I’m Not Dead. Yet.

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Not that my death is imminent or anything or that I’ve been plagued with something more terrible than the current whitehead infestation occupying my forehead. That title is probably not a fair one but it seems to fit with the whole “Where are you?” and “What has happened to you?” and “Have you fixed that internet issue yet?” plethora of questions crammed in my in-box. Recent ice storms and general freaks that I happen upon in my career notwithstanding, things are fine.

You know fine, don’t you?

It’s that “fine”. The one where you say those words in answer to someone’s query of “How are you?” when you say those words knowing full well you are LYING THROUGH YOUR TEETH TO THEM because you can’t really bear to begin your sordid tale that surely includes a failing liver or Chapter 11 bankruptcy. (Neither of which has happened to me, I promise. I don’t really drink that much. All alcoholic suggestions I write here are entirely exaggerated comedic hyperbole.)

It’s the fine that you tell people who are mere acquaintances because you don’t want to mention things like “mood disorder” since they’ll freak out. (Nope. Still a no for me. For others, yes. Me? No.)

It’s the fine you tell your favorite aunt because she’s got that diabetic sugar thing and you don’t want her to pat your back and say, “It’ll be ok, honey. Have some of the New Oreos. There are no trans fats. I can’t have any, but YOU should have several. Lots.” (No to the Oreos. Sadly, sadly…no.)

It’s the fine you tell your co-workers because they can’t be hovering over your desk if you happen to have leaky eyes and they don’t believe you when you say your contacts are bothering you so much that your ocular cavities sting producing tears. (We have a winner, folks. That’s a keeper! Tell her what she’s won, Don!)

So, no. I’m not dead. I have exactly ten minutes here at my local wireless cafe to write that I’m not. And to say thanks for the nice thoughts. I’ll even still accept some of them if you have extra. Like, for instance, if you went Christmas shopping just now and came home and looked in your bags and realized you bought those cute stripped socks and now you have extra Nice Thoughts to give and you want to send them my way. The socks would be nice, too, but they look better on you.

Nope. Not dead. I’m fine.

27 Responses to “I’m Not Dead. Yet.”

  1. Daisy says:

    Despite the trials and tribulations of real life, I’m glad to know that reports of your death are premature. Hope life will improve…

  2. Tom says:

    Whenever I think of you Kelly, I think, “She’s FINE!” :)

  3. You know, I was saying to my mom the other day that I hadn’t heard from you or seen a post here and that was probably a bad sign. But you don’t want to assume these things…I mean people do get distracted by good things in life and it is Christmas time and all that.

    But I’m glad you’re “fine.” Because the next step after that is “okay” and then from there you can graduate to a good, or if you were from here “fair to middlin’.” And a nice enthusiastic “fantastic” can’t be too far behind that.

    And in the meantime, I’ll send lots of virtual hugs and happy thoughts your way.

  4. I for one am glad you are not dead.

  5. Suebob says:

    I don’t Christmas shop, but I believe I have some homemade Nice Thoughts right here for you.

  6. Kay says:

    You’re back. You don’t have to be cheerful for us. We love you in all your moods.

  7. RWA says:

    Well, I’m glad to hear that you’re alive and “fine.”

  8. Lee says:

    I, too, am glad you’re among the living and the breathing.

  9. Elizabeth says:

    Oh, but Kelly… we love your sordid tales! ;)

  10. Kristin says:

    Sending you lots of Nice-Stripy-Socked-Thoughts.

  11. Jungle Mama says:

    I agree with Caffeinated Librarian because I personaly know what it’s like to live through the “finer” moments of life and step out into the “okay” zone. I think I’ve actually graduated into “good” finally, but with a few of those mood disorder thoughts lingering in the back of my own whitehead infested forehead. I hope this holiday season welcomes you with warm buttered rum and eggnog. Take it easy and don’t worry about us nosey bloggers. We’ll wait patiently as we have done for you before. Blessings!

