Mediation is one of my favorite things to do in my job. I’m not even shy in saying that I’m really good at it. When my students are having a conflict that is worth discussing then I’m always ready to sit down with them and act as their mediator to help them understand larger life lessons. Recently, I’ve been fairly busy with kids who are having problems with the opposite sex and gossiping and texting. (Don’t get me started on sexting. I can write a book on what I’ve dealt with this year on sexting.) (OMG, kids! Stop taking pictures of yourself and sending them to people!) (NO ONE keeps a naked picture to themselves. They always pass it around!)

When a couple of boys came into my office to get a talking to about some girls they had been harassing and bothering I was looking at the larger picture of how they were bullying the girls and spreading gossip about them that was particularly hurtful.

When there’s a lot of gossip going on I’ve noticed that one gender in specific gets the brunt of it.

Boy 1: “Yeah. So?”

I’m trying to get you to see that it’s not fair. And that leads to a larger social problem.

Boy 2: “Uh huh. And…?”

Let’s try this. Fill in the blank for me, ok? “Most gossip in high schools seems to be about ________.”

Boy 1: “Sluts?”

Boy 2: “Bitches?”

There’s a large bruise in the middle of my forehead from smacking it on my desk.

Some days are definitely better than others in my line of work, but who isn’t that true for among the working? On my last post Angie asked me a question that I’ve been pondering ever since I read it:

How do you renew yourself?

I responded in the comments but after I did it I realized that it wasn’t a really good answer. Then, the next day at work I actually identified one of the things I get to do and that comes out of no where. It happens more often than I notice but it was having the presence of mind while thinking about renewal that made it especially sweet for me.

It’s amazing that I don’t have the legs of a soccer player with the trekking around our large, spread-out school building. There are stairs. Lots of stairs. And, once, while trying to see if a student could get from the gym to a class on the other side of the building within the 5 minute passing period, I realized that it could not be done. So, if I’m needed then it will take at the very least 5 minutes and 10 seconds to get from one side of that place to the other. That’s not including the wearing of heels, either.

So, in walking around a school building I will encounter many things. Students skipping class, kids on their way to the bathroom, pairs of students working together in the hallway outside their classroom. Each time, as I pass by, I ask, “Hey! Whatcha workin’ on?” because I want to be sure they’re WORKING on something. Usually, I say it loud enough for their teachers to hear us conversing so they don’t get in trouble for talking in the hallway. The answers are varied: “I’m taking a test (or quiz) because I was absent” or “We’re catching up on things everyone has has done because we were absent” or “I didn’t do my homework and the teacher’s making me finish it right now” and even “We have a project to do together.”

When I happened upon three girls huddled in a circle of desks I asked my usual question. One of them frowned and said, “We have to read these chapters we missed from yesterday” and another joined in with “Ugh. I hate this book” and then the third one chimed in, “Me, too!” Only because they were so honest did I stop my purposeful walk down the hallway to see if I could get them to explain why they didn’t like it. They were reading Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird” which is a staple in freshman literature in our curriculum.

In what seemed like a matter of minutes we were embroiled in a passionate discussion about how slow the beginning of the book is with it’s historical foundation. “If you can get past that part ok then you’ll be fine, but it’s really important to understanding this town they live in.” I asked them to tell me what they liked about the characters (Scout’s feisty attitude, they said, and also how she beats up boys) and then I told them how much I loved chapter 18. That was the first time they broke eye contact and conversation with me to furiously find that chapter in their own individual books. I learned that they hadn’t read it yet and that they didn’t think much of the character Mrs. Dubose. It was about this time in our conversation that one of them asked, “How do you know this stuff?” Of course, students don’t understand that I’ve been a teacher, that I’ve come from a background of being an instructor in the classroom. They must think that principals are magically born and that upon leaving school I just declared myself an administrator. Someday I will tell them that because I found a unicorn in my backyard it granted me three wishes and one of them was this job, but this was not the day.

As I was getting along my merry way (for yes, there was a task at hand, but at this point in time I had actually forgotten where I was headed – surely it was going to include more stairs) I saw their teacher peek out of the room to see what all this discussion was so I offered an explanation. “Hi. I was just seeing what these ladies were up to and they filled me in about the book you’re reading with them.” Their teacher smiled at me and said, “Oh. Ok. I was just checking on them.” Then I looked back at these girls and said, “You’ll tell me about when you’ve read chapter 18, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

“Ok.”

As I rounded the corner I overheard them talking about how they were going to race to get to chapter 18 and who would get there first. And just like that, I’m renewed again.

It’s been too difficult to write lately and so I haven’t done it. Virtually anywhere. The thing is, I can write about anything and then I am reminded: people are watching. Sometimes they’re just looking at my writing. Maybe they’re asking questions. What’s interesting here? What’s going on? What is she really up to these days? I’ll say this about my career: it’s pretty awesome and as much as I complain about the icky parts of my job they’re what makes it more fantastic than I thought I would appreciate it for and yet I know that’s always going to be hard.

