I’ve been deeply interested in the posting and responses to Dana’s piece over at BlogHer and spent much of the weekend returning to the site to see concluding reactions. I left my own response to it and won’t share it all right here, but I am genuinely interested in those “questions” I mentioned.
What ARE those ‘ignorant’ questions about race you’ve asked and been checked on even if the response was in anger?
Are there questions you wanted to ask people of color (mostly I’m thinking of Blacks, but I’ll take any query)?
Really, what are your questions? I’m not promising to answer them, but am compiling a list for my own mini-research on an interview Rita is working on with me. She’ll write it up far better than any attempt I could make, but you never know. Some question may be too juicy for me to resist responding to, but beware. You may just get an answer.
April 29, 2008 @ 8:14 pm | Filed under Adrenalized | Permalink |
Belinda Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 8:42 pm
If pressed, I could probably come up with some things I’ve heard from older members of my family, but it would be painful, and might jeopardize all those years of denial.
QueenofSpain, Erin Kotecki Vest Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 8:49 pm
I just had dinner with Maria Niles and she brought up this whole thing about people just reaching out and randomly touching black hair. What’s up with that? :PPP
Belinda Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 8:50 pm
I touched the living fire out of La Mocha’s hair in Chicago last year. Of course, I was just touching her in general at every opportunity.
Jenn Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:15 pm
It wouldn’t be so much a question as a DOH! Remember when we met and hung out at BlogHer and after…oh…HOURS you mentioned something about being a woman of color and I was all “SHUT UP! You are!? SHUT. UP.”
Guess in some ways I am either very ignorant or very color blind. To me, that felt as if I was being very offensive towards you. To that, I’m sorry.
But does this mean I can touch your hair now? I mean, I did tattoo your chest, afterall!
ben Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:23 pm
I was told my son would wind up on welfare, based purely on his skin color. He was only four months old at the time, so it was kinda hard to judge him on his mad nunchuck skillz or anything else.
Here’s one (we’ve been asked this): is it true black people don’t like to swim?
Mocha Momma Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:24 pm
Belinda - Certainly, those were out of ignorance. Did any of them seem remotely plausible as a question to you?
Erin - I do not know but I have been known to remove fingers for doing so without my express permission.
Jenn - I remember that and NOT OFFENSIVE, honey. Not to me. Not at that time. No way. The tattooing is another story.
Angella Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:24 pm
I just read the post, but all I could think about was the Israeli/Palestinian divide.
It all started with Abraham.
When he and Sarah were Barren for so long, she gave her concubine to Abraham.
They had Ishmael, who is the start of the Palestinian nation.
Abraham and Sarah then had Isaac, who is the head of the Israeli nation.
These are two brother nations, at war, as was prophesied in the Bible.
It is sad, but it also confirms that God’s word is true.
Suebob Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:34 pm
Is it true that black people are having more fun than white people or does it just seem like it?
Mocha Momma Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:42 pm
Y’all are cracking me up with the private emails as well. I should compile them, too.
Ben - On behalf of all swimmers, I’d like to dolphin-kick that idiot question-asker for you.
Angella - Get on that race post, missy! You promised. (I heard you promise anyway.)
Suebob - I’d like to say that’s true because we do it with rhythm, but I’ve seen some of my people dance. So noooooo. Very much noooooo.
Belinda Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:45 pm
OK, here’s one I overheard about 3 months ago, downtown, in the context of a discussion between two people discussing the presidential campaign (does the level of discomfort I feel in repeating this have any bearing on the discussion? I think it does, I just don’t know what):
I can’t quote it exactly, but the gist was something like…”If black people really want to end racism, why do they make everything about race? I mean, at some point, can’t they just drop it and move on?”
This was people talking about Rev. Wright, of course…the first time around. And you could tell that the people talking considered themselves absolutely not racist or prejudiced in the least.
This was also a situation where, although I wasn’t involved in the exchange, I was near enough that I could have interjected something, IF I COULD HAVE THOUGHT OF ANYTHING that would have made sense to these folks. I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the issue, to the point of speechlessness.
Christina Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 4:45 am
OK, if pressed to come up with an ignorant question, I’ll pose this one to you: What’s up with black people and fried chicken? Where did that stereotype come from? I’ve heard jokes about it, and was too confused to ever say anything back.
