Last night between saving baby seals, dusting the baseboards of the entire house, and creating a perfect, gourmet dinner I got to talking with a friend about school standards.
Except we actually went out to dinner where I ordered the very best curried rice with chicken that my tongue has even been treated to this decade. Curried rice and I get along very well. We’re BFFs. My friend, Lisa, and I really did talk about school stuff because it is physically impossible to stop running my mouth about all things education related. She posed a question about the kind of standards schools are upholding based on what her son got on his 2nd grade report card. When she posed the question I had flashbacks to my son’s year in 7th grade. That year he had one of the best social studies teachers in the school and one of the worst math teachers I’ve ever experienced as a parent of a student.
That year, his social studies teacher (we’ll call her Mrs. Nearly Perfect) was an angel sent from the Incredible Teacher Heavens. She did everything a teacher should do – she allowed the kids the safe space in which to learn, she had the energy of an entire power plant with all pistons firing all the time, and she modified the lessons for individual students. When we went in for parent/teacher conferences she told us: “Since your son has a lot of energy and likes to move his body as much as he does, I allow him to sit in the back of the room. Most teachers would suggest that he sit in the front of the room so they could keep him under their thumb, but honestly that would just drive me crazy.” This was the first time we didn’t have to spend time explaining our hyperactive child to a teacher and make apologies for it. She already knew what he was like and went one step further. “That way, he can stand up when it gets to be too much.” Apparently, he enjoyed leaning over the desk as he worked so that he could stretch occasionally and this allowed for him to concentrate better. He’s a pencil tapper and a chair-leaner-backer and distracted by the smallest things. And it’s ok. This is the way he was created.
We hoped that he would do well in her classroom that year and he did. He loved her class more than any other. Are you even familiar with a 7th grader? This is a huge accomplishment. They don’t like ANYTHING unless it comes with an XBox controller or is a food item.
Later, we visited his math teacher. We’ll call him Mr. Dingleberry Extraordinaire. Because he truly was. He opened the conference with, “Your son is very unfocused. He fidgets and moves around and is always asking to get up for a tissue or to go to the bathroom.” He didn’t tell us what math he taught our son. He didn’t mention what standards he managed to teach our son or what concepts in math that he mastered. In fact, he spent the entire time telling us about our child’s behavior. THE ONE WE LIVED WITH EVERY SINGLE DAY. Jerk. As if we didn’t know.
Towards the end of the conference we told Mr. Dingleberry what the social studies teacher was doing in order to get work out of our son and asked if he would consider doing the same.
“That wouldn’t be fair. None of the other kids get to stand up and move around.”
It’s best to mention that it was at this point I felt the blood boiling inside my head. There was pounding and I went on a fantasy trip that included me kicking him in the shins and flicking darts toward his eyeballs.
“You know what’s not fair? That we have a child, a son, whose body is in constant motion. And YOU won’t let him be a growing boy in the classroom so that he can learn.”
As a parent of children, I realize that fair isn’t always equal. My children have a different set of parents because we parented them according to their individual personalities. I was relating this to my friend Lisa last night and she informed me that the K-3 standards where she lives includes the following thing that they assess children on for their report cards: ”sits in chair properly”.
My blood. It’s boiling again. Can this really be an important thing to get a child to do? So much so that we put it on the report card so that we GRADE them on sitting? This is as crucial to learn as counting by tens in the second grade? If I could teach a student to deconstruct “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” while he or she sat backwards on a chair THEN SO WHAT? If students can sit on the floor while we write in our journals is that a crime? Sure, there are times in the classroom when I would like students to sit on chairs.
As the mother of sons I think it’s rather discriminatory towards boys. You know what? I changed my mind. It’s discriminatory towards ALL CHILDREN who have more energy than others. I’m a big proponent of doing things in the classroom that are best for kids, not adults.
Certainly not that Mr. Dingleberry.
November 5, 2009 @ 6:18 am | Filed under Education, I Have Questions and I Need Answers, NaBloPoMo | Permalink | Comments (23)
jodifur Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 6:24 am
I have the same conversations, with my son’s PRESCHOOL teachers. B/c he won’t sit at circle time.
