Puh-lease. I couldn’t go braless. It’s not fashionable anymore. That was so last year.
I’ve been doing this blog thing for a while. I’ve been in education longer.
I am always touched by the lovely comments people leave when I start talking about My Work and the students that come before me. Then I write something sort of stupid unbelievably blasphemous and totally crack myself up. Magically, no one tells me I’m going to hell when I write that. Then, my favorite topic to bring out the trolls, racism, always elicits thought-provoking responses. While I love to write I’m sadly busy this time of year and can’t produce something when every day pulls me in multiple directions. This week has been particularly horrid. We’ve lost a student to a horrible accident. Mostly, we are stunned. For the entirety of the last two days I’ve handed out tissues and allowed students almost as big as me to crawl into my lap when they just couldn’t take it any more. I could wax poetic about how emotionally exhausted I am but that would be uncalled for and I’d much rather talk about all the dumb ass things that I’ve come across this week. Dumb ass meaning so ridiculously funny that I’ve laughed right out loud when they happen.
In trying to remember to take my lunch to school I put my keys in the refrigerator like my mother suggested I do.
I tripped while trying to put on underwear. My big toe got caught and I fell right over.
While applying lip liner in the car (I tend to do that every day) I realized there was a cop next to me. I dropped it in my lap so he wouldn’t see me. I got lip liner all over my khaki pants.
My right contact doesn’t want to stay in my eye and it poops out on me (poops. as in “too tired to work anymore”) by 3 p.m. every day. I’ve taken to removing it and squinting until I get home. It makes me feel like a pirate.
During the lunch shift today one of the students asked why I was wearing green to which I replied, “To show that I’m not racist. I know Irish people!” Then she walked away from me while shaking her head.
I went by Mrs. O’Wickham all day long today. It’s how I answered my phone a few times.
A parent was saying goodbye to me on the phone and ended it with “HOLLA.” I said, “Really? Holla? Are you serious?”
I ate a lot of cream cheese dip brought in for an office birthday party today. I’m lactose intolerant. I had to tell my co-workers, “You REALLY want me to leave early today. Trust me.”
There are so many more dumb things that I have done that I’m a little embarrassed to list them here. With that? A contest!
YES. A CONTEST.
Why not? It’s St. Patrick’s day and my mother is part Irish. I mean, come on, her name is Patty. Pat. Patricia. Whatever. Where do you think Mason got all that red hair? The Black side of my family? (My leprechaun name, by the way, is Fluffernutter O’Donaghue. SEE ABOVE with the lactose intolerance.)
The contest: leave me a comment on the dumbest thing you’ve done lately.
Here’s what you can win on this auspicious day of listening to the Dropkick Murphy’s with no regret (The Pogues are always cool) and trying to find a really good corned beef sandwich with a cream soda: an Irish book Galway Bay by Mary Pat Kelly.
I am in possession of a lovely signed copy of Kelly’s book to give away. Feel free to hop over to the Daily Grommet to read more about her and her story.
Don’t forget to leave a comment. I could use it after this draining week. I’ll pick one sometime Thursday evening so you have until then! For fun, I’m going to throw in something extra just because I like being spontaneous. It’s the Irish in me.
Contest is now closed.
March 17, 2009 @ 4:03 pm | Filed under All the cool kids are doing it, Contests! Prizes! | Permalink |
JenniferB Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 5:34 pm
Today — yes, today was magical in the way it produced a monumental mental meltdown. (Yea, that phrase was actually accidental.) Anyway, I laid out stuff for work (necessary background — I work 7-2:30 in the school cafeteria, then clock out, clock in to the school library till 4pm) and promptly overslept this morning. Rushed around, showered, dressed, dragged the kids through breakfast, the drive, etc. Once the whirlwind stopped and I was safely at work I noticed both of my co-workers wearing green shirts and looked down and panicked — I was in black. I said, “Crap — I forgot to wear green today” to which my co-worker replied, “No, you’ve got a green scrunchy in your hair (i have to wear a bun until library time) and I relaxed, and then she said “and green earrings” and I said “oh, thanks” and turned to leave and she added “and you have a green shamrock pinned to your shirt”. Crap. She had me. I had prepared, but it just didn’t stick in my brain. Good thing I work in a school.
