I’m using the title “Particles” even though it could have been titled simply “Parts”. It’s only bothering me to let that stand because once, at a time when I was very impressionable, a professor said that said people who use “usage” instead of “use” are pretentious and putting on airs to sound smarter than they really are. Professor Uppity McSnob would probably say the same of using the word “particles” instead of “parts”.
Actually, I’m just avoiding the word “random”.
I’m Over The Age of 21
Grocery store shopping brings out the beast in me. I have a specific goal in mind whether it be a a long list or a just a few specific items. It’s more fun stressful with children, of course, but mine are all of the age where I can say, “Can you run and get a tub of Cool Whip variety of fruits, please?” while I scope out the lines for the shortest one with the fastest checkout person. You know that drill, right? Well, Eddie knows what I’m talking about with his bit on the New Queue. Tonight I was buying wine so I had to factor in the approximate age of the checkout person. However, the shortest line did not equal the eldest cashier so I got in line and sent the boys off for some items knowing full well that she’d probably have to call for someone over 21 to come ring up my libations.
“Hi. How are you?” she asked.
“Fine, thanks!” I responded (perhaps a bit too chipper) while transferring my items from the cart.
She reached for the wine and I was checking out her nametag which read “Lizzie”. Surely, “Lizzie” was a young girl who would have to call for someone old enough to allow me to buy my Jesus Juice.
At that moment she squinted in my direction and flipped the script on me.
“Do you have ID with you?”
Dang. She was old enough! And SHE THOUGHT I WASN’T. But come on. Do I really look under 21? I do not. I do not look 20.
A Really Good Feel Good Movie
Today was incredibly cold. So cold that I don’t want to give it descriptives because it would just serve to irritate me that I live in a place that is so cold. In order to combat that, the boys and I shopped, wrapped presents, and watched movies. The best one I picked out was Lars and The Real Girl. It seems like everyone I know had seen it already so I finally caved when one of my friends assured me that I would like it.
Like it? I loved it! If you don’t know about it (thus making me the second to last person to see it) then let me preface this by saying that I am in no way going to give anything away. Lars is a troubled, delusional man who seeks companionship in a doll he bought at an adult online shop. Clearly, a disturbed guy. But the movie never makes his dilemma a one-liner nor does it condescend to the small town folks who behave as if “Bianca” is a real woman. Since I’m deeply in love with Patricia Clarkson I assumed she would be my favorite character and she didn’t disappoint. In acting, she never does. See it. If you’ve seen it already, see it again. It’s that phenomenal.
Tis The Season!
I have come to this season with a pretty crappy attitude. I know I’m not getting any big, special gifts (except for the heartfelt ones from my children) and it’s wearing on me to hear, “What are you doing for Christmas?” or “What will Santa bring you this year?” because my initial reaction is to remove their spleen with a dull knife. I’m not to be out for public consumption this year, really I’m not.
Each time someone does or says something annoying (yes, and it’s just to me) I respond with 2 thumbs up and a cheesy grin and declare, “‘Tis the season!”
“Kelly, I just wrecked my car!”
Grin. “‘Tis the season!”
“Did you know we’re losing money on this project?”
Obnoxious Cheshire Cat Smirk. “‘Tis the season!”
I expect to be killed in my sleep over this.
The Lord’s Name
A recent hardship felt by our staff led me to have a long discussion about it in my office last week. The first response to it from a teacher was:
“Jesus Christ on a crispy cracker!”
Uh. Ok.
“You know, taking the Lord’s name in vain this close to the baby Jesus’ birth is sorta frowned upon.”
“Oh. From YOU? Queen of the Potty Mouth?”
“I’m just saying. The Lord has no room in His life nor yours to experience your nasty name calling.”
“Would it be better if Jesus was on a fancy cracker?”
“Yes. Like a Ritz. Or a cracked pepper one.”
“Meh. True enough. He tastes like chicken anyway.”
Related: Jesus? If you’re listening? Don’t punish her. Just give her other bad words to use. I don’t think you taste like chicken. Amen.
Speaking Of Jesus
Our high school played basketball against the local snooty Catholic high school in a game and our pep squad section was out in full force. It was a big game as it always is against them. They’re known for recruiting student athletes and catering to the wealthy. Basically, it’s a money school. Our students dress up and wear orange for the Orange Crush section at all the games and they also make signs. It’s probably inappropriate then that I laughed uproariously when I saw one of the signs they made to bring to the game.
“Jesus loves us for free.”
Related: ‘Tis the season, Jesus. Really. It is.
Tis the season for young cashiers to make older women feel good by carding them. Happened to me last week as well.
Priceless, I would have loved to have seen the sign and the looks on their faces. I love it.
Carding when you are clearly over 21 and have a ton of things on your mind is actually inconvenient.
WHAT? Oh yea sure hold on a sec.. *searching through my purse*
Here *shoving it in front of her*
*waiting for her to give a nod after glancing at the bad photo* Thanks
Great stories. You are bringing a smile to the face of this Grinch. I am in hell. Delays at the airport, my mother getting lost picking us up from the airport (never mind she has lived here for her entire life – she is older now and can’t see exits), a hungry toddler, and no food in the house for me.
Don’t worry about being carded. It is a compliment. Think about it. You could be living in my world.
Loved the Jesus Loves sign. Smart kids there
I would have laughed at the sign, too, and then hoped I didn’t have to be the one to make them take it down.
