Sometimes when the phone rings you just have to answer it, you know? It might be a long lost friend inviting you over for cocktails and a cheese tray with that kind of cheese you’re too scared to buy at the grocery store because you think it might be the bad stinky kind of queso.
Sometimes it’s the good stinky type of molded mass of pressed curds so take a chance once in a while.
Last week during my giveaway (whose idea came to me in a flash and within minutes of posting I had three people emailing me offering me MORE STUFF) I realized that I needed to slow down, embrace my inner 1985, and groove out with some Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. That’s a pretty good destination for one of many Happy Places. Last night I had to go there again after getting worked up about this stupid makeover series (not ONE Black woman! Hey, NBC! DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANY BLACK WOMEN?). The whole thing irritated me enough to write them last night. Again. Do you suppose they have me on some list where when I write them they stop the office, invite everyone into the conference room, and laugh and jeer at my email which they display on the wide-screen while yelling, “Oh! There she goes again! Ha ha ha! Man. She’s SO stupid.” ? Do you? I am sort of hoping they do.
I’m looking at you, too, ABC. Your GMA track on “the worst hair in America” featured four women, three of whom were ethnic and had frizzy hair who needed to be fixed by straightening their hair. That’s THE WORST HAIR? That’s YOUR SOLUTION?
Well, thanks.
I don’t know where I get that complex about my hair. NO. CLUE.
Let’s move on because I could talk hair all day and there’s free gas to give away and I’m getting so worked up again that I am heading to the corner of my closet to rock myself in the fetal position as I chew on my hair and listen to Lisa Lisa croon at me some more.
Complete aside here (yes, I’m taking full advantage of my Close Proximity ADHD) (there is no medicine I could take to help with this) (you either think this is annoying or charming and I like how you’re thinking!): I loved all those comments from yesterday and I didn’t get to read all of them until just now because yesterday was such a busy day.
I’ve just now
1) chosen a category for this post
2) hit “Save”
3) hit “Preview this Post” and read it aloud to myself
4) wondered if anyone thinks that I’m taking my granny’s prescription medication because I sound completely whacked out
You still with me? Good, because I want some good comments today after last week’s “Hi! Enter me!” ones left me feeling sunk. How will I ever visit all those blogs? I don’t have time to change my own sheets right now.
Another aside: thanks, Mom, for coming over to cook last night and thanks for the plantains you’re going to cook for me today. (I hope you remembered)
Let’s get to gas, shall we? I figured I could make some fart jokes since the inner adolescent boy in me can’t stop letting one go near my kids and then swiftly leaving the room OR simply uttering, “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry for this.” and letting them discover on their own that I busted a grumpie.
It’s hard to make fart jokes when there is the seriousness of premium petrol to be discussed. I’ll break down my test driving of the Premium 93 Invigorate from BP for you by giving a glimpse of what my brain did.
First, the gray matter was just excited to get some gas for free. Then, it wondered if the “truck light” (that’s what my car is classified as, though I’d just call it a “small SUV”) would reject good gasoline since it’s been drinking the cheap Kool-Aid for so long. Finally, it let in some memories of when I first got my driver’s license in and we all remember what that was like.
You must prove to the world entire that you can drive fast and also like an idiot, preferably at the same time.
The idiot driving notwithstanding, I was on highway 55 right outside of Chicago when I decided to floor it and pass several cars (right before all the construction, I swear) (there is an abundance of parenthetical statements today for which I’m truly sorry). Normally, Trudy (that’s my car’s name) sounds like the tranny’s dropping and she takes her time to actually speed up but this time SHE KICKED INTO GEAR AND STRETCHED HER LEGS.
“Nu uhhhh” I said to my mom who was in the passenger seat. “Did you feel that?”
“Yeah. That didn’t do that thing it normally does.”
So, you see? I had a witness and she makes fantastic fried plantains so you must believe her even if you’re skeptical about me.
The point is this: it was a really smooth drive and I could actually FEEL a difference in Trudy. It’s like using cheap shampoo your entire life and then trying out something with some conditioner and your hair feels better. As a performance result, yes, the BP Invigorate worked much better on my car and I don’t need to get technical in explaining that my driving experience was good while using it.
God love you if you’re still reading and also if you’ve picked up your phone book to find me some psychiatric help after this post, but you probably want some free gas from BP, so here’s what you have to do:
Take me back to the 80s and leave me a comment about your favorite songs from way back in the day because I’m looking for music to introduce to my teenage sons who haven’t experienced such magnificent music.
Four winners will be chosen to get $25 Gas Cards from BP and I will mail them out next week so you can remember your teenage driving days.
I hope your car has a name. If she does (like ships, cars to me are all girls) let me know her name, too.
(How did I start out writing this about answering phone calls and move on to cocktails and end up with music from the 1980s? It’s a mystery, I tell you.)
*Comments Closed! Good Luck!*
Oh, I totally forgot the B52′s, which is bad, because I just used a lyric for a post title. My hubbie’s car’s name is Izzy. My is HI! Undai! Said like that.