On Monday a graduate student came in to interview me for a project she’s required to do and I told her that all I could afford is about 30 minutes of my morning. It ended up being one of those mornings where I had to check in with lots of students. I mean a lot of students. Nearly 75 of them in the first hour and a half of my day. It’s part of my morning routine and it takes a lot of time. It involves tediously checking the attendance lists for my 300+ students. There was no other time to fit her into my day. She came in at a bad time, too, when there were scores of kids crowded in my office waiting area listening for their name to be called so that I could ask them any one of a variety of questions:

Where have you been for the last few days?

Why are you late to class? Why are you skipping class?

You know I have to follow the rules and give you the appropriate consequence for you behavior, don’t you?

What’s going on with your grades? How can I help?

They are the constant questions of my work with students and they allow me to learn a lot about what’s going on, what referrals I need to make to the proper services we can offer, and sometimes they end in heartbreak for the both of us. I know, it’s always more hard on them, but it’s that ever present burden of working with kids that both wears me out and spurs me onward.

There are several sides to me in my work. Sometimes, I’m all business and need to get to the heart of the matter. Other times I am inconceivably goofy with them and need to get them to laugh in order to break down the barrier. Oh, hell, sometimes I’m just silly because I want to be like last week when a boy sat across from my desk and we spontaneously started rapping a song by Lil Wayne together. It served no other purpose but to pass the time while we waited for his mother to call me back. He easily moved right into the palm of my hand and I did that on purpose so he wouldn’t freak out that his mom was going to speak with me and he was probably going to get in trouble (which he did). But the music! It bonded us for a moment! Those are the moments I wouldn’t give back EVER and that I find immensely entertaining.

My students know me. I call them “my kids”. Those kids try to pull one over on me all the time.

“Write me a pass? PLEEEEEASE? I don’t want to get a detention.”

“No. You know better than to ask me. Go get your detention.”

“Ugh. You NEVER do that for me!”

“I know. I probably never will. Now go away.”

When I run into them in the hallways later on and say Hi and smile they reciprocate. All is forgiven, but not necessarily forgotten. I’d be dishonest if I said this was all on their part. I have a pretty good memory, but I realize I’m growing up some kids here.

Last week a kid was mad because he had to give up his cell phone and he made the horrendous decision to call me a “douche”. I don’t react to students when they’re clearly looking for it. My face just screws up into that “Seriously?” face and then I do what I have to do. They get reminded that I’m not doing this to them, but that they’re getting those natural consequences for their behavior. I think perhaps he hated that I didn’t react so he continued to act like a jerk misbehave but I’m just not giving in to that kind of idiotic functioning.

“You’re not mad at me. I understand your frustration. But you’re not mad at me. You did something stupid and have to take responsibility.”

The graduate student asked me several questions about the nature of my work, what my duties and responsibilities are, and then finished with two integral questions.

Q: What part of your job do you dislike the most?

A: Starting my day with things like attendance where I find out what’s really going on in their lives.

Q: What part of your job do you like the most?

A: Starting my day with things like attendance where I find out what’s really going on in their lives.

I’m trying to be a better blogger but there’s this THING, y’all. There’s this JOB. And this gaggle of kids I have. They’re all pretty awesome and I can’t quit them just like a gay guy can quit another gay guy.

Too far?

I’m blaming my cute doggie who is, for some reason, really snuggling up to me tonight. Don’t you hate when people say they have the best dog ever and then you end up having a pissing contest with them on the phone because you have the BEST DOG EVER? All I’m gonna mention, Avitable, is that the person I’m talking about is YOU. Lola is lazy, snuggly, and eternally grateful for her three walks per day even though she’s kind of prissy and refuses to walk very far in the rain. What’s worse is when people post pictures of their cute dog. Like we all want to see that crap. Speaking of which, wanna see my super cute dog?

Yes. My cuteness is documented. But seriously, lady, you bore me with all your picture taking.

I promised Mason I would mention that he has people food in his mouth that he’s offering the dog. Not dog food. People food. Ok. Duly noted.

Ok, so recently I got to talk on the phone to the very sweet and kind Avitable who sent me this delicious popcorn for my birthday. He probably knew I’d love it because I’m all about the food. And it’s popcorn. For the record, the Chocolate and Peanut Butter DrizzleCorn was my favorite and I devoured that bag in one sitting on the couch while catching up on all the movies (”Hot Fuzz” = awesomeness beyond what I thought it would be and, though I will deny it in a court of law, an unintentional crush on Nick Frost) I wanted to watch last week when I had a few days off work for my Spring Break. I’ve gotten caught up on all things music and, if you don’t know about Blip.fm, yet, let me just show you my playlist. Songs like that prove that I do indeed have a disco queen in me just dying to break out. If they ever have one of those Make My Adult Wishes Come True (umm, that sounded really dirty so let’s try again) Make My Grown Up Wishes Come True then I’m going to ask that they make me into a salsa dancer or a Rockette.

