Sure you are. You have deep, intense desire to know what the hot color is this fall (purple!) and you want to know if that new lip gloss is shiny enough (it is – can we reuse some of that to shellac my chest of drawers?) and you simply MUST know if your trench coat is in or out this season. Much as I’d like to help you out, you’ll have to go here to see what I wrote for BlogHer Beauty Hacks.
I’ve just about broken my neck to get to a computer lately since mine has taken to suddenly shutting itself off and re-booting. I swear, Apple knows that I’m ready to purchase that MacBook Pro and they’re daring me to get through the next year without succumbing to the pressure. Rascals.
In case you are here for fashion, I offer this specifically for those who asked nicely. Because Sizzle said so, I did, indeed, wear it with the collar up. I popped the hell out of that collar.
You might notice that I even posed like the chick in the picture. These are how I spend my nights, dressing up and posing for pictures that my children get to take of me while they dissolve into laughter about my antics. After what I experienced today, it was entirely compulsory.
It is true that I say this often, but I must be very careful not to divulge the personal and identifiable things that occur with my students so let me loosely set the stage for the episode which occurred today.
Many other adults were involved with a delicate situation and I needed to release a student to a parent so that she could go home, but the student wouldn’t go until I offered to take her with a police escort. We have an officer in our building at all times and I must say that I appreciate having an officer both as a colleague and as a person who could potentially get me out of a speeding ticket. (“But officer! I know people!” to which he’d reply “Ma’am, I don’t care.” and then I’d be all “I work at a high school!” and he’d be all, “Let’s convoy there and please, take my gun”)
When we got to the house I tried calming the girl down and her guardian was taking me on a tour of the house to show me, what, evidence? I didn’t need to see anything, but I wanted to ensure my student felt safe and cared for so I chose to go that extra mile. None of this was required on my part. During the course of the conversation with the guardian, the police officer and myself it was brought up that this girl had a boyfriend and it was clear that prior approval was not given to her. Not that I questioned this. I hear parents tell me all the time how they feel about their child dating. But then, the guardian offered this to me:
“I don’t want my girl dating a black boy. They shouldn’t mix. It’s not how God intended.”
When I write about race relations it’s because I have a wee bit of experience with it. When I seem disturbed by the divide that so many people see and others choose to ignore it’s because I have been this race, this human, this color for 37 years and it comes with the territory. When it sneaks up on me I always take a pause before I’m able to respond.
This “race stuff”? It’s personal to me. I don’t go looking for it and the above statement from an adult came, literally, out of no where. There was no basis for her telling me that information. Some of the comments from yesterday’s post (a few were deleted, some were emailed directly to me, and one I left up in order to respond to it) seemed to insinuate that I am the one creating the cultural divide. For instance:
“Comments like yours just make everything get more and more divided all the way around.”
Let me be more clear, then. Let me plainly state that I felt left out during Palin’s entertainment portion of the evening. I didn’t draw the line, I merely noticed that it was there. If paying attention to underlying themes and denigratory speech is your inculpation, then accuse away. But I’ll be damned if I take the blame for having the fortitude to pay attention.
After hearing this adult tell me that God intended for races to be separate I took a pause. In fact, the officer later told me that when she said that he looked at me to ensure I was blinking. I was not. It was all I could do to stand there while going above and beyond, doing another “other duties as assigned” task and realize that she was entirely serious. Whoever came up with the idea of counting to 10 before reacting was a genius, because there was nothing left to do but respond with humor.
“You probably wouldn’t want to meet my parents then.”
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
You never cease to amaze me as to how you deftly handle the most difficult and sensitive situations that happen in your life.
I’m sure that you really wanted to get in her face and tell her how ignorant she really is … but instead you realized that people like that just don’t have the capacity to “get it.”
So it was the best comeback line because I’m sure she had to think about that the entire rest of the day!
Mattie – But honestly? People that ignorant? What could I do in that situation? This woman completely trusts me and appreciates what I do for her kid. I could easily rock her world, but not in that situation. It just wasn’t the time to carefully explain race.
