Comments on: Your Chance To Be Ann Landers

By: Mommela

Mommela — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:25:23 +0000

When he’s ready, a face-to-face with a trained facilitator/therapist/adoption social worker would be a good entre. Nix the texts, they’re too much and too intrusive. Go for paper letters–not email–once, maybe twice, a year. Simple, upbeat updates on her daily life as it is now, and certainly not guilt-ridden apologies or soliliquies on all the things she missed in his life and all the things she hopes to be a part of now and in the future. In time, frequency may increase as their relationship develops. Or it may not.

By: Sra

Sra — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:31:57 +0000

I think she has let the boy know her feelings and now the ball is in his court. He already doesn’t seem keen on getting to know her right now and I think showing up at the soccer games uninvited is stepping over the line. Even if she can justify it to herself, it will likely only push the wedge between them further. 16 year olds are hard to connect with anyway even without alienation. Let him grow up and come to you when and if he becomes so inclined. People grow a lot after 16.

By: Nel

Nel — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:15:09 +0000

First, I think your response to the breathalizers in school was PERFECT. Seriously.

Second, what a touch question from your commenter! I feel very unqualified to answer her questions at all. Except, I don’t think the text messaging is appropriate. I think she needs to speak to him. Let him hear her voice.

By: Mocha

Mocha — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:28:01 +0000

I knew if I asked the interwebs they would have some great answers. Thanks to those of you who emailed even more information about reunion therapists.

You people rock my world so much.

By: Meg Evans

Meg Evans — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:50:19 +0000

And while I took 20 minutes to compose my comment, Boston Mamas said it all so much better! Ditto!

By: Meg Evans

Meg Evans — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:49:10 +0000

I have a lot of thoughts but I’m also not feeling qualified to give advice. The boy doesn’t seem ready for this–based on what she’s telling us. Maybe she should contact a reunion professional for advice–not with the intention of planning a reunion right away, but to learn how to lay the groundwork for a successful reunion. It may be that she’ll have to wait until her son is ready.

By: Miss Britt

Miss Britt — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:48:45 +0000

Wow, what Christine said. Exactly.

By: Boston Mamas

Boston Mamas — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:38:23 +0000

Wow, tough stuff. Extra challenging because the brooding teen years are probably the hardest age ever to communicate… I think she should try to be a calm and supportive presence — have a sit down or communicate by letter that she also feels confused and uncertain but ultimately she just wants to be supportive and help if he needs it and that she is there for him. I also think a therapist is a good idea (I’m very pro therapy) but he may not be ready at this juncture.

I think in general she needs to give him a sense of control — he’s probably felt very out of control of his family situation for a long time and right now he needs to feel that he can make some choices. It will be hard to wait, but if she can show him unconditional love and support and that she’s still there, even if he puts up walls, he’ll probably then start to trust.

-Christine

By: Tweets that mention Mocha Momma » Your Chance To Be Ann Landers -- Topsy.com

Tweets that mention Mocha Momma » Your Chance To Be Ann Landers -- Topsy.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:35:51 +0000

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By: Mocha Momma

Mocha Momma — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:05:36 +0000

Sandy – She was, at the very least, surprised. She had seen my picture and thought, “Nah. No way that could be my birth mom.” And then she went straight to her brother (also adopted and mixed) and told him just because she knew he wouldn’t believe it either.