*taken from Sunday Scribblings via Krista at The Silent K.
Hi my name is Kelly. I go by “Mocha”, but have answered to far less. In my classroom 10 years ago I agreed to go by “Bitch” but told the 8th grade smartass who uttered it that she was not allowed to use my first name ever again.
I have been a mother for 21 years and still couldn’t tell you the first thing about how I did that. I am jealous beyond measure of the mothers I know now who fret about the skill of parenting because that was a luxury I wasn’t afforded. I did a damn fine job raising that girl and was lucky to find a partner who helped me raise her and the two sons he later gave me.
I am constantly looking for what’s next in life and that restlessness has a price. Not too long ago I hit a wall where that’s concerned and feel oddly like I am trapped in a corner.
I talk fast and use my hands to help express myself, but in my head the words are slow and measured because I want to say the right thing. I look to be profound in my comments to the students I see every day because I fear sometimes that their fragility will take them from me and I won’t be able to say those words again.
Writing is a hobby, but words I put to paper will likely never make it to this screen. I keep some writing hidden or do so anonymously. The words still need to get out. When I read things like this I am inspired to continue using my words and try to do so without resorting to upper case.
I generally speak in upper case and even when I don’t I command a room because I have learned how to get the attention of thirty 14-year-olds so doing so with 100 adults is really not that difficult.
I am not motivated by money but I have been known to set my sights on something and take on extra jobs to pay for it. I do not miss being on food stamps nor the emotional struggle I felt trying to get off of them. Paying for your own food after getting it free takes a toll on the psyche.
I am loud and raucous and don’t take shit from anybody. When I’m quiet and it looks like I’m taking your shit, I’m plotting.
I am interested in religion as an educational exercise and the most fascinating people I know are Calvinists, but there are some serious hangups for me on that front. I’m glad my boys like their Youth Group, but I cautiously monitor what they learn from their white, privileged leaders and then use that opportunity to help them think for themselves.
I’m super pissed about reading the latest alumni newsletter from my university to see that the scholarship recipients are all white. Well, I’m happy for Vishnu and all, but still I think it’s culturally deficient to display all those white people and boast about the scholarships they’ve given away. I won’t ever send them any money. Ok, fine. I never did anyway. But now I really won’t.
I am currently interested in mental health. I tell myself it is general research, but it is not.
My love languages are physical touch and gifts. I hate that second one because it sounds like I am greedy. I am. I just don’t want to appear that way. I have to touch or be touched every day. My understanding is that skin is the largest organ of our bodies and it requires stimulation.
I love taking pictures and am always surprised by the shots I like the most because they never seem to be of my family. I know what they look like and cameras can’t always capture the myriad things I know intimately about my family, but when they do it becomes an instant favorite.
I used to like to cook and my kitchen has made it impossible to enjoy the task when I’m constantly rearranging my space to fit my needs. Chopping vegetables or fruit please me. There is nothing more comfortable and homey than beginning to saute The Trinity of peppers, onions, and celery. I like fruity wine and dirty martinis and usually regret the shots people talk me into. Tequila makes my throat hurt and my voice disappears the day after drinking it.
I am in awe of my mother’s confidence to try new things, my sister’s confidence in herself and my father’s ever-changing nature. My other sister is newly free from a man I don’t think was good for her, but I am galvanized by her determination to go it alone. I am proud of where I come from.
I am the person you want to stand next to at a party for I can hold my own in conversation. I let my face do the talking. I am transparent if you care enough to pay attention to my words and my body language.
I am a reader of fiction and biographies, but self-help books are a waste of my time. I have my own ideas and have yet to learn something I didn’t know from a self-help book. I am Common Sense. I want to get lost in imaginative worlds when I read and escape reality, not shine a light on it.
Hi, my name is Contradiction in Terms. I am a Foregone Conclusion. Some days I can flutter and coo. Others, I am all schmaltz. I am tender. I kick ass first and take names later.
Hi.
My name is Kelly. And you still don’t know me yet.
September 27, 2007 @ 5:17 am | Filed under Artsy Fartsy | Permalink |
the silent k Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 5:24 am
hey, that was great mocha. i enjoyed that.
the silent k Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 5:27 am
about your anti-opressive framework of understanding, I love that- and I find it interesting that in the international organizing work I do, mostly people are white and from Europe. It is frustrating and when I step back and look at our group I scratch my head and wonder What Are We Doing Wrong and How Can We Be More Inclusive???
It’s frustrating.
Moley Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 6:04 am
Hello Kelly, pleased to meet you and though I don’t know you yet I sure want to know more… So keep writing and allow me to know part of you and I’ll try and read between the lines.
Assertagirl Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 6:10 am
You are so sure of who you are and that makes me want to learn more about myself.
I can’t believe I was so dumb in Chicago and didn’t introduce myself!
dawn Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 6:30 am
I read you every day and have for well over a year and I learned things today that I didn’t already know. You are an inspiration and someone I admire for your candor, honesty and your desire to help kids. I am a teacher, too and why couldn’t we all have a slice of your passion.
Lovebabz Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 6:43 am
You ought to get a record deal–this would make a fine rap/hip-hop cd. Lay some cool music underneath, Honey Hush you could be a rap star! You are fab!
RWA Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 6:43 am
While you are correct that this post does not let any of us truly know you, I am quite impressed with your ability to describe and/or define various aspects of your life to eloquently.
Your writing, as always, is outstanding.
Shigeta Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 7:21 am
Haven’t even had my coffee……why must you be do “deep” before 10:00a
I thoroughly enjoyed this post. When I read you it makes me want to do so much more with my blog…then something else (LIFE) jumps in front of it. You are my idol MOCHA KELLY
tanilan Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 7:39 am
You never cease to amaze me.