And I actually had a nurse on the labor & delivery floor (I’m a student nurse at the moment) say that in black society it was becoming the new cultural standard for women to raise their children on their own - children with different dads - and it was now considered no big deal and completely accepted. Really? I have trouble believing it. It may be the norm, but that doesn’t mean all of black society wants it to be that way, right?
Hope those questions weren’t too ignorant.
Patrice Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 5:15 am
I see now ill be following this post. I’m so like you at removing fingers out of my hair, especially strangers!
And I love to swim (when my hair isn’t pressed out) LOL
ben Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 6:25 am
I will tell you something, but I have no idea if it has anything to do with skin color: my son is the most coordinated and graceful person I have ever met (when he isn’t being a goofball)
I love this one (although it isn’t color-specific, we get it a lot): “does it take a long time to braid her hair?” Oh, you have no idea what we get to do to keep her hair looking decent..
Cynthia Samuels Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 6:38 am
My first question is this: My mom used to say to me “Can you imagine how hard it is to walk into a room and BE VISIBLY DIFFERENT — it’s not like us (Jewish) who even when people hate us they aren’t sure we’re those people they hate on first sight.” I think about it a lot - and when you mention absence of women of color on various web entities think about it even more since it means that in many of those situations you’re “it”.
So my question is, at this point in your life does your stomach still (or did it ever) go into knots when you entered what might or might not be hostile territory - be it a boutique or a MeetUp? How do/did you handle that? And how did you prepare your kids for those feelings?”
A good friend and colleague of mine when I lived in NY, African American - and I had sons around the same age and wanted to write a book, or at least a magazine piece, on raising racially open kids — in a sort of dialogue. No one would buy it - not even the mag. piece. They ended up, instead, asking her for one on raising her son in a white world. I still think however that, from both perspectives, how we raise our kids to do better than we did is critical. At least it’s something we can DO. Which brings second question: Do you think parents are doing any better in those ways?
NOW FOR SOME POP CULTURE LEADING TO QUESTION 3: (Who knew I was going to go on like this? not me…) From my perspective, when I realize that even back on CHARMED there were interracial relationships (Gunn and [Winni]FRED) and that they continue in all media with NO COMMENT when, when I was a kid EAST SIDE, WEST SIDE, where a black and a white social worker simply worked in the same office, was cancelled despite all manner of awards because no southern stations would carry it - is indicative of all the ways things have changed. I’m particularly aware of this fact because the show had a huge influence on my blonde suburban pre-adolescent soul.
I wonder how my black sisters - (well actually it’s all of us, but in this “asking questions” context asking of [non-tatooed?] African American women), especially mothers, deal, though, with the remaining negative media representation of African Americans - all the street criminals and hookers and addicts who still populate prime time TV. Ban the shows? Sit next to your kid and do running editorial commentary, forbid unmonitored viewing — what?
Beyond these thoughts I’m on the same boat as Angella and now have begun a Giant Effort at Posting on the Middle East.
Elisa Camahort Page Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 8:54 am
OK, as a Joss Whedon fanatic, I have to correct Cindy’s reference to Charmed. It was Angel that featured Winnifred and Gunn.
I have no stupid questions (yet) but will think about it, as I’m sure I’ve heard many.
V's Herbie Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 8:59 am
Because of medical problems, when we start a family it will be through adoption. My husband and I are both white. Because of the racial mix found in the foster care system the odds are pretty good that our kids will not be white. Would we be seen as interlopers if we go to cultural pride events that match our child’s race?
Stefania/CityMama Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 9:18 am
The one that irks me: “Do you speak Korean?” It’s assumed when people hear that I am half-Korean that my mom is fresh off the boat. No, she is 4th gen American. Our family has been in the US since 1905? My grandmother didn’t speak Korean, but yet because I am part Korean, I must? Do I ask my white friends if they speak German, French etc because that is their ancestry? No! So why do I get the question? (all the freakin time?) And to really blow people’s minds, I say, “No, but I speak Italian because my dad is Italian. And so does my Korean mom.” I wish I spoke Korean, but I don’t.
KC Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 9:22 am
This is my delimna… never really truly know where I stand on it because of my preference… but I face it everytime I am seen or discuss my preferences.
http://itsjustmeagain.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/face-of-racism/
I will have to check out your link to Blogher.
