The Accidental Fluffer

Hey there! This is Tom, the Malathionman. I guess it’s my turn to take a shot at entertaining Kelly’s cult readers while she is supposedly resting. I know better. Like most educators that I know, she is working a second job during the summer. You would think the people educating our children would know how to budget a little better. Kelly, put down the Jimmy Choos, you can’t afford them.

 

Kelly is the only blogger who has ever “chatted” on-line with me. One day I was on the computer and up pops Kelly talking shit. I had no idea a blogger, someone I never met, would ever IM me. That night I told her that she popped my “chat-cherry”. I think she peed her pants.

 

Over the last couple of years we have had many on-line conversations. When I thought about what I could write today I looked up those conversations. We talked about a lot of pretty goofy stuff. I should have just copied and pasted, but I’ll keep this an R-rated post.

 

Instead I’m going to share this true story about one of her summer jobs.

 

About 13 years ago Kelly took a receptionist job at a urologist’s office. His name was Dr. V. A. Graw. Dr. Graw covered all things urology, but specialized in a certain dysfunction. Many of the patients that came into his office just couldn’t get it up.

 

It was a great job. Dr. Graw was nice and so were the patients. She was the perfect person to meet and greet these guys who were feeling a little “down”.

 

It didn’t take the doctor long to figure out that Kelly was special. On her second day at work she needed to interrupt one of the doctor’s examinations for an important phone call. As she waited outside the examination room she could hear this, “Holy shit doc! I popped a bonner!” “That’s interesting. I think you should go home and use that thing real quick. Call me if it lasts longer than 4 hours, that might dangerous.”

 

Happy patient calls his wife and hurries home.

 

As the days moved on Dr. Graw’s flaccid following started showing up without appointments. Sometimes he could work them in, sometimes he couldn’t, but they always left with happy hard-ons. He knew he was on to something and needed to find out what it was before the word got out.

 

The only thing different at his office since mystery wood started popping up was Kelly. Could his new receptionist be the reason for all this excitement? He wanted to try an experiment. So one morning he approached Kelly about his idea. “OMG! A real scientific experiment! I’m sooo totally in!” she gushed.

 

Dr. Graw explained the experiment, “All you need to do is walk into the room and stand next to my volunteer. He will only be wearing an examination gown. Are you OK with that?” “As long as he is,” said Kelly. “Mr. North is not shy, he’ll be fine,” replied the doctor.

 

The next morning Dr. Graw called Kelly into the examination room with Mr. North. She walked slowly into the room and stood next to Mr. North. She wasn’t expecting Mr. North to be wearing a blindfold. She stood there waiting for instructions from Dr. Graw. He just stood there watching the gown. Then it happened.

 

Kelly looked at what Dr. Graw was staring at, “Nasty!” she whispered because this was a scientific experiment and that seemed like the right thing to do. Dr. Graw handed her a note, “Kelly, step away from the penis.” She did, and nothing changed, Mr. North was still at attention. The doctor handed her another note, “You can leave the room now, and we’ll be out in a few minutes, thanks!” She gave him two thumbs up and quietly left the room.

 

Kelly went back to work at the front desk. About 15 minutes later Dr. Graw was ushering Mr. North out of the office. Mr. North stopped at Kelly’s desk, “Hey there *mocha momma, I’m Peter. You smell nice; I bet that was you in the room. How about a cup of coffee?” Dr. Graw interrupts, ”That’s enough Mr. North, call me later when things settle down.” The doctor motions Peter North towards the front door. “But I like coffee,” said Kelly. Peter stops. Dr. Graw points to the door, “Goodbye Mr. North.”

 

Dr. Graw now turned his attention to Kelly, “ You do smell nice Kelly. Are you wearing perfume?” “Usually I don’t,” replied Kelly. “Then what smells so good?” asked the doctor. “My hair!” she exploded. “Really? I didn’t think there was anything special about your hair,” he foolishly said. “Bite your tongue mister! Let me tell you about my hair!” Kelly squealed. 15 minutes of boredom later, “Wow, that was really interesting. Can I get a sample of your hair? I guess while I’m at it could I get some blood too?” he politely asked. “It will cost you a trip to Starbucks.” “Deal.”

 

Kelly worked the rest of the summer without much talk about the experiment. Dr. Graw spent most of his extra time in the laboratory. When it came time for Kelly to go back to work at school she went to see the doctor in his office. “Thanks for the work this summer Dr. Graw. Maybe next summer you’ll need more help?” she hoped out loud. “I’m sorry Kelly but I’m closing the office. I’m going to work for a big drug company on the west coast,” he replied.” “What ever happened to Mr. North?” she asked. “ I think he had an allergic reaction that recipe you put in your hair. He is fine now,” said the doctor. “ But I want you to know how much I appreciated your help this summer. Here is a $100 gift certificate to Starbucks,” he hands her a green envelope with the Starbucks logo. “That is sooo nice! You are the best Dr. Graw! I’ll always remember this summer. Thanks,” as she tries to hold back the tears.

 

*And that is how Kelly got her blog name.

 

The End

 

 

 

Kelly waiting for Peter North to bring her a cup of coffee.