Ira Glass had a lot of wonderful things to say at the concert. But concert seems like the wrong word. It was a radio “show” based on some of his favorite stories. He started out on a dark stage and the first words he uttered were, “Now, the first thing you have to understand is that this is radio.” It took some time for him to finally bring up the lights and it was well worth it to see him in action of doing a show with music and audio clips. He had so many witty, insightful things to say that I can’t possibly write them all down, but I took some wisdom from him on several topics:
The Golden Rule – He refuses to put people on the air whom others might end up laughing at. Laughing with is fine, but not laughing at. Simple and yet sort of inspiring to hear from such an important person on a basic tenet to live by. (He didn’t mention leaving prepositions at the end of sentences, but for some reason I cannot help myself tonight.)
The Narrative - The power of the narrative and how stories have that galvanizing power to bring us to understanding just by putting normal events in order. First, this happened. Then, this. Then, this. And then, this. It reminded me about how difficult it has been lately to put events in order and to just simply try to answer questions, but I’m trying to write a story as it’s happening and that’s very scary for me. It’s why I can’t commit to writing about it when it’s so fresh. Then, it occurred to me: I don’t know the ending yet. Is there an end? How does this story conclude? While it’s happening I can’t possibly say that there is a definitive END, but there is a story and I did pledge to myself to try it even if the writing is for myself first. Or maybe just throw caution to the wind and write it.
The Topic Sentence – Ira Glass rightly says this is the death of us and blamed The Topic Sentence for so many people who end up hating writing or storytelling. Sometimes, in the hearing of the tale, readers and listeners decide for themselves what The Point is. Listening to him on the radio, he nails The Point between audio clips and music and often there is more than one point. I agree with him and want to kill The Topic Sentence. Except I just used three of them just now so Ira is going to have to teach me again. Apparently, I didn’t get it yet I almost always claim that being a middle child just brings out that rebellion in me. It’s like he dared me not to use a topic sentence.
On David Sedaris – Sedaris is one of my favorite writers and it has taken this long for me to determine that I’m mostly a non-fiction fan. When I taught English class I was steeped in the fiction world until I realized that as adults many of us end up loving non-fiction. It’s why I like reading blogs. Personal narratives are more interesting than a created world for me. Glass nailed it when he said that Sedaris has a rare ability to be telling a humorous story that takes you right into his world and then he dives to a deeper, more intense level with his writing. Usually, it surprises the reader and all of a sudden you find yourself in this place where he’s reached right into your chest and grabbed hold of your heart.
Speaking of grabbing my heart, I haven’t written about my job in a while and I should because that truth is far greater than any fiction I could be reading. A few incidents:
Mixing Metaphors – A parent called to ask me to pull her son out of class because he’s having a conflict with another student. “We need to nick this in the butt.” What kind of bandage would stop that bleeding?
Getting Out Early For Christmas Break – Many students don’t want to wait for final exams before they begin their vacation. The best reason I was given last week: “You guys have a stupid calendar. You need to know that some people want to go to island vacations sooner so we can be warm.” Umm, screw you and your tropical vacations and deal with the damn calendar.
At Your Service - I’m not a sit-in-my-office-all-day person. Being in the hallways and classrooms and lunch room is a part of my duties so when a student saw me after school she frustratingly yelled, “You’re never where I want you to be! I needed you! You are here FOR ME.” Ok, and a few hundred other kids, but what can I get you, Your Highness?
Phone Etiquette – We have a new Off Site Suspension place so that students aren’t sitting at home and sleeping in late and watching tv all day. Their work is provided for them there and the principal of that place calls to tell me they’ve arrived and clarify directions for assignments (I do the best I can not having been the one to assign it). She put a female student on the phone who got frustrated and hung up on me. The student. Hung. Up. On. Me. When she returned from her suspension she came to my office and asked to use my phone. “Oh, honey. I don’t THINK SO. You don’t know how to act on the phone so there’s no way I’m letting you abuse anyone else on this here telephone.” She stomped out of my office and mumbled an “Ugh! You’re SO MEAN.” and there wasn’t a quick enough filter on my mouth to say, “That’s right, Missy! And you don’t walk on my planet anymore!” It’s ok. I put myself in a time out after that and today she was walking towards me so it was inevitable that we’d probably acknowledge each other.
“Are we talking yet? Or are you still mad at me?” I asked.
“I’m mad. You’re the only one who gives me consequences. I hate that.”
“Oh. So we’re not talking then? Ok. I can live with that.”
“Yeah. I’m not going to talk to you.” She says, clearly TALKING TO ME.
“Don’t tease me. It’s been a nice quiet week without you talking to me.”
Really. She brings out the sarcasm in me so we’ll go on like this until she needs something and she’ll need something eventually. Until then, she’s off my planet. I wouldn’t be like this if she didn’t have hold of my heart in that I really want her to change her behavior. But I do! It’s such a damn curse on me to care this much sometimes. The sarcasm, however, is a gift.