Ciao bella,
KC
White Hot Magik Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 9:56 am
That article is a great example of how we hurt people unintentionally. I spent the better part of last week with a group of Hispanic women. While I think I know Hispanic culture very very well, I worry about being the ignorant offensive white person, who says or does something offensive out of ignorance.
As far as questions go… I used to be very curious about black hair, as a hairstyle challenged girl, I thought how does she get her hair to do that? I know a little more from a friend and reading sites like naturally curly.com which has info for all kinds of curly hair, including mine.
leahpeah Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 10:00 am
My son, in all seriousness, thought that black athletes had an extra bone in their foot/ankle that made them better runners and jumpers than white athletes. I believe he said he heard that from his dad, my ex-husband. It took internet research and lots of discussion to convince him otherwise.
The other belief that drives me crazy also comes from their dad. It’s this - now that black people (and women) have MORE rights than white men (I know, right?), it’s the white man that is the minority and has less rights and opportunities. They always bring up (because they’ve heard it from their dad) that there is a Black History Month but not a White History Month, as if that is the deciding factor in our discussion. I would appreciate any ammo for future discussions. Because I know they are wrong but I don’t always know what to say to convince them they are wrong.
Veggie Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 10:46 am
OK, I’ve actually been meaning to email you about this, since you know, you’re anonymous enough thanks to the Internets, but you know friendly enough to have commented on my blog.
I grew up in a small town, my parents did their best to expose me to people that were different than me, but it was still a small town. I now live in a big city, in one of the more diverse parts of the city. It is also one of the more poor, black, hit by mortgage fraud, etc. parts of the city. I live here on purpose, partially because I am a parent, and I want her to have a more realistic upbringing than I had.
In the context of where I live, how to do I teach her that apathy, abuse of women, lack of respect for people and abuse of the English language are not OK, without making it a race thing. I don’t want her to think it is a race thing, and for me I don’t think it is. If we were in my home town, there are examples of all of those things perpetrated by white people (and to a far greater level, which would be why I don’t live there). We are in the minority here, and I want to be able to make sure she knows that some of the behavior she sees is inappropriate, but I don’t want her to think it is because of the color of the person’s skin.
How do I find people I can talk to about these challenges when raising my daughter, who have the perspective I can’t get because of my skin color? I’m pretty sure it’s a bad idea to walk up and say “Hi, I need someone who isn’t a honkey from the sticks to help me figure out the best way to answer when my daughter asks about why someone has a different color of skin than her. Would you help me please?”
mp Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
I remember being a freshman in hs and asking my black friend if she washed her hair w/ water.. I didn’t know…she was the first black person I ever talked to.. I’m a bit embarrased now about it but she wasn’t offended and it opened up a dialog and she honestly told me about her hair and that is how I learned.
I think the way we are raised is SUCH a huge thing..not only our parents but also our friends. If I acted and believed what was taught to me as a kid..OMG I can’t even think of what a disgrace I would be. I still have issues with people..which I’m not proud of but my problems are in actions and lack of responsibility..not the color of a persons skin. I guess I should have more patience and tolerance. (I’m not anywhere near perfect I know)
I understand that black/white issues are based on ignorance. I want to know if the Catholic/Protastant thing in Ireland and the issues in the Middle East are ALSO based on ignorance..I never did understand either why Nazi’s had so much issue w/ the Jews..that bothered me too.
I DO have a question though that I would LOVE answered.
If a person that is mixed (black,white,indian,hispanic etc) fills out a form where you check your race..why does a person always check the non-white answer.
For instance…If I had a dad that was half black half white and a white mom…do I check black? or white? or why does it matter???
Wendy Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 1:59 pm
Funny about the hair thing, MP. When I was still in the STL, I worked at a Vo-Tech in their corporate IT department. Unique thing about that office - more than half the IT team was women (and this was after working in San Francisco at a company where I was the ONLY woman). Anyway, we would do a weekly girls lunch - myself (white), Nikki (black), Renu (from India) and ChenChen (from China). We spent most lunches discussing work and such, when we happened upon the hair-care topic. FASCINATING to learn that we all had a different method/schedule for hair care. This easy conversation allowed us to delve deeper into our cultural differences, without care. Not that a single representative can speak for an entire people, but it was amazing to discuss parenting, relationships, cultural norms with these amazing women without fear of offending. No questions were off limits. And to this day, I know we all miss the opportunity to discuss face-to-face, instead of being restricted to email.
