Brought to you by the Damn This Is Hellish Weather, Can We Have Something Cheerful, Please Midwest? Society:

Young @ Heart will be the best movie out this year. I can’t wait. I want to hang out with them and sing “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones.

Try this link if that first one doesn’t work. You can see more about the Young @ Heart group here.

I’m out of practice with my titles. Two people e-mailed me about last Friday’s title and all I can say is that I heard the David Byrne song “Glass, Concrete & Stone” and thought it summed up the things I was feeling about last week. Shoulda done better at explaining it, but oh well.

Most of what I easily write about in my job as a dean seems to be about the craziness of it all. I don’t even think that will be the last time someone mentions their butt to me over the phone. If I were an optimistic person I would even look forward to it.

On Saturday my mother and I went out to breakfast so she could borrow my car for the day. Paying for hash browns and toast would have been enough for me to relinquish my keys, but then bacon was involved and I offered to build a shrine to her as well as give her my vehicle. As usual, she was interested in my job and I enjoy sharing it with her because she feels as passionate about my work as I feel doing it. She cries with me over the difficult parts, but I also shared praiseworthy pieces as well.

When our first semester grades were posted I was finally able to see how my freshmen were ranked which has become important to them as they look toward their futures. When the rankings were posted there were a few mistakes and instead of figuring out their GPAs from the complicated formula we are given and doing it myself I decided to call down the top 20 and have them calculate it themselves. As they sat around three different tables in the cafeteria I gave them each a copy of their transcripts and the formula. They were excited to be there and anxious to be doing this.

“Oh, my God! Who’s number 1, Mrs. Mocha? Who’s number 1 in our class?”

“This formula is weird. What is the “W” supposed to mean?”

“That stands for ‘weight’ and you have to take your grade in the class times the weight of the course.”

“Wait. You did your math wrong there. Mrs. Mocha, come help us, please?”

“Don’t forget to add the Johns Hopkins math class you took.”

“Am I supposed to add my summer school classes from last year?”

“Would you check my addition here, please? I came out with this.”

By the time they were finished with their computations they were sitting around one table. Movement was imminent as they tried to look over shoulders and onto someone else’s paper. I kept moving around the one table they were now populating and giving some help and praising them for helping one another. What made me most happy, though, was how they worked together. They became a team. Their desire to give aid outweighed the fact that they were actually in competition with each other, though being in the top 20 is still an accomplishment. Healthy, friendly competition is good, but watching them become a cohesive unit was enthralling.

So, just in case you were wondering: I really do love my job. Times like this make me love it so much I want to ask it to couple skate and buy it a slurpee afterward.

This won’t come as a surprise, but I was busy working on student schedules this weekend and failed to watch the Super Bowl game. So I just watched the commercials later on and the Bridgestone Tires commercial one asked the question: Ever get that urge to run over Richard Simmons?

While yes, I do is the correct answer, this clip from an older Whose Line Is It Anyway? episode actually made me love him. Little bit.

Lotsa links, folks. It’s been awhile since I’ve linked anything. Must remember to highlight, move mouse to the chain link thingie, and paste the addy in. I miss talking like a hot geek, but seeing as hot geek wasn’t my first language it’s easy to understand. Since there was a Snow Day here and all administrators have to report I was up early and ready to go. Then, had to wait for the street to be cleared so I wasted time read blogs and caught up on my online wanderings which I haven’t done in a while.

GingaJoy wrote about Second Life and I wanted to see the video, but noooooo, it’s all we only show in the U.K. Why? and I really hate that condescending “why?” because it begs me to click on it and I have refused. So I still do not know why. I’d still like to watch it just to make fun of the fact that I teased the hell out of Erin when she told me she was like the Master of The Universe of Second Life because I could continue to shout, “BUT THEY’RE NOT REAL. THEY’RE NOT REAL.” at her while she looked exasperated at me. Why that was fun I do not know.

A reader named who comments as “Another Ken” sent me a great link which you may have seen while I was under a rock lo these last 6 months. You won’t be surprised to find out which presidential hopeful with whom I had the most in common.

Jenny had a video about children’s programs (or “programmes” in the UK but I don’t want to appeal to them at the moment because of the “Why?” debacle.) that is unsettling at best. I am neither to blame if you watch it and start inviting food to your stomach nor if that song gets stuck in your head.

Gary also had a video that was Norwegian with subtitles that tickled my fancy. Somehow, someday I will use that in some seminar or conference where I am a lecturer. It may be a stretch, but I will use it.

Coolbeans had an adorable meme and I’m not the meme-follower type unless people threaten me within an inch of my life or I see something and outright steal it as an idea to write about. Still. It was cutesy and fresh. Like a douche.

