It’s annoying when people are, well…annoying. It’s not everyone, but lately it seems like there is a full moon every single day and The Crazy is just oozing out all over the place. It’s like Annoying is the word of the day. Like my life is sponsored by Annoying. Like this message is brought to you by ANNOYING.
To the neighbor lady who yelled at my dog tonight as I was walking her and she stopped to sniff her flowers and she screamed, “Get outta there!” to her but then refused to answer me and engage with me, a human, when I said in my best Al Pacino Lindsay Lohan Robert de Niro voice, “Are you talking to me? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?” – May a thousand cats piss in your yard and then take a dump.
To my stomach who appears to want to be full-on lactose intolerant and won’t let me even eat a piece of cheese – May you just stop that. Right now.
To the father who got mad at me when I was disciplining his son and he told me that he’d gladly come up to school and tell me how to “do that damn job of yours” – May your brain cells touch one another so you can “do that damn job of yours” of parenting.
To the media who fail to remember Journalism 101 and fact-check stories – May your stories come back to bite you in the ass because you get called on it.
To the people who butt in line even though they’re grown ups and do it to children who know unfair when they see it – May your debit card be declined the next time you do that.
To the Facebook friends who use capital letters for every update – May your days in class when grammar was taught come back to you so that you STOP YELLING EVERY SINGLE UPDATE.
To the chili with extra kidney beans I made for dinner – May you be doused in Beano the next time I make you.
I TOTALLY LOVE THIS POST AND YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
but you’ll always love me
the end.
What a great post especially those facebook friends! They really need to get it together.
Eloquent as always. Or something.
Aww, man. You make me love you, Backpacking Dad. May you keep on being as amazing as you are.
And this is why I voted for you for Best Blogger in Springfield. Awesome.
Although I was a little afraid there’d be one for people who tweet creepy things about your eyeballs. (Can I just blame that on the alcohol? Please?)
See how HORRID I am? I try to comment to BPD and then there’s all this other comment love I missed!
Scoutj – May you always be loved.
afreshmusic – May you have better Facebook friends than I have.
Mighty Hunter – May you aspire to eloquence. Or something.
Jeff – May you always have eyeballs.
You know what’s really ANNOYING?! When you can’t tell all those people to go F*%k themselves. And a few more too. Oops that’s annoying, that bad language thang. Love the cat piss though.
To Saturday mornings, may you always include drunken bloody mary tweetups with friends.
May you continue to get inspiration from neighbours, food, parents, etc for concise and meaning posts like this
Not that I’m saying your posts are usually verbose or anything! 
I can so relate when you vent about the lack of parenting some of your students receive I need to vent to you because I know you will understand! My son who is a senior this year has been fighting with his football coach for 2 seasons now. Super long story, but let’s just say we’re new to a district that has a good ole boy thing going. My son is pretty confident in himself as far as strong family bonds, lots of great friends, a girlfriend, a plan for his future and great faith. This coach has locked him in his office with him and screamed profanities at my son for asking what he needs to do to “earn” more playing time, knocked over chairs etc. He has screamed on the sidelines at my son for concentrating on what is going on out on the field and not standing straight enough etc. Through it all my son has made me the proudest of mammas and has not sworn at him, disrespected or screamed back at this man. He has made eye contact with him and said yes sir and no sir. After another game without stepping foot on the field my son finally told the coach, I’m done. I work my ass of every practice and you will not play me. You are the worst coach I’ve ever had. Not once have you done anything to make me want to respect you but yet I’ve shown you respect for two seasons. I’m done coach. Thank you for doing what no other coach has done successfully and that is take away my passion for a sport I’ve loved since I was seven. You are an ass.
I am so proud of him and so heartbroken and frustrated that people like this coach continue on. I want to scream you big mean jerk. You don’t deserve to coach. Really I want to use profanities of every type but I’m aspiring to be as mature as my 17 year old son was this year. It sucks!!!!!!! Thanks for listening. I feel better : )
The ugliness of human beings is exacerbated by many things. Being creatures of habit, once in a rut, we (not me, but the rest of you- HA HA), usually stay there until something or someone changes our perspective. It is like the “Dog Whisperer” TV show – change/distract/divert a persons (humans) attention and they USUALLY go with the flow and only see how they were messy AFTER the fact. The good one’s (Midnight Express – good machines – LOL) will return to the wronged human and APOLOGIZE because that is the right thing to do. Moral of the story – Keep your side of the street clean. People are pretty much INTO themselves and their own stuff. I find it is easier to stay in a good mood, smell the flowers of LIFE and let the rest live in their own HE**. After all, it is an inside job, we make our own choices – good, bad or just plain STOOPID! You could have used Kung-Foo on the rude lady i.e. your DOG and it would of felt really good in those BOOTS! ;
How has no one pointed out that it was Robert DiNero in Taxi Driver who practiced “You talking to me?” in the mirror with his gun?
And don’t forget– to the iPhone who refuses to suspend autocorrect even when typing in URLs, may your girlfriend give you a duck when you are hoping to fuck.
Also shouldn’t all these annoying people be apologizing to you on this day of atonement?
Joe, I have righted my wrong. May you look him up on IMDB and learn to spell De Niro correctly next time.
The Lohan one was just for fun.
hahahah the comments on this are almost as awesome as the post. MochaMomma, may your day be sponsored by Awesome.
I agree with Jeff– Best Blogger in Springfield: MochaMomma.
(And the hottest one too.)
To the distant cousin who yells 12-step slogans at me in all caps in every single Facebook update (except when he’s calling his ex-girlfriend the c-word, so apparently every day is a new fresh hell? I mean, it’s like a variety show up in there): May you STFU, one day at a time.
Thanks for allowing me to host that mini-rant here. And nothing against 12-step, it’s just a bit…much in that context. And may the people who are annoying you and the myriad people who are annoying me quite simply go away, just for a few days.
To Mocha Momma: May someone make you laugh today as you have just made me laugh. And may you not spit your coffee on your pants when that happens, as I may or may not have done. (But probably did.)
Just a thought about the stomach cheese thing. Have you ever had your galbladder checked? That is what processes fat so sometimes it appears to be lactose intolernace (typically high fat items) when in reality your galbladder is just dead. I had exactly that start on me last September and didn’t get around to knowing the galbladder could wreak that much havoc until march and didn’t get it yanked until April.
i, too, LOOOOOOVE the cat piss. Keep it up!!
To all the people who piss you off: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their crotches and may their arms be too short to scratch.
As if I needed another reminder of why I’m so psyched to see you in 3 days. Frikkin’ hilarious. xoxo Christine
I feel responsible for the chili.
You could totally just pass the Chili to me. I would never yell at it like that. LOL!
I can only imagine how much “annoying” you have to deal with on a daily basis. My only role at our school has been as PTA President, and that came with more annoying parents than i could every possibly handle! (although at least I was able to answer, “hey – it’s volunteer and I truly have no real authority” whenever anyone had the nerve to criticize. What were they going to do, dock my pay?)
I hope today was less annoying!
Chick – you are one hilarious woman – Love the “fortune cookie” post!
XOXO
I’m just catching up on your blog!! LOVE it. Also, reallllly want to know which of our neighbors yelled at Lola for sniffing flowers. If she’s getting reprimanded, there is no hope for Selma.