It was a mere year ago that I wrote this post for my oldest child, Mallory.

She’s getting old, that’s for sure. The beautiful thing about having a kid in high school is that any time she makes fun of you for being old you get to remind her that she is a mere fifteen years behind you. She hates that. At least she gets an entire post dedicated to her on her 23rd Birthday, though. It more than makes up for it.

I’m pretty sure this picture is from Christmas last year when your brothers were opening up the Wii. You wanted to capture their glee.

This is from when you went to a formal recently. I loved watching you get all glammed up and from getting a text message 20 minutes later saying that your feet hurt from the shoes.

When Claire came to visit you tried to figure out the Kindle. You also had a sprained finger. I’m so glad it was the index finger.

I’ve not seen you have so much fun as when you and your cousin Kyle played with the baby.

We were all so proud of you at your Senior Show. I like this one because it’s got a little glimpse of your grandpa and because you have a megawatt smile in this photo.

Mouth full of food. And still ready for the camera. You’re genius.

This is by far my favorite (hence, the size) (holy cow, I didn’t mean to make that so large) (oh, well, it’s too late and this is my third parenthetical so I’m not turning back now) picture of the two of us together and it’s many, many years old. That day is clearly emblazoned on my mind. We were downtown in Chicago near the lake and your Granny brought her camera and took several pictures of us goofing off. You bring it out in me, you know that, kid?

Some of my favorite things about you:

1) You’re the exact same kind of cranky that I am in the morning. Not too little. Not too much.

2) When you’re friends with someone you are loyal to them and only want the best for them. You also still ask for advice concerning your friends which means you still want to learn how to be a good friend.

3) Not a day goes by when you don’t make me laugh or smile. You’re really funny and know how to laugh at yourself.

4) You can out-belch your brothers.

5) The fashion sense you possess is unique. But really. You’re going to have to stop stealing my earrings, kiddo.

6) When you’re hungry for something you don’t rest until you get it. Even if this lasts for days. Like the chocolate chip pancakes from last night that you just had to have.

7) Your work ethic is enviable. Anyone would be wise to hire you.

8 ) When the day has sucked the soul out of you and any normal person would lose it you have the wisdom to balance that with equal parts. You know when the day calls for an evening of sitting on the couch with Oreos or going for a run to the park.

9) I love your generosity of spirit, time, wealth, heart. You give freely.

10) At 23 you know when you need some time for us. Even if you can’t verbalize it and I have to ask you, “Do you just want to spend time with me? Is that what you’re asking for?” and you emphatically pronounce, “YES” because it’s finally dawned on you that we haven’t had much quality time lately.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Mallory.

We’re in the final countdown (are you singing that song now? sorry about that.) of the school year and until I can put pen to paper, brain to action, and figure out a way to hide my sadly neglected toes that are sorely in need of a pedicure … well, I’m just going to have to add some pictures.

This is the first flower / plant I didn’t kill right away. I couldn’t. It was a gift. (It’s a phalaenopsis orchid and has had to live in my bathroom so it could soak up the moisture in the air.)

We can’t possibly be the only family who writes stuff on their food to preserve it from the others who are trolling the fridge. Can we?

Mallory gets a lot of mileage out of sticky notes.

It’s not like she thinks I was going to keep this picture to myself.

One day my mom got this wild hair up her butt to learn to make eclairs. Guess who reaped the benefits from them? Guess who had to exercise twice as hard after eating them? Man, y’all are good guessers!

My nephew, Kenny, on his graduation day. He’s my favorite.

My niece, Ashley, and her new(ish) baby. This makes my sister a grandmother. I’ve been very good about not teasing her about that at all. Except when she pisses me off. Then, I give her hell like a sister is supposed to do.

I don’t know  if I can say anything nice right now. I didn’t want to continue to rant against the day, the job, the work. It was a tough day.

I’ve started this post several times. Too many to count.

I can’t say anything nice right now. Not about education. Not about how people have treated me.

So I won’t say anything at all.

Since I promised myself to write more often then I will do just that. The only problem lately is a time crunch. Today will be super busy with a district meeting out of my building (which is fine – I needed a time out from that place right now anyway) and then a taping of BackTalk and then I rush off to school again for a program this evening. The best way to discipline myself is to just sit still for a few minutes and do it.

Judging by the clock I now have 15 minutes left before I need to leave my house. So I can only do the stream of consciousness kind of writing where I am mostly puking the contents of my brain out.

Most days I am absolutely mortified by some of the things I see and hear come out of the mouths of the students and their parents. Yesterday was no exception but before 10 a.m. I had dealt with a student who has anxiety disorder who got jumped, listened to three students lament about the amount of work they have to do in their Honors Chemistry class (boys! it’s an honors class! You have to work hard! DUH!) and see several students about their excessive absences. I try to take the time and care with each one and then when you sprinkle in the discipline that happens it’s even more frenzied. I look at discipline in this way: every time I come into contact with a student I am disciplining. Discipline happens when I correct behavior, teach them how to talk to adults (like when they start a sentence with “Gimme…” and I stop them and remind them that they have manners and they will use them to learn how to talk to people) and get them to see the positive things in school instead of focusing on the negative.

Then, I had The Phone Call. The one where I know I don’t want to be talking to this parent because they almost never allow their child to take responsibility for their actions/behaviors and I realize that what I’m doing is actually teaching the parent more than the student. I teach parents how to parent. That sounds awfully arrogant, but it is a realistic view of my job. Many times I’m not surprised by student behavior once I meet their parents and I see how they’ve been taught to treat people. For a full 20 minutes my office was beginning to fill up with students but my door was closed and I kept trying to get off this phone call where the student’s parent refused to see that she was refusing to actually do the work expected of her. He threw every excuse in the book at me. I volleyed it back and put it on the student. He lobbied it over the net and said that she’s under peer pressure. I returned with the fact that this is still a choice and that she is taking responsibility for it with her poor grade.