  12. Brenda says:

    *whew* It’s good to know you’re fine and not dead. How about a pair of socks from the Mall? I’m heading over to Westroads in Omaha this weekend… with leaky eyes, too.

  13. glad to see you’re fine. i was kinda wondering what happened to you too, but i didn’t wanna be one of those weird stranger blog readers that question you about it. hahaha!! anyway, happy to know all is well. ;)

    oh, and sorry if someone who’s reading this is one of those “weird stranger blog readers”… i don’t mean to offend. ;)

  14. Lovebabz says:

    What the fuck?…I never thought you were dead. I figured you were busy as in you have a life and needed to attend to it! Never dead. You’re a Sister, so you are doing more than you should for everybody all the time at full speed. I am just glad you let us know that all is as it should be or some facsimili thereof. Happy Holidays!
    Love,
    Babz

  15. Tricia says:

    I’m sorry…

    Hope it really is Fine :) soon. I’ve got a guess but I’m one of those weird stranger blog readers’ (who is not offended, really) so I won’t say.

  16. Dana says:

    I really miss you. But I have to apologize because I haven’t been coming to visit you as often as I should. I have no excuse….really…I don’t. Other than all the crap on my desk that buried my computer screen.

    Be well, sweet Kelly. I hope things get better than fine really soon!

  17. CJ says:

    Maybe a sale at Starbucks would cheer you up. There is one on right now, BTW. 20% off of all merchandise, INCLUDING WHOLE BEAN COFFEE, CDs, etc. I got a half pound of Verona for $4.68. It’s only on until Monday, I think, so hurry. And pick up a nice peppermint mocha and a cranberry bliss bar while you’re there. : ) They’re not advertising it. I only found out cuz we were there anyway and they told us about it. Shocker. And I was just saying I needed coffee the other day. Weird. I never have luck that good.

  18. Naeva says:

    Glad to have you back? ;)

  19. Yvonne says:

    Oh my sweet, I’m “fine” through gritted teeth too. I may even actually glue my teeth together to save me the effort of grinding them to stop from screaming “do I LOOK FINE?”. But some of my dramas have eased since we last spoke. Check your email, I sent you a new addy for me. When you have a chance come sit and swap sordid tales with me. I HAVE STRIPY SOCKS, I CAN DO THAT, I CAN SEND THEM. Do you think the post service will know who to deliver it to if I address it :

    To The Queen Of Coffee and Coffee Fairy Dust Whom I Adore
    c/o American Postal Service
    With Love and Stripy Socks From The Crazy Aussies?

    And yes, plural. I have one of three back now. I got the biggest one first :) It’s a good start.

    All my love for you and the kids
    Yvonne and Justin aka the Crazy Aussies

  20. Erin says:

    I was beginning to wonder if you were “fine” or not, but then I saw your picture when I opened the website and my wonders were put to rest!
    Erin

  21. One of my friends once told me “God deals all of us fifty-two cards; we just all get them in a different order.” Those lousy hand periods are so tough; use the love of everyone here – we’re privileged to send it.

  22. No one can be fine when she’s at an internet cafe – it’s just not possible. But I hope you’ll be back and feeling better soon.

  23. Elizabeth says:

    Don’t forget to read over this before Santa’s visit! Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  24. Tiggerlane says:

    Well, I’m currently drinking your alcoholic portion so that you will recover more quickly.

    Hang in there – and have a very Merry Christmas! Feel better – best wishes!

  25. Lovebabz says:

    Wishing you a Merry Merry and a Happy Happy!
    Love,
    Babz

  26. Yvonne says:

    Merry Christmas to my favourite Coffee Fairy. May this year bring some light, laughter, love and some dreams come true for all of you. Sending you some huge dragony hugs and some stripy socks…… now….. did you catch them?

    Be well, be safe my sweet

    All my love
    Yvonnexxxxxxxx

  27. jess says:

    Kelly,

    Thinking of you. Lost your number. Hope fine is hanging in there. The holidays were difficult.

    Have a wonderful new year. you deserve it.

    xxoo
    jess


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