When I look at my iPhone (yes, I say I have an iPhone because I waited 4 whole months to finally get that thing and visited it in the store several times just to say, “HI, LITTLE BABYCAKES. MOMMA’S GONNA BUY YOU SOON.”) I can see the first line of the latest text messages I have received. When I look at them I have to try to remember what the context of the message was but sometimes it’s just as fun to leave out all the other details. I am easily amused at times. This is one of those times. Even so, my friends are absolutely hilarious.

Text Messages

was just seeing if you had lunch plans. are you even wearing pants yet?

We drank one in your honor. and then we drank another and another…

are you willing and available for little house party chili college football?

I told him I was texting his mother.

There are pancakes here. Where are YOU?

Polo!

Would you please come over and stop me from watching this Lifetime movie?

Just vindictive vendettas. Fun day. I’m growing an ulcer from all this stress.

Gonna take it slow. Remember when we said this about relationships and not our aging knees?

If you say that one more time I will punch you in the face. (As soon as you get here.)

I found her house! In the dark!

Housewarming, poker, and hot tub tomorrow night. 7:00 cash game.

Did you see that skirt she was trying to wear? TRYING.

Finally cracked my neck. It was worth a text to you.

The cute new neighbor just stopped by. I was wearing the ratty bathrobe and a scrunchie.

THANX SKEEZE BAG

Get on the bookface!!

Kick that guy off the barstool in front of me!!

Are you watching the trainwreck that is Housewives of ATL? Because “Tardy to the Party” is so deliciously awful.

Hope you’re feeling better. I’m stuck in never-ending-meeting hell.

Oh, bite me. And my coin purse. HA!

I’m delivering this food baby soon. Want to attend the bris?

Far left if you’re looking at the stage.

You left your hair over here. 

Gray shirt black pants and black glasses. Walking in now.

Is there cheese at home? I really need cheese.

Your daughter will be at my home in MINUTES!

Till the cows come home.

I have the popcorn farts. He took me to a movie. Damn.

You were making those clicking sounds like that African language. Marry me?

Where are you? Better yet, where am I?

I hope I’m not the only one who gets a kick out of re-reading text messages. Have a funny one? Do your worst people.