And then he did it.

He swatted the nastiest ball over the net.

He hurled it at me. I was expecting another excuse on his part for his kid and he lobbed over something that I didn’t even know how to anticipate.

We don’t want you in charge of our daughter next year. I think it’s because you don’t like White people.

REALLY? REALLY? You think that’s the problem here? After all I’ve done for her in support of her this year and THIS is what you think the issue is?

Yes, I do.

I hold your daughter to a higher standard and refuse to set low expectations and this is what you think? This conversation is over. Goodbye.

I hung up after that. I couldn’t see straight. That damn ball came over into my section of the court and I called foul. FOUL. PLAY. Not fair. Lame. No way I’m accepting that.

More than anything I hated that those hot tears welled up in my eyes and that I yelled, “WOW!” as I opened the door to my office to see a roomful of students staring at me having a meltdown in front of them. I hated that I slammed my door and walked out. I hated that my co-workers had to run after me as I looked for a quiet place to deal with this. I HATE that I let something that stupid and asinine get to me when I know what I do every day for kids and how much I care for them and yes, I’ll say it, and LOVE them.

Damnit, it hurts to love them.

There’s no way I’m going to post about something as lame as cheap implants but I was out of titles and I thought it would humor my good friend, Avitable. He’s easily entertained. BUT! He’s been giving me shit about not posting regularly and I was all, “Wait until school is out! I’ve been busy!” and he replied with “You are a dirty rotten whore. I don’t even like you.” We have a hate-hate relationship. It’s a beautiful thing.

On the serious tip, I’m having some writing block that is manifested because I’m always worried about who is reading and blah, blah, yadda, woo woo woo. I know. Just tell me to shut up and write already! In the interest of time and lack of paragraph formation I’m just going to take the easy way out. These are just some things occupying my brain lately and I have to put it down somewhere.

1. Weird, Funny Girls

Sometimes I just laugh when my students say funny things in front of me and forget that I’m there or that I’m listening. Last week two girls were hashing it out in my office (while I acted as mediator) and they were making up after having a little spat. I did my bit part and then proceeded to let them continue talking while I filled out forms and straightened up my desk. 

Girl 1: Ok, so I’m sorry. Can we please be friends again?

Girl 2: Too late. I already replaced you with a midget who does juggling tricks. 

Me, interrupting: I love you girls. Stay this way forever.

2. I Swear I’m Not A Man Hater

After a particularly rough year my mom and I decided to move in together last October since I’m single again. She does her thing. I do mine. Tonight she had a group of her friends over for movie night and they each made a dish to share. There was a couscous salad, chocolate covered strawberries, fresh vegetables and spinach dip, a ham and cheese ball, fresh baked artisan bread, and cheesecake. The entire day when I was at work I was wondering what this group would be like. The thing I kept envisioning is that scene from Jerry Maguire where Dorothy (Zellweger’s character) comes home to her sister Laurel’s house (played by the awesome Bonnie Hunt) and it’s filled with all these angry women. I asked my mom if my house would have a bunch of angry women giving me Man Hating Advice but she just laughed at that notion. During the meal one of the women said, “You know, I read this book that said you should stop eating when you feel full.” Then, the sassy Portia (who was LOVELY and kind and funny and who is old enough to be my grandmother) said, “It was probably written by a man!” My mom and I exchanged glances and we knew that my Angry Women’s joke was probably fulfilled. Later, when I was cleaning up the kitchen Portia came in while I lamenting the fact that I wanted a second piece of cheesecake she said, “Oh, honey. You have a darling figure.” I’m really going to like this group of wise cronies.

3. Stuff I’m Proud Of Doing

I have a group of friends of my own who get together every year for a Spa Weekend. We’re all teachers (even me, who’s gone on to the Dark Side of administration) and we refer to each other by last names most of the time. I think it’s a teacher thing. Or a P.E. teacher thing. In any case, this year we decided to do our regular dinner followed by a 5k Race for the Cure in Peoria and spend some time doing something worthwhile. This was my first race ever and I was eager to do it since I started running again. There is no other feeling in the world than coming up the last hill and seeing the finish line crowded with people cheering you on as you cross the line. I will remember this forever and am now inspired to do another, longer race. Basically, I’m telling you that because I know some people will hold me to it. As a bonus, right after the race I took a shower and slipped and my little toe hit the drain really hard so SCORE! I broke my toe right after the race. I’m still really proud of myself, though.

4. Music

I think I am in love with Blip.fm and I sort of have an addiction to it. I listen to these songs that everyone plays and find new stuff. Right now I am currently obsessing to and dancing along with The Ting Ting’s “That’s Not My Name”. It’s possible, but I cannot confirm, that I am making up a dance routine to it. It’s also probable that many of the dances are from Madonna’s “Lucky Star” video. Again, this cannot be verified. But it’s most likely true.

5. Stuff That I Still Want To Do

It’s highly likely that I will be pursuing my doctorate degree soon. I can’t seem to shake the fact that I want to do it and there are a few schools I’m looking into seriously at this point.  I even went to visit Vanderbilt University in Nashville a while back and got the PhD bug. It’s an itchy motherfucker that I can’t shake but there is that nagging OH MY GOD DO I WANT TO GO INTO DEBT AGAIN FOR MY SCHOOLING? thing that I’m dealing with right now. Who, getting their doctorate, writes “itchy motherfucker” anyway? Yeah. I should just give up this ghost haunting me.