As much as I open my mouth I am here to learn.
Britt asked me if I thought it was ok if she posted about a comment I made. There’s no point in rehashing it all here, but the one thing that I continue to learn is that people are flat out uncomfortable discussing racism. Race is one thing. A natural curiosity about your friends is to be expected. But racism? That word is like fire to people. They run about flailing their arms while they look for the nearest exit.
Me? Sometimes I fan the flames with my querries. Other times I am left looking like I held the matches.
People really hate to be called racists and who can blame them? Doing so puts them in the same category of David Duke and no one wants that. Telling someone they committed a racist act is quite another thing.
Unfortunately the comments just kept circling the drain and I knew her original questions would remain (mostly) unanswered. The waffling back and forth went between “I have _______ friends!” to blaming me for asking the question. Another common thread included various statements on how people refuse to see color.
That must be nice.
Especially with this being Black History Month and all.
It’s times like this when I wish I could just insert an audio clip of me sighing. A big, drawn out sigh.
It’s times like this that I hate what I keep learning about people.
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
Did you read the comment the woman left about being at the diner with her husband? That about brought me to my knees.
One thousand years ago I did a series of posts about racism, particularly the use of the word nigger by those not effected by it. I know, I am ‘supposed’ to write it as n*gger or say The N Word to lessen the discomfort of others but you know, nobody who has ever been on the receiving end of that slur has been given the choice between called the actual word or The N Word so…yeah. If it’s uncomfortable for you to read it, think of how dehumanizing it is to have to shouted at you or whispered about you. I know, I know. You, ”would never!” but: many, many do.
Therein lies a lot of the problem. Race isn’t an easy conversation, racism is a loaded word. People tend to duck and run or throw blame when prickly issues come up that they, by virtue of their lot in life, aren’t required to deal with and can therefore CHOOSE not to deal with by avoidance, getting defensive or just throwing up their hands and saying, ”But! I! am! not! a! racist!”
And most people aren’t racists. Are they exclusionary? Directly and indirectly? Yes. Are they limited by their own experiences? Absolutely, as are we all. But talking about your limited experiences and my limited experiences and her limited experiences and his limited experiences can lead to everyone walking away (together, perhaps?) with a better overall understanding. Sounds like a super sugary nice happy ending but when we all put aside our defensiveness, it is possible to realize that racism isn’t limited to the occasional horrific news story of blatant discrimination or crimes committed for no reason other than race or ethnicity.
Those stories are jarring to read, especially if your idea of racism is that it’s not something that effects you, that you’re not racist, that your friends aren’t racist and stop talking to me about this anyway because I! have! black! friends!!
Is is that hard to grok that your experiences and behaviors in life aren’t indicative of everyone else’s and giving a listen to someone else’s story doesn’t mean anyone is accusing you of being a secret bigot just that there is a wide, wide world out there and we could all do better to embrace it and be a part of it rather than hiding our heads or putting up our ‘not me, not my problem’ shields.
I especially hate the lazy man’s retort of, ”But! We can’t have White Entertainment channel! We can’t have separate professional groups! We can’t have separate sororities!” Yes, you do have White Entertainment, they are called ABC, NBC, and CBS. Almost all programming and advertisements on the Big 3 are aimed at the largest demographic: white middle class, generally conservative and Christian. Good business practice, on paper, I suppose but: exclusionary. Oh right, that’s what FOX and the CW are for, right? And BET. Professional organizations specifically for black people weren’t created a year ago to give you something to bitch about, they were created when the ‘official’ organizations didn’t allow minorities to join. Now given a choice over a group that wouldn’t have you and purposefully excluded those who looked like you and one made in reaction to those policies, which would you support? And to say, that’s not true now! Disband! I feel left out! Is akin to saying, ”Oh, that. Our bad. Get over it.”
And as with all things racial, it’s not that easy. Nor should it be. But as with the initial article Britt linked focusing initially on faith at Blissdom that turned into a debate about race (all previous inquiries directly to the conference organizer were ignored; and that includes inquiries from women of color, who had been supportive both of the personal and professional blogs of said organizer, asking to speak), it got twisted pretty quick. Asking the questions, noticing the racial make-up isn’t the same, at all, as saying, ”Cancel someone white! Quick! Fast! In a hurry!”. It’s asking questions, seeking dialogue, starting an admittedly difficult conversation. And when it’s met with radio silence, it speaks volumes. Both on the internet and in our lives.