Mocha Momma Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 2:55 pm
Belinda - They’re probably talking about me. YES, I keep bringing it up. It’s what I do. Perhaps I’ve mentioned that before.
Christina - I can only reply with what Undercover Brother would say: What’s up with white people and mayonnaise? Seeing as I’m a double negative…
Just because something is becoming more standard doesn’t mean it’s accepted. Think about the saggy pants issues. All the kids are doing it, all the adults hate it. I can only hope it was just the opinion of that woman.
Cynthia - That question came in the interview with Rita and I answered it there. TV images are The Worst Ever.
You know, I’m trying to give commentary on all of these but it won’t work. Post brewing and burning up my brain cells.
Also, what better time to invite controversy than when you’re blog is being update?
Sorry for any down time you experience. It’ll be fixed soon!
Thank you EVERYONE.
Mocha Momma Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 2:58 pm
From the ANONYMOUS group:
Why do people say that if a “woman goes black, she’ll never go back”? It can’t be ALL black men, because I know for a fact it doesn’t always work out that way. I get confused by that statement.
Please explain ebonics. Is is a real language? If so, fine, but if not, why do black people use it? It doesn’t sound very intelligent. God I sound horribly ignorant - but I really do wanna know.
Yvonne Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 3:33 pm
I just know this is going to make someone scream.
My family had me CONVINCED that all black people had skin that colour because they were born on the sun and got really badly burnt (cringe).
I won’t even bother to explain how THAT mindset worked for me the first time I met and spoke to a (bugger… being white am I allowed to use the word blacks?)
And the hair thing….. I get that. I stare at people with braids and cornrows and just eat my heart out wishing I could have such awesome hair. And the urge to touch it is unbearable. However I have serious issues with strangers rubbing my belly when I am pregnant. So I don’t touch peoples hair.
But if you see me trying to stare without you noticing me…. I’m just dying to come closer and talk to you…. but I haven’t got a clue how to approach without offence.
Actually there’s a bloody great question right there. In this day and age why are people of any race so afraid of offending someone from another race? Can we not be big enough to give a little leeway? Mocha needs to start touring the world and teaching us all to be brave enough to ask the questions without fear of reprisal. And get the answers without anger.
(Kelly…. you better translate this for me honey. I know what I wanted to say but as usual I can’t make the words come out right. I miss you heaps and thanks so much for the emails the other day. You made me cry but I felt the love from here. Keep praying. Come be “smoke” for me on May 12th when we hit court? xoxoxoxox I Love You Too xoxoxoxoxox)
Caffeinated Librarian Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
That hair thing works both ways - I can’t even remember all the black girls who would touch my hair in elementary school/jr. high. ‘Course not many try it now (but then there is less of it to touch)…
Still no questions for you, babe. (Yes, I’m lame. Lame, lame, lame.) But…well…it’s not so much a question, but a situation. There is a chance that some of my ancestors were black…but we’re talking back in the 1700s and 1800s, so finding evidence to prove one way or the other is, my mother has found, difficult. And it makes sense since your race determined all kinds of things back then - your freedom (although there were free men and women of color), whether you could own land or vote, who you could marry, etc. I suspect there were quite a few folks who, if they could pass as white, did so back then…at least to the authorities and certainly in any paper documents that might have survived until now.
So apparently the only option we have left is a blood test…which apparently you have to be male to take? (At least this is my understanding from my mom who is a whole lot more invested in this search than I am.) And the odds of getting any of my male relatives to take THAT are pretty slim…
Which is a long way of saying that this is a hypothetical question that I have no way to answer (unless I have a son some day in the near future)…but it has occurred to me to ponder what this could mean to me if it turns out to be true. I mean, when someone asks “who my people were” (which is Southern for “where did your ancestors come from”) I say that I’m Irish (and German, and Scottish, and English, and Cherokee, and Hispanic, and Cajun…) and those folks who were 1st generations from all those groups are all from the same time periods - 1700s and 1800s. But I imagine that it would be a lot more controversial for me to say to someone that I’m black. In fact, I can imagine that conversation not going over very well both with folks in the black and white communities.
