I’m going to put out a Missing Ad on the milk carton because, people! Where are you? Oh, yeah. I know. Gearing up for writing daily during November.

So I asked for some assistance writing a biography for a new project I’m doing which will be unleashed soon, perhaps even on November 1 which means I need to haul ass.

It’s possible I have strep throat so I missed work today and under delirious feverish circumstances I wrote the following biography. If it sucks, it’s all your fault. If it’s fabulous, I was indeed NOT feverish, but in an enlightened state of being and this simply flowed forth from the creative crevices of my cranium.

Mocha Momma: The Biography

Educator. Writer. Woman. Flawed.

Mocha Momma was birthed in a coffee shop in the frosty upper reaches of Chicagoland, but now resides in her head most of the time and only comes out to view the yellow brick road on occasion. She is only slightly Pollyannaish and only after being yelled at in an angry voice. She recalls the time her first boss screamed, “Look here you goddamn ray of sunshine, life sometimes does, indeed, suck!” Other times, she is a cynical, mouthy woman who ends up gobsmacking those in the immediate vicinity. She went to college with her 3-year old daughter and studied English Literature to become the hip literate snob she was sure she was meant to be. However, during her last semester at university she visited a classroom with a friend and decided to become a teacher.

She rides her bike through the corn field roads, reads anything she can get her hands on (and yes, she repents for stealing magazines from the dentist’s office) and makes a mean Cajun Fettuccine that comes out differently each time she hankers for it.

When she’s not belly-laughing with friends and pretending that her laugh is whimsical rather than throaty and full of hot-breathy, she can be seen coveting Oxford Dictionaries and highlighting words like “rigmarole”, “pejorative” and “isochronous”, but she is far too immature to stop herself from giggling when she reads the word “sphincter”.

Mocha’s other interests include photography, crocheting, baking comfort foods, and searching for the perfect sarong. She doesn’t want you to know that she’s slightly asthmatic because you’d refuse that foot race she’s sure to challenge you with. She also hopes you gloss over that sentence-ending preposition.

She is currently living happily ever after, but, if you could, please back up and don’t stand on her aura.

So then, I find out that it’s too long. You’ll see what I hacked out and added to the editing when I tell you about that new project. Soon. Hurry up and get found so I don’t have to put your photos on that milk carton. I’ve been worried about you.

There’s this little gem of a bistro/cafe I found last summer and it was perfect because no one really knew about it and they renovated a downtown shop leaving the brick exposed and putting cafe tables with umbrellas outside and every Saturday after the Farmer’s Market I would go there to get a cuppa. That turned into an egg dish and a cuppa. Then some French Toast and a cuppa. Then a cookie to go. Until last weekend when I realized every yuppie and their mother-in-law’s nanny knew about this place and I had to order just one thing because they were out of the egg dishes and the white hot cocoa caught my eye and comforted me, telling me it would all be ok and that this would be my place once again. I am so going to kick some yuppie ass next weekend if they’re still there, no matter how zen this cocoa makes me feel.

MeL

Daisy

And Angie.

Thanks for all the entries, you beautiful people. Winners, send me your snail mail to receive your prizes!

I have an extra book for the reader who sends the best bio written for me (honestly, my laziness knows no bounds right now) in the comments. Bio away!

The Fall photo contest ends Monday to win an HP PhotoBook to be delivered to your door post-licking a la Mocha Momma. Who wouldn’t want that? Except that I won’t really do that because it would leave a stain on these beautiful fabric covered books that I have to give away and it would be brown, no doubt from the incredible amount of coffee I’ve been drinking of late.

So send in those photos (details here) to me by midnight on Monday in order to be in the running. This power to choose. It’s overwhelming me. I shall soldier on…

…mostly because I also have a new project that I’m working on with some of the most fabulous people on the planet. It’s exciting, inspiring, and I am not in charge. The most important thing here is that I AM NOT IN CHARGE. That appeals to me on a huge scale. Stay tuned for details later this week.

I’m probably going to do NaBloPoMo again, but I’m just not going to kill myself with pithy posts. Somewhere in there are bound to be haiku, shopping for awesome shoes, or testing new products.

Besides all this new brewing stuff going on, I have to write a bio for myself for this new project. True, there is irony in the fact that I’m hating the prospect of it considering I forced people to do the BlogHer 10 Second Interview. I’d love for it to be funny (Mocha Momma was born to a hot cuppa cocoa and some steamed frothy milk in the Spring of 1971…) or include something about my English Lit degree (and she is THRILLED that Beowulf is being made into a movie so that she can throw around her King Hrothgar jokes willy nilly) but I am tapped.

Who wants to write one for me in between those loads of laundry and fixing apple cider for these chilly nights?

Ok, fine. YOU can do it.

I wanted iced tea but the weather turned on me so as I rolled down the window to place an order for tea I heard myself say, “Chocolate raspberry truffle coffee. Large. With some cream. And three Splenda.” And now I have cause for concern for getting out a larger pant size during this cool weather.