I need new jeans and I hate jean shopping with the heat of a thousand suns from the movie Dune.
God, if you were just a tad more literate you would know that was a book first.
Movies are my books. Especially when there are subtitles.
That doesn’t count. How are we friends again?
The point is this. I need jeans and I need an honest girlfriend to tell me how my ass looks in jeans.
I’m your girl.
I know this. That’s why I’m talking to you.
Deal. But then you help me shop for a purse. I hate purse shopping with the heat of a thousand suns from Stars Wars. Those are movies based on screenplays that weren’t made into “books” with Quotation Marks, you asshat. In case you were wondering.
Why are we friends again? You give me such shit.
Right. Here’s the deal. I need help because I’m purse deficient and don’t have a clue what’s “in” or “hot” and Mallory, The Purse Queen is back at college. That’s where you come into play.
I’m honored to have a purpose in your life, you Tactless Tart.
I only have one requirement for a purse. It is part of the Purse Pact I made with myself long ago. There are only two rules to the Purse Pact. One, they can’t be too expensive. In fact, no purse should cost more than the cash I would carry around in it. I don’t want to be more pissed off that the purse is missing and not my driver’s license or debit card.
That’s a good rule.
This I know. That’s why I’m always carrying Mallory’s hand-me-downs. Except that cool one she had made for me.
Rule Two, then?
Rule Two of the Purse Pact states that I am able to stuff all my shit into it.
That’s my only rule for jeans shopping. Huh. How about that.
And I’m reminded once again why we are friends.
August 28, 2007 @ 5:28 am | Filed under Freaky Friends | Permalink |
Pattie Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 7:11 am
I also follow the Purse Pact. I never buy a purse that is worth more than the amount of money I’ll have in it at one time. I think that is foolish. I’m so glad there are others out there who share that view. I found a great purse for $30 at Marshalls this past weekend!
RWA Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 8:53 am
Sounds to me like you and Mallory need to plan a big shopping trip just before she goes back to school each year!
Lovebabz Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 9:26 am
My sister Lo is my purse-people. I have never bought a bag–well once in 1981 a white monster–that I carried well after it was fashionable. I have been banned from buying bags ever since. I depend on the kindness of strangers, my sister, mother’s day, bithdays and other gift giving holidays. Jeans–well that’s a whole other session on the couch. Hey Marshalls, TJ Maxx, Target have some really great bags–I do occassionaly look!
mayberry Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 10:16 am
…sob… now I am all nostalgic for the days of shopping with my girl Julie. I don’t have anyone local who’s got my shopping back anymore.
Lovebabz Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 2:34 pm
Suzanne,
I am so sorry for you, that this blogging thing means so much to you that you have to take the time to post a hateful message. It say nothing about this blog, it only highlights your ignornace. Shame on you and your momma for raising such a spiteful bitch daughter. You posting your venom speaks volumes as to who you are. Perhaps if you spent more time on your little blog you would have a devoted fan base too…oh right that would require talent, good manners and well intelligence. Oh and by the way you have officially earned the right to being an asshole CONGRATS! Oh and one more tinsy weeny thing, the race thing, that is pathetic even for you and so not worth commenting on. Prayers for you and your people.
Lovebabz Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 2:47 pm
Sorry Mocha Momma for raising hell on your site. I know you can hold it down without any help. Just know I am a fan and I can’t sit by while someone tries to dis a Sista. Again, apologies!
Tom Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 2:56 pm
I never buy a purse that my ass doesn’t look good in. No, wait, I never buy a purse that all of my ass won’t fit in…
Kim Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 5:19 pm
I need a purse that is cute and sometimes it just is there. It takes me a while to find the right purse. My last one I fell in love with at a western shop, but would not pay the price they wanted for it. I go there quite often and found it on the sale rack for half off, needless to say the purse came home with me and I was on cloud nine:o)
mom2amara Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 5:29 pm
I admit it. I’m a purse whore. I’m not over the top with Bottega Veneta (but I would be if I could afford it). But I do like myself a little couture when I can…even if it’s last season.
But girl, this made me think twice! — “I don’t want to be more pissed off that the purse is missing and not my driver’s license or debit card.”
Mocha Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 6:50 pm
Thanks, Lovebabz. You were nicer than I, for I didn’t see a reason to respond to the troll.
Update on purse shopping: I found one. I can’t possibly tell you what I spent on it, though. Holy crap.
mothergoosemouse Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 6:50 pm
What mom2amara said. I’ve acquired a bag fetish. But the next great bag I get will be a diaper bag - a stylish one.
And I echo Mayberry - I miss shopping with her, because a good shopping partner is truly hard to find.
Janice Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 8:37 pm
Ohhh call me a Tactless Tart again! I love it when you call me names!
Here’s an idea…take a camera with you when you try some jeans on, take some pics, put them up and we’ll tell you just how good your ass looks.
Or not so good.
As far as pocketbooks…you’ve come to the wrong woman…I have a fetish for them, and I will steer you in the wrong, expensive direction. I will tell you to buy what I can’t afford!
Yvonne Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 9:35 pm
off topic…. but when you have time…. somewhere in the next century… come visit…. http://vonstitched.wordpress.com/
Nora Said,
August 28, 2007 @ 10:06 pm
I am not much of a shopper. I keep bags and jeans until they explode from my stuffing all my junk into them.
Now that I put it that way it seems kind of abusive and cruel.
Maybe I do need to do go shopping to give them a little slack and prevent another explosion where all my junk falls out.
Not as funny as you, but I am trying….
Missy Said,
August 29, 2007 @ 12:24 am
I hate shopping for jeans with a passion…pants of any kind for that matter. I can never find anything that fits both my waist and my hiney.
Just curious do I get brownie points (skip the points just give me the brownies)for knowing and having read Dune before my mother made me sit through the movie 900 times?
Les Said,
August 24, 2008 @ 1:08 pm
I know what you mean about jeans shopping. I don’t like it either. Im considering getting Custom Jeans.
Less last blog post..Custom Jeans For $135?! Well, Sort of…
Kerry Ann Said,
August 28, 2008 @ 10:45 am
I like the rules as they are both practical and logical but only one question… when did buying purses and jeans become a practical and logical activity. My partner says my shopping habits shows that my insanity is only exceeded by the increase in my credit card debt.
Kerry Anns last blog post..Tummy Tuck Jeans or Tummy Plastic Surgery?