Creativity points to the Orange Crush!
Ah yes. One of daughter’s friends wears a t-shirt: Jesus loves me and my tattoo.
Oh .. to be carded just one more time before I die. I enjoy your blog. And I just ordered “Lars And The Real Girl” online from my public library. The trailer sold me.
You mean you’re over 20? Bah, my secret crush on you is ruined!
I am trying to fill my conversation with the following phrases:
“Heavens to Betsey!” or better yet
“Heavens to Murgatroyd!”
or my Dad’s fave
“Goodness gracious goshness Agnes!”
That sign completely made my evening. The kid that wrote that sign has a wicked (in THE best sense of the word) sense of humor.
Two thumbs up and Tis the Season
That sign is awesome especially since I know so many private religious school families around here and I know how proud they are to pay big bucks to get out of the public schools.
I got carded over the summer, and I was so excited–I wanted to kiss the guy full on the lips! I had to tell my inner cynic (the one who was saying, “you know he’s just having fun with you–you don’t look anywhere near 21″) to shut up and quit wrecking my day.
I wish you a very Merry Christmas full of love and peace. And wine. ‘Tis the season!
Awesome sign. That is great. “Tis the Season” mind if I borrow that. I am not so much a grinch this year but it would be funny.
It’s been fun, following along with you and your wonderful sense of humor! I’m right with you…’tis the season! Lol!
I have a friend, Davecat, who has a Real Doll. He is the sole reason I watched “Lars and the Real Girl.” I had mixed feelings about the film because of my friendship with Davecat and my understanding of his relationship with his Real Doll.
I do not believe that all who have Real Dolls are delusional or disturbed and do not believe that Lars was delusional or disturbed in the least. Some with Real Dolls have issues with misogyny and deviance, certainly. Davecat would agree with this, I am positive; but he does not have these issues and is not at all what I would describe as delusional or disturbed.
I worry that our society has no place for those who are different, that we automatically label those different from us as “freaks,” “deviant,” “weird,” “delusional,” or “disturbed.” Sesame Street was right there from many of our childhoods telling us that “this one is different, this one does not belong.” Different is not wrong, different is just uncommon or unique.
If you ever would like to understand the Real Doll phenomena better, I encourage you to e-mail Davecat (his website offers contact options – http://www.kuroneko-chan.com/echoes/). He really is a very nice bloke.
Tis the season for listening to Eddie Izzard….
I was all grumpy this morning, then I followed your link and spent an hour listening to clips. I’m in a much better mood now. Thanks!
Merry Christmas no matter how you end up spending it!
Have to agree with Gina, here. I am a very nice bloke.
Seriously, she raises an excellent point, though — having a RealDoll is not grounds for being ‘delusional’ or ‘disturbed’. What I find disturbing is the idea that something harmless that makes a person happy that doesn’t fall within the confines of normality (always a nebulous term at best) is a sign of derangement. Lars himself wasn’t delusional at all — sure, he had some problems, but he had those long before he ordered his Doll. If you’ll note carefully, Bianca did nothing to his life except improve it.
A lot of iDollators are creative individuals, and our Dolls portray idealised partners we might not be able to find elsewhere. While I understand that my own Synthetik partner, Sidore, is obviously inanimate silicone, to me, and quite a few others, she ‘lives’, as she’s a fictionalised character made flesh. She brings out my creativity, and more importantly, she’s always there, which is a guarantee that you can’t always get from Organik humans.
Gina summed it up perfectly: ‘Different is not wrong, different is just uncommon or unique.’ That’s something that unfortunately seems to escape a lot of people’s mentalities.
Merry Christmas!
My girlfriend Cass used to have a favorite swear: “Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick!”. One summer day my husband and I were walking home from the store, and there he was ! Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick lying in the middle of the crosswalk. Brightly colored by Crayola, obviously on the lam from vacation Bible school, Jesus took up residence on our kitchen windowsill for months to follow.
I was also a latecomer to Lars and the Real Girl. The willingness of the community to support Lars with whatever he needed for as long as he needed it was inspiring. How I wish my daughter, who is disturbed and delusional, could grow up in such a place…
The movie Big Eden has a similar message of love and acceptance and is one of my all time favorites.
Oh Kelly, you are soo hilarious! You should write a book…no ,really, you should. Anyways, warm wishes for 2009!
I just bumped “Lars” to the top of my Netflix queue (will get it after we watch the animated talking animal version of Robin Hood). Thanks.
The sign is brilliant, of course. Reminds me a little of “In God we Trust, all others pay cash.”
Hi Mocha Momma!! Rest assured, I had not ever heard of the Lars movie until reading this post. I then clicked to the site, watched the preview, roared with laughter, attracted Kosh’s attention, watched it again with him, and then added it to my top 10 in my netflix queue – we’ll be watching it my the end of next week. Thanks for the movie tip!
Have a great 2009!
*lynne*
This reminded me of the time I thought about putting the kids in the small, local chapter of the CHRISTIAN school; Upon filling out the MOUNDS of paperwork, I was on page 13 when it asked for a pastor referral…….After a phone call, I was told no child was allowed in their school without a preacher sigining his/her name to the application. I explained that although we didn’t attend church regularly, we believe in God Almighty, but I was told NO….That’s when I wanted to put a sign in front of the school…”NO church? Not Christian!”
My kids are currently enrolled in the public school system~where they will stay. Who needs hypocrites? (rant over, thank you~)