Karyn Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 6:09 pm
I sent out a note to several people laying out why the examples used in a presentation were incorrect and not supported by policy and cited (but didn’t quote) the policy. Two minutes later I glanced back down at the policy and saw that the examples EXACTLY followed the example and had to send a “never mind” note. One of these people is my boss. I’m waiting to see if my temporary promotion came though. Yeah.
Heather Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 6:27 pm
I set out in the car yesterday to pick up the kids from daycare and ended up at my parents’ house. Which is no where near where the babysitter lives.
I think we all need a little spring vacation.
Mary Parker Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 6:28 pm
I direct a confidential domestic violence shelter where we also treat ex-offenders w/ drug problems. A former client came in toady and she looked absolutely amazing. So amazing that I didn’t even know it was her and assumed it was some new staff member I wasn’t aware of. I was so excited when I realized who it was that I spontaneously whipped out my cell phone and asked for her to pose for an unbelievable ‘after’ picture. Later when I began wondering if we had any ‘before ‘ pictures I realized that we have a long standing policy of not photographing clients. Duhhh, I don’t know what part of confidential I forgot. I wondered why my staff was looking at me like I was crazy. I realize now that I am so hungry for a success story that I kind of lost my mind.
anji Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 6:41 pm
Hmmmm…. dumb things? Let’s see… well, I can’t think of anything off hand (because, there’s so much of them and sometimes I just like to play dumb and pretend none of it happens)… but, i could tell you a funny story of something that happened to me this week, would that be okay? It’ll make you laugh I think….
So, I work as a teacher at a remote location but where we still have cars. At the end of the day, this educational assistant started to chase me down the hall. “Hey! Grade 7 teacher!” (Yea, ’cause, I have no name apparantely and that’s all I can be remembered as)…
“Um, I have some bad news. I kinda hit your car… but, don’t worry! It’s just a little dent, it goes in just *like this* and your handle is just moved up a bit but it’s not too bad…”
I had just found out about 2 minutes earlier that my hubby might be off to afghanistan for a month so really, I had bigger things to worry about.
“Well, no worries, we’ll get it straightened out later…”
“Maybe they can just pop it back in….”
Whatever. I went to go check out some student records and after, my boss and I went to go survey the damage.
LITTLE DENT? It was the size of freakin’ russia! So, aside from setting out a string of swears (in english AND french) in front of my new boss, we both freaked out over the “little dent”.
Then… (this is where you have to make sure you’re not drinking any fluids, okay???)
THEN… we’re sitting there, I’m swearing up a storm (still) and… this reservation dog comes up… looks at each of us, then the car… walks over to the tire… turns around, looks back at us (and, seriously, it’s as if he was understanding everything we said)… and then proceeded to lift up his leg and piss all over my car.
“Seriously! You did NOT just do that!!!”
My boss didn’t catch on.
“That dog just pissed all over my car… like, to add insult to injury! Seriously! Why don’t you just PISS on my leg while you’re at it!”
THEN my boss finally caught on and started laughing. She told me to just go home and take it easy for the rest of the night…
I went home at the end of the day and just said to hell with it. It was a good day to start drinking….
(BTW, the “small dent” was $2500 in damage….)
Backpacking Dad Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 6:43 pm
I reformatted my hard drive.
Wait, wait.
I manually selected the files to backup on my external hard drive.
Wait.
I manually selected my pictures folder.
Wait.
I manually selected my videos folder.
Wai…
I looked in the videos folder and said “these are all old, from before I bought the external drive, except for these last three,” at which point I selected ONLY the last three.
