was color blind. As a teacher my mother accepted all who came into her classroom and into our home. Color, religion and sexual orientation made no difference to my mom, she was way ahead of her time. We lived in the whitest of communities too! Eyebrows certainly waggeled at the boyfriends my sister brought home in high school hehehe. Tall, dark and handsome to say the least. Unfortunately my parents moved when I was in high school to a different community and I didn’t date until college.
I wish my children were as open as I was raised to be. But this community they grew up in is much different and less tolerant. There was much less exposure to different people and cultures…stupid little town. They are seeing new diversity at college.
I know I rambled here…but I think it comes down to this…as an educator and writer you are extremely articulate. I not only come here to read but to learn. Your classroom is a safe place to do that.
So please keep teaching me!
Kim Said,
August 20, 2007 @ 1:14 pm
I came here through Belinda and never paid attention to or realized what race you were until I had been reading you a while:o) It didn’t make a difference once I found just explained some comments you had made and I understood why (no, I can’t remember exactly what now).
I grew up in the sticks, country, farmland, etc, so we did not have many blacks in our area. As our city started expanding they started drifting into our area, but there is still only one black family in my parents neighborhood, which is pretty rural. I have had black friends over the years and never really thought about their color. Most are not too interested in my likes while growing up, showing horses and dogs. It was and still is, pretty rare to see a black person competing in those areas. I really do not know why.
I was in Jr high and had a crush on a black guy that was in high school, he played football and we both taught in the same kindergarten class at our church. I would imagine that people feel more comfortable with you and your writing. You have the ability to get to the point without humilitating or being rude. I know I am rambling and don’t know if this anwers you question or not.
As to the hair, I have very kinky curls and hate it when people want to touch it all the time. It is hard enough to keep them from frizzing without anyone touching them:o) It is even harder as my hair is long and just calls to them!!
Mocha Momma » Musings On Miscegenation Said,
August 20, 2007 @ 4:54 pm
[...] I’m Not Wimping Out, I Swear [...]
Nora Said,
August 22, 2007 @ 8:21 pm
I think I said something about stretching and growing on my last visit to your blog, which is one of the many reasons I keep coming back.
Personally I feel like I can take part in a discussion of race here because it is “safe.” Not because if I say something incorrect I won’t get corrected, or won’t learn that challenges me, but because the point is to educate and maybe even get to know people who are different than you.
When I “met” you you were writing the Allen series, I am not sure if I was cognizant of anyone’s race at that point. I was however moved about the seemingly unlikely friendship between a janitor and a teacher who at the surface may have seemed worlds apart. Taking a chance and getting to know someone different than ourselves is a risk worth taking.
While I also consider this a must read because it makes me laugh, I also have to come and see one of my curl gurus. I think us curly headed girls need to stick together! ; ) I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, I am still trying to figure out how you got them to behave so well for a photo. Mine always like to stick out their tongues.
MizAngie Said,
August 22, 2007 @ 8:26 pm
I came to your site via MadSuburbanDad’s site, and his from ThreeBlogNite. Once here I enjoyed your writing, especially the story about the maintenance guy with cancer. You’ve evolved since I first began reading your stuff. It was more like a diary back then, now you’re often about the blogher and social issues, etc. I’ve always felt comfortable speakin’ my mind here because you were comfortable speakin’ yours, and you’ve never judged anything I wrote (at least not publicly). It’s just like the difference between visiting someone whose house is beautiful and spotlessly clean, but no fun because it’s uncomfortable, and the nice house that is lived in and maybe not as spotless, but very comfortable. I know I can come into your house and put my feet on the coffee table, ya know? You have a gift. You’re enthusiastic and passionate, and it makes people like me want to read what you think and follow what you’re doing.
I got a curly perm thinking that would be a nice change and would keep my hair from going flat by the end of the day. It’s the first perm I’ve had since the 80s when every white woman in Texas had a curly mullet-looking ‘do. The back looks okay but the hair around my face looks like I stuck my finger in the light socket. VERY frizzy and fuzzy. I shouldn’t have let her talk me into the “fringe of bangs” that would soften my face. Note to self: Do not get another perm in the summer when it’s 80-90% humidity every frickin’ day. I’m very bitter about hair right now…