Since I promised myself to write more often then I will do just that. The only problem lately is a time crunch. Today will be super busy with a district meeting out of my building (which is fine – I needed a time out from that place right now anyway) and then a taping of BackTalk and then I rush off to school again for a program this evening. The best way to discipline myself is to just sit still for a few minutes and do it.
Judging by the clock I now have 15 minutes left before I need to leave my house. So I can only do the stream of consciousness kind of writing where I am mostly puking the contents of my brain out.
Most days I am absolutely mortified by some of the things I see and hear come out of the mouths of the students and their parents. Yesterday was no exception but before 10 a.m. I had dealt with a student who has anxiety disorder who got jumped, listened to three students lament about the amount of work they have to do in their Honors Chemistry class (boys! it’s an honors class! You have to work hard! DUH!) and see several students about their excessive absences. I try to take the time and care with each one and then when you sprinkle in the discipline that happens it’s even more frenzied. I look at discipline in this way: every time I come into contact with a student I am disciplining. Discipline happens when I correct behavior, teach them how to talk to adults (like when they start a sentence with “Gimme…” and I stop them and remind them that they have manners and they will use them to learn how to talk to people) and get them to see the positive things in school instead of focusing on the negative.
Then, I had The Phone Call. The one where I know I don’t want to be talking to this parent because they almost never allow their child to take responsibility for their actions/behaviors and I realize that what I’m doing is actually teaching the parent more than the student. I teach parents how to parent. That sounds awfully arrogant, but it is a realistic view of my job. Many times I’m not surprised by student behavior once I meet their parents and I see how they’ve been taught to treat people. For a full 20 minutes my office was beginning to fill up with students but my door was closed and I kept trying to get off this phone call where the student’s parent refused to see that she was refusing to actually do the work expected of her. He threw every excuse in the book at me. I volleyed it back and put it on the student. He lobbied it over the net and said that she’s under peer pressure. I returned with the fact that this is still a choice and that she is taking responsibility for it with her poor grade.
And then he did it.
He swatted the nastiest ball over the net.
He hurled it at me. I was expecting another excuse on his part for his kid and he lobbed over something that I didn’t even know how to anticipate.
We don’t want you in charge of our daughter next year. I think it’s because you don’t like White people.
REALLY? REALLY? You think that’s the problem here? After all I’ve done for her in support of her this year and THIS is what you think the issue is?
Yes, I do.
I hold your daughter to a higher standard and refuse to set low expectations and this is what you think? This conversation is over. Goodbye.
I hung up after that. I couldn’t see straight. That damn ball came over into my section of the court and I called foul. FOUL. PLAY. Not fair. Lame. No way I’m accepting that.
More than anything I hated that those hot tears welled up in my eyes and that I yelled, “WOW!” as I opened the door to my office to see a roomful of students staring at me having a meltdown in front of them. I hated that I slammed my door and walked out. I hated that my co-workers had to run after me as I looked for a quiet place to deal with this. I HATE that I let something that stupid and asinine get to me when I know what I do every day for kids and how much I care for them and yes, I’ll say it, and LOVE them.
Damnit, it hurts to love them.
Well, it does hurt my feelings when you call me Whitey and Cracker and send me packages of Wonder bread and mayonnaise.
I stick with my view on the world. Humans/People suck….glad I’m not human
)
Many Blessings!
Wow, a stellar example of both terrible parenting AND unaddressed white privilege paradigms.
It does hurt and suck! I read your tweet yesterday regarding this situation and thought to myself that it is just another example of how so many parents refuse to be responsible for their actions.
I could go on for hours about how our society is breeding children to not take responsibility for their actions, but the reality is that so many parents don’t want to do it either. They don’t want to have to do the hard work of parenting, they don’t want to have to be the bad guy & they don’t realize they are setting their children up for a life of hardships.
As much as it hurts just try to remember that his comments were thrown out as a way to make you feel bad, just as a high school girl would throw out nasty comments to another. They are empty and only do it to try to bring the other person down.