I reformatted my hard drive. And lost all handycam videos from November 2007 to January 2009. That date range includes a first Christmas and first birthday party.
I reformatted my hard drive.
Adrienne Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 7:07 pm
I didn’t actually do this but it happened to me
After 10+ years as an elementary school secretary, I never once caught anything the kids brought in with them. Now after being retired for 3 years, I have a sudden case of Pink Eye. A 40+ year old woman walking around with frikkin pink eye!
sha Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 8:34 pm
“……makes me feel like a pirate”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You did not say this.
mommymae Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 9:14 pm
well, i didn’t leave the house, so the chances of doing stupid shit was lowered drastically. i did shred the cabbage for the cabbage and noodles into tiny cole slaw-like pieces with the shredding blade, instead of big chunks with the slicing blade. my cuisinart needs a brain.
holla.
Karen Sugarpants Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 9:19 pm
I can’t think of anything I did that was particularly dumb (it’s late) but after hockey tonight, Thomas (age 4 now) and I hit the Superstore (grocery etc) for stuff for dinner.
I bought the little man a hockey stick more his size and on the way out I let him carry it. He was carrying it way out in front of him, so I showed him how to carry it upright and said, “you don’t wanna trip anyone buddy.”
2 seconds later, a woman in an electric wheelchair zooms by us and he pipes right up, “THAT LADY IS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY PERSON I CAN’T TRIP WITH MY HOCKEY STICK MOM!”
Sigh.
We had a nice little chat about not narrating every thought, especially when it comes to observations about other people because it could hurt their feelings.
But I’ll be the first to admit it was very hard not to laugh while I was dying of embarrassment. Thankfully the lady did not hear him (or perhaps pretended not to.)
Turf Dad Said,
March 17, 2009 @ 9:57 pm
There was that time I wore ladies shoes for you and posted the pictures on my blog. Or maybe the post I wrote about you and Peter North and Dr. Vi Agraw.
Big Mike In Oz Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 3:33 am
I’m starting to think it was dumb. Folks are still saying brave to my face, but are probably thinking dumb right along with me.
At 41 years of age I’ve just started a new career as a highschool teacher. In an era when discipline is at an alltime low. On the railway line. In the lowest socioeconomic suburb for 50 miles in any direction.
I was told the by the principal on my first day to either wear a bullet proof vest or good running shoes but not both. Anyone rich enough to afford both would be mugged before lunch. 8 weeks later and I’m still not sure if he’s joking or not.
Big Mike In Oz Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 3:36 am
Can you tell I get paid fortnightly and this isn’t pay week?
veep veep Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 5:25 am
haha all you have to do is open one of my emails to you and you’ll have a winning response right there starring back at you my friend
J. Allen Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 6:10 am
If only I could make this up…I’d be a writer
Part of my job is to supervise students (vocational/ag ed/culinary) on a farm we run. Today, I was working with one of my favorites who never fails to disappoint me with her colloquialisms (generally adding -ly to words at random will). As she was reciting to me her AOL conversation from the Monday night this gem escaped…
“I finally said, are there any guys in the US in here to talk to.” I nodded. “Because you know, I was talking to those guys from Greece and Italy, and I don’t know what that twenty year old was thinking, I am not moving to Greece.” I uh-huh. “All those boys from outside countries, I want me some real US meat. Not boys from France or Miscellaneous.” I look up in shock. Miscellaneous, I asked. “Yeah, I don’t know where that is but it sounds tropical.”
–The dumbest part, between the time it left her mouth and my jaw dropped, I wondered where Miscellaneous was.
Tamara Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 6:54 am
I told a customer that his penis was not a magic wand.
Perhaps not the most appropriate of comments, but he was hitting on me and telling me that he solved married womens’ problems by sleeping with them.