Sorry for hi-jacking your comments, Kelly. This is just something I feel very passionate about and I’m as tiresome as any other zealot when I get started.
I was going to say the same thing about the commenter who was at a diner with her “brown” husband. His explanation of “not seeing color” was very similar to the conversation we had.
And, for what it’s worth, my original question did get answered. I don’t have to, in my personal life, keep a check list of who I’m befriending. I have to be committed to being open to different experiences and keep my ears open. I have to keep thinking. The rest will fall into place.
And I have to expect more from my community “leaders” than I do from the average follower.
@Mr Lady – Yes, I did. Ask me how many times I’ve seen that in action with my parents. Too many to count.
@Charming Bitch – At least someone is tired with me and not just of me. You said some really important things. I hope people read it and take something away from it.
@Miss Britt – I agree that the larger lesson in THIS particular case is that if you’re going to be a leader and organize an event for people other than your country club like, oh…say THE INTERNET OF FEMALE BLOGGERS then maybe you will want to stop being such a comatose visionary. Because that just doesn’t work out well.
This post is a perfect example of why I mentioned you over at my blog yesterday as someone with attitude and/or gratitude. You aren’t afraid to lay it all out there, to pose a question or statement, and then say, “There you go. Discuss among yourselves.” Sure, things aren’t always resolved, people don’t always leave with the answers (or the change in perspective) that they need, but the conversation keeps going.
(And I also love it when you talk about shoes, school, and your kids. You’re a great writer, all around.)
Mocha. Here goes.
Just read your post. And now headed to bed. I hear(d) your sigh here as the counterpoint to my deep exasperated growl. So, I call you attention again to that last bit of the quote I sent you earlier today:
“those engaging in racisms without racism neither use traditional explicit racial language nor, for various reasons, comprehend that their practices and expressions are racially toxic.”
So, they keep saying stuff, denying not only their racism but the very existence of racism. They keep saying the same stuff about the negroes and the mexicans and the…and the…, only they don’t call them(us) by the ugly names anymore. And as long as they have one smiley-faced darker friend who, hopefully, never speaks of things racial, they “laugh and eat well and grow strong” (to really wrench and misuse a bit of Langston Hughes).
They laugh and forget. I go to bed with a scowl. But, wait. That just reminded me of a Gwen Brooks poem that I love. It catches some of the frustration. But it catches it in the teeth of beauty, of which I heard someone say today “is pain.”
Bevelry Hills Chicago·
The dry brown, coughing beneath their feet,
(Only a while, for the handyman is on his way)
These people walk their golden gardens.
We say ourselves fortunate to be driving by today.
That we may look at them, in their gardens where
The summer ripeness rots. But not raggedly.
Even the leaves fall down in lovlier patterns here.
And the refuse, the refuse is a neat brilliancy.
When they flow sweetly into their houses
With softness and slowness touched by that everlasting gold,
We know what they go to. To tea. But that does not mean
They will throw some little black dots into some water and
add sugar and the juice of the cheapest lemons that are
sold,
While downstaies that woman’s vague phonograph bleats,
“Knock me a kiss.”
And the living all to be made again in the sweatingest physical manner
Tommorrow…Not that anybody is saying that these people have no trouble.
Merely that it is trouble with a gold-flecked beautiful banner.
Nobody is saying that these people do not ultimately cease to be.
And sometimes their passings are even more painful than ours.
It is just that so often they live till their hair is white.
They make excellent corpses, among the expensive flowers….
Nobody is furious. Nobody hates these people.
At least, nobody driving by in this car.
It is only natural, however, that it should occur to us
How much more fortunate they are than we are.
It is only natural that we should look and look
At their wood and brick and stone
And think, while a breath of pine blows,
How different these are from our own.
We do not want them to have less.
But it is only natural that we should think we have not enough.
We drive on, we drive on.
