Now that I realize my son, his friends, and his youth group counselor have been reading my site I will have to slow down on all the talk about vajayjays. So, if you’re here for that then too bad. This won’t stop me from complaining about MY CRAPPLE WITHOUT A NAME, though I have realized that should I ever get that MacBook Pro I will name her Ophelia because the silver casing reminds me of a watery grave which is exactly where I feel like throwing my current one that pooped out on me at work today. I know - you come here to discuss boobs and lip gloss and I give you this.
But since I have a platform and my son just may have gotten this far in his reading may I shout from the rooftops until the tiles are tingling that HE NEEDS TO WEAR SUNBLOCK I’M NOT KIDDING SUN POISONING ISN’T ANYTHING TO BE TRIFLED WITH I MEAN IT RIGHT NOW, MASON.
If you’d like to chastise my child along with me, feel free to leave horror stories in the comments.
When I asked Mason to please write down the mental list forming in my head I said, “Ok, we need laundry detergent, toothpaste, and sunblock for my blockhead son. GET IT? GET IT, MALLORY? MASON? Sun block? For my block head SON?”
They just let their mouths form all crooked and shook their heads at me. Sometimes, momma ain’t that funny when she’s laughing like a lunatic on leave from the psych ward.
That’s probably because today at school wasn’t a funny day at all.
Twice today I had parents contact me and ask what they should do to help their kids do better in school since they’ve each failed three year-long courses. Tomorrow is the last day of school. They called. Today. Today. If I were allowed to give swift kicks to the head my legs would be sore right now.
Then at around 10 a.m. I had to go “whisper” to the student who has been the most challenging student to me. Some days he’s great and the other days he’s a complete wreck. When “Hank” starts acting up they call in the Hank Whisperer and 99% of the time I can get him to comply and do what he was asked to do, but today I experienced the 1%. His claim to fame is that he’s never taken a final exam or any big test and he started his Super Special Ed behavior as soon as he got to class. When they called for me I knew he was going to make this a difficult day.
Totally unrelated to having a student arrested and having him writhe on the ground because he doesn’t listen to the six adults trying to get him under control: stand back when the scuffle calls for pepper spray. Just a warning folks. Also, blink a lot to reduce the burning and use milk or antacid to rinse out your eyes. Use Vaseline or vegetable oil to rub your eye area with and use saline for the next several hours. You don’t want to know how I know this. You will get a LOT of sympathy for this if that’s your cup of tea.
After spending the rest of the day getting final exam ready for the suspended students I went outside to do my lunch duty and get a little sunshine (oh! SO not good for pepper sprayed eyes!) when I heard my name called over the radio (such fun! to be found wherever you are in the entire building BECAUSE YOU CARRY A RADIO! joy! excitement! the feeling of being needed!) because a parent and student were down in my office to see me.
I pushed to button to talk and breathed an audible sigh into the radio. “Hhhuuuhhhhhh. Ok. Umm…” and then I let go of the button to think a second. “Hhhuuuhhhhh. Well…ok. Tell them I’ll be inside in a few minutes.”
It’s possible that he overheard me say that and then I started to feel guilty, but dangit! Parents showing up in the middle of the day demanding my time! When I got downstairs I saw this father dressed in his army fatigues and his son waiting for me. They were all smiles. The dad spontaneously grabbed me and hugged me. He said he was sorry I had been so sick and was hoping to catch me before summer vacation began and wanted to thank me for being so understanding of his son while their family went through a difficult time this year.
My body released a huge sigh and I thought of tough Hank and his getting in serious trouble. What kind of tough guys were these, though? This big, beefy father who has fought for custody all year long who wanted to show some appreciation.
Most of the rest of the day was spent wondering about tough men. They spend so much energy into being solid in front of other guys. I watch my own teenage boys have pissing contests with each other to mark their territory. This doesn’t bode well for electronic devices. Again, I’m free with all the advice. But they have kicked each other until the other one screams for a court order to keep from coming within 50 feet of their genital area. Resilient rugged men who can take an ass-kicking like you wouldn’t believe.
All these tough guys made this tough gal weep today. I know it’s partly because of the exhaustion of the end of the school year, but what started out today as an impossible-to-feel-good-about-moment ended with me hopeful that these tough boys will grow up to be tough men not afraid to express themselves.
I needed that tough guy hug at that precise moment.
June 2, 2008 @ 9:05 pm | Filed under Education, Everyday Mundane | Permalink |
Avitable Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 5:47 am
I, for one, came to read about vaginas. Harumph.
Avitables last blog post..Things I hate about your blog
anonymous Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 7:00 am
God, I’m glad you’re blogging again.
White Hot Magik Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 9:09 am
Tough guys are all really teddy bears. I hope you got that hug.
So no more vjayjay talk? Mason close your eyes, get yourself some manly sunblock.