The next time she finds herself in my office I will tell her and do so without belittling her. I will have to think hard about how that will look.
I am so glad that you were able to snap back in a humorous way so quickly and still made your point. Whenever I have been in similar situations I have reacted in one of two ways – complete and utter shock with stunned silence (early 20s) or going postal in a quiet but effective way with my laser sharp tongue taking over (late 20s). I hope now that I am in my late 30s if it ever happens again I can approach it the same way that you did. But quick funny comebacks don’t come naturally for me.
Renee aka MekhisMoms last blog post..Making A Difference
Wow. just wow.
Rayne of Terrors last blog post..Hey you blooooooooooooggers!
You are amazing. I would not have been able to be that cool and calm about my response.
~ FC
UGHHHH – the fact that there are still people like that in this country.
It’s… heartbreaking. At the very least.
Miss Britts last blog post..Nicotine Killed the Blogger
You are a class act!
When I was in college in North Carolina, I was out ot dinner with my then boyfriend. There were White folks seated at the table next to ours. During the course of the evening, the White man leaned over and said, you have a very beautiful smile, and turned and said to his dinner companions, she is a beautiful Negress! (insert scream) I have never in my life heard that. I was 20, I tried to be gracious. At 45..I would graciously cuss them out. LOL!
The dress is FAB!
Lovebabzs last blog post..FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: MY SUCCESSES
Ugh.
You are a better person than me. I don’t know if I would have been able to respond with humor to such an ignorant, hateful comment.
Hope today is better.
You are rocking that dress.
Rachels last blog post..Before We Were So Rudely Interrupted
1. You look great in the dress. Go you!
2. Perfect response! Classy and to the point. Your self control is amazing.
3. I don’t think I want to hang out with the demographic that Sarah Palin is talking to. I just want to smack her in her condescending face.
4. I think I’ve actually gotten more liberal as a backlash against the extreme conservatism coming from the Republican party.
You look ravishing in that dress youngun.
I have a co-worker kind of like this guardian. There is an almost painful innocence about some of the things that come out of her mouth. I believe that she truly feels love and respect for some of the people about whom she speaks. She just doesn’t “get” it.
It’s difficult to talk to her about her ideas. She’s one of those people who can look so hurt when one, however gently, offers another point of view on the subject.
Comments like yours sre *not* divisive or inflammatory. They make others think. They challenge us to perhaps reframe our world view.
And what is up with this idea that it’s not OK that you don’t identify with Palin? That’s just bizarre.
Pams last blog post..Had Enough (and I am not your mama)
Great comeback line.
And this: “But I’ll be damned if I take the blame for having the fortitude to pay attention” is RIGHT ON!
The collar up on the dress? Is fantastic. Love it.
People are idiots. I hope your comment embarrassed her, even if it didn’t show. I hope your student follows her heart and that peace and joy find their way into her life. And, last but not least, I love the dress.
The dress looks great. I think class comes with experience, because I probably would have reacted very differently.
i was waiting for a picture of you in the dress. you look fabulous!
and good on you for your self control. in situations like this i usually look there with a dumb look on my face and can only – hours later – come up with the clever zinger.
mommymaes last blog post..quick question
MM-
Thanks for yesterday’s post and today’s. Life is difficult. Education business is hard. I appreciate your ability to write and put into words what so many of us experience and feel!
Thank you!
Oh my, you look lovely in that dress! As for the rest of the post, you handled that beautifully and with laudable restraint. I just don’t understand some people. but then there are some people I’m glad I just don’t get.
First, wow you are so rockin that dress. Popped collar and all! Second, I tell friends that if they’re about to say something that might be racist to think first if they’d tell it to their co-workers of that race. If they wouldn’t, then they shouldn’t tell it to anyone. I guess some people can’t go by that rule – I’ve never thought of that.
Oh our office secretary currently hates me – screws up my timesheet and all – in part because I refused to listen to her talk about “Those People”.
Lady, looking fierce. Michelle Obama fierce.