When we speak to each other our voices are a little gruff.
__Gwendolyn Brooks
I concur.
I forgot to cite that first quote. It’s by David Theo Goldberg in “Racisms Without Racisms” (PMLA 2008.123.5, 1712-1716). That quote is on p. 1714. Forgot to paste that in.
As I sit here and think how late I am going to be to school (and get stuck behind all of the buses), I can’t seem to leave your post just yet. Race is such an issue in this day. Sometimes I understand it while other times I cringe when I hear the word being brought up AGAIN! I just started to blog again last night and it was based on race. How strange! It all came about from my recent trip with people who have no use for our current President BECAUSE of the color of his skin and a book we had to read on our PD day. What a small world!
Of course, during this entire conversation/issue/debate/etc., I did notice a certain conference’s organizer didn’t show up at all or say anything in any way to try to give her perspective. That is more telling than anything else.
I read the post and comments yesterday over at Miss Britts. I think if I had not been a long time reader your blog I might not understand where you were coming from. While I often tread the halls in places where I am the minority as a white or woman, I don’t know what life is like when that is a everyday occurrence. I do think both topics are ones we need to think about. Are we being inclusive on purpose or exclusionary on accident? Are we collecting friends of different races to prove we aren’t racist, or do we really relate and understand each other?
I know it is stressful to you to raise these points and take a hit for it, but I do think what you are doing is important and it has certainly made me think and will change an action today. On a very personal note, I was gathering a group of ladies from church to help do some planning and realized whose not in the group I was going to invite. Planting seeds, Kelly, planting seeds, the harvest will come.
I’ve never liked the term color blind. It seems fake. I can hardly think of Kelly without also seeing a woman of color. Bad? Good? I have no idea. I guess it all depends on what this means to me and how I act with this information. But this is a separate, and more personal, issue from the public arena, like a blogging conference, where an effort should be made to reach out to others.
Sometimes, even the long drawn-out sigh is important. very important. because it reminds everybody that a) this shit persists, and b) it is, among a great many other things, tiring. Tiresome.
The sigh reminds us that fighting this fight drains you, and that we all should be stepping in more often to support you.
xo
I think the truth is not “I refuse to see color,” but rathther, “I refuse to see the colored,” because how often have you and your kids just been ignored, bumped into, etc.–just invisible because folks are trying not to see color?
Of course it’s impossible to be colour blind. Of course the world is still a racist place. It’s not particularly useful for us white women to feel guilty about it (or trot out the names of our Black friends so that we can feel vindicated). What we need to do is do something. Ensuring diversity and inclusivity and events that purport to represent “women” is just one way (even if it means some of us have to step aside).
I am sorry that you keep getting knocked about for stating the obvious. I am sorry that you have to keep teaching “racism 101.” Just know that there are some of us who have learned a lot from women like you who have patiently (and then less patiently) taken the time to keep pointing out what should be obvious.
And when an issue is too uncomfortable for folks to want to talk about it – that’s a sign that there is a pretty significant problem.
*Commences to climb atop soap box*
Last year, my students were presenting their end of quarter group projects regarding stress management and minority status populations living in the U.S. (Most of the students were pre-professionals, heading into health care jobs, had been raised in conservative Christian homes in rural, predominantly white, towns.) During the first two group presentations I noticed A LOT of “us” and “them” talk in the presentations. So, I stopped the presentations. I mentioned to them that the “us vs. them” language was disconcerting to me. We then had a long discussion about white privilege, during which the students repeatedly said, “racism was a problem in your time, not ours.” They were defensive, indignant and angry.
I pushed them. I am not ashamed to admit that I pushed them hard. I asked them to think about how the color of their skin afforded them privilege, gave them an advantage. The (only) two students of color in the class spoke up, having the courage to express to 45 of their classmates (who were all quite hostile at the time) that they had immediately been acutely aware of the “us” vs. “them” language and explained how racism was a very real thing for them. Still, NOT ONE student would even entertain the idea that they had any kind of advantage or privilege based on the color of their skin.
