There was a moment back there last week when I wondered if I’d be able to make it. I mean that by every way you think I mean it. It was as hellacious as I’ve ever experienced, both personal and professional.
Yet, I can’t possibly leave it at that. There’s no way that in my writing I can be desperate and hopeless. Hopeful is all I have and as I keep being reminded by the Lovely Karen of Chookooloonks, I must choose joy.
Yesterday morning was completely hijacked by a parent and it wasn’t a fun conversation. No sooner had I set down my briefcase then I picked up the phone to hear a mother accusing and blaming and excusing – three things by which I cannot live. This, of course, on the heels of getting accidentally hurt in a student fight that occurred outside my office where some bones in my hand are…well, they’re not where they used to be. Let’s leave it at that. After listening to her spiel, I finally got my say and while I can’t reveal everything I said to her I can say this: I said everything I wanted to say to her. Parents are not to blame for their child’s behavior, but they are to blame when they behave like a lawyer and petition each little wrong their child committed.
Yes, I want him to take driver’s education and No, I am not punishing him by making him wait until 2nd quarter.
Yes, I want him to be considered a sophomore but No, I cannot give him credit for failing four semesters of classes last year.
Yes, I sent home grades and progress reports and mailings about how he should take summer school but No, I won’t be picking up the phone to call you every day to tell you how he’s doing in class. He’s in high school now and I won’t baby him.
Yes, I heard he was in the group of students who got into trouble on the bus and No, he will not be excused from that behavior.
Yes, he will get his driver’s license later than he anticipated and No, I won’t just accept you calling me when your child can’t get what he wants because I want you to communicate with me when he’s failing classes.
Yes, I want him to be successful in school and in life and No, I will not treat him any differently than life will nor will I lower my expectations of him thus lying to him about The Way Things Work.
Those are basically the things I wanted to say and somehow, as uncomfortable as it was, I said them. Sometimes I cringed wondering if she would extract herself from her own body and reach through the phone and choke the living shit out of me.
Yes, she was pissed. No, she didn’t leave it at that conversation.
She came in this morning and wanted to talk about how to better reach out to his teachers and what she needed to do for him to support him. No, it wasn’t a bad conversation, but a healing one and one in which I realized the potential of what I get to do in education.
And yes, I cried when she left.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
My goodness. You did have one heck of a phone conversation. Good for you though that you said what you needed to say because most people, even in your position, may not for fear of upsetting the parent. Sometimes I think people need to hear the honest truth if they have been so blind for so long. Good for you! ::hugs::
CurlySues last blog post..Chips+Avocado Face Mask=Snack
Wow, you’re awesome. Yes, I really mean that. You just go out there and continue to rock this world missy!
I am so glad that you were able to have that candid conversation with the mother. And more importantly I am overjoyed that she was receptive to it and followed up in a positive manner. There are too many of instances where parents do NOT do what they need to do and although it may have been difficult both of you worked together for a solution. Kudos!
Renee aka MekhisMoms last blog post..Who’s A Winner?
I always said my job would have been a breeze had it not been for parents.
Good for you for not holding back And good for her for listening.
Adriennes last blog post..New Web Site
I’m glad you were brave enough to tell this parent what she needed to hear. Looking past the emotion to the heart of the issue at hand is a both a gift and a tool that is learned in situations such as these. I applaud your bravery and your dedication to stick to your guns. You did what you knew was the right thing to do…to tell the truth and not to cave under the weight of that storm. Bravo! *Hug*
Rigels last blog post..Follow up to my last post. I tried them and they were superb!
oh boy. that sounds rough. But you rocked it.
Aimee Greeblemonkeys last blog post..Bubble Bowl
It’s in her hands. She is responsible for her child.
Heathers last blog post..Not the Target Demographic
I can not possibly express how much I admire you after reading this entry. *hugs*
You cried … I think I would have thrown up!
Keep going lady. You are making a huge difference.
mayberrys last blog post..Yeah, I’ll take dying in my sleep, thanks
Good job, you!
You generated the 2nd conversation by being wise enough & strong enough to have held the 1st conversation with her. I admire you! And I hope your hand gets better soon!
That the second conversation happened just shows how awesome you are.
We all need a kick in the pants sometimes. I hope I don’t need a kick in the pants from the principal, but you must have done it with a little tact since she showed up to take care of it. Breathe, I hope the drama levels take a plummet soon, you need a fraking break. ; )
White Hot Magiks last blog post..Why we can’t have nice things. Reason #228
There is a special place in heaven for teachers and administrators.A well-deserved one, I might add.
MammaLovess last blog post..Gustav: I Want to be Wrong
You’re one bad mamma-jamma (sp?) :O) Which is actually awesome.
Oh, if they could all be like you (teachers, administrators, etc…)!!! What a wonderful world it would be. Thanks you for your hard work and for sharing!!
MLs last blog post..I owed you this
You deserve a drink after that conversation! Hell, you need a bottle! WTG for handling that mother so diplomatically but to the point. Our school systems need more good people like you Mocha! (((HUGS)))
Susans last blog post..Update
I have been in management for over 20 years (and they weren’t dog years). I have been pulled in to many “hot” conversations. Pissed off customers, mad parents, upset employees, I’ve had them all. It took me at least ten years to figure out that being honest and calm are the only way handle these akward situations. I’m sure you figured that out much sooner than I did.
“This, of course, on the heels of getting accidentally hurt in a student fight that occurred outside my office where some bones in my hand are…well, they’re not where they used to be. Let’s leave it at that. ”
So did you have to type this post with one hand? Are you down to 60 words a minute?
Toms last blog post..Double WTF!!!
You just described many of the parents I deal with! They want their child to get the “good stuff”, but won’t dare hold their child to accountability for the bad choices he/she makes. Ugh. At least you get to see the story behind the kid, and it helps to understand where the behavior comes from. Hang tough, it’s a marathon, not a sprint! Your stable influence will be looked upon favorably in years to come!
Awww Hunny Bunny! You are so damn good at what you do. Big hugs.
Pams last blog post..What Would the Baptists Do?
This post makes me want to give you a BIG hug – just on general principle.
Caffeinated Librarians last blog post..Notes on the Run
that was very cool. good for you.
merlotmoms last blog post..Japanese Tease
“and while I can’t reveal everything I said to her” … I thought I misread that after the subsequent 6 paragraphs, then I realised it took you a whole morning to get your message across and it probably had more substance to it than those 6 paragaphs. Not that those 6 paragraphs alone wouldn’t sit most parents back on their heels.
Big Mike In Ozs last blog post..The teacher I want to be
You are simply magical to me. I wish all kids had the opportunity for a mentor like you in their life.
jesss last blog post..just the two of us
Going outside of our comfort zones, and then moving way past to the ugly side that we are afraid of… that’s when character shows. You did a good thing, Mocha. I think that’s why you let yourself cry after the mom left your office. I wish I could’ve handed you a tissue.