You know how you find yourself in a small circle of people and you begin having a conversation about something rather tender? Everyone appears to be comfortable with it because the circle is small. There is safety in numbers. Especially small ones. The issue is, naturally, race. It’s a topic that I’ve come to be comfortable talking about and it appears that people are comfortable speaking about it with me. Curse or blessing? Some days it’s both. But I’ll never shy away from it when it comes up in conversation circles.
One of the questions I got asked most often (by white women) at the BlogHer conference was:
“Should I come to your session? Or is it just for women of color?”
I only cringed during the first few conversations where I was asked that question. I willed my brain to remain inside my head and prayed for the neurons to connect. Please, God, let not my brains ooze out of my ears right now. Then I came up with a stock answer:
“Are you interested in diversity? Because this is a conversation about diversity and the marginalization of our sister-writers of color who have been forgotten. And quite frankly? We’re tired of having this conversation by ourselves.”
As an educator who attends many conferences during the school year I cannot imagine a teacher who sees a session with the title “diversity” or “students of color” and then decides to stay away from it because they don’t look like the very students they are going to learn more about. They run to it. They want to find out more about culture and the role it plays in schools. BlogHer is an occasion of professional development and I’m sad for anyone who decided that they weren’t Black enough or Latina enough or Asian enough to attend our session.
This isn’t a recap of the session that I presented with Heather B of No Pasa Nada, Stefania of City Mama and Karen of Chookooloonks. Even though it was, in my humble opinion, the session with the absolute best participants during the whole weekend. Some of the backstory can be found here with the post I wrote two years ago. It was a conversation that was in dire need of happening and it was standing room only. Some very good friends came to support us in that session and I was more than pleased to hear Mir ask the question about whether or not companies and marketers know who our demographics were. Do we have all Black or all Asian readers? Absolutely not. This is no more true than me reading all Black blogs. Mir and I are both readers of one another and I appreciated her offering that up to the session. (If you’re so inclined to leave a comment here today please feel free to state what demographics you fit because these marketers and PR folks need to see who’s reading me and it might be a wake up call for them.)
As I surveyed the crowd to see who would be participating in this session I realized that Donna Byrd from The Root and Ilene Chaiken, the creator of The L Word were standing in the back of the room. These creative, powerful, talented women were listening to this conversation and at one point I had to cross my legs to keep from jumping off the stage to tackle them. Instead, I handed each of them my oh-so-classy card. (Note to self: bring two sets of cards from now on and even bring one from my day job for bloggers in the education world.) (You have to know this, though, both of those women took my card and laughed when they read it.) (No, I will not tell you what it read. It was a location joke. You had to be there.) (But if you weren’t there I really missed you! Yes, YOU.)
Many of the women I came in contact with this weekend also got to hear about how much I detest the word “post-racial”. What does that even mean? Why are we throwing it around as an excuse to no longer recognize racism? It irritates me to no end to hear, “Well, we have a Black man in the White House. We’re post-racial!” It’s all folks can do not to jump for joy as all of our problems with race have magically disappeared! Please. Tell me what color the sky is in your world because I want to live there.
The issue of discussing race is that diversity conversations have been happening in silos. Certainly, there is a time and place for some of them to happen, but please, if I could make a request when considering joining in a conversation of race, don’t shy away from it. It’s twitchy and fraught with many shades of awkwardness. Most of the time we don’t come away from them feeling as if we’ve solved every problem, but we’re talking. Keep talking. The only reason we got here is that we kept asking the questions. I’m am of two minds on the issue of marketing: first, that as a blogger, there is inequity in the pitches that women of color get. While that’s changing, I have to wonder just where my influence lies if companies are still finding it difficult to speak with me. Rest assured, this isn’t with everyone, but I can only share my experiences. The other mind I am of this is that as a writer I want to remain scrupulous in my content. Both of those things happen in this space and there is a balance out there for me. There is a balance out there for everyone.
Last summer I was honored to be contacted by The Washington Post. In fact, I thought it was a fluke. Me? You want me to write something for you? An editor worked with me on several drafts of something that never got to see the light of day. It was bad timing for this opportunity because newspapers began a movement of radical change at the time. Oh, how I wish that would have worked out for me. I’ve been embarrassed to admit this missed opportunity because I mentioned that I had some secret news and then it never came to fruition. Yet, it remains for me a reason to keep going and to keep writing and to keep talking about those things we need to talk about.
This is a small circle. It expands, contracts, moves out again and there are some problems that need to be addressed. Keep talking and having this conversation. Race won’t go away. Neither will my writing. It’s here forever with or without big magazines or newspapers.
Truly, keep talking. I’m listening.
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I’m female, 31, live in Austin, a biology graduate student and teacher, bisexual, married to a man, no kids, three cats, and American with some german, english, cherokee and who the hell knows what else. Put that in your check boxes and smoke it.
