Hello. May I help you?
Oh. Not yet. I’m just looking for a dress.
What’s the occasion?
I have to chaperone prom this weekend. See the excitement on my face? No, you don’t. Because THERE IS NONE.
Well, what kind of dress are you looking for?
Definitely NOT something like all the young teenage girls will be wearing.
Ok.
But also NOT something that screams Bitter Divorcée either.
I’m not sure we carry anything like that anyway, ma’am.
Super.
After our little exchange I found a dress and tried it on along with two others but The Dress I found was The One and I knew it when I reached for it on the dress rack. I tried it on first just to be sure and the saleslady had come to check on me in the dressing room.
How are we doing?
We need some help zipping it all the way up so we can see if we can breathe when we wear this.
Normally, I hate it when people ask how “we” are doing, but she seemed like a nice lady and I was in a silly mood last night anyhow.
I stepped out of the dressing room so that she could help me. When she saw me walking towards her she said:
If I may say this, ma’am, and without being weird or gay or anything you look hot.
Weird or gay, I’d let anyone say that. But back to the dress. Really? It’s not too…umm…much?
Why?
Because it’s sorta clingy in parts and I’m sorta curvy and remember? Me. Chaperone.
Oh, no, it’s fine. It’s… (she surveyed me up and down and searched for the word she was looking for)
It’s the dress that’s going to make me bow down and thank the goddesses of hips, J-Lo and Beyonce.
Yeah. That’s it. You need to thank them.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
WHERE IS THE PICTURE???? What shoes are you wearing? Picture of the whole outfit PLEASE!!!
We definitely need a photo! And the name of the store you got it from!
seriously, where are the pictures? you should have the hole process too, like from out of the shower to fully dressed
Great writing. In the movie of your life, that sales associate is a tiny gem of a role.
Awesome.
I can’t believe you didn’t post a picture….
What kind of tease was that? No picture?!
I scrolled down slowly so I could be dazzled by you in the dress…only there was no picture of you in the dress! Now I am going to have to stalk your site all weekend to see if you put up a picture.
i bet you’ll be hot! pictures please.
Yeah, this post is worthless without pictures.
Where is the picture? We see the haircut, but not the dress????
You don’t need to post a picture, because what I’m imagining in my head is even better.
I know! I suck, right? But I wanted to first share the experience of dress shopping and then show the picture once I get dressed up tomorrow night. SO maybe a special Saturday picture.
Ok. Not maybe. For sure.
Wait for it.
I’m such a terrible tease! Someone kick me!
Make sure to have a photo taken under a balloon arch!
I can’t WAIT to see the pictures! And the shoes that go with it.
It’s not the dress that chaperones have to be careful about. It’s the eye makeup.
Ditto everyone else here! Can’t wait to see the picture…at least you don’t have to worry about where to pin the corsage!
why don’t we have a picture of this number on you? notice how I said WE?!
Yea, seriously — now we have to see the picture of you looking like a goddess!
um?…Picture!!!
Seriously, let’s see the picture, Mocha!