But anyway, this all got me to wondering whether any of us are really sure what we’re talking about when we talk about race. Do we mean a culture or a skin color or are we talking about genetics…or some weird, constantly shifting version of all three? It seems to me that we all tend to assume that they’re all the same things or that if they aren’t that that’s a recent phenomenon. But I’m not so sure that’s true.
mothergoosemouse Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 3:37 pm
Fortunately (and perhaps, unbelievably), I really don’t remember hearing too many “ignorant” questions. My paternal grandparents used to ask if I had any “colored kids” in my class, but I was too naive to realize that there was an agenda behind that question.
I did post once about attending Chinese school as a child, where I was the only white kid. I said that the experience gave me a closer - albeit isolated and temporary - understanding of how people of color must feel. A blogger of color commented that she was bothered by my assertion, that my situation and hers didn’t compare. So I suppose my question would be, was my empathy offensive? Because while I know I will never understand exactly how it feels to be a woman of color, sometimes I feel purposely shut out.
Mocha Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 3:49 pm
Yvonne - First, I miss you, too. Your questions are always a fresh alternative to not asking and I love that you keep doing it. My sister is 6′2 and striking. I mean striking. In high school she was uncomfortable with her body and looks and got stares from a woman on the street. She responded angrily until the woman said it was that she took her breath away. After a negative experience, she’s getting better at taking compliments. But that she’s still so damn good looking? Yeah, I pinch her once in a while for that.
Libby - I take it all of those ways you presented depending on the conversation. Whichever presents itself most is the one I tend to go with. Skin color comes up amongst the Black members of my family and that fascinates me. Genetics comes up everywhere (obviously) but I know that it became clear when my kids were little and one remarked: “You know, it’s just skin. Nothing else is different with my friends. Skin is all.”
mothergoosemouse - I suppose my response to you would be When is empathy offensive? Sure, I see it happening in condescending ways at times, but in your case I would have to assume she’s coming from a place where this was temporary for you. But your feelings from the experience are NO LESS IMPORTANT. She just deals with it every day. Can I assume (well, I have to, don’t I?) that there is a sense of jealousy on her part that her dealings with racism/exclusion hasn’t ended? (Also, I don’t use jealous as a negative connotation here.)
We don’t have the market on being excluded. It happens in all manner of form and shape and yours was just as real.
Curvy Jones Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 5:06 pm
No one believes I am a single black woman with no children. On top of that, some assume I must have had an abortion, because there’s no way there’s a young black woman with no children.
I assure you. I’ve not had children. Promise.
Curvy Jones Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
For the record, I have a hard time understanding when people WON’T answer honestly asked questions. Yeah, people are ignorant but I’d so much rather they just ask me than assume, or google something and get the wrong answer and pass that answer along. Just ask. Yes, I wash my hair. No, not everyday. Black people can and do dance and swim and ski… I however, do not. I don’t give a rip about what race Tiger Woods identifies with, because I don’t walk in his shoes, and furthermore I don’t think anyone should give a rip about it. HE has to live his own life and walk his own walk and leave a legacy for HIS children. I have my own life to screw up. Asking me a question about my race won’t offend me. Assuming something ignorant and passing that along to others will offend me.
Daisy Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 5:29 pm
Fascinating. I’ll keep reading, and if I think of a reasonably decent question, I’ll ask. My fear (more often than I care to admit) is that I may be acting racist and not realize it. I live in a 90-some percent white community, and teach in a very diverse school. I want to be sure I’m respectful of all the parents I meet, not just those who look like me.
Mocha Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 5:50 pm
What I keep learning as I keep reading (especially from Curvy Jones, who, btw, MUST be the name of someone kickass) is that our sensibilities are threatened by assumptions to the point of pain. Well said there, Curvy.
Daisy, can you help explain the diversity in your school when the community is >90% White?
Mrs RW Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 6:17 pm
My question: When I am at a family gathering where older (and sometimes not-so-older) relatives make racial jokes or use terms that are derogatory to people of color, is it incumbant upon me to tell them what idiots/assholes/racist pigs they are to their face - or is thinking it just enough? While I could definitely live without these people in my life, you know how it is with relatives: you don’t get to choose, you’re stuck with them.
I always made a point of talking about why this is wrong to my kids and they are both color transparent. I can’t help but remember a time when my older daughter, who was about 5 or 6 at the time, describe her new friend in terms of shapes and ‘crayon colors’: She had brown eyes, curly hair, skinny arms, and oh yes, chocolate skin, while she herself had ‘peach skin’ and brown eyes. She thought her friend was beautiful.