I pushed them, I did not let them off the hook, because I am of the mind that, until a (white) person is able to recognize their own privilege, they will never come close to understanding discrimination or racism. Those students were preparing to enter the world as doctors, nurses, physical therapists, social workers and teachers…and they were each sitting in a little protective bubble of white, middle-class hegemony.
My students gave all kinds of reasons, offered as evidence that they were not racist, or that they were not privileged. “I went to Africa as a missionary!” To which I responded, “among many, many other things, the fact that you go to a university that offers you the opportunity to go on mission trips…is a privilege.” Some enumerated the persons of color with whom they were friends. Others gave accounts of how their friends of color admitted to never experiencing racism or discrimination. There were others who mentioned reverse-discrimination, “well, I don’t have a lot of money, but just because I’m white I don’t get to apply for some of the grants that would help me.” (My head nearly explodes every time someone mentions reverse-discrimination, not only because there simply is no such thing, but because it is with this argument that the hidden racism starts to surface…) Or, the most popular evidence: I am a Christian and I model my behavior after Christ…I don’t see color. I love everyone equally.
After an hour, the students left, seething.
Sixteen of them wrote letters to the President and VP of my university and three of them visited the Chair of my department, asking them to fire me. No, DEMANDING that I be fired; or at the very least, reprimanded. Because I was “trying to force [them] to confess that [they] were racist.”
Fortunately, I have wise and thoughtful leaders, and the letters that were written served as the basis for my department proposing a required course, for all students, on class and privilege. But, after 9 years of teaching, I had never felt more hopeless or defeated.
I later learned that the the response from my students is an almost universal response from white students being taught about white privilege. (There is even a book written about it.) Due largely to the fact that white privilege is so pervasive and under-acknowledged. And, if white people admit to white privilege, they have to then contend with the fact that they are benefiting from a system that discriminates against people of color, thereby perpetuating discrimination and racism.
Ouch. Denial of white privilege = racism.
Not seeing color, not having to worry about the obstacles or blatant hatred that you might have to face as a result of the color of your skin…is privilege.
*steps off soap box*
Being color blind is impossible–sorry laurie. It isn’t possible to be color blind. We can live our lives in a way where someone’s color doesn’t affect how we treat them or react to them, but to say it’s possible to be color blind is just wrong. It is what we say when we don’t want to talk about race. It also implies that we aren’t willing to acknowledge someone’s race and their experiences.
I never thought about it much until I became the white mother of black children. It’s important to accept that we are different and that those differences come with different experiences and feelings. It’s important to explore those and to see where we as a society could improve.
I have had to deal with lack of diversity or inclusion of those of color recently. There is a great private school that I want to send my kids too but the school is very white–only about 20-24 kids of color out of 250. The chances are good that my son might be the only black kid in his class. This bothers me a little but then I also feel that I would be denying the other kids diversity if I don’t send him especially if that is the only reason I don’t send him. It’s difficult.
Sorry for the long comment Kelly. But you have a great place here where open discussion can happne.
Thanks.
I always roll my eyes when someone says, “I don’t see color,” because it’s the ultimate expression of white privilege. One of the things that helped me understand white privilege was the essay about the invisible knapsack. Also, I spend a lot of time in situations when I’m in the minority, and to say that I’m not aware of color in those situations is just laughable.
Hey Dawn – that’s exactly what I said. It’s impossible to be colour blind. Absoltutely. I agree with you. And Kelly.
Racism! Oh goodie! Can I contribute something?
Let me share some of the reactions that arose during a classroom discussion of an effigy found hanging in a very public location on a very nearby campus:
Someone brings up a Halloween display from the other side of the country. “How is that other incident acceptable?” some of the students ask, “And how is that any different from this effigy?”
“They meant this one to be funny. Why is it that the other incident is reported in the media as humorous, but this one is all about race?”
“They meant it to make a political statement. They were only stating their political preference.”
“Doesn’t talking about it as a racist incident make it racist? Doesn’t that just repeat the cycle of racism?”
“Yeah I know about lynching, but that does not mean this is the same thing.”
“We keep talking about race, but nobody our age thinks race is a big deal. It just isn’t the big deal it was back then.”
