It’s official. I have been betrayed by milk. In all it’s delicious, creamy two percent-y goodness, it has gone against my body like a cereal killer. So I’m trying some new things. And I’m not happy about it one bit. The more I’m coming to realize that I can no longer drink milk or eat cheese or even just take a Lactaid before enjoying some ice cream the more I want all those things. Last night I had a dream. It was of the Promised Land. Where I took a bath in mint chocolate chip ice cream (it had melted, so it was a warm bath) and then ate an entire cheesecake with a single spoon and washed that down with some brie cheese.
Not being able to have all that food is making me loony.
Because I have to try new things, my friend Kristina is helping me. She has all this stuff down pat and already feeds her son a gluten-free diet. She knows her stuff and threw out words like PROBIOTIC and GOAT’S MILK CHEESE and HEALTHY GOOD FOR YOU until I couldn’t take it any more and just went directly to the health food grocery store (where it always smells heavenly, just what is up with that, huh?) and it makes me want to buy things that have the word “flaxen” on them. But I don’t. I’ve made that error once or twice before. I’ll just go out front and chew on my tree instead of trying that crap again.
That’s no way for a newly converted crunchy chick to talk, now is it? Is this why the vegans are so pissed off agreeable all the time?
I’m trying some new things and I have questions. A lot of them.
This coconut milk kefir is $6 a quart. Where are the coupons for these damn things? I had to just strike through that last sentence because as soon as I wrote that I decided to do a quick search and found them here in just seconds. I love the internet. As soon as I wrote that last sentence I realized that I had to download something just to get a coupon. I hate the internet.
Who else has this problem? Does anyone have any good advice for me? This is new to me. I’m still at the uncomfortable stage of change. Do you have tips? Is there something you like that I should try? Mind you, I’m asking the internet because, of course, my favorite doctor is WebMD because the co-pay is so reasonable. Help me out here, folks.
Make me love the internet again. I sure can’t love milk anymore.
December 3, 2009 @ 5:54 pm | Filed under Damnit, Help A Brutha Out, I Have Questions and I Need Answers | Permalink | Comments (23)
Michelle Said,
December 3, 2009 @ 7:18 pm
I am commenting so ASAP because I am procrastinating finishing my thesis with all my might…
Now, I tried to be gluten free on a couple of different occasions to see if it would remedy some health issues. Celiac disease runs in my family and blood tests are unreliable, and NO I do not want to have anything stuck into my gut to test for it. This relates, I swear… I hated it. I hated it so much I cried once (or twice) about not having anything to eat in this entire world. I had dreams about eating goldfish crackers and I don’t even like goldfish. I dreamed that I bought doughnuts (which I don’t eat much normally anyway) and stuffed them into my backpack to hide them from people, getting chocolate and glaze goo all over my books. After 4 months of this crap I quit the diet, unconvinced. To my surprise I had unknowingly grown accustomed to it and did NOT run to all of the packaged cookies or to Dunkin Donuts as soon as possible. In fact, I still do not care about pizza as much as I used to and prefer, PREFER, rice noodles over regular noodles.
Point: I feel for you. It sucks. But, give it a little time.
Jeff Said,
December 3, 2009 @ 7:30 pm
“Cereal killer.” Freakin’ awesome!
And I’m the last person to talk to about eating healthy so, no advice here.
But if you want heart disease at an early age – I’m your guy.
*lynne* Said,
December 3, 2009 @ 7:31 pm
“cereal killer”?? punny, very punny!
Sorry about the major lactose intolerance development! The hubby’s also that way, but cheese seems fine, and we just use non-fat lactaid (the box in light purple) or soy milk for things like cooking or cereal. I seem to be developing intolerance too, since my nether regions seem inclined to produce noisy (or silent but deadly) odoriferous emanations after I ingest things like ice cream…
I’ve not heard of coconut kefir before, sounds interesting! In my mind, coconut milk is usually something to be used in cooking/curries, not for drinking (that would be coconut water!). So where would I find me a bottle or two of this stuff? I like that they’ve got active cultures (that means probiotic, right? I was looking into how to make my own yogurt a few days ago precisely because I decided I needed more good germs in my gut! Maybe this will do instead?).
Lauren Said,
December 3, 2009 @ 7:40 pm
I totally have this problem and it bites—
Try drinking kombucha— it’s this crazy fermented hippy drink, but it really helps settle my stomach (you know, just in case you want to eat some chocolate or something with dairy in it). It has natural probiotics and the whole nine yards.
I recommend almond and soy milk for those cereal-related situations and Earth Balance spread for a butter replacement. I’ve also heard rumors about raw cheese being low in lactose, but I haven’t tried it yet. I can manage with small amounts of goat cheese.
Good luck!
