I love my tight, curly locks of hair except when all 40 pounds of it are frizzed to the bits and Tina Turner wants the back portion of it for a new wig.

I am kind and helpful except when I am pushed to my limit and you are taking me for granted. Say thank you for crying out loud.

I am dorky and weird about my music except when I am dancing around like a ravemaster and doing some bump-and-grind against the shower curtain.

I am open and eager to learn except when I am going against the grain of my Inner Middle Child and you are trying to get me to obey you.

I am healthy and fit and active except when I am wearing my size 16 pants after downing an entire pineapple upside down cake.

I am not happy with my looks except when I am strutting in my new green and black dress that accentuates everything in all the right places.

I am sanguine about my intellect and Ten Dollar Words except when I just happen to think I’m actually pretty stupid about things.

I am easily excitable and can’t wait to be the center of attention except when I am clearly not the center of attention.

I am fun to play tricks on and prank except when I am just not up for taking your shit today.

I delight in being ladylike and feminine except when I am full of pop and belch like a trucker who doesn’t care who hears it because of spending all day alone in the cab.

I delight in practicing listening skills except when I explode and tell you just where you can shove it.

I have a fondness for learning history except when I am cynical and remember that history belongs to the victors.

I have a proclivity for realizing my potential except when I am having my gifts being hijacked from me to suit another’s purpose.

I am partial to being a party animal except when I am ready to look at the back of my eyelids for a catnap.