Curvy Jones Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 6:28 pm
I did once ask a Japanese person if they had umbrellas or cameras in Japan. Not exactly racist, more egocentric. Like the U.S. is the only country with electronic gadgets and devices to keep us dry in the rain.
Felt like SUCH an idiot after she looked at me like I grew a 2nd head.
Big Mike In Oz Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 7:45 am
Maybe it’s how I was raised. The eldest child, and male, of a Catholic mother and Methodist father. But colour (race, bigotry) was such a non issue I never even noticed what demographic my classmates, and later workmates, fell into.
In high school I got into a fight that ended in an ambulance ride against a kid who had just emigrated from South Africa and who had taken exception to me dating a girl from New Guinea whose skin was blacker than night.
Just a few weeks back I discovered that I’ve passed my colour blindness it on to my kids too. When I picked up my 7 year old daughter from school she asked if XXX in her class could visit on the weekend. I’ve taken reading groups with the class so know most of the kids. I asked which one. She waved her hand into the crowd and said “the one with the curly hair.” “Which one?” “Over there with the green backpack.” I finally worked it out and smiled with a tear in my eye at the thought that she didn’t see the easiest way to pick her friend from the crowd was the word Aborigine.
To summarise: I’m sorry. I don’t have any questions. But I wish I had your complexion.
Waiting for Zufan! Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 9:01 am
Hi! Thanks so much for the visit to my site! I feel really honored, seriously, because you are SUCH a cool blogger. The post before this one was hilarious. Sad, too, but I love the way you articulate it all.
I don’t have any questions on either side, sorry, but as a white mom of a little black girl I often get friendly hair-care advice from black women. I enjoy it, actually, and everyone seems to have slightly different advice (I’ve gotten both “always” blow dry her hair and “never” blow dry her hair, both I think in the same week!).
Waiting for Zufan! Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 9:08 am
Oh, wait! I just thought of a dumb racial question I’ve heard. “Why don’t Black people have hair on their legs?” I’ve just answered that it varies from person to person, some have more, some less. The truth is that I don’t know if there is a difference or not. What is a good answer to this one? But really, who cares? Is that the type of question you are “researching” for?
V's Herbie Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 10:20 am
This thread got me to wondering exactly what was the racial mix of the town I grew up in. (Answer: 85% white in 2000, 75% white in 2006 Getting better, but I shudder to think what it was in the 80’s and 90’s when I lived there)
The census people have a ton of data easily available at their page. They even have maps that will show you where the people that fall into each category live. It makes it easy to see how a town can be 85% white but one elementary school can have tons of diversity.
V's Herbie Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 10:23 am
Edit: looks like the maps are only available for some cities
Dutch Blitz » I Am Colour Blind Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 1:02 pm
[...] friend Kelly over at Mocha Momma (She is beautiful, no?) wrote an interesting post about race and people of colour. In email/Twitter conversations, I told her that I was befuddled at the whole “racism” [...]
Betsy Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 1:11 pm
I’m going to kinda piggyback on MP’s question of the “race box” so many forms have on them, but take it a step further.
Why do so many people of mixed race (usually black and white) only refer to themselves as black? We have a number of students at our school who have one white parent and one black parent, and the students always refer to themselves as black. I have noticed you do that as well, Kelly.
I’m just wondering why. I don’t understand. Call me ignorant, but I don’t get it. I want to know why one race is acknowledged and one is not. Educate me so I am no longer ignorant.
mp Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
I HAD to post this link..just because I am wondering WHY anyone researched this anyway..
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080501/ap_on_re_us/swimming_blacks
Amy in StL Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
I grew up in St. Louis - North County to be exact - and moved away for 15 years only to move back two years ago. When I visit my parents in North County, the hostility that radiates from so many black people toward me in that area is almost staggering at times. I don’t treat people differently because of their skin color, but sometimes I’m tired of being treated with contempt because of mine.
So my question is this, “What is the right way to respond to someone being hostile to me, seemingly because I’m white?” I’m thinking of several very specific events where I was being polite and asked if I could get through the aisle at the store, or grab a soda at the Quickie mart or napkins at McDonalds and was met with a hostile stare and then had a back turned to me. On two occasions, the person let someone of their same race - that they didn’t appear to know - past with a smile.