Kristin Said,
December 3, 2009 @ 7:43 pm
I’ve always had a slight lactose intolerance, but could get away with SOME dairy based things (cheese, limited milk etc) but would totally get sick on really creamy items (hello – eggnog and ice cream).
I’ve found that raw milk is the way to go. If it is legal in your state, find a dairy that has grass fed Jersey cows. But, you have to drink the milk whole – no skimming the cream. The unpasteurized cream is where the probiotics, enzymes etc. are that help with digesting the milk. It’s the pasteurization process that kills the good stuff that the body needs to digest the lactose. Give it a try. You can also get raw cheese. I haven’t tried it yet. We just started on raw milk about a month ago, and loving it.
http://www.realmilk.com/where2.html
Daria Said,
December 3, 2009 @ 8:17 pm
I just figured this out, too, after weeks and weeks of, well, not normal. How did this happen all of a sudden? Is it one of those getting old things that people don’t want to tell you about? At least there are plenty of options, Silk for coffee creamer and soy cheese and rice milk ice cream. Honestly, once I decided that my health was more important, then I just cut dairy out of my life. It’s really not worth it and I don’t miss it, well, mostly. Yes, it does suck, but it could be worse.
Becky Colorado Said,
December 3, 2009 @ 10:15 pm
Okay, so I happen to have to deal with all this lactose crap myself. Here’s how it works.
1) Soy milk. It is your friend. It’s fantastic on cereal. It substitutes well in everything. Well, except for pudding. Pudding won’t congeal with soy milk. An awesome bonus is that soy milk keeps a HELL of a lot longer in the fridge than cow milk. And chocolate soy milk is the bomb. I usually just get whatever brand is on sale. Right now, I’ve got 8th Continent in the fridge.
2) Soy ice cream. It sounds weird, but they make some really fantastic stuff these days. Turtle Mountain is soy ice cream’s answer to Ben & Jerry’s, and they are made of awesome. My favorite is the turtle flavor. OM NOM NOM… Also, sorbets are dairy-free. Mango sorbet is like manna from heaven. If you’re the sort of girl who will eat an entire can of chocolate frosting with a spoon, the chocolate sorbet is FUCKING AMAZING.
3) Cheese and yogurt. These should mostly be okay since the majority of the lactose is digested by the cheese-making enzymes. I have zero issues with cheese, actually. However, frozen yogurt makes me question the whole “yogurt is cool” thing. My intestines disagree with that.
Mocha Momma Said,
December 4, 2009 @ 3:21 am
I’ve been researching all your suggestions at 4 in the morning because I’m up right now. Stupid stomach.
Anyway, I’ve read about kombucha and am having some trouble locating places to buy it. Hopefully, it’ll be in my local health food store.
Kristen, I found a raw milk distributor just outside of Springfield from the link you provided. What’s up with the “if it’s legal in your state” part? That scared me a little. I’m still researching that, though.
Daria, I feel the same way! How did this just start?
Lynne, you want to try Food Fantasies to buy the stuff. I can give you more information when we meet for Bloody Marys which my body seems to ingest JUST FINE.
a.eye Said,
December 4, 2009 @ 4:52 am
I feel your pain. A week or so ago, I wrote a post which was a letter to Dairy. Yesterday I strain through some subplans and take off from work due to the night before’s dairy ingestion.
Not sure if it’s anything new to you, but I heard about dropping some kind of Lactaid drops into gallons of milk and it working for someone. I use Lactaid and some non-dairy milk sometimes.
When I know I will be eating a lot of dairy in the future, I sometimes try to build my tolerance up by gradually eating more of it. Usually works a bit, though sometimes my body wants me to go back into dairy remission.
I will have to try some of the things others wrote about here.
Thanks for the ideas.
Meg Evans Said,
December 4, 2009 @ 6:39 am
Oh, Kelly. I am SO sorry–and yet I’m afraid to say anything more than that because the Dairy Devil might sneak into my house through the internets and render this milk, ice cream, half and half, cheese and heavy cream-loving mama lactose intolerant!
Mommela Said,
December 4, 2009 @ 2:53 pm
A totally lactose-intolerant friend swears by Muscle Milk, for what it’s worth.
Mocha Momma Said,
December 4, 2009 @ 3:36 pm
Muscle Milk? The hell…?
I’m so busy looking this stuff up that I haven’t missed my cheese yet today.
Mrs Soup Said,
December 4, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
Oh man, I feel your pain. I became lactose intolerant in about 2000. I couldn’t even LOOK at cheese without a Lactaid pill, and ice cream? Killed me even with three pills.
I found Lactaid milk to be a God-send. It tastes better than regular milk, even. After a couple years of staying away from anything that wasn’t made with the Lactaid milk, I discovered that I could eat yogurt. This also meant I could eat Frozen Yogurt. That made life so much more happy for me.