And since we’re getting all fun with the comments, why do they always makeover hair to straight? Why? My hair DOES NOT DO THAT! Can’t someone do a makeover I can do. Wah!
Amelia Sprouts last blog post..Haiku Friday: A Monkey Prize
I live with three boys. I have my fill of fart jokes.
Heathers last blog post..One to Grow On
There are so, so many, but I’ll have to say Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love (A Bad Name)” and Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me”. I also *loved* Journey, REO Speedwagon and Bryan Adams.
Memories…
And my car’s name is Penelope (Penny for short).
Amis last blog post..Another Week at the CSA
I LOVE THE 80′s!!!!!! I wanted to be Molly Ringwald.
Girls Just Want to have Fun
Take on Me
You Spin Me round (Like a Record)
Tainted Love
Pretty in Pink
Don’t You Forget about Me
Thriller
Everybody Wants to rule the World
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Hungry like the Wolf
Life in a Northern Town
Burning Down the House
What! I was all ABOUT the 80′s! Girl, I got some music for your ass!
Grand Master Flash and The Furious Five: The Message
Rick James: Give it To Me Baby
Teena Marie: Square Biz
DeBarge: In a Special Way
Cameo: She’s Strange
Freddie Jackson: Rock Me Tonight
Anita Baker: Rapture
New Edition: Heartbreak
Keith Sweat: I Want Her
The Deele: Teddy’s Jam
Guy: Guy
Peebles: Mercedes Boy
Lovebabzs last blog post..FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: FEAR AND RESISTANCE
I loved anything by Madonna back in the day: Holiday, Borderline, Papa Don’t Preach.
Oh and my car has a name: The Black Beast. Given to it by my coworkers in The South. I guess when you drive a black souped up trans-am that’s what to call it.
There are too many to pick just one…
But. My favorite of the entire decade? “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” by the Police. Good literary reference, illicit love affair, and Sting. What more could you want?
Anything by Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Duran Duran, INXS. AND, it was a great decade for Neil Diamond. You know – if you’re into that sort of thing.
UB40 Red Red Wine
Terrence Trent D’arby Wishing well
Peter Gabriel In your Eyes
Janet Jackson Control, When I think of you, Nasty
Madonna Borderline, Material Girl
There’s so many more!! I don’t think its possible not to love Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam…seriously…I’m gonna put her in my ipod tonight!
My whip is a 2001 White Dodge Caravan called Princess Myvanna
My other car is a maybach…you know in my dreams!
Lovebabzs last blog post..FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: FEAR AND RESISTANCE
ok so I need to add one more than shannon… what about Debbie Debs ” When I hear Music it makes me dance” or Look out weekend?
Even though I was a midget in the 80′s (I am turning 30 this Feb) the 80′s dance music obviously left a huge impression on me. OH yeah and I realized that I never told you the name of my ‘burban with carrying around 6 kids here in Montana .. I call her the Bitchy Beast….
btw…me loves plantains..grew up on Cuban food so.. I am SO envious…
I think Yolanda should win. LOL
heard a cool song the other day. Rock Rock Planet Rock…….Don’t stop. What about play another slowwwwwww jam…….this time make it sweet? Or Jump Jump…kris kross’ll make you….Jump Jump
Any Naughty by Nature
Any LL Cool J
Any Beastie Boys
HA! As a 40 year old white girl I am proud to say my favorite songs from the 80′s came from L.L. Cool J, Run DMC and Doug E. Fresh!
I could drive with my windows down (who had AC back then?) and the sound all the way up and just “jam” all day as we “cruised” the streets.
Adriennes last blog post..Operation Baking Gals
OHHH!!! We are planning to have an 80s party so I had to download music from then to “get in the mood”….I love the first LL Cool J…I’m bad, Dear Yvette, and Rock the Bells
Teena Marie will always be an alltime favorite with and without Rick James (no cursing to follow
….
NEW EDITION, they were my first crush!!
Lastly TROOP and all of their slow, making me squeal songs…..OOOH AHH
Fysty Mamas last blog post..Finally FRIDAY
OOH yeah, my beaters name is Honey Child (read Chow)
Fysty Mamas last blog post..Finally FRIDAY
Hi! I’m random schizoid music omnivore!
“Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper
“Kid” by the Pretenders
Patti Smith’s “Paths that Cross” or “People Have the Power”
“Back to Life” Soul II Soul
“Just Do it” Henry Rollins
“Cult of Personality” – Living Colour
“(Kiss me) On the Bus” – Replacements
“Mountain Song” – Jane’s Addiction
“Fight the Power” & “911 Is a Joke” – Public Enemy
“My Philosophy” – Boogie Down Productions
“Knock Me Down” – Red Hot Chili Peppers
“Thing Called Love” – John Hiatt
“I Want Your Hands on Me” – Sinead O’Connor
“Headhunter” – Front 242
“Fast Car” – Tracy Chapman
“Is She Really Going Out With Him?” – Joe Jackson
I think I just blew my own mind, and jogged 437 memories. Thanks!