It’s been a long week of travel and business and it culminated with flying back in to St. Louis on Saturday. Mallory graciously agreed to pick me up even though she was in St. Louis hanging out with former college roommates and friends so letting her mom tag along on the Saturday night party was more than enough to give her Good Daughter Points. For the last week I’ve slept in a hotel where they fold the toilet paper into a little diamond point and I even had a car service (just for fun when I saw the driver holding a sign with my name on it I deliberately walked slower because I wanted to savor the moment!) so let’s just say I was well taken care of for this particular trip.

When we stayed in St. Louis we were going to sleep at Claire’s house who is shown in the previous post (she’s on the right) and I must say that her hospitality was far superior to the Westin. She let me sleep in her parents’ room and she even lay out towels for me on the bed complete with a little chocolate and a card she wrote in for me! (Best line from that card: “Who doesn’t love a chimp conga line?“) (You love a chimp conga line, don’t you?)

But staying in a bedroom with a rather large statue of Jesus didn’t go over well with me.

So I turned him around to face the corner.

I just couldn’t deal with a Jesus statue. What if I woke up in a strange bed in the middle of the night and looked over to see him Him staring at me and then I screamed? What if that woke up the rest of the household? WHAT WOULD JESUS DO IN THAT SITUATION?

So before I went to sleep I walked over to the corner and turned Jesus around.

Holy crap. I put Jesus in a time out.

If you’re in the Pasadena, CA area and would like to come out for a SoCal party/mixer that Jeremy Pepper put together in my honor, please do! We’ll be at Lucky Baldwin’s this Friday night starting at 7 pm.

There’s a Facebook page for it here.

And this? Well, it’s just a funny picture of Mallory and two of her former college roommates that never fails to crack me up so I assumed that sharing it would be a good idea.

Today was one of those days when I really wanted to sleep in late because there’s a new sinus infection brewing in my upper facial regions that I’m considering making a phone call to Ripley’s Believe It Or Not just to get them to come shove a camera up my nose to take pictures. And while I’m still verklempt over your unbelievable outpouring of support for my student Anna I can’t help but go in another direction today and wax poetic about phlegm. Yet, I also need to remind you that I always get like this when I’m under the influence of medicinal products like Sudafed which, yes, is used to make meth and now that I’ve ingested some of it and am writing in these long, run-on sentences betraying my English Lit. degree from undergrad I have to say that it’s best that pharmaceuticals and I don’t mix because my own brand of Crazy is best left unsullied by not-so-over-the-counter drugs where you have to produce your license, a pint of blood, your social security number, your last 5 years worth of tax receipts and the promise of your firstborn child JUST TO GET SOME NASAL RELIEF.

This is what makes me want to move to Mexico where la farmacia has all kinds of stuff available.

Ok, so I won’t write about phlegm but there is something pretty fantastic that you have to see but first I shall write another run-on sentence. Mallory works as a designer for a furniture place and hey! that’s great! because now she’s using her college degree and yet she still works like three jobs because we’re in a recession and she’s trying hard to make ends meet except that she moved back in with me which is great because hey! she was an excellent roommate the first 20 years and one day at work she had to go “on site” which meant she needed to wear a hard hat and she was all, “I need a pink hard hat!” to her co-workers but they didn’t see The Funny in that but I found it totally hilarious and 1/10th of my body actually found it quite serious because hello! Pink! Hard hat! so here is a picture of it because someone at work FINALLY GOT HER CUTE JOKE and they spray-painted one for her and it’s all kinds of awesome:

If you don’t think the idea of a pink hard hat is completely phenomenal then you really need to come and try some of these expired drugs I’m on so that you, too, can love it and possibly also dream about crossing the River Styx to shop for lip gloss made from leftover Greek foods.