Comments on: Vulnerable

By: Mocha Momma » Your Chance To Be Ann Landers

Mocha Momma » Your Chance To Be Ann Landers — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 04:52:05 +0000

[...] has netted me lots of comments and e-mails and responses. Two weeks ago I got this comment on an older post of mine that actually threw me for a loop: Not sure you are still maintaining this blog…but was looking [...]

By: Kinda Sad Momma

Kinda Sad Momma — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 05:20:45 +0000

Not sure you are still maintaining this blog…but was looking for this topic…I am trying to reconnect with my son who I gave up for adoption at birth but his father obtained custody after, when he was 15mos. old. I was notified by mail and living in another state by that time. His father and I’s relationship was totally deteriorated and after about a year and half, I no longer knew where they were living. Dad got married and his wife has always been “mom” to my son. Three yrs ago, I recieved paperwork from the courts and talked to “mom” about communicating. She agreed I could send letters addressed to her and she would read them with him & discuss. He was 13 at that time. I began writing every month and after four months, she wrote me an email to say I was totally out of line and it was way too much for him to handle emotionally. I needed to back off and give him time to let it sink in. I found out this year that was a lie and she never gave him any of the letters. Now my son lives alone with his father. Mom left the household about three years ago and lives in another state. Dad now needs financial help so he filed for child support this year. I now pay support and have began trying to communicate with my son through text messaging since late August. He has admitted he is not excited about talking to me and barely responds to my messages, other times he does not respond at all. It is crushing me as I am not sure exactly what he is being told or how he really feels. Which he may not share anyway, since he is a 16 year old boy. I have decided to go to try meet him next month and attend a few of his soccer games. Even if he will not talk to me, I will go and watch him play and try to let him know I do want to be here for him now. I can’t make up for all the lost time, but I need some ideas on how to reach out, connect, show him that I truly care and love him. I sent him a letter recently, telling him all of these things and how sorry I am, and his response to my letter was, “it was what I expected.” Now it may be that mom is advising him against me or it may be that he is very angry with me…but any thoughts or advice would be most appreciated..!!

By: Rita Arens

Rita Arens — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:52:52 +0000

How did you get so brave, and can you sell me some of your mojo?

By: Mocha Momma » Not To Put Too Fine A Point On It, Part I

Mocha Momma » Not To Put Too Fine A Point On It, Part I — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 02:05:10 +0000

[...] is on my side right now and know, nay believe, that they will all magically come back to see their questions answered. (Good karma DID come to me yesterday when I mentioned to someone on their blog how talented they [...]

By: Ms. Bar B

Ms. Bar B — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:20:37 +0000

I have no questions, just well wishes. I hope that the journey gets a bit easier as time passes.

By: Spring

Spring — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 23:53:07 +0000

De-lurking to say I would have loved to meet my newest daughter’s birthmother, who unfortunately passed away five years before I met my daughter. Have you met the adoptive mom? Do you have any sense that the adoptive mom is glad you’re there?

I find you incredibly brave and remarkably generous in your willingness to share this with us. Sincere and profound thanks.

By: BOSSY

BOSSY — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 14:07:06 +0000

The questions all seem to be here already, but just wanted you to know Sister Bossy is with you (and yours.)

By: Cazza

Cazza — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 07:34:17 +0000

The way you have written your post already says alot of how you feel. In its time all will be well. The love that you bring and the restoration promise to come is what should be focused on.
Thank God that there is hope, nothing is lost but growth with wisdom.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights in your relationship with your daughter. Cheers to Maddie for seeing that her relationship with you is worth more than any past experiences but a learning curve that will pave a way for an even stronger bond together.

By: CatrinkaS

CatrinkaS — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:41:06 +0000

My father – 36, married to my mother for 10 years, ‘responsible’ wage earner, and father to four children – abandoned all of us when I was an infant. He did so completely, and with malice. My mother was not supported financially and he had no contact with us.

I never knew him. My mother raised us all. I filled in what I imagined I ‘missed out on.’ Then, when in my thirties – about the age he was when he left – I met him. It was hollow, weird, empty, and some version of polite.

I cannot imagine the person that he is having any shade of the conflict you describe. And I can’t imagine the relief I would have felt if he had responded with conflicted emotions – or any.

That you are doing so much to reach out, to embrace, to absorb – and that you are struggling so with your conscience – says everything about what you offer and about who you are. Your parting was FOR Maddie – and not for you , not against her. That makes all the difference in the world. You are here, she has the chance to be more whole. The details are bound to be complicated, but there is time.

By: Dana

Dana — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 04:28:53 +0000

I just want to hug you. Will that be okay? Can we just close our eyes and hug each other virtually? I think that’s what you need right now. Hugs. The rest will work itself out.