The Winner: Ok, I’ve made you wait long enough for the winner of the dress.I asked a friend of mine to help determine the winner and she doesn’t want me to use her name so she made up an alias: Duchess Elvira. Like I need more goofy ass names in my life. Mostly, she whined that I wouldn’t give HER the dress and I waited for her to all but give me her dress size and mailing address. Look, Duchess Elvira: NO DRESS. Or you won’t be walking on my planet either and I’m kicking folks off left and right so get it together.
Anyway, Duchess Elvira decided that mama’s got moxie should win with this entry:
about four Christmases ago my husband made our annual visit over to my pop’s house on Christmas eve to spend the evening with him and my stepmother. after a while they invited us upstairs, dimmed the lights and they threw a dvd in the player. what i saw made me cry nonstop.
my pop had created an entire little movie that included old and new pictures of me and him, and he also added film footage from when i was about 3, a short (and quite embarrassing) clip of me as a teen rapping with a few of my girlfriends, and video from my college graduation. the background music was the song “butterfly kisses” by bob carlisle. i was absolutely blown away that he did this for me and it’s a gift that i will cherish forever. i’ve shown it to several family members and friends and nobody could get through the entire thing without shedding a tear.
Duchess Elvira wasn’t moved to tears (she’s sort of a hardass that way) the way I was at some of the stories. This one, and many others, were incredible. You people are lovely gift givers! You do it with your heart and so selflessly that I’m hopeful for humanity. Why don’t you just move in my basement since Ira declined my offer and plan all sorts of great gifts for me? Shower me with presents?
Oh. Because that would be selfish of me. Yeah, gotta stop being selfish. Also, my basement is really not “guest room ready” and the spiders would probably turn you off.
So, mama’s got moxie, expect an email from me soon to get your choice of a dress from Shabby Apple!
My Basement – You know what’s been lurking around there for a while that I’d love to give away? A Build-A-Bear from High School Musical. Apparently this is a big hit for the tweeners but I’m not as giddy over it since I’m all High School Musical nearly every damn day, people. Seriously. We don’t sing songs and all that crap. We have students who hang up on us and we banish from our planet.
So! Another contest ensues! And just in time for Christmas!
Rules - Leave a comment on this post with a Topic Sentence serving as your theme. Any topic! I’ll leave it open to you. It can be a funny story or a commentary on what kind of day you’ve had (mine? I’m The Decider, THAT’S WHY) or just a comment on how much you’d like to punch the next person who asks if that holiday weight gain has already begun since those jeans are a little tight.
I want to leave a comment, but I don’t want to have to have a topic… was that a topic in and of its self? Anyhow, I am a little jealous that you got to see Ira Glass, but so happy you shared some of the cooler points from the “concert” though!
Oh sure… you want a topic… but I have a hard enough time coming up with a topic for MY blog on a daily basis, so I’m afraid you’re out of luck! Probably for the best though… my topics always involve mundane jewels like “Wouldn’t it be cool if rocks could float” and “How did the bunny rabbit become a sign of Easter when clearly the gazelle is a more suitable choice?”
I almost want to give you that bear now, Dave2. Just for those lovely gems.
I wasn’t going to write one because I was feeling a little ene about it.
A topic sentence fails when, as often is the case, there is more than one point. (That was it. In case you missed it. My topic sentence.)
Often, you feel more than one thing. So it’s hard to get that into words.
My son, age nine, just got out of bed – this moment – to say “how do you get a word made, mom?”
“I’m not sure. What do you mean?”
“Well. I have this word. Een. Spelled e-n-e. Ene is when you feel a bunch of things at once, but don’t know which one to feel. Like when you are sad, but something makes you mad at the same time, and it’s kind of funny. You feel ‘ene.’ I feel that way a lot. And I want it to have a word.”
I am all about the ene. Which is why I still don’t have a blog.
CatrinkaS, that’s pretty much like ennui. Ok, not really. But it’s spelled so closely to it that it came instantly to mind.
And now, I’m all ennui.
Funny stuff girl. Funny stuff. You made me giggle after a long….long day. Thank you!
My husband is a football widow. Yes, I am addicted to NFL football and all things related to the Green Bay Packers. My cheesehead has an honored place on the piano. My Christmas tree is decked with as much green and gold as it is green and red. My poor neglected husband decided that since he loses me to football, he might as well work Sundays.
He’s a television engineer, and he now works Sundays on the sideline at Lambeau Field.
We’re playing war of the Christmas music stations at my house and my radio dialing finger is losing. I may have to dial up Santa and tell on the ones who are “winning”.
Your blog should be required reading. You’re gorgeous & intelligent. Perhaps you can answer a question that’s been haunting me for the longest time. What is the difference between unique and very unique?
If I said, “may I take you to dinner,” would that be ending a sentence with a proposition? Depending on how you answer these queries .. other questions may follow.
