While I haven’t devoted an entire post to what I do in my position, I realize this differs from place to place so I can only sum up easily by stating that I take care of the academic needs of students with regard to classes, interventions as a support for them, and finding ways to bridge the superabundance of parental/parole officer/community resource phone calls that come my way. Anytime one of the deans does something that’s not listed on our job descriptions we jokingly whine, “Other duties as assigned”.
This year, that list has grown to some things I would never have imagined to be part of my responsibilities:
Riding in the ambulance when students are hurt or visiting them in the hospital after injuries or surgeries.
Going on home visits to find truant students and convincing them to attend school.
Telling students to pull up their pants.
Being called into meetings that don’t always fall under the category of “responsibilities”.
Giving students proper clothing.
Handing out tampons and pads to the girls.
Driving the girls home who need to change clothing due to aforementioned “duty”.
Doing body searches when there is a risk of drugs or weapons. So glad all the girls have had on clean underwear if I have had to do it.
Being grateful when one of them simply hands over the paraphernalia.
Doing searches on backpacks and finding it filled with condoms. Filled.
Thanking the student for being sexually responsible.
Hoping I’m not going to hell for wishing they wouldn’t procreate.
Using lots of hand sanitizer.
Providing students with lotion. I am the current Lotion Queen and sometimes they just stop by my office, put on moisturizer, and leave with a simple, “Thanks! Bye!”
Telling students to PULL UP THEIR PANTS.
Tying their belt loops together with twisty-ties when they just keep on breaking that rule.
Discussing possible abuse with DCFS workers or police officers.
Cry, cry, cry.
Keeping a supply of hand wipes and deodorant in my office.
Keeping a supply of breakfast bars and snacks in my office.
Shooing away critters who want to devour the food in my office.
Calming down the students in BD classrooms when I am called because they don’t listen to anyone else and I offer a gentle touch. (Fear not, I am known to get tough when they’re acting like jerks and have recently been referred to as the ______ Whisperer. When Jermaine acts up, I’m the Jermaine Whisperer. When Herb acts up, I’m the Herb Whisperer.)
Finding students jobs for the summer.
Hunting down students in classrooms who I know still didn’t pull up their pants.
Smugly walking away when they think I’m “everywhere”.
Catching students skipping school when I run an errand for the school and not being ashamed of rolling down my window and yelling, “You get your butt in school RIGHT NOW.”
Defending my position when I won’t give students Driver’s Education if they fail to have 4 credits. (Stock response to their frustration: “If you can’t pass English, I don’t want you driving on the road!” Parents ALWAYS agree with me and have gotten many thank you, Mrs. Mocha from it.)
Handing out tissues and comforting them even when they’re practically crawling into my lap.
Buying paper and pens and alarm clocks for students who need them.
Explaining to students that farting silently in class is simply NOT good manners.
April 29, 2008 @ 4:41 am | Filed under Education | Permalink |
anonymous Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 5:25 am
Body searches!? Everything else I could just about see. You ain’t Officer Mocha, ya know; make somebody else who doesn’t have beautiful curly hair do these.
Raquita Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 6:09 am
two things:
first what are you doin up at 4 am?
two - will you come and be you at my kids school? please?!?!
Elizabeth Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 7:13 am
You are one busy lady.
“Smugly walking away when they think I’m “everywhere”.”
I had a drill sergeant like that in the Army. She was like smoke.
Rachel Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 7:34 am
You are awesome.
And the part about the pants made me laugh.
themikestand Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 11:52 am
You’re like one of those After School Special wonder-people, aren’t you? How do you hide the cape and mask?
(Also, if you’re not too busy or insulted, you’ve been memed:
http://www.themikestand.com/2008/04/memed-again.html )
[runs away]
nec Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 1:10 pm
You are an amazing woman and I am so grateful that you are in the educational system. These kids will look back and realize how lucky they were to have known you.
Daisy Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 6:38 pm
Oh, the pants! I don’t miss 6th grade because of the wardrobe malfunctions. And the SBDs — well, my fourth graders pull those, too.
Jakki Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:00 pm
You know…when you break it all down…LOL…you are a mother to about HOW many kids???? Because this is the resume that most mothers could/would fill out..
Mocha Momma Said,
April 29, 2008 @ 9:20 pm
I want my students and my own children to refer to me as “like smoke” now. Dang. That’s like the Jesus of cool right there.
Mike, you’re such a slut. Fine. But you know how I always like to change up a meme, doncha?
Jakki - 331 minus the two who left this week to make 329 and the other two who are in an alternative program making it 327 and including my own babies…know what? I’m too tired a mother to count.
ben Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 6:30 am
Oops, on the farting thing. Sometimes it just can’t be avoided…
That’s quite a job description you have there..
Yvonne Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
So if farting silently is not good manners….. how should it be handled? Cause it’s not always possible to get out of the room.
Mocha Said,
April 30, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
Yvonne - If you can’t get out of the room, just look down. No eye contact. And don’t, for the love of Jeeeebus, smile and admit to it.
White Hot Magik Said,
May 1, 2008 @ 6:35 pm
Damn why would you smile and admit to it. It was silent you might just get away undetected. Do you call that busting quiet grumpies?