Anyway, in the fall I’ll be a teacher’s assistant for an intro bio section that’s part of one of the many programs on campus for students with “disadvantaged backgrounds” They get tons of academic and social support from the program which is awesome. What’s not so awesome is all the gossip about the students being “rambunctious” or not knowing how to behave properly in a classroom. I haven’t met my students yet, but I’m beginning to suspect that it’s code talk for black and latino/a. Which is extra funny coming from the Indian immigrant professor I’ll be working with. I’m really looking forward to the class because what all of the secondary ed mice ’round here don’t seem to get is that energy can be channeled! I’d rather have an excited, less experienced student than a bored, more experienced one any day.
This is my first time visiting your blog. It’s awesome! I wish I could have been at BlogHer to see the panel you sat on. This post sums up how I feel. I am so glad you wrote it. Thank you and consider me a new reader.
This is my first time commenting, but I’ve been reading you for a while now (what does that mean? Years, I think.) I’m a fellow educator – right now a 4th grade teacher in a public elementary school. I’m blond haired and blue eyed and kind of a mutt when it comes to ancestry. I wanted to comment so that those advertisers would know what your demographics really were. And to them, I just like to read good blogs by good writers, the fact that there are pictures of them only serves for me to know them better, but it has little effect on why I read them or continue reading them.
Also, if you are interested in continuing the conversation, email me. I grew up in a fairly diverse east coast suburb and have some good stories to share about being a white blond girl growing up in a consciously diverse town where I felt like an outsider some of the time.
It’s me. The DC Asian blogger who is mistaken for other Asian bloggers, and wonders, “Did you even look at me?”
This was the best session I attended at BlogHer. These discussions need to happen. I fear if they don’t, these issues will simply be covered up, disguised, or forced to remain silent.
Thanks for opening up this discussion here.
Hey, you said “post-racial” and your head didn’t explode. Impressive.
I’m loving conversations like this since I’m relatively new to the blog/marketing/product thing. I need to know stuff like this.
Personally I don’t look at or think of color when I’m reading a blog. All of my friends that live in my computer look the same, or atleast words on a page are all words on a page.
Anyhow, for the demographics: I’m 41, white, and live in the suburbs of LA. The families at my children’s school are white, black, hispanic (Mexican and other,) Middle Eastern, and maybe more.
I have been reading your blog every since I met you at the first Blogher Conference. I do enjoy reading your viewpoint on the world. I am a African American woman and find the Blogshere, and mainstream media to be diversity adverse. Until there are more diverse views in mainstream media and the Blogsphere talking about race will always be uncomfortable. I only atteded Blogher once because of the lack of diversity.
Almost 40 (GASP!)
Half Polynesian, Half Whitey.
Married.
Mother of 3… one of whom is Chinese.
Liberal Democrat…
Over-educated stay at home mother and sloppy blogger…
Big Fan of YOU.
29, white, female
I was also at the BlogHer session. It was my favorite. I am a little ashamed to admit that I knew of none of you before the session. Now, you are all in my google reader. This conversation is the one I have been looking for for a while now. The more I hear of it, the more I know I am headed in the right direction.
OMG…yes, I still have an AOL account! OK, moving on, loved you and love your blog.
Yes, I am white and old!
We rode the elevator after the cheeseburgher party and we both commented about “all the lil’ kiddies” everywhere!
We may or may not have been happy about it. Just sayin’…;))
I am more of a “blog” lurker than writer.
I’m glad to see logical discussions around race.
I love it in particular that Ilene attended your session. It is so meaningful well difference diverse groups work together to support each others’ voices, opportunities, exposure and continued dialogue. Well done! The LGBTQ session was powerful and attended by a sprinkling of allies, but it certainly wasn’t packed with support.
I missed blogher this year, but heard wonderful things about this panel. I would have loved to go to this and the humor one
Glad it went so well and thanks to all y’all keeping the conversation going.
The only time I love hearing “post-racial” is when it comes out of Steven Colbert’s mouth.
I follow your blog because you’re intelligent, witty and write about things I can relate to. I work in a school and I have teenagers. My life has not been perfect or easy but I’ve always chosen to look at the positive side and not use childhood difficulties as an excuse to not try. I see that in you and respect that. I do not see color. I see a human. A human I can relate to. For demographics, I am a 37 yr. old white female who lives in the mostly white pacific northwest for my entire life. How is that for the opposite of what the corporate folk believe would relate to you?
Thank you mocha momma. Thank you for being real and for being human!!!
I loved the panel – thank you, Kelly.
Chinese-American mom of two.
30
Black
Mom of two mixed race “mocha” boys
Married to a white guy (who can’t dance but is just flipping LOVELY)
I hope you don’t mind, but I ran away with the whole colour thing on a blog post, kinda using you as my spring board.