The class put up a lot of resistance to the very notion of race contributing to the effigy incident. Not difficult to sense that this particular group of students assumed race is moot — it’s done, no one cares, racism went out with the 1960′s. But if the latter is the case, why such an emphatic dismissal of racism in the effigy incident when it was supposed to be a discussion, an academic exercise?
By the way, here is the URL to the article mentioned by Rachel. It is freely available on the Internet!
Peggy McIntosh, “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.”
http://mmcisaac.faculty.asu.edu/emc598ge/Unpacking.html
Rachel’s comment reminded me that the article was assigned to the same group of students I described above (and yes, there was resistance expressed to McIntosh’s ideas).
White privilege? Is that what it is called? That is good to know. I was married for many years to an African-American and it was only through his thoughtful explanations to me of things I had never experienced or would, things I had never seen or would that helped me begin to understand that there are things I didn’t know that I didn’t know.
I love so very much this blog and the readers that provide such timely thoughts and articles. Kelly, in case you didn’t know, I consider myself one of your students.
I’m seriously concerned with this idea that racism is a thing of the past and we no longer have to deal with it. I also don’t believe that sexism is gone, or hatred for homosexuals is gone. It has taken on a different tone, perhaps.
It’s been said before that Southern (US) racism is more upfront and obvious than Northern racism. I think the Northern, more discreet racism allows white folks (like myself) to feel better about ourselves and how *not* racist we are. And that is what is taking over.
My generation went to college in the late 80′s/early 90′s — the time of ACT UP!, and the AIDS quilt (when it started). I was a queer politically astute student, and yet I said little when the gay and lesbian group on campus balked at including bisexuals. We didn’t know from transgender, and I wouldn’t have categorized myself as such then (not exactly now). We were politically stupid in one arena, but SO sure of ourselves in others.
I believed then, as I still do now, that all white folks (in the US) are racist, to some degree. We have to be. HAVE TO. It’s pervasive. It’s in our basest thinking. I grew up in urban Oklahoma, Tulsa, to be exact. Site of the worst race riots in US history. I got bused to magnet schools where there were 50% black kids, 50% white. I was harrassed in my neighborhood for being a n*gger lover. At school, the black kids and white kids were not tight, we stuck in our mostly same colored groups. Sure, there were friends that crossed the line, but over all, not mixing.
I’m not an idiot. I believe very strongly in equal rights for all people, where ever they are, who ever they are, across the board. But I know that I have limitations. I have mental blocks, eventually. Eventually it comes out, whether we mean it to or not.
And that’s scary. It’s scary realizing that you’re not who you intended to be. And even more scary when someone is standing there, looking at you, expecting you to get it.
Sometimes people need to be scared.
The Peggy McIntosh article mentioned by Rachel, and linked by Jonathan, was the most influential article in providing me an example of how to examine my own privilege. Written in 1988, it is still just as relevant, and powerful, as it was then.
There are also many wonderful references provided at the end of the wikipedia entry for “white privilege,” if anyone is interested. I noticed that the wikipedia contributors to this topic also included a section and reference discussing the opposing viewpoint on white privilege, which I always appreciate.
Big thanks to you, Kelly, for making this discussion possible.
Kelly, thanks for all the good thought provoke! I put up my thoughts on the topic in my blog: http://lizawashere.com/2009/02/18/thinking-about-race-and-talking-about-race/
Wow. I’m glad I took the time to read the comments along with the post. I’m a Caucasian person of white privilege (I’ll apologize for that if need be) and one of my fears is this: am I racist?
You know how much I like a good storytelling analogy, right Kelly? Well…
There are people who clean their houses a little bit every day; that’s the smart way to do it. I, however, am not one of those people because I hate to clean. Oh there are certain things that are on my radar and get more immediate attention (dishes, for example; I hate dishes sitting around for more than a couple of days) but otherwise I do no more than I have to do to be comfortable in my environment. Carpet hasn’t been vacuumed in 3 weeks? Eh. Doesn’t bother me. That pile of boxes in the corner of the guest room or the bazillion plastic grocery store bags hanging on the back of the pantry door? I can ignore those to the point that I don’t even see them.