I’m totally borrowing Dingleberry. Why do these people become teachers?
jessica Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 6:34 am
All I do and have ever done is apologize for my son and his behavior. I wouldn’t know what to do if a teacher approached me like that. How refreshing.
grshane Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 6:39 am
I used to get yelled at for talking or moving around in school. It took till 7th grade when a teacher realized I was bored out of my mind. She fought to get me back into the program that I was in all through elementary school. It is amazing that one teacher thought I wasn’t ready and was able to pull me out. I am really grateful that the one teacher noticed what was going on.
Avitable Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 6:54 am
When restless kids get that energy out of their systems, they can perform even better, too. Dingleberry should know that.
Dave Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 6:57 am
My job is to teach adults but I occasionally teach a Sunday School class for middle schoolers. I don’t expect adults to sit still for long periods of time and learn anything, why should I expect children (7th grade boys especially) to be any better? Some of the brightest boys I’ve taught were the ones who were in constant motion during class. As long as they aren’t distracting from the other students learning, let ‘em move. Retention of data in the brain improves with stimulation such as color or sound while hearing or reading, why wouldn’t movement work as well? I can’t believe that in this time and at our level of knowledge about how the brain works and people learn that we still evaluate children on how well they sit in a damn chair. That’s disgusting.
mlb_matos Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 7:00 am
None of my 5 kids likes school and I am almost sure that it is because at school they are not considered as individuals the way they are at home. Like you, I have had positive and negative experiences with teachers. One went as far as to change what was written on my daughter’s notebook. This was to try and get away with a mistake she made with a test she gave. I didn’t allow it.
We consider our kids, but imagine what happens when a parent gets angry at their kid because of a teacher’s complaining about him not fitting the ‘norm’. Or those who feel embarrassed.
I really believe it’s something that needs to be worked on. We are all individuals; our kids are individuals. I am glad that there are some teachers that know this.
Meg Evans Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 7:02 am
I think my blood is boiling. We have teacher conferences coming up in a couple of weeks. I think my kids are fine at school…but my oldest is a “minimum effort” kinda girl, so homework is often a challenge (and projects! ack!).
A couple of years ago I read Raising Your Spirited Child and it was an eye-opener. I don’t think any of my kids are “spirited” as defined in the books, but I could see some of their personality traits described in the book, and the methods for working with those traits were really good–it sounds like Ms. Nearly Perfect had read the book. Maybe I should go pull it off the shelf for a refresher course.
K Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 7:13 am
We have a “Mrs. Nearly Perfect” teacher at our school to got a grant from the PTA to order two “standing desks” in her classroom because she noticed that a few of the kids had an easier time learning if they were standing up and could fidget a bit while they worked. She reports that they were very successful.
Lu Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 7:38 am
Some teachers have forgotten that they have the power to be a magical force in children’s lives. They get so caught up in the testing the kids that they don’t make learning fun. This is not all teachers, just some. Those some need to stop teaching because they benefit no one. It is more important to be right than make learning fun. Screw them all.
As for those teachers who teach because they love it, I will praise you forever. You are the ones who make my daughter want to teach even though she struggles in some of her classes. You make it fun for her to learn. Thing is, I would appreciate it if you would stop giving 3rd graders grades on their papers and making the damn D as big as you make the A. You don’t have to remind them that they struggled. But, you can remind them that they are still magnificent. It is what I am doing and I would like it if you would all get on board.
angie Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 9:22 am
OMG, this is right on point! That is really cheap and lazy of teachers to grade students on classroom management issues. Isn’t classroom management the TEACHER’S job, not the students’?
Mommela Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 12:55 pm
I’m, again, reminded why we save every extra penny, forego fancy vacations, don’t eat out often, and sacrifice to keep BabyGirl in her independet school where each of the 36 students are celebrated for the individuals they are. Down with Dingleberries! Up with teachers and administrators like Mocha!
Kathy Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 1:15 pm
I’m so happy I’m not alone! I have the same issues with my son (who was diagnosed with ADHD, put on 7 different meds that give him a tick, only to be told by a specialist that he never even had ADHD!!) – he is smart, gets great grades, but I never hear about that – I only hear about how he won’t sit still. He is a nice little guy, never in trouble (other than not sitting still) but I never hear about his positive attributes from teachers (except for last year – one teacher who did recognize his good points!). I would love to homeschool not to have to deal with it anymore!
