alternately titled One Month In Four Days: Day Four

This really hasn’t been the Best Week Ever so I’m concerned how VH-1 can consistently come up with those episodes except to say that most of them aren’t really a best so much as a most embarrassing or most asinine or most viewed online. It’s helped that the smell of fresh cut grass permeates my nose each time I step outside, but I must say that the return of spiders and spider webs are really NOT my favorite way to usher in the Spring. Especially when I find the spider web after leaning against the door frame to soak up some sunshine for a stolen moment and realize that my hair keeps sticking to my face.

Only it’s not my hair it’s a spider web and I realize this after three separate swipes at my face trying to remove sticky hair and my brain connects with rational thought and I quickly wonder my hair isn’t sticky, this is a spider web and JUST WHERE IS THAT SPIDER? IN MY HAIR? I’M GOING TO NEED TO KILL SOMETHING RIGHT NOW. My crazy woman dance is complete when neighbors see me and start laughing at my seizure gyration.

Much of this work week has been spent creating a job description for my current position as a guidance dean. We’ve been in a state of uncertainty as a district since we began restructuring efforts. In fact, I’ve lost weight and it’s noticeable because one of the teachers asked me, “Are you losing weight? What are you doing?” today in the hallway to which I replied:

“I’m on the Restructuring Diet. You see, I close my eyes and envision that I know what the heck I’m doing and what that will look like next year and then I experience gas pains and fart and poop the rest of the day. I try not to envision until after 4 o’clock so as not to punish everyone at school. Isn’t that nice of me?”

No one will be asking me dieting advice ever again. Your loss, people.

I realize that I’ve made you wait for Day Four in my series, but I haven’t been able to talk about it until now. But at least Day Two let you know that my news was not, in fact, another baby. The most I was able to say in Day Three was that all of our high schools have new principals this Fall and that jobs would be changing for other administrators, too. The community is, understandably, concerned and I’m flooded with calls from other educators and from parents about what they can expect from me next year. Some of parents’ frustration about this is the hesitancy about who will be in what position. This even came out when a parent yelled at me over the phone.

The part of the conversation that I left out of that post was when he said to me, “You know what? I think the new superintendent knows what he’s doing putting these new people in these positions because some of you don’t know what you’re doing! I hope you get a demotion!”

I left that out on purpose when I wrote about it then because I had an inkling of something that I haven’t been able to mention until now.

He’ll be so upset to find out that I will be remaining at the school as an assistant principal next year.

Hot diggity, y’all. I got a promotion.

The always funny xkcd.com helped me understand where I’ve been living lo these many years of Internetting.

This week in therapy I had probably the hardest time yet. It’s no fun intentionally being vulnerable and out of control, but there you have it: it’s a necessity. You probably don’t want to hear all about it, but I will share the most touching and profound thing my therapist said to me last night.

I feel like you always have this hard-shell exterior and try to keep it together but you have a thin veneer. At any moment I could reach over with a pin and just graze the surface and you will shatter.

Right after that I read these healing, reparative words at Jen Gray:

“ today i was reminded that for the most part,
we are all trying to do the best we can.
and that encouragement works wonders over
criticism.”

Too true, dear readers. Too true.

Enough of that sappy moment there, but I thought that was such a great insight because I know that no matter how many things I divulge about myself online it is only that which I am willing to share at the moment I decide to sit down and write. This endeavor is merely a reservoir for the leftover thoughts that consume me during the day. I’m craving dark chocolate and pretzels this week. That should explain it.

In the midst of a rather difficult week, I came home from work yesterday to find two things at my door. A gift card from Sandra to Sephora, the makeup company that literally sucks me into the store with a Jedi force and compliments me on my eye color and asks, “Could I try just a little of this color on you? Just for fun?” Normally, I wouldn’t comply but the guy with the blue mascara on his lashes and extra plump lips who seduced me with his knowledge of wrinkle cream did a number on me and I walked out with 30 bucks of eyeshadow. I say that it sucks me in, but we all know who the sucker is here.

The other thing awaiting me on my doorstep was this coffee mug from MeL.

MeL, who wants my full lips and to whom I advise this: When walking into Sephora, honey, they will hold lip liner to your temple and force you to purchase glossing products. It ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

First, Mrs. RW bestowed upon me an Excellent Blog Award.

Here are my excellent picks based on their consistently well-written words. They sure do write a good sentence.

1. Stay At Aum Mom, MeL - She always writes her name with a capital M and a capital L. She’s a sassy gal and she knows it.

2. EbonyMommy - Always a good read with phenomenal pictures. Check out her boys at Easter and just try not to want to put their heads inside your mouth to taste their goodness. Just try.

3. AngryBlackBitch - You’ll get used to the swearing and pray this woman is on your side during Debate Team Finals.

4. defective yeti - I clicked on his name the first time I saw it because it made me snort. Now I click on his name just to see inside his brain.

5. run jen run - She probably tires of me linking her, but if you had seen her in that Ms. Pac Man outfit or snuggled her curly locks, you’d agree. Make her stop hounding me about TequilaCon ‘08, please. I can’t drink away my daughter’s college graduation weekend, Jenny! I can’t!

