Frankly, I was surprised by the number of comments this post evoked. Many of you asked for a follow up. This is all I’ve got.
Anna came to see me today. She waltzed in the office but when she saw me looking at her she slunk her shoulders and looked sheepish.
She’d been gone ever since I had written that last post about her. She just disappeared.
No phone calls. No contact.
And then I went away to a conference for a week.
All the while wondering what Anna was doing. Hoping she was at school.
I logged into my school intranet system to check on her attendance while I was away.
She hadn’t been to school. “Perhaps she had left me another message?” I thought.
There was nothing from her on my voicemail when I returned.
Today she showed up at 9:00 a.m.
Her hair was different. It was red. Her eyes were misty. She looked tired. Or like she’d been crying. Or like she had gotten high recently.
I know that look. I’ve seen it often.
She asked me to please send her to an alternative school.
She wants her GED. She’s almost 17 so I couldn’t send her to that program. The best I could do was an alternative school in our district.
Her mother’s permission is needed for this. I called her and she complied. She’s at her wit’s end and doesn’t know what else to do with Anna.
It broke my heart to do it. She gave me no other choice.
She is so smart. Her intellect astounds me as does her fragility.
She blows me away and I can’t find a place for all the emotions she puts me through.
She doesn’t do it on purpose. I do not blame her.
This is just what we do in education. We can’t help ourselves.
I gave her my cell phone number. I gave her my home number, too.
“Call me. Whenever you want. If you need me to rescue you or if you’re in trouble. I don’t care if it’s 2 in the morning. I worry about you and I will always probably worry until I know you’re ok.”
She said she would.
She gave me a big hug. Then she stepped back from me and looked me squarely in the face without looking away.
I bit my tongue to keep from pleading with her.
Finally, I had to look away from her so that I would not cry right in front of her.
That, I saved for later.
I fear that I may never see her again.
Damnit all to hell. This is not what I thought education would be like.
It surprises me every single time.
March 10, 2009 @ 7:36 pm | Filed under Education | Permalink |
Shel Said,
March 10, 2009 @ 7:47 pm
Damn, woman. Yet another way to get your heart broken? :-\
Me thinks there are many who benefit from you there. Some folks just can’t take a hand extended to them. They don’t see it, or it’s not there for them… or they don’t trust it… or something else happens.
Props to you for trying. For caring. For continuing to do both.
Sra Said,
March 10, 2009 @ 8:55 pm
I think you have probably made an impact upon her, and at some point, maybe in the far future, she will realize it, and be thankful for it.
Dave2 Said,
March 10, 2009 @ 9:40 pm
This probably sounds amazingly cynical… but this is exactly what I think education is like in this day and age. With every passing year, pressure on kids gets greater and greater and it’s coming at them from all directions. But they’re still just kids. At some point things are going to reach a breaking point, and the more I keep up with the news, the more I’m convinced we’re there right now. So very sad. You are a far stronger person than I am for being able to deal with things like this day in and day out… and thank heavens there ARE people like you out there.
Se'Lah Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 3:12 am
I pray for Anna. Sometimes, that’s all we can do.
Meg Evans Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 6:09 am
Sigh. I had been thinking about her. About things you could try… I feel for you both.
nec Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 7:19 am
You are amazing. I think you have already made an impact on her and she knows what a special gift you are to her. I hope that you do hear from her again and she is wonderfully successful in life.
Karen Sugarpants Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 7:20 am
What Dave said. Wow, Kelly. My heart aches for you and for Anna.
Sally T. Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 7:21 am
I still do believe in my heart of hearts, she has a chance & you haven’t lost her. The alternative school may be exactly what she needs to keep that spark within her burning. Many alternative schools are populated with teachers like you: people who want to make a difference, who see so much potential & light in the kids who didn’t succeed at traditional school. And I hope she keeps your number on speed dial!
furiousBall Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 7:41 am
boy that’s tough. i know i’m not alone in this sentiment, but whomever decided that steriod fueled morons deserve $25 million a year and teachers and principles do not… well that’s f’d
thank you for what you do lady.
anonymous Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 8:10 am
Most people survive. You did. I sound callous, but our species is built for trouble and people cope with some tragic situations. It shouldn’t be this way, but everywhere it is. People survive.
akwoman Said,
March 11, 2009 @ 12:18 pm
You are an amazing woman. I think this every time I read your post (becoming a daily habit, I am afraid I will need a 12 step to get off of it). You are extremly caring and empathetic. Your school district is more than lucky to have you, I only wish there were more like you. Keep up the good work, I know it must be very painful to have to say goodbye to one such as Anna. Just remember, she will probably always remember the comfort, encouragement and love she received from you. So you made a difference, and in reality that is more than most can say, as sad as that may be. Take care of yourself, you are valuable, KC
Renee Said,
March 12, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
Education IS like this. You invest. And sometimes students still fail. In spite of your best efforts. When it happens, I always feel cheated. And feel bad that they didn’t take advantage of the time I gave and the care I showed for them. Some people don’t want to be rescued. Never fear, however, I don’t believe she’ll ever forget.
Cazza Said,
March 12, 2009 @ 11:01 pm
Never fear friend, if you’re not giving up, then how can your student fail. It won’t be logical that way, especially when she has never forgotten.
anji Said,
March 13, 2009 @ 5:32 pm
I know. Where I work we send kids home where they get to watch their parents get high every night. And there’s nothing I can do. Beyond my scope. About 60% of my students are FAS. And they’re given a shitty deal from the get-go.
The best education you can give her, you have. You told her you aren’t giving up when others have. It’s what she needed to know. Reading, writing, history, math… that can all be learnt at another time. But for that day? You gave her the best lesson ever.
That’s what we do as teachers.
Miss Britt Said,
March 14, 2009 @ 5:36 am
Kelly, this sounds so… simple. Or something. Not worthy of how profound the post is.
But I’m always so grateful that you share this with us - with me and others. As a parent, I NEED to see the other side of education.
So, thank you.
Woman in Transition Said,
March 16, 2009 @ 10:21 am
She’ll be fine. She will. You watch.
Silent prayers for you both.
Tricia Said,
March 16, 2009 @ 7:42 pm
Aww…shit.
Becca Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 3:02 pm
You are one of those special people who are meant to touch many lives.
Childwoman Said,
March 19, 2009 @ 4:13 am
I hope she comes back, and is fine. You are an amazing woman and doing a great job..
BOSSY Said,
March 20, 2009 @ 3:41 pm
You are the greatest — this world needs you, only cloned times a million.
Kristina Brooke aka Mom on the Rise Said,
March 28, 2009 @ 11:34 pm
When I was teaching, I realized that the good educators- the ones who really make a difference- are the ones who most get emotionally invested. This story is so sad, but touching. I have been there- trying to save a child who doesn’t quite know how to be saved…
Hugs!