At school I got bullied for “not being a proper black person”. I used to have people ask me “What’s it like being the only black person in an orchestra”. For me, colour has been something of a gimmick. I think.
And posts like yours, like this one, are just awesome. Thank you, Kelly, I hope more of my (few) readers find you, and are inspired by you.
Keep talking, sister. Good God, keep talking.
We won’t be post racial until not one American can remember why anyone ever feared a white hood. We won’t be post racial until no one would need to think, even for a second, if they should come to a women of color panel or not. We won’t be post racial until all of our children learn better than we did. I fear we won’t be there in my lifetime, but I KNOW that my babies will pave the way. I KNOW that my babies celebrate diversity in skin and body and heart and soul. I know that my family, which spans every color of the human rainbow, will set the example with our white, indian, black, and mexican babies who all call each other cousin and can’t imagine a world any other way, and that family will light the way for those after us.
Also, my panel had the best discussion, shut up.
Also also, good lord I ache for you. Sleep in my dress a whole lot before we trade back, k?
Demographically, I’m a white, forty-something, single mom to a Mexican-American son. We live in a small town in the Pacific Northwest that is liberal, but frighteningly non-diverse. My son went to a bilingual preschool in Seattle with huge diversity not only racially but in family structures and sexual orientation of parents, and it was wonderful. Fast forward six years and we find ourselves in a radically different environment which really concerns me.
I love reading you for so many reasons, most of which have already been mentioned here. Have been a mostly silent fan for a couple of years. Was not at BlogHer this year, but have my ticket for New York. Thanks for all that you do.
I enjoyed the WOC panel very much, and it was nice to meet you again. I felt the themes that were discussed are relevant to dealing with all kinds of diversity–age, sexual orientation, etc. Good stuff.
Demogrphic- Irish, Lesbian, mother to eight- 4 Causasian, 3 Mexican, 1 Thai/ Laos- Education: MEd Age: 42 I am unemployed, as a stay at home mom. I drive a 15 passenger van all over the place, but not to work. I own my own home (barely hanging on) in way Northern California. I have no legal disabilities but lots of other kinds… I am married, sort of- We are one of the 18,000 who were legally married in CA- But the rest of you gay people in love can’t get married- cuz’ that’s not discrimination…
[From Wiki- Commonly-used demographics include race, age, income, disabilities, mobility (in terms of travel time to work or number of vehicles available), educational attainment, home ownership, employment status, and even location.]
I came here almost three years ago by way of Chris- NFTT. I had no idea that you were anything other than a fabulously outspoken, wonderful writer, full of humor and wit. I thought the Mocha Momma referred to a love of coffee- I’m an idiot like that.
I keep coming back for more- you are one of the few blogs that I am attracted to in a weird kind of way. See, I’m strange and an idiot.
I don”t normally comment but I will for this post.
I am a white 42 yearl old wife/mother(SAH) of 3 girls (one gifted, one delayed, and one average). My husband lost his business earlier this year do to the economy and his personal health issues. I am conservative (not the christain wako kind) but find that the blogs I read are written by more liberal writers.
I started reading your blog about a year ago and I enjoy reading. Thank you for allowing the readers to read.
What a wonderful post. The race discussion is do not over. And it irks me when folks use our president as and excuse to say that it is. Thanks so much for this. Thanks also for making me look at my followers. My blog is pretty much about my life and geared towards writing and romance so I get writers there. I’m black and have a diverse group of followers to here my ramblings on writing and tv.
As far as I an tell. 43 Caucasian, 27 black and 19 that are who ever they are because they give no indication from their pic and I’m not snooping but happy they visit. Your thoughs about race and publishing are so interesting. It’s a huge and ongoing issue.
Yes, yes, yes K. I wrote about it over at my personal blog (popdiscourse.com) — this session was so impacting for me. In ways I didn’t really expect. And the convo is so essential and must continue — my daughter is biracial and we talk a remarkable amount about identity even though she is 4 years old. I feel that it’s a necessity, not only because we still encounter plenty of idiots who question whether I’m her mother, but because I just don’t think we can sit back and rest on false comfort that the work is done.
-Christine
Demographics for the marketers: 41 year old white married mother of two who lives in WI and does almost all of her shopping on-line.
Just discovered your blog today through another link on another blog and I’m hooked.
I live in an all-white neighborhood, but my kids go to a school that is mostly non-white. I’m desperately trying to raise them to be caring citizens of the world. Their friends are white, hispanic, black, asian…you name it. I’m shocked at all the racism I see on a daily basis, even among the liberal elite. It’s ironic: people who cried tears of joy at the election of Obama don’t think twice about pulling their kids from the public school system so they don’t need to be with “those kids.”
We have a long way to go. Thanks for providing a forum for discussion. I look forward to reading your blog and learning more of your thoughts.
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