I could only wish I had an administrator in my local schools that cared as much as you do.
that was so weak, they played a race card?
here’s what they need… (I love Viktor Frankl btw)…
“I recommend that the Statue of Liberty be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the west coast.”
As a single Dad, this is so damn upsetting hearing about parents that do not take responsibility for their children.
Parents are not parents anymore..A lot of them have turned into just chauffers,a place to sleep and someone to get some spending money from.
Granted there are parents that are active and do things with their children and acknowledge their role as a teaching parent..
Television has some of the blame,and the parent’s parents played a role too..can’t forget them.
I hate it when that happens. He was only saying that to you because he knew that what you were saying about his daughter was spot on, and he either didn’t know how to rectify it or didn’t feel he HAD to recitify it…because you know, school administrators are the answer to everything and parents have no responsibility. ::rolls eyes:: What. Ever. It’s really sad because god knows what he’s teaching his daughter about minorities at home.
A couple of previous comments really stand out to me here: Nobody takes responsibility anymore, parents are not parents anymore, and God knows what he’s teaching his daughter about minorities. Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh, and people suck. For the most part, yes, they do.
I’ve got so many people in “my circle” that call me old-fashioned, or fuddy-duddy, or out of touch, what have you because of my “antiquated” (I’m 41, if that matters) views on life, how it “should be” versus how it IS. If any of that means that I take responsibility for my actions and expect others (especially my kids) to do the same, then guilty as charged. I was lucky to have parents that instilled a sense of responsibility in me, I guess. Just don’t see that much anymore.
You’ve already got my vote for school administrator of the year. I can only hope that my boys get someone with a fraction of the commitment to and caring for children that you obviously possess on a daily basis.
i knew it! you probably especially hate that white lady you live with. you know? the one with the VAGINA THAT BIRTHED YOU!
i totally wish you’d been my administrator when i was teaching. mine always did whatever the parents wanted & didn’t use those times when their kid fucked up to teach the parents a better way to parent.
Had to delurk
to say: WHAT. AN. ASS.
Your arguments were clearly strong enough that he felt completely unable to defend himself without throwing out the lowest card he could think of. Definitely the mark of a weak mind.
I’ve been reading for awhile, now, and I think you sound like an amazing administrator — one I wish I’d had in high school. One that man probably SHOULD have had in high school.
It’s not asinine. That’s a low blow that parent dealt, and it makes sense that it hurt. It was meant to hurt. Some people resort to attacking the person they are arguing with personally when all other tactics to get their way fail. You handled this very well, much better than I would have. I’d have lobbed the low blows right back over, when that’s not exactly the constructive thing to do. Kudos to you for being the bigger person.
@Avitable: LMBAO (B = Black)
@KBO: you hit it on the head.
@Mocha: The crown that you will receive in Heaven will be LOADED with jewels!!!! We’ll all be hatin’ on you for eternity!!!
To hell with that parent. A good cry is always appropriate. If you don’t release through tears, that dad would turn around (one of these days) to see whose foot was stuck in his azz…
My sister-in-law does the same thing. She never allows her son to accept responsibility and blames racism when her son continues to get in trouble.
Oh Kel –
How unfair! You know of course that he said this because nothing else worked, because he knew damn well it was his job to help his daughter master responsibility and he wouldn’t do it, because he COULD. Of course none of that matters. Because what does matter is the kids and that’s how you live. And that makes you vulnerable to men like this.
I will tell you that I was grateful the entire time my kids were in school for teachers who were there to help me learn how to be a parent. I can’t count the number of times, all the way up through high school, where a learning center person or homeroom teacher gave us a clue we didn’t have. I’m tell you that because as you suffer this ultimate insult, you should also know emperically, from one who benefitted, that the teaching of parents you do will be appreciated forever. AND the kids you help will remember you – love you – forever.
As your friend though, I just want to go wrap the phone cord around that guy’s neck.
My husband and I were talking about this just the other day. His best friend from childhood is a teacher and when we all went out to dinner together, he mentioned that the most difficult part of his job was the parents. That he could teach most of the kids to behave AT LEAST IN HIS CLASSROOM but that there were parents out there who pinned everything on the teacher, amen.