I also got a Smorgasbord of songs from Caffeinated Libby with such gems as “Tetrishead” by Zoe Keating and a remake of “Tainted Love” by Marilyn Manson. I love them all but it sort of scares me that I like something by Marilyn Manson so much. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh on him when he first came on the scene. Thanks, Libby for expanding my horizons once again!

Finally, I was honored that Tracy offered to make some earrings for me to show off my new(ish) short(ish) hair. She is talented and made them with her delicate little hands. People never fail to amaze me with how generous they are with their time and craft and…well, generosity. Thank you, Tracy!

I promised her I would take a picture of them so you can see her crafty handiwork. Sorry for the fuzzy pic, but you get the idea. She’s really GOOD.

Finally, I realize that I am no longer able to read almost all of my favorite bloggers without seeing my own picture in the BlogHer BackTalk ad. People have been really nice (no, really, interwebs. Did you all take Super Nice Pills? Because you are NICE. Cut that shit out.) to send me nice little notes about them.

Don’t really cut it out. It seems that there is more tragedy for another momblogger, GorillaBuns. Her very sweet little baby Thalon has passed away and it’s making so many people want to do a karate chop to the universe. It is a despair that no one should experience it and we find ourselves with more exposure to it but with that comes a community that keeps on supporting our fellow man. So take all that niceness, roll it into a ball, offer it up as a prayer or whatever you need to do (positive vibes or whatever you crazy kids are doing these days) and just…I don’t know. Just be nice.

Like many folks I tuned in to watch Oprah’s show yesterday. I did so because I wanted to see my friend Karen of Chookooloonks since I knew she was going to be featured. As usual, she didn’t disappoint. She was easily the funniest woman on the show and I can even picture her doing her Crazy Mom impersonation because I, too, have acted in that same play. Matinees every weekend. Bring a little extra money for snacks.

You want me to feel bad for you because you have to drive a minivan? Sorry, not gonna happen. There was a time when I had three children under 10 and I desperately needed and wanted one but couldn’t afford it until a few years later.

I wanted to tell some of the people I know that being crushed about the sex of your baby was a nauseating premise. You need sympathy because you can’t add that one perfect sex to your brood? No way, because I’ve experienced a hurt like that first hand from my oldest daughter’s sperm donor. His wife carelessly told us that after having a daughter of their own they were going to try again because he “really wants a son.” Hey, thanks for making my precious daughter who was already abandoned by him feel worthless. Each time I gave birth I had healthy children with the appropriate number of limbs and toes and vital organs. I am going to be forever grateful for that.

You want sympathy because you ran out of diapers and had to use maxi-pads and tape? Congratulations is in order! You are creative and resourceful! That’s not a “confession” to me so much as ingenuity.

The motherhood game is played by those who choose to enter. Not everyone signs up for parenthood in the same way but once we’re in the game some of us hit the ground running and some of us long so much for the life we lost that we fail to see the humor and pure joy in everyday challenges of parenting. Mothering. I’m not in competition with anyone else for this. The prize at the end is the same: we have well-adjusted, kind, loving, caring human beings that we’ve raised while doing the best we can. Don’t get me wrong. There was a time when I allowed myself to feel bad but that was because I was doing the comparing. I was trying to walk as fast as the other mother at the park with her super cool stroller. Not long into that race I sighed, let out an audible, “pppfffftttt” and said FORGET IT. NOT. WORTH IT.

…………………………………….

That was the beginning of something I wrote the other day. I have yet to finish it. The thoughts are still swirling in my head about watching that show, but then something happened today that made me rethink it. I wanted to chastise mothers who are always whining about what they have and what they don’t have. But instead I think I’ll just remind myself that life is precious.

Maddie Alice Spohr died today. She was just a wee one. Her mom writes a blog entitled “The Spohrs Are Multiplying” and, while the site has been down much of today because of the server issues, there are many other places to see about Maddie. I’ve spent a great deal of the day thinking about her family. This morning, when I read that she passed away, I spent several hours reading the archives of her rough entrance into this world and the many pictures her lovely momma took of her. As much as I wanted to post a picture here I just don’t feel right stealing one. [edited to add photo] Please go visit and see what love was brought into this world.

Be kind to your children. Be kind to your loved ones. Be kind to your sisterhood. Tell people that you love them.

If you are so inclined, please make a donation to the March for Babies instead of sending flowers. Meghan at “A Mom Two Boys” has some great pictures up, too.