Why, when people want to talk honestly about race relations, undercover racists accuse said dialogue-bringers of racism? We’re all going to be uncomfortable until we talk about it. In a way that indicates that, yes, I would like to listen and understand your viewpoint. No, using the phrase “them” or “those people” or “uppity” (as certain politicians would say) is not acceptable.
Wow, what a piece of trash! You’re as classy as ever in the way you handled it, of course.
Avitables last blog post..I’m not here. I’ve died. From exploding.
Unfortunately, this school of thought is STILL rampant after so many years of trying to erase it. Some people will never get it unless they are the ones being discriminated against.
Out of curiosity, do you think she felt comfortable saying such a thing because she couldn’t tell you were bi-racial? Or was she just so self-righteous that she felt comfortable making that statement, regardless of audience? I admire how tactfully you handled the conversation, as I would have most likely bit my lip and carried around the shame of leaving to much unsaid.
And the dress? Fierce.
Yolandas last blog post..Palingenesis
If I were there, I would have said the following, probably verbatim:
“Uhm, The thing about eating the Black and White cookie, Elaine, is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved. ”
Look to the cookie. Truer words have never been spoken.
Ellen Gersteins last blog post..I have confidence*
Good for you.
I can’t believe she said that. Seriously. That’s just shocking.
Siobhans last blog post..T13: My Thoughts From This Week
Great dress, btw. It looks so good on you.
Siobhans last blog post..T13: My Thoughts From This Week
perfect answer
Racist foot…meet racist mouth!
The dress is fabulous. You are fantastic. Amazing, And more. Sorry for the run-on sentences, too.
I would have been speechless, too, at that person’s statement. There is no good response. But your response, I have to reinforce, was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
If you’d hauled off and knocked her cold, I would have said, “Yeah!” But your response was better. Much better.
Daisys last blog post..Must get rid of that last bit of peanut butter!
I am so outdone by that. Outdone. So outdone I can’t even comment on how nice you look in the dress.
After reading the post, and your follow up comment. I want to give you a standing ovation. While getting angry would be satisfying for second, what you are choosing to do will be far more satisfying in the long run.
White Hot Magiks last blog post..Political Prowess
Wow. Wow. Wow. Why is this still happening? My husband and I are mixed, as are most of our friends. Latinos, Germans, Irish, African American… a veritable melting pot. My parents had some prejudices, but they were towards behaviors not entire races. My Grandparents were bothered by “Okies” which still embarrasses me, but it was a tough time in Southern California for all outsiders. My great-grandparents stuck to their own kind within their communities simply because of the language barriers. But even they were from intermingling of cultures and countries. Fast forward to today… what the heck? I can hardly believe that the woman said that! Why do these haters have to use God in their ugly statements. It makes me sad and sick and angry.
I think I would have popped her one.
Pop that colla!
Dallas Blacks last blog post..Women: You can never have the one you want….
Then pop her.
Dallas Blacks last blog post..Women: You can never have the one you want….
Great rejoinder!
Oh, if only that woman had a mixed mind: some intelligence in the mix.
But, as a perenial optimist, at least the child saw through her guardian and stepped past her, that is progress. So maybe things are changing.
Your response couldn’t be any more perfect. It’s not likely you could have educated her — too far gone.
MommyWithAttitudes last blog post..The New Baby is Here!
People say the craziest things. I know you’ve dealt with it all of your life, but damn if it’s not still jaw dropping. Kudos for putting the kid first…
Wifey’s Houses last blog post..Don’t Wake the Baby!
Ha! Good come back.
Good for you for your response to this woman. I tend to turn and walk away when someone says something that insane.
nonlineargirls last blog post..I think I am in love
the dress is cuter on you than the model..I’m just saying….hawt..on fire
After meeting me in person, a college friend’s dad turned to my friend and asked, right in front of me, “So, what is she?”
His mom took it to another level, though. She told her friends that I was really smart and pretty, but “it’s such a shame she’s not white.”
Yeah, that relationship didn’t last.
Handled with class! She will think about your response for a long time.