The example he used was a kid who pulled another off the swings at lunch and kicked him in the head JUST BECAUSE. Our friend called the bully’s parents to discuss with them what had occurred on the swings and what the typical course of in-classroom discipline would be. And the parent said that it was the teacher’s fault, that OBVIOUSLY had the teacher been watching, he would have seen that the bully was provoked because their child wouldn’t do anything like that unwarranted. Since the teacher hadn’t noticed this, it was all the teacher’s fault. Maybe the other kid’s a little too.
Ridiculous.
I wish there were more teachers like the two of you, teachers who don’t give up on the kids just because their parents are dumbasses. Keep up the good work!
You carry a tremendous weight with what you do for a living. I admire you and respect you. I hope you found a place to let those feelings out before facing that mob of kids.
That sucked.
You are wonderful, wonderful at this, and too bad they can’t know that.
“Excuse me Mr Melvin C. Pervis?”
“Yes.”
“You have a very rare disease and it requires an operation. Luckily one of two people in the world who are trained in this procedure lives right here in this city.”
“Great! When can we get it done?”
“I will call Dr. Shenequa Jazzy K’s office and see what I can arrange.”
“Excuse me? Shenequa Jazzy K? Is that… Is that doctor… (gasp) black?”
“Why yes. Dr K is the world’s foremost authority on this operation.”
“Well… who is the other one?”
“Her protege. But he’s not in North America right now.”
“Well he’s the one I want to do this operation. Please! Oh my God… PLEASE!”
“Alright, I’ll put a call in and see how soon Dr Mustafa Umbweebwee can get here from Kinshasa.”
“Er…”
“I’m sorry Mr Pervis, otherwise you’re just another dead white boy, I’m afraid.”
“er…”
—– forgive my silly illustration. It isn’t Emo and I are saying we’re surprised this kind of attitude still exists. It’s that it EVER existed is what sometimes freaks him out.
I’m sorry for that stupid, racist parent. I’m even sorrier for the child
My goodness! What an ass.
Jeez Kelly, it’s probably a good thing you were on the phone or he would have learned about your kung fu.
Oh yeah, and I think its OK that you love the kids.
Wow. Delurking because, wow.
Teachers never cease to amaze me in all that they put up with because of their love for children, all children. I applaud you and others like you daily.
Additionally? It’s no surprise that the student here isn’t taking responsibility for whatever grade he/she may have gotten. Obviously the parent doesn’t take responsibility for anything either.
Just catching up now and am seriously at a loss. I can’t believe there are still people like that in the world. I think you do an amazing job on a daily basis and he should be bowing at your feet. I pray that my kids have someone like you when they get to school.
Yes it hurts and he’s a Grade A+ Ass. I hope you believe in Karma because he SO has a whack of it coming to him!
People suck!
My mom was teacher and I got away with nothing. She made sure I took hard classes and got good grades. She never called and got me out of assignment or gym classes, even though other people’s parents did. When I got in trouble at school, it was double at home.
I’m trying my best to give my kid the best foundation I can. I back up the teachers rules. When my kid got in trouble for cheating, I told him I NEVER WANT TO HEAR THAT AGAIN. I told him that she went easy on him, just sending a note home. I told him that if she gave him a zero or other punishment, he would get what he deserved.
I loved when he went to a school where the teachers and student were multicultural. One of my dislikes (and there are MANY) about this school is that it is so white.
My sister-in-law was a first grade teacher before she had kids. I thought she was going to be so tough on her own kids. She is such a disappointment. She doesn’t want anybody to say anything bad to her kids, even if they do something horrible. Her boys broke their sister’s leg twice in one year. SIL said it was an accident.
i had the same problem a while ago…. when I was working on the indian reserve up in northern ontario. My educational assistment mentioned that the parents weren’t going to take me seriously ’cause you are white’.
What? I said! I’m actually NATIVE too…
“Oh, really? well…”
Word got back to the parents I was native and it made a bit of a difference. But, the problem is… why does it even MATTER? I’m a teacher, I teach kids what they need to know… white, black, oriental, native, whatever!