Japan – yet another country not in South East Asia. When I first moved to Korea, I researched things quite intently but apparently not once did I look at a map because I was quite convinced that Korea was somewhere around about Thailand. Geography was not my best subject in school, as you can tell. When I learned that Korea’s neighbours were China and Japan, I realised that something was up…
Fast forward four years and I was all set to be sent on a visa run to Japan for my latest Korean working visa. All set, but also convinced that I was going several days later than turned out to be the case. When I showed up at work and was told I would be on a plane the next day and asked if all the details were arranged, I’m sure the expression on my face was fairly priceless, but nowhere near as good as the look on my coworker Sara’s face when she told me she could suggest a hotel in the Japan Lonely Planet and I replied, “Well, I don’t have that one, but it’s a five day trip and for that the chapter in the ‘South East Asia on a Shoestring’ will do…”
Girl did you just get asked out in your comments section? Damn… you are just in another league
I write sestinas everyday:
Sitting here, writing a hook
to make some dough for Mama’s new boots.
I stop by my favorite blog ’cause the fiction
I’m selling is about as smooth as a shot of shattered glass.
To think my planet
once revolved around other little planets
full of hopes and dreams, where money rested on hooks
and we all pined after the glass
slipper. Now, the heels of our boots
are a little more sturdy since princes only live in stories of fiction
with little yellow school busses to carry them to their balls. Ms. Frizzle’s fiction
was fun while we believed, ’cause planets
were more than a topic
used to make someone buy a Saturn. Her adventures hooked
us on a reality beyond pulling your boots
on everyday, coming home to Daddy covered in coal dust, a glass
of beer in his hand. Mama wiping at her glassy
eyes as she went over spelling words, hoping her kids would sell fiction,
their stories a little too real as they recalled powdered milk and cardboard soled boots.
She dreamed of the far away planets
as she pinned the laundry and placed Daddy’s miner hat on the hook
by the door. Her girls would have more than a dirty coal mine for topic
at the Homemaker Club meeting. With a distant smile, she knew
they would one day be the topic
of this rundown town. Maetwan may not have a glass
ceiling, but her girls weren’t going to get hooked
by any highschool boy with a quick smile and class ring. They knew this planet
was filled with more than they could believe. Their boots
would have high heels and pointy toes. Boots
that would make them the topic
of glossy magazine pages. Others would know why those girls were the center of her planet.
Soon, they’d be off to that big city, not knowing what was fact or fiction.
She knew there’d be no more Christmas mornings, her girls would be hooked
by flashing lights that didn’t get put in boxes after the first of the year. It’d be all right, Mama might catch a hook
that would bring her to her knees, but like she taught her girls, she’d pull herself up by her boot
straps, and remind herself Santa and reindeers were only fiction.
Chistmas decorations weren’t a topic
she wanted to broach with Daddy. The glass
balls weren’t needed to bring on the cheer. Mama just laughed as we whined over debt, she said for just one day we can walk on her planet.
(Crappy ending but I need to write something useful, maybe I will edit it later.)
Okay, I’m flouting the rules here by not having a topic sentence. I don’t have children, so I don’t need a build-a-bear.
However, I probably won’t get one anyway because since I’m finally over my nasty breakup of Veteran’s Day weekend – I’ve lost 6 pounds. Yup, over the holidays I’m consistently losing a pound a week. I guess that’s what losing 190 pounds of bad boy will do for you!
(Ducks flying shoes from others)
Is there a word for that vague feeling that all the connecting thoughts you’ve had about someone, though uncommunicated, have somehow registered anyway; that understanding is implicit, distance never assumed, and certain people just know?
Or,
If you’ve ever felt queasy Easter Sunday eating an entire chocolate bunny, better steer clear of the chocolate elk–you’ll have Hersey squirts til hump day.
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medical pharmacy tramadol large quantity Data from a European Phase 3 study indicate that trough concentrations of tacrolimus in whole blood, as measured by IMx® were most variable during the first week of dosing. From 1 week to 3 months post transplant, approximately 80% of patients maintained trough concentrations between 8-20 ng/mL and, from 3 months through 18 months post transplant, approximately 80% of patients maintained trough concentrations between 6-18 ng/mL.
treatment for lice phentermine no prescription cheap Plasma cortisol levels usually peak about 45 to 60 minutes after an injection of CORTROSYNв„ў and some prefer the 60-minute interval for testing for this reason. While it is true that the 60-minute values are usually higher than the 30-minute values, the difference may not be significant enough in most cases to outweigh the disadvantage of a longer testing period. If the 60-minute test period is used, the criterion for a normal response is an approximate doubling of the basal plasma cortisol value.
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mail in prescriptions uk cialis supplier In an attempt to improve the organization and delivery of care to stroke patients, the Brain Attack Coalition published 2 sets of recommendations, one for primary stroke centers (PSCs) and, more recently, one for comprehensive stroke centers (CSCs).3]4] A PSC has the personnel, programs, expertise, and infrastructure to care for many patients with uncomplicated strokes, uses many acute therapies (such as intravenous rtPA), and admits such patients into a stroke unit. The CSC is designed to care for patients with complicated types of strokes, patients with intracerebral hemorrhage or subarachnoid hemorrhage, and those requiring specific interventions (eg, surgery or endovascular procedures) or an intensive care unit type of setting.
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