And I have that luxury because I live alone and have to follow no one’s rules but my own…until I have company come over. And then I look around my house with new eyes and think, “Holy crap! This place is a sty. I have got to clean before I let another soul see this place.” And so I clean – take the bags to be recycled, run the vacuum, and decide whether or not I really need those boxes in the guest room and what, if anything, I need to do with them.
Discussing difficult topics like racism is like THAT. It’s something we should all be doing every day, like cleaning, but most of us don’t…because we don’t want to. We do the minimum that we need to do to be comfortable in our environment, leaving all sorts of thoughts and actions cluttering up our lives – unexamined and unseen because hey, they’re not bothering us. Until someone challenges something that we do or begins a discussion on a difficult subject and we open our mouths…and it’s just like letting company into our uncleaned house, our mess is laid out for the world to see and judge if they will. And they will.
I wish more people would see these discussions as less of a threat and more of an opportunity for spring cleaning – a chance to look at what you believe and what you do with new eyes; evaluate whether what you believe and do is right and fair and in agreement with everything else that you know about yourself and, if they don’t mesh, then decide what you need to do about that.
What frustrates me is the attitude of “Racism (or sexism or any other social issue for that matter)? Didn’t we already deal with that?” That’s like saying you cleaned your house once in 1988 and that’s it, that’s all you’re going to do, you’re done with cleaning forever, amen. Life just doesn’t work like that.
One thing we can’t seem to get straight these days is that there exists a fairly simple and commonly understood difference between race and racism. We seem to have reached a place, however, where we can’t discuss them as separate items. And that, I dare say, is what frustrates many of us for whom race is a useful and positive aspect of our own identities.
I am black. And I like being black. I like the southern black sound of the voices of my parents and uncles and aunts. I like the sound of black Chicago coming out of my head. And the thick black north St. Louis accents of many of my friends. I like the way we bob our heads and respond to music we claim as our own. I like the way soul food cafeterias look, smell, and sound. I love the texture of the hair that grows out of my head. Because it’s mine. Or because I’m its. I belong to it as it belongs to me.
My love for poetry starts somewhere with the sounds of don l. lee (back then) and Gwendolyn Brooks and Langston Hughes and Sterling Brown and Margaret Walker. Which later got me to and through T.S. Eliot, Ezra Pound, Wallace Stevens, Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Ann Sexton and Sylvia Plath. Who led me to Rita Dove, Yusef Komunyakaa, and Jay Wright.
I love the Temptations, Marvin Gaye, Donny Hathaway, the Dramatics, Nina Simone, John Coltrane, Johnny Hartman, and Kathleen Battle. And Mahalia Jackson. And Kirk Franklin and Fred Hammond. And remembering what WBEE and WVON and WJPC used to mean on the AM dial in Chicago.
And the church fans. And I miss the way choirs used to march down the aisle swaying from side to side to “We’ve Come This Far By Faith.”
And for me, those things all arise out of and live in a black culture. But it’s not the only place they live. They live in world culture, in American, in African American, in hip hop, in women’s or men’s or popular or literary or some other thing. Simply, to name a person, a people, or a culture with a racial name–i.e., to see their color(s)–is not racist. Racism(s) live in what we do with and what we allow to happen as a result of what we (choose to) see, or not.
That comment thread was extremely depressing.
Over there, not over here, apologies for the lack of clarity.
Once again I go against the grain- although apparently not always, as an old friend commented.
http://fourplusfourequalsten.blogspot.com/2009/02/color.html
I want to talk about it. I want to know.
It seems fair to say that if you grew up white in America, you learned to be racist. You would have absorbed it from television, things overheard, glances and looks noticed, the comments of relatives… its all around us, everywhere. To pretend you could have somehow avoided it is to be in denial. Owning it is the first step to being able to start figuring out how to undo it.
It seems fair to say that if you grew up white in America, you learned to be racist.