White Hot Magiks last blog post..I am From…
melissa Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 9:32 am
From the ever wise words of Baz Lurhman. :o) “If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists…” and “But trust me on the sunscreen…”
Last year when I was told that I had skin cancer on my nose, oddly, these are the words that came to mind. They were followed a flood of memories of being a teenager and the countless hours I spent out in the sun. Particularly of the times I had serious sun poison on my face. It’s terrible and the effects last much longer than just the blistering and peeling phase.
Okay, with the serious stuff out of the way can we please return to the regularly scheduled girl chat :o)
KC Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 9:44 am
You want horror stories… you got it! I am the walking example of sun poisoning, sun burns and sun allergies… AND make sure your sun protection against UVB & UVA … and NOT expired. I was using the nice smelly kind that I had for three years … and I burnt so badly - my face swelled up to much that the doctor was afraid to even touch my lips for fear of them bursting… my eyes looking like they were slits and my chest had been burnt so badly - I don’t even know what to compare it too. All because I didn’t have the proper protection and wearing expired sun block. I was put on steroids to reduce the swelling. The doctor called me at home to make sure my throat didn’t close up on me. I should have been in the hospital… That would have been the third time.
Look - don’t mess with the sun. I’m fair skinned with red hair. Freakin sun magnet… always always ALWAYS keep a bottle of Witch Hazel (amazing for sun burns and healing/soothing the skin - it is key and a must) and vitamin E oil. I have been threated by my doctor … and am being watched for skin cancer. I have to wear hats now and wear protective clothing. I burn really easily now - even with sunscreen… all because I didn’t think I needed it and it wasn’t important growing up.
You can still get a kick ass tan with sunscreen… and do it safely. Use the good stuff… not just the nice smelling like coconut stuff. Because skin cancer can mean no life… and no life means no v-j-j… and Mason - trust me when I say… if girls float your boat… you’ll wanna live long enough to praise the v-j-j.
KC
KCs last blog post..Much Ado About…
Susan Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 11:22 am
Well if the boys are going to be reading you more often, I say they best get used to the vajayjay talk because there will come a day when they will hear about it whether they like it or not.
Man! What a rough day you had. I got a little teary-eyed when I read that the army fatigued father gave you a thank you hug. Times like those, although few and far between, have got to make the job worth it, right?
Sun screen. Although I don’t have any major horror stories, I have had my share of horrible sun burns (not as bad as KC) due to having a very fair complexion. I can’t recommend staying protected enough. But kids that age you can’t tell anything. Hopefully it will eventually sink in before major damage is done. Maybe take them to the Clinique counter and have them look into that special mirror that shows you the sun damage. That was pretty horrifying to me.
Susans last blog post..Does anyone want my husband?
Rigel Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 11:45 am
I needed the laughter and tears that your post brought to my eyes. Thank you!
Advice to Mason:
You are not immortal and you will age.
Use Sunscreen, wear protective clothing, stay out of direct sunlight, visit the dermatoglogist a minimum of once a year to check for skin cancer. If you catch it early, you can treat it.
Side effects of not listening to this advice:
Turning into a human raisin
Looking old before your time
Battling Cancer
Death
I echo the advice of KC, check the expiration date on your sunscreen.
Rigels last blog post..Of Course They’re Scissors
Amy in StL Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 12:46 pm
I have had my share of blistering sunburns when I was a child and into my (invulnerable) 20s. I finally wised up when I lived in the Deep South and found that I burned while waiting outside during a fire drill at work. Those that wear sunscreen get all the good looking significant others. Now people routinely tell me I look young for my age. Plus, I never spend the next several days after a day outside trying not to let my clothes rub my sunburn!
Daisy Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
My day was easy in comparison. I had to run detention for 6th graders because the regular had to leave early, and I had to explain why his student had to pay for the water damage on her brand new textbook when she “couldn’t remember ever having water near it.” I’ll take this over pepper spray, thank you.
Put on some sunblock and go harangue your darling son.
Daisys last blog post..Roots and stems, nuts and twigs
Daisy Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 5:12 pm
Missed a phrase — had to explain to a parent why his darling daughter had to pay for the book she damaged! Oh, the brain wants summer break right now.
Daisys last blog post..Roots and stems, nuts and twigs
Average Jane Said,
June 3, 2008 @ 5:55 pm
Yes, sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen!
Average Janes last blog post..Average Jane Shares the Blog Love
Angella Said,
June 4, 2008 @ 4:33 am
Since Mason is reading blogs, send him to read Dooce and her stories (with photos!) about her skin cancer.
Great story about tough guys - I had a sweet visual of that big softie giving you a hug. It came at the perfect time, too, it sounds like.
Angellas last blog post..Look At Me! I Am A Beautiful Butterfly.*
Kristin Said,
June 4, 2008 @ 10:07 am
my girlfriend’s mother in law is dying from melanoma… i badger my people with this sobering fact every chance i get.
Kristins last blog post..My Life (and death) In Laundry