Avitable Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 7:03 am
Do you want me to kiss your blarney stone? It will make everything better.
furiousBall Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 7:05 am
oh, it’s so hard to choose, i do so many stupid things everyday
Jennifer Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 7:12 am
DropKick Murphy’s are cool…. you should give a listen to Flogging Molly. They too are a true Irish treat.
nec Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 7:26 am
I start work early (~6am), in the winter months this means it is dark when I go to work. I also live in the southwest where it is warm earlier than other parts of the country. I was walking in to work, going up the stairs when a co-worker who was behind me said “Nice sandals”. I said thanks and looked down. Not only did I have on 2 different sandals, they were 2 different colors (one black and one cream), they were also 2 different styles (businessy and casual)… Doh! Yes, I drove home, put the correct shoes on and came back to work…
White Hot Magik Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 7:26 am
OMG I just saw you in the blogher ad. ; ) I try to stuff all the dumb things I do down deep deep inside of me, and then let them out explosively later. If I spew soon I’ll be sure to share over here.
TSM Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 8:36 am
I wore white while making home made marinara. It is now pink.
I might have, in a fit of passion, told the hubs that I really don’t need an hour worth of lovemaking, and he could go ahead and finish any time he wanted.
I only realized when an SUV drove by containing a very upward mobile looking couple that I was standing on my front porch in my bathrobe and ugg boots, FFL hair, smoking what they most likely assumed was a Pall Mall. To my credit, there was no baby on my hip.
Finally, I snapped my own bra trying to remove it. Forgot how much that hurts!
Have a good one
Lori Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 5:09 pm
Love your blog. LOL. Here’s my stupid act.
In order to ensure that I will take my morning walk, I don’t let myself go back into the house after dropping the kids at school. I park my car, throw my purse in the trunk and start walking. Yes, I threw my purse…with my car keys…in the trunk and only after slamming shut realized I’d just locked myself out of the car and house.
Nicky Said,
March 18, 2009 @ 5:40 pm
Yesterday was when I knew my mind was completely gone. I was headed out to drive to an appointment and stepped out into the garage to get into my car. Hubby reminded me that I still had “stuff” in the front seat from the night before…and to just dump it by the back door. I opened the passenger door…removed the “stuff”…put it by the back door. Turned back and got in the car. It took me a minute to realize that I was in the passenger seat of my car…all by my lonesome.
Yep…gone! I got a chuckle….all by myself.
Wifey Said,
March 19, 2009 @ 5:55 am
I told my sister that last year when I gained a little weight I thought my clothes shrunk in the dryer. Does that count as two? Thinking the clothes shrunk and telling on myself? Duh.
And, we really do look a like. Yesterday my contacts bugged out on me, too, and I squinted - and ducked - all through tennis practice.
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
Skye Said,
March 19, 2009 @ 7:16 am
“To show that I’m not racist. I know Irish people!”
Remind me not to read your blog while eating or drinking, since I don’t think anyone here *really* knows the Heimlich maneuver.
Se'Lah Said,
March 19, 2009 @ 1:00 pm
I have lived in New England ever since my family immigrated to the US from the Caribbean. I moved to the deep South for 7 years and have recently moved back to New England. My daughter is having her FIRST winter so we’ve been having a blast.
The following post is a story about me and a really interesting thing I did. I could retype it but this blog post says it best.
http://momentarysolace.blogspot.com/2009/01/32-degrees-farenheit.html
RuthWells Said,
March 19, 2009 @ 2:05 pm
I decided to try pulling hot sugar, just like they do on Food Network. Except, I used bare hands.
Carly Said,
March 19, 2009 @ 8:23 pm
Just had to TOTALLY laugh at this:
During the lunch shift today one of the students asked why I was wearing green to which I replied, “To show that I’m not racist. I know Irish people!” Then she walked away from me while shaking her head.
LOL!
Mocha Momma » Something Stupid, Something Won, Something Cool Said,
March 22, 2009 @ 9:25 pm
[...] something stupid right now and won’t figure it out until next Thursday. This time, however, I asked you to share because I had a book and a surprise to giveaway. The comments made it difficult to choose but in [...]