Okay, hopefully I won’t be contradicting myself by saying this…but the above statement and ones like it annoy the crap out of me. And I know “Oh, the Joys” didn’t mean to offend, wasn’t referring to me personally in any shape or form, and it’s not like she’s not the only one who has said this, so I apologize for picking on her. But here’s the thing…
It’s one thing if people question what I do or what I say – we can discuss that and I have no doubt I’m wrong about a lot of things. But it irks me when people make assumptions about my life experience based on the fact that I’m white…we aren’t the Borg here, people. We don’t all share a mind-meld.
If all you need to know is my skin color to know I’m racist, why should we bother talking? Because you’ve already made up your mind that you know what I think, that you know my story. You’ve already filled in my answers to a whole host of questions without giving me a chance to say a single word. At that rate, why bother getting to know me at all? Hell, I’m also Southern so you can add that historical baggage in the mix and then you can REALLY save yourself the time of asking me anything – you already *KNOW* who I am.
Except you don’t. No more so than I know who you are.
If you want to speak for yourself, fine. But don’t speak for me just because we share the same skin color. ‘Cause I’m pretty damn sure I know I how to speak for myself.
That should be “it’s not like she’s the only one who has said this…”
You can tell I’m annoyed, I’m getting my words all out of order. And I should be clear, I’m not annoyed AT “Oh, The Joys” – I’m annoyed at the sentiment, which seems fairly pervasive.
And you know what, on top of being insulting and presumptuous, it’s lazy. It lets we white folks off the hook. It lets us say “I’m white so yes I’m racist” and thus ends the discussion, which is contrary to Kelly’s whole point in the first place.
At the risk of going all Forrest Gump on this topic, Racist is as Racist does. And that’s all I’m going to say about that…for now. Sorry Kelly, I’m sure I just insulted someone…or several someones.
as much as people say race is not an issue the unwillingness to talk about it provides that it is. I agree that you would think it being black history month and all people would be especially open to talking about now but…
I like that fact that you can be found with matches. LOL. Glad I found this blog. I’m so adding you.
I’m thankful for growing up in a home environment where content of a person’s character was key. (long before MLK had the dream) I knew nothing about racism as a small child .. my parents didn’t consider one’s race or ethnicity a factor in the human equation.
And I’m even more thankful that my career allowed me to interact with folks from every background and lifestyle. How alike we all are in the things that really matter!
I, and in turn, my husband, have been taught that we judge by the content of one’s character, not the pigmentation of one’s skin. As children we all played together, regardless of the color of our skin, when and how did that change as adults?
I am a Navy brat, so I was always integrated in school, so the children I played with were always as desperate as I to have friends, so it never felt wrong to have multiple races at our home or me to be at their homes. You got along because you were all in the same boat, no pun intended. You got along, or it was an awfully lonely existence.
I have a daughter who I gave up for adoption at birth who is half white/half east indian, and she is very dark. Is she judged harshly because of the color of her skin? I do not know. I would like to hope not. I think that if you are willing to come to a friendship, working relationship, or a relationship of the heart, you best put all your preconceived notions aside.
No one, not one of us here, can say we are perfect and have not thought, or even worse, said, something that we wish we could have taken it back. But that makes us human. It is what you choose to do in the future that counts.
Life is not a dress rehearsal.
Caffeinated Librarian makes great points about saying that all white folks are racist:
“And you know what, on top of being insulting and presumptuous, it’s lazy. It lets we white folks off the hook. It lets us say “I’m white so yes I’m racist” and thus ends the discussion, which is contrary to Kelly’s whole point in the first place.”
Absolutely. The same as saying “I’m color blind” let’s someone off the hook. You can’t be color blind. You also can’t help but absorb the lessons and attitudes of your white privilege. It’s both. Balance.
I KNOW I have white privilege. I do not get the stare down by cops, particularly in MD. I think it’s really awful there, the whole “driving while black” phenomenon. I have also been aware enough to help a black dude get a cab, when they won’t stop for him. I am RIGHT on that shit. Fo shizzle.
I affect a pseudo-ghetto accent. Is that racist? I think sometimes yes. Sometimes I do it anyway. That’s because I’m an asshole. I will not say the N-word, ever. I will lay out a drawl like your cousin from way back does. My people, not so different from your people.