Next, Lara awarded me the Blogs of Distinction Award. They make me “laugh, cry, think or sigh”. These are my tender spot reads. Before reading them in my feeder I know that happy thoughts are to come.

1. The Silent K - She makes me want to take her yoga classes and get all downward-facing-dog with her. In a good way.

2. Jen Lemen - While the warm and fuzzy approaches dizzying levels in my head to read her, I remember that she is real and vulnerable and the best kind of artsy-fartsy.

3. Adie Loves Polly - She’s four years old, for crying out loud. Simplicity at the highest point of beauty. Polly is her Polaroid and she takes pictures with quaint captions of her thoughts or words. Jesus, get thee a tissue.

4. Leah Peah - One day I noticed that I read all her posts with my head cocked to the side. That’s what I do when I’m sitting down with a dear friend enjoying their words. It’s my vulnerable, yes I’m hearing you, honey, and I love what you’re saying stance. Apparently.

5. Chookooloonks Photography - Karen sent me a Christmas card last December with a sunflower on it and said that it’s difficult to look at one without smiling. Such wisdom, this one.

Warming up some Rice Dream original flavor milk, adding a shot of Peet’s Coffee (they’re having a coffee contest so go enter!) and then sipping decadently is my new pasttime. Just in time for baseball season. Play ball! With Rice Dream!

I have recently discovered this wonderful site where you celebrate the people in your life write about them for 365 days (I will have to narrow it because I know a LOT of people and have met a LOT of people in my online community) and I’m akin to writing short posts on them as opposed to writing heavy-duty stuff sometimes. There’s a post a-brewin’ in me drafts that’s a bit draining so let’s move onto some other things. (Note: I did not say “random” because I overuse the random)

With that said, The Random:

If my parents were to ask me as a little girl what I wanted to drink I would automatically say “milk”. Not Kool Aid or pop (mostly Coke) and definitely not water. I still hate the taste of water but that Metro Mint Water is pretty darn good. However, I’ve discovered through some gaseous afternoon times when I am shutting the door to my office so as not to offend that I am, indeed, lactose intolerant. It’s the kind of offend that requires three syllables and said with a southern accent: o-fay-und. This is my new love, though. It’s nummy. If the company kills baby marmosets and uses them to make milk cartons or something, don’t tell me.

When my superhero, Grace Davis, calls? Well, I come running. And I do kegel exercises all the way. Even though a few of the guys would like to join, they are just not equipped with the uhh… equipment. Need a reminder: Squeeze. Hold. Release. Repeat. Her first message on my Ning page after telling her that I’d get my mother to join Kegel For World Peace was:

Your mother? From whose pelvic floor you once tucked into for 9 fun and amniotic filled months? I can’t even Kegel, I’m that stunned and overwhelmed.

How can I repay Angela Pudding? Let me count the number of shoes we could online shop together…

Watched a great movie this weekend. Something forced me to watch it THREE TIMES IN A ROW. All I can say is that if you are looking for a sweet, stupid-free, surprise of a movie then go with Dan In Real Life. The acting is effortless, the dialogue realistic (example, when Dan says that he’s messed up as a father: I’ve hurt my kids. His mom: Then go un-hurt them.) the music is calming and makes me want to create a cheese tray full of cheddar cheeses, figs, pears, red seedless grapes, kalamata olives, and edamame. Also pancakes. Can I also just say that Juliette Binoche gets more and more ethereal as she ages? I can and I will! Don’t try to stop me!

The bulk of conversations around here tend toward whatever is going on at school for my sons so right now let’s just say that 7th grade health has finally gotten around to the Our Bodies segment and everything is about eggs and fallopian tubes and periods and no one is more worn out from talking about this with my 13 year old than me. There is the possibility, however, that I did learn a thing or two about my inner girl parts which is fine because that’s better than my outer ones. Nothing is more down my list of Things To Discuss With 13-Year Old Boys than my sensitive girl hole. My junk can be broached in a conversation with the girl child, but going over 30 minutes in a discussion of my lady parts is a bit much. This, after Kegeling for World Peace, I know. (Kegel, eveyone! Right now!)

It’s been hard to watch all the great stuff that went on at BlogHer Business because I was asked to be on the panel with Stefania since we caused a ruckus last year, but she did me proud and I followed with interest. However, I have just been asked again about speaking at BlogHer San Francisco this summer and I plan to drag along my mother and my daughter with me. Help me convince them, would you?

As soon as I get my post done for Going Green I’ll let you know. Surely you are tired of hearing it and are all WRITE IT OR SHUT UP, LADY and I couldn’t agree with you more. In fact, I’m hoping I just shut up already. I get so sick of me. But remind me to tell you how after a phone conference I irritated the irresistible head of Alpha Mom and the owner of glorious, luxurious hair Isabel Kallman and then had an email exchange and a phone call that ended with my crying and her encouraging me and now we are going to paint happy faces on each other’s fingernails and drink chocolate milk while reading Tiger Beat. You probably don’t need to know more than that. Except that I learned a great lesson in emailing people and I’m not too old to learn. Nor am I too old for Tiger Beat.