Four plus four still equals 8, no matter what colour you are….
Delurking to say that you rock. Those kids are lucky to have you, even if the parents can be total douches.
Y’all have such wonderful empathy for my situation and I’m truly blessed to be renewed by your words. Thank you for them. And for delurking.
That’s always cool.
I’m glad he didn’t drop that on me. I don’t like a whole bunch of white folks. And a peabrain like that parent is right at the top of my list.
Hang in there. It does hurt to care, doesn’t it? It constantly confounds me that parents have such telescopic vision. What in the world are they teaching their children? You are making a difference. I know that for sure. Someday, your student will realize that, too.
It’s OK; I hate white people, too.
And too bad there are no Gravatars; you could see how hilariously ironic my comment is.
Wow — guys like this parent don’t deserve to have kids, let alone open their mouth and talk to decent people. I love when my children’s teachers, school admins, paras, teachers (you name them) come to me, good news or bad, because it means I can stay actively involved from their standpoint. I do not allow my kids to make excuses or lie and they are required to accept full responsibility for their actions. The only time I have gone against my own rule was a time this school year when the thing my daughter got in trouble for was something I had told her to do (I was at the school volunteering and has misunderstood some directions). I went to the teacher and explained what I thought had happened, including my part in it, and we all were able to work things out. I tried to use it later as a learning experience with my child about respecting the teacher and clarifying directions, not making excuses and getting away with stuff. I’m glad you have such great online support — hope you’re getting loved in person too!
Okay, my turn.
I’m sure it is never far from your mind that you are doing the best thing for these students, something that their own parents are not willing (or perhaps capable) of doing. For some, you (and their teachers) are probably the most stable influence in their life. I never will get comments like that, other than perhaps you (we) make the parents uncomfortable in their short comings that to slap you across the face with an untruth is the only response they can come up with. It still sucks (my gr. 6s are rubbing off on me) no matter what way you look at it.
Sometimes you just gotta chalk it up to crazy.
I’d love to write about my job with kids like you do, but I’d like to keep it.
I’ll bet you’re never surprised by that again. You know you. You know who you are. This was just a matter of getting knocked off your feet by a sucker punch. The depth of who you are will be even stronger and not only will you know the game people like that are playing (which I’m sure you’ve always known,) you will experience it even stronger in your gut.
Crying is good. It feels bad, but it is a good sign.
Ok, WOW. What an ass, and what a horrible example to set – no matter whether their kids are watching or not, you just know that id a parent is that asinine, that rude, that obnoxious and obtuse, that is just going to rub off on their kids. Especially if they apply all those lovely qualities at “protecting” their kids against taking responsibility for their actions, their lives, their behavior. Which is, truthfully, where they learn to be good people. Or asshats like their parents.
Told you calling Avitable “cracker ass cracker” wasn’t a good idea.
I was bracing myself for the parent to say the opposite. “It’s because I’m black, right?” You just get it from both directions, don’t you? That stinks.
Anything and everything is the cause of the problem besides the actual cause of the problem…I think teachers should be entitled to at least one door slam per school year
loved the way you called him on the standards you set for your students…should make him think about the standards he sets for his daughter…
well, yes. i burst into tears reading this.
i have no idea how long you’ve been languishing in my bloglines, but i caught your post about all the change in your life over the last two years and then i’ve been scrolling down and down and here.
you have me again.
you do this.
love the last rites and the cellphone call from st peter, love the gathering of your lost daughter to yourself, love how you keep your head above water in the midst of such upheaval.
eternal sunshine to you from now on X
Shit. I mean, Shite… every time I think we’re beyond color…
This week was a tough one for me in that regard. A group I’m involved with was accused (or at least the organizer and us by extension) of not being diverse enough. I had not stopped once to think of our colors or backgrounds. When forced to, however, I realized that we had more color to us than a Benneton ad. Do I have to wear a shirt that says “Hispanic” or can we all just move on understanding that we are all humans?