A while ago I came up with a category and called it “Feelin’ Good Wednesday” because I knew things were looking crappy for me personally and going through that rough time helps me remember to STOP for a moment and appreciate things. That’s easily done at times when the sun is shining and no one is upset with me, but let’s face it: I have two teenage sons and a daughter on her cusp of adulthood so there’s no shortage of kid drama. My work also forces me to deal with some unpleasant situations, but there is joy to be had.
When I returned to work this week there was an amazing number of students who stopped by my office and in their infinite wisdom and people skills they demanded, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”
That was their first question. No saluation, nothing. Just WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? which led to to assume they were also thinking DON’T LEAVE US, WOMAN! WE MISSED YOU. DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
Ah, to be chastised by 15 year olds. Repeatedly. I can look deep inside them and know they are, ultimately, concerned about me, they just don’t know how to express it.
So, for today’s Feelin’ Good part, I review some important things that have been incredibly prevalent to my own learning as a student advocate. My mother was talking to me about emotional teenagers and I realized that a large part of my time is devoted to counseling students and that I continue to teach over and over correctly identifying emotions when students talk to me.
“I hate her! She makes me sick! I could just HIT HER! Ooooohhh.” I’m eternally amused by this last emphatic Ooooohhh they throw in.
“Why do you not get along with her?”
“I don’t know! She used to be cool with me in junior high.”
“I see. So you’re hurt by her.”
“HURT? ARE YOU CRAZY?” they will say to me. Calming down, but obviously, still upset. “Nawwww. I hate that B” That also amuses me that they don’t SAY the word ‘bitch’ because my ears must be too delicate for that. They just say “B”.
“No, you are hurt. You’re mistaking these two emotions. Anger is just the easiest emotion for you to access. Make no mistake, honey. You are hurt.”
The number of times I’ve had this discussion, be it with boys are girls, is staggering. But it’s one of my proudest moments as an educator and I’ll take a happy emotion from it on any day. Not just a Wednesday.
May 21, 2008 @ 3:45 pm | Filed under Feelin' Good Wednesday | Permalink |
Daisy Said,
May 21, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
It’s part of counseling that’s difficult: hearing the underlying emotion rather than the spoken words. I’m glad you’re back at work; now don’t overdo yourself into a relapse!
Neil Said,
May 21, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
It seems as if people don’t change much as they get older. I’ve had conversations very similar to this with relatives in their 60s.
Neils last blog post..We Built This City, Part 3
Tom Said,
May 21, 2008 @ 4:16 pm
And to prove that your blog is not “delicate”, there is an add here giving away free samples of “caulk”.
Toms last blog post..It Really Better Not Be A Tumor
dana Said,
May 21, 2008 @ 8:49 pm
It’s been years since I was in high school, but I swear I’ve had a conversation just like that with a teacher. I think she had said to me, “It’s easy to admit anger because it’s an outward emotion. But admitting we are hurt often feels like a sign of weakness. It’s not. It makes you stronger. It humbles you.”
Of course, as a sophomore I didn’t believe it. But I’ve never forgotten those words. It makes all the sense in the world to me now.
I think it’s sweet that your students missed you. We all know what amazing work you do!
danas last blog post..The Working Woman’s Pregnancy Book
White Hot Magik Said,
May 22, 2008 @ 6:43 am
You know, there are so many adults that don’t realize that. I think it is great you enlighten them. Too few people are straight shooters any more. I am glad you are feeling enough better to go back to work.
White Hot Magiks last blog post..And the Winner Is..
Karen Sugarpants Said,
May 22, 2008 @ 7:33 am
It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t angry with my mother for that very same reason. And I’m 32. You are so awesome Kelly.
Karen Sugarpantss last blog post..It’s Enough To Drive A Person Crazy
mp Said,
May 22, 2008 @ 8:40 am
checking emotions isn’t easy for everyone.. what gets me is people that get totally upset, even physically upset over something that they have NO control over. Being upset doesn’t change things it only makes you feel worse. It’s not always easy..but I think it’s alot healthier knowing what is actually going on in your heart and head. These kids are lucky to have you!
mps last blog post..Things going on…
KC Said,
May 22, 2008 @ 11:58 am
A lot of adults still don’t know how to differentiate between those two emotions. It’s fabulous that kids have you to help them see the differences between the two emotions… and how to cope with them.
I wish I had you as a teacher growing up!!
Glad to see you are feeling somewhat better…
Love,
KC
KCs last blog post..I Know, Dammit. I Know.