Honestly I’m always flummoxed at the act, and yes, I get that a lot of blacks in St. Louis have met with a lot of hostility from whites, but I don’t know what to do that won’t start some freakin’ international incident! I also understand that some folks are just rude by nature, but it seems to be the way I’m treated fairly regularly when I’m up there. And trust me a polite Excuse me, doesn’t cut it. The last time I tried to just squeeze by after saying excuse me twice meant getting called out for thinking I’m better than them. Suggestions?
Kelliqua Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 6:52 pm
Oh, oh I have one. A mixed race person: why do they generally refer to themselves as black? They are half white, too.
*This is a real question. My white niece just had a son with her black boyfriend. The baby looks black, so they are going with that, although privately they had to mull it over as they want him to be proud of both sides of his lineage.
Obama also comes to mind on this, he is always referred to as a black man. And what about you? Which box(es?) do you check on forms that ask race, and why?
Tricia Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 10:18 pm
I have a question for you, but first I have to finish reading through the Israel post comments and yours to see if it has already been asked…
Tricia Said,
May 2, 2008 @ 11:17 am
Ready?
I’m a sucker for babies- of that I think you know… I have 4 white kids and 4 darker (3 Mexican- Latino, if that is offense to some, but they are from Mexican descent, so Mexican and 1 Thai and Laotian). I still fantasize about adding a Black baby to the mix. If only I had the funds, an orphan from Africa…
What do you think???
dana Said,
May 2, 2008 @ 11:17 am
I have a question I want to ask, but I can’t seem to put it into words that will make sense. Not only that, I’m scared to ask it.
There’s a story behind it, but I’ll get to that later. My question is: Am I the only one who thinks that white people today are afraid to say the word “black” because they fear they’ll offend people of color?
(I don’t think I make sense, so I’m going to apologize in advance for that.)
Heather Said,
May 2, 2008 @ 4:34 pm
@Mocha
Found your site because of my main Bossy - really enjoying it.
@waitingforzufani
I don’t have hair on my legs either - and I am as white as they get (polish/german).
Anyway - a Q.
I grew up in Chicago - went to public school and some of my best friends were Black or Latino or Asian. I don’t think I ever saw color. White was actually a minority at my HS. (Lane Tech). And if I ever had question - you know, I never felt stupid asking.
I suppose the only question I would ask if I could without being seen as some crazy psycho racist - and if I can figure out a way to word it - is - why is it - do you think - that so many of your/my race, continue to play-up their racial stereotype for the masses? (i.e. Muslims praying out loud on airplanes and in airports, white people like Brittany Spears getting all y’alllllll and whateverrrrrrrr and such, fill in your races stereotype here… etc. )
Why is it we do this? There are so many intelligent people out there that act this way. Why?
anji Said,
May 3, 2008 @ 10:07 am
Mocha, to sort of answer the question you raised about daisy and how she has a diverse school despite being in a 90% white community…
Schools are located within communities, staggered throughout. So, schools in neighbourhoods that are predominately a race other than white, will have a greater amount of diversity than say, a school on the other side of town with predominately white neighbours. Your 10% “coloured” population may not live in the same neighbourhoods of white people and remained pocketed in their own neighbourhood.
I’m from northern Ontario. The city I lived in had five highschools. One school was for the catholics, one for the french, one for the “techie” people, one for the “sporty” people and then one for the “arts” people which also was a feeder school for the aboriginal community. So, the other four schools might have a 1% aboriginal population while my school had about 10%. We’re in the same city — just from different parts of the city.
Does that make sense?
Anji
(who looks white, has a polish last name, french father, a scottish/british mother and is native/aboriginal) A true mixed canadian in all aspects — proud of ALL of her ancestry
deannie Said,
May 8, 2008 @ 5:06 am
Since I am married to a black man, I have talked to his family and on occassion they will talk about some of the tragic things that have happened to them. And of course we have all heard StoryCorps on NPR and some of the stories about the horrific things that have happened to black folks there. My experience has been that black people often DONT go around forcing you to acknowledge their skin color, rather, they want to be recognized as they really are: Human Beings with intelligence, humor, etc. Why are white people afraid of black people, black men in particular? I grew up with a secret fear of black men and I don’t know why! My parents were not prejudiced in any manner. This has caused me sorrow on some level to remember those fears as a child.
Also, is Reverend Wright truly the exception? I have often wondred what happens in a “black” church. I am disturbed that in this day and age there are still segregated groups worshipping? What is that all about?