Not so much linky as it is WOW GOOD STUFF, but is anyone else in love with Chiwetel Ejiofor? I saw Kinky Boots and then had to see Dirty Pretty Things and I already knew him from Four Brothers (Mason=Obsessed With That Movie) but holy cow. He can act everyone else off the screen. It was all because of watching the great movie Amelie again and once again watched a movie gaping-mouthed with Audrey Tatou which mean I was going to start searching for information about her online which led to seeing the gorgeous Sophie Okonedo and wanting more information until frankly, it blew up my brain. No, really? I lay down my laptop (still unnamed as yet) and went to pick it up again but I produced such a shock that I turned it off entirely. So my brain AND my laptop were blown up. (Also? When I read bios of actors I calculate their age and think, “She’s only 3 years younger than I!” or “We’re the same age!” and what this does for me I haven’t a clue, except I think there may be a shot at being discovered at 36 so I can hold out a bit longer but I should probably start milling around movie sets to be sure.)

Someone made me watch the Sarah Silverman video about Matt Damon and then I accidentally found this one. I accidentally laughed, too. I accidentally sent it to friends via e-mail. I accidentally endorse Episode 4.

Fine. You want cute? You want something to be expected from a respected educator? Fine.

I would like to consider myself well-versed in good movies. When our family relinquished the Cable Gods from their service a few years back we went to an all-renting-movie family and watched all the free ones at the video store. So my children have seen almost every movie from the 1940s ever made. In spite of that, one of them has gotten away from me. My cravings of all things Citizen Kane are now fed. My initial response was going to be Don’t Believe The Hype. Since that thought was in my head at the time I sang the Public Enemy song almost entirely throughout the movie. A strange combination I must say.

This is a pathetic attempt at a professional website. Too bad. She’s really good on HBO’s “Big Love” which morbidly fascinates me. I realize she’s all of 14 or something, but someone needs to help her out on the technical end of web design. I’d rather look at MySpace or Facebook than that.

Finally, I’m all intrigued with this band. I can’t really explain it except to say that I probably love Koop because first I loved Bitter:Sweet and I’ve bought everything I can find on them. Probably also because it reminds me of Cirque du Soleil music. Good stuff. Check it out. Pour yourself an extra dirty martini first. You’ll thank me and my pseudo-Snow Day for it.

Some extra special moments in education this week…

A very MacGyverish situation with some paper clips and masking tape that produced a makeshift bra latch and feeling too stupid to even share it with anyone. Except you. Right now.

A very icky-ish situation where I called back a parent who left me a voicemail and she sounded terrible. “Oh, I’m sorry! I can call you back later. Do you have the flu or a bad cold or something?” Why I even bothered to ask that is beyond me because the answer I got was, “It’s my head. And my butt.” There’s a line there, people! It’s invisible, but IT IS THERE SO RESPECT IT. Jesus God Almighty, why does this happen to me?

Some personal inventory-ish stuff happening with me and my role in life (Hello, Life? During this portion of the stage act I would prefer not to have any unseemly zits. It’s not the vanity in me, no way. It’s that I work with teenagers who aren’t afraid to ask, “You still get zits? At YOUR age?” and then I want to pinch their eyelids shut and that goes against the sort of Hypocratic Oath I’ve taken to care for kids. That’s all. I’ll get back to you with more stuff later.) I guess that’s it. I’m just doing inventory. Thought I’d tell you that.

So, not so much education-ish, but my mom asked if I’d ever seen The Vagina Monologues to which I replied, “Sure I have. Why?” and then she proceeded to tell me that she is in a stage version of it to play here at the local community college. She was heading off to her rehearsal and trying to get off the phone with me. Now, I’m certainly nonplussed by this woman so it was nothing for me to say, “Ok. See you later. Good lu…err…break a hymen.” She was nonplussed to hear it from me.

Gossipy-ish on the education front: everyone is still fretting about new appointments and new principals and new jobs created and I realized that people were actually talking about me. I’m so far out of the loop it’s not funny, but people are talking. I’m going to let them and I won’t believe one. single. thing until school starts again in August.

Mallory, my mom and I went shopping in St. Louis last weekend and this dress called my name. No lie. It spoke directly to me and said, “You ain’t foolin’ nobody, honey. I know you think you’re hiding things in that outfit, but your ass is J-Lo-ish. Beyonce-ish. Come here. Try me on. I will accentuate you beautifully.” I’m not one to talk back to a $20 dress so I got it and wore it to work this week with a black blazer over it because it’s cold. During my freshman lunch shift I’m required to monitor and there’s this table of girls who constantly critique my outfits, jewelry, boots, etc.. and one said, “Take off that jacket. I want to see the dress.” I’m not one to talk back to a loud mouth freshman teenager so I obliged. “Oooohh. You’re skinnier with it off. Don’t wear that tired old jacket. I ain’t playin’.” I love the little children who aren’t afraid to tell me exactly what they think.

During some of my hallway duties I tend to walk around and speak to students (and yes! I finally know them all by name and use them when I say hello to them!) and I’ve noticed my speech mirroring theirs.

“Mrs. Mocha, ain’t you gonna change my classes yet?”

“Umm, ain’t you gonna pass that Biology class, girl?”

“Hey, Mrs. Mocha! I need a dolla!”

“You ain’t my child! I don’t need to feed you! Plus, I seen you with them Fritos this morning so don’t act like you hungry.”

I don’t know what’s come over me. Somehow, I’m not really all that worried. Because that dress was talking all slang when it called me out anyway.