Sarah Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 8:57 am
This was great. I love the way you write.
Bree Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 9:12 am
Um…I think I love you!
Julie Pippert Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 9:52 am
What an amazing portrait of you…just fantastic.
I’m so impressed you can chop vegetables, or anything for that matter. I realize there is so much more about you that ought to impress me (and does) but that’s the thing that made me pause.
Maybe because it is such a simple thing and yet I cannot do it.
Julie
Using My Words
KC Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 10:55 am
Now I really want to sit over a bottle of wine or a few girly drinks and talk with you… Nothing is ever really as it seems, is it?
I’m planning to head to Chicago in the near future… wanna meet there for a few bevies????
Oh… and until I can come up with the right words for my other post… I am going to follow your lead and come up with a Sunday Scribblings of my own….
Ciao bella,
KC
Mr. Mocha Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 12:26 pm
WOW WOW WOW. This is the amazing person I live with. I have seen your writing get better and better. Your ability to add spice and insight into everything you write about leaves me breathless. I find it so hard to share you with this blog world. The times I see you in Mocha mode are times I stand back and let it be. A gift like yours needs to be shared.
I wept today as I read and discovered you all over again.
I am so proud of everything you do.
I am by far the luckiest man in the universe.
Love
Mr. Mocha
dana Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
This is an amazing post Kelly! And you are right, we still don’t know you yet! I often wonder if we ever know someone truly well. Especially because people continually amaze me.
mandy Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 5:48 pm
Wow, that was really amazing to read. Very inspiring.
I can’t wait to know more.
Daisy Said,
September 27, 2007 @ 5:59 pm
“…I have learned how to get the attention of thirty 14-year-olds so doing so with 100 adults is really not that difficult.” Hear, hear! That’s why husbands reporter friends always ask me for sound bites; they know I can speak in full sentences adn make sense.
missy Said,
September 28, 2007 @ 1:41 am
Breathtaking. Kelly, you are truly an original.
Big Mike In Oz Said,
September 28, 2007 @ 5:05 am
How does scratching the surface manage to go so deep?
Belinda Said,
September 28, 2007 @ 5:56 am
Reading your face? Man, I have SO many pictures of your face saying all MANNER of things, that I have never posted…bwahahahaaaaaa
mamasgotmoxie Said,
September 28, 2007 @ 12:54 pm
that was so freakin’ cool!! one day i hope to be able to give up a piece of myself so eloquently. and wooooooooooooo, honey, your man luvvvvvvvvvvs some mocha!! his comment was so sweet!
Chocolate_matters Said,
September 28, 2007 @ 6:16 pm
Just dropped by to say hello.
Interesting blog you have here. I’m feeling a lot of the stuff you are talking about.
Talk to you later, I’ll be sure to return for more interesting tidbits you have to offer to world.
Peace.
Susan Getgood Said,
September 29, 2007 @ 7:51 am
We may not know you yet. But getting to know you better through this blog is a wonderful journey.
Waiting for Zufan Said,
September 29, 2007 @ 8:00 pm
I love the last line, “I kick ass first and take names later.” I’ve enjoyed reading your posts, and glad I found you.
Andy Said,
September 30, 2007 @ 9:15 am
My favorite line -
“When I’m quiet and it looks like I’m taking your shit, I’m plotting.”
You inspired me to write about badass people I know
Heather B. Said,
September 30, 2007 @ 6:39 pm
Good Lord, I pink puffy heart you, woman!
Jungle Mama Said,
October 1, 2007 @ 8:13 am
Ah, how similar we all are and yet . . . how very different. I can relate to you on almost all those points. Well, I still haven’t figured out exactly which love language I am. My husband claims I’m a camelion and he can’t keep up with all my different demands, but what ever one he tries it’s the wrong one
I suppose you could say I’m more greedy than you.
I’ve missed you, too. I tried to write shortly after you left your last comment, but the website crashed right afterwards. Oh, who knows, maybe it actually did make it. I never went back to check. I find it an amazing phenomenon that these types of friendships can form through an electronic pulse, but they do in just as amazing a way as you would think. I count myself blessed to be able to read what you write, even if it isn’t all of what you’ve got.
Nette Said,
October 1, 2007 @ 10:37 am
It’s as if Nikki Giovanni completed a “to be continued” for Ego Tripping. Marvelous.
joelle h. blackstarr Said,
October 1, 2007 @ 12:37 pm
I love your page. I often venture here, though I don’t always post. You are so inspiring. I loved “My name is”. Keep up the good work. Peace.
Rigel Schoonover Said,
October 1, 2007 @ 1:32 pm
Girl,
Thanks for being you. I especially enjoyed reading your husband’s praise of you. Keep up the great writing. I enjoy resonating with what you write.
-Rigel
kate5kiwis Said,
October 1, 2007 @ 2:06 pm
oh gosh i have goosies reading mr mocha’s comment to you.
I generally speak in upper case
me too.
love how your life continues to have happy endings.
love how the sun keeps coming out tomorrow…
peace be the journey.
love, kate in NZ X
ali Said,
October 3, 2007 @ 8:23 am
no we don’t really know each other, just what we decide to share. i’m discovering it is harder to do than it would seem. to just write exactly what is on your mind and not worry about being read the wrong way. and so for that reason i stop by here every day, to learn a little more about who mocha is…and your husband rocks! loved that post from mr mocha!
Leah Said,
October 3, 2007 @ 11:40 am
don’t worry, I’m white and I never got a DESPERATELY needed scholarship! Something to do with not being a US citizen…blah. I’ll be paying on my student loans to the grave. Thank you, justice.