Tweets that mention Mocha Momma » Is This A School Standard? -- Topsy.com Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 1:28 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by mochamomma, Double Sifted. Double Sifted said: "The first time we didn’t have to spend time explaining our hyperactive child to a teacher and make apologies for it." http://bit.ly/397Ay [...]
Rachel K Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 2:16 pm
My son’s school ensures at least 2 recess periods a day and 2 gym classes per week. When we transferred in, it was explained to me that they found that kids who were allowed to expend some of the extra energy at different points during the day appeared to have a better time focusing on their lessons. Forcing active and hyperactive children to (try) and sit still is cruel.
@lindajones Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 3:24 pm
What Rachel’s school does is great, our school makes the entire grade have a silent lunch and stay inside as a punishment, that is the only time of day when they can visit with friends and expend some energy outside of PE.
Suebob Said,
November 5, 2009 @ 9:32 pm
I heard this great interview with a choreographer. When she was a kid in England, she could NOT sit still. She was considered a troublemaker until her principal told her parents “Put in her in as many dance classes as you can afford.” She said that she found her people – people who could not sit still – in dance school and that once she found that comfort, she never looked back. She had won every award under the sun for choreography.
That one insightful principal made the difference between a hugely successful member of society and a “problem.”
Amelia Sprout Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 8:59 am
My now two and a half year old seems to be turning out like this. One in constant motion. I have no idea how I will deal with it with teachers, but I do know that if I ever have a question, I’m coming to you.
My brother was the same way and is brilliant, and I’m a little that way. the thing is, it didn’t stop either of us from being successful adults. I’m all for standards, and goals, but in a quest to make sure everyone is being taken care of, they keep trying to fit kids in these boxes, and kids aren’t box shaped. I wish I had an answer.
Sra Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 6:26 pm
I’m not hyperactive, and I’m not a boy, but I definitely don’t sit in chairs properly most of the time. I spent three years working as a legal secretary at a law firm, and nearly everyday I folded my legs under myself on my chair. No one ever told me I didn’t get work done because I didn’t sit in my chair properly. Ha. There’s simply not a connection. Currently, I’m in law school, and I like to draw my foot up onto my chair and hug my leg sometimes in class. I’m still getting my notes down and getting my reading done.
We seem to think we can boil things down to a set of cookie cutter rules, and anything that doesn’t fit into the lines doesn’t work. But people are too different to expect that to be good policy. Flexibility is a virtue.
Headless Mom Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
My #1 son’s first grade teacher taught me a lot about boys and school. She let them stand at their desks, wiggling like 6 or 7 year olds are apt to do. I learned that they need to wiggle, and that I should give it a rest-I had been fighting him to sit all through K and 1st during homework time. After I got the message? Much easier to get him to do his work.
But actually a ’skill’ on the report card? *head exploding*
Headless Mom Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
Oh, and don’t get me started on the actual academic requirements…
Woman with Kids Said,
November 6, 2009 @ 7:09 pm
I think Boy 1 has had at least one Mr. Dingleberry every year. And unfortunately, very few Mrs. Nearly Perfects.
charlene Said,
November 9, 2009 @ 12:03 pm
My son’s Kindergarten teacher is wonderful with the kids. She knows where my sons strengths lies and where they do not. She really truly gets him which I call my angel. She challenges in math were he excels but take it a tad easier on him in writing because she knows it is where he lacks but presistant. I just hope all of his teacher understand him. I always why teachers forget that some kids have the wiggles and it is best for them to stand. They learn better this way. Here in missouri we have one school district (public) that divides the boys and girls into seperate rooms for teaching. Studies show that the kids are advancing wonderfully because of the way it is set up. What is differnt mroe hands on for the boys and listening for girls. Also, by your emails I can tell you are a good teacher/principal.
christen Said,
November 9, 2009 @ 1:46 pm
what about these schools who are using those big exercise balls as chairs? supposedly those help.
I don’t have kids, so I don’t know, but I’ve heard stories from parents who say it worked wonders for their kids. the internal muscles are constantly working so it gets energy out.