Just this year, I realized something miraculous. After having my daughter in January, I am no longer intolerant! That first bite of real ice cream was HEAVEN…and brie cheese……
So yes, it comes and goes. My dad had it from 20 to about 45. Who knows what causes it.
I do know that the sharper the cheddar, the less lactose there is in the cheese. It also can build up over the day, so eating a little bit of cheese throughout the day is as bad or sometimes worse than eating the whole brick at once.
Good luck! I hope it passes soon!
The New Girl Said,
December 5, 2009 @ 4:18 am
Sorry about the tum. That totally sucks.
I use soymilk on/in everything. I use Silk unsweetened but any of the ones in the refrigerated section of the grocery store are pretty good. I also use Earth Balance as a sub for butter (it comes in a tub or stick and has a texture/melt quality much like butter. I can only find it at the health food store or Wegman’s) [@Becky Colorado I do have a recipe for chocolate soy pudding (it calls for cornstarch to thicken) and it's AWESOME. Let me know if you want it.]
If you need a probiotic, Culturelle is a great one and it’s available in CVS.
I don’t know about ‘no cheese,’ that’s a tough one. I used to eat veggie/vegan cheeses and they are ALL RIGHT but not really a satisfying substitute, if you ask me.
The soy or rice milk ice creams are good. Tofutti cuties? YUMMO.
Linda Said,
December 6, 2009 @ 3:41 am
I love Kefir, but the Kefir Iloved has sugar, I haven’t figured out plain, but maybe a little stevia and or vanilla. It is thick but drinkable, you can put it on cereal. It is super good for you, too. My Krogers has it.
Amy Said,
December 7, 2009 @ 12:18 pm
Tofutti cuties are the best.
I get rice cheese found it taste most like real cheese.
I like the unsweetened Soy milk and Almond milk.
Tofutti makes fake cream cheese that is the best, I even make cheese cake with it. http://www.tofutti.com/btcc.shtml.
Silk soy yogurt is good but if your watching your sugar not a good idea.. It’s very high in sugar.
I buy all my soy and rice products at Whole Foods and a farmers market called Sprouts. I don’t think Sprouts is in your area.
For acidophiles I like to take Jarro-Dophilus it has no dairy in it, making it easier for my tummy to digest. I can tell if I forget to take it. I have very bad stomach days without it.
Jeannette Said,
December 7, 2009 @ 8:49 pm
I’ve started to leave a comment several times, but I just don’t know what to say. I’d be totally devastated… I am in the midst of a lifetime love affair with cheese. Ohmygosh, cheeeeeeese.
I’m so sorry, Kelly.
anji Said,
December 9, 2009 @ 12:30 am
Years ago when I was in grade 6, I remember the day milk turned against me. I had made a hot-chocolate and put just the slightest amount of milk in and within minutes, I was dying in pain.
For YEARS I could not eat milk.
One day in grade 11, I said SCREW it. I missed not being able to eat normally… perogies, lasagna, tomato soup, cereal… and Lord love a Duck, DAIRY QUEEN BLIZZARDS!
So, I decided to torture myself.
I forced myself every single week to eat a HUGE blizzard. Usually I’d get the craps or puke or both (maybe or maybe not, at the same time! *ahem*)
Within about three months of my weekly ritual (on a weekend, so I could suffer)… I could eat a blizzard, without pain. Without puking. Without the craps.
It was a miracle!
I forced my body to deal with it.
Sometimes I still have a few moments where things are iffy. I’m 31 now. But, I am grateful for my Dairy Queen Treatment. I swear by it… and maybe it won’t work for everyone but it worked for me.
Eithne Said,
December 9, 2009 @ 5:35 pm
I didn’t read all the comments yet so sorry if this is a repeat, but my son has milk/soy/wheat etc. allergies, and he likes hemp milk (Living Harvest) and there is actually Coconut Milk available in the refridgerated section in Whole Foods which tastes nice. There is also hemp ice cream (not bad) and Coconut Icecream (Purely Decadent brand – very tasty). It does take some getting used to but there are some good alternatives out there. Good luck.
angie Said,
December 9, 2009 @ 7:27 pm
Milk and I go way back in the animosity department. I hate strawberry quick to this day (and strawberries, by extension), because of milk. Lactaid just won’t cut it for me. I drink Silk soy milk, but I also like almond and rice milk. I have a friend who eats rice cream, and she swears by it. I haven’t had the pleasure, because I’ll usually just deal with icecream. I prefer frozen yogurt, though–less guilt.
Cheese is something I can handle in moderation. I think. Welcome to the club–where everyone is slightly different. Enjoy your soy.
Mocha Momma » Reflecting Said,
December 15, 2009 @ 8:34 pm
[...] from when I began and it forces me to consider what’s changed during that time. Not only have I become lactose intolerant (thanks, Mr