I think race is *used* by dominate powers to separate the poor people who would otherwise band together and demand better treatment. Poor white people (my family in Arkansas and Oklahoma) and poor black people, at least where I come from, pretty much sound the same. Vocabulary differences, but same intonation.
I love intonation, people. I love accents. I love trying to do a cockney accent. I love voices.
And different cultures: language, vocabulary, food, games. (I never did understand some card games.)
What ever you look like, I consider you my family. Maybe that annoying cousin who won’t shut up, but family all the same.
Be good family. That’s the best we can do.
What if we weren’t so sensitive to the word racist itself? If someone says a white person is racist, they FREAK RIGHT THE HELL OUT. Powerful. I belive that if we let go of the power that the WORD has over us, we could spend more time thinking about what it means. I know it’s frightening, but what if the word itself, or being called the word, didn’t scare us so much? What if you could look it in the eye. REALLY look it in the eye. What would you find out? What would you learn? What could you change?
I am honored that you stopped by my little blog!! Must have been the coffee
I fully agree with you. The subject of racism should not be taboo, but the concept itself SHOULD be. While we all have our own prejudices (I think prejudice is hugely different than racism) it’s important to recognize and celebrate our differences, without making it a divisive issue. If that makes sense.
Racism is alive and well today… I think it is more dangerous today because in many cases it is so subtle and well hidden… the journey continues…
Cool! I had a few minutes to kill (IOW, I am avoiding report card writing) so I thought I’d check for a new post. No such luck.
But…our school doesn’t like your site (you mean and naughty person). It was actually blocked (being after 4 p.m.I broke the rules and said let me in anyway). I have never had one of the blogs I read blocked before…I used to be able to read it at school (not that I do it or anything! 
). Go figure.
When we were going through the adoption process we were required to attend classes and one of the days was given to the topic of parenting a child of a different race… interestingly, the speaker, an adult Korean adoptee, said that whites (he probably said, “Caucasian”) are the only group that don’t think race matters and that “love” will be enough… basically called everyone out on their bullshit attitude and stressed that as potential adoptive parents we best be adopting from a culture we respect and are happy to be bringing into our lily white lives…
Now, I look pretty “white”, but I’m not. My grandmother is Samoan and my grandfather was half Hawaiian half German… I’m pretty honky on my dad’s side, but I don’t think of myself as a “white girl.” Growing up it was common to have someone exclaim, “I didn’t know you were black!” upon meeting my grandmother… and I would explain that she was from Samoa and they would nod their heads, “Yes, Samoa… you’re black!” Because, Africa, Samoa.. it’s all the same!
My mother’s husband is Chinese and, while on a cruise, had the delightful experience of having another couple refuse to sit next to them at dinner… actually asked to have her seat changed as she wasn’t “comfortable” sitting next to, “that man”… “that Eskimo”. (Obviously, we now call him, “That Eskimo”). And my mom was all, “Um, excuse me, be as narrow minded as you want but at least get it right… it’s Chinese people you don’t like, not Eskimos.”
Which I think is pretty awesome.
You know… white and then everyone else. I think that is one of the most prevalent examples of racism… an unwillingness to learn. All Asians do not look alike. Samoa is not Africa. People from Argentina and not Mexican. It’s exasperating.
sigh.
That’s me, sighing for you.
I think people who claim not to see color really don’t, because they are afraid of being considered racist. I’m from Utah. We are a very white population here. After hurricane Katrina, we got a lot of New Orleans transplants, and so it is not utterly unusual to see black people here anymore, but it’s still not the norm.
I find that I do notice black people, and I make a point of trying not to look at them too much, because I don’t want them to think I am staring at them because they are black. This all happens unconsciously, but I have noticed myself doing it. Then I think, ok, I’ll look at this black person so they don’t think I am trying to avoid looking at them because they are black.
I think we are so programmed to be sensitive about race, that we worry that reacting normally to people who look different from you, by say looking at them an instant longer, means that we are racist. I don’t think I am racist. But I also am aware of the fact that I don’t want to appear racist.
My only hope is that the unspoken race issue will be allowed to be spoken about so that we are no longer quietly worrying about whether or not we are racist anymore. It becomes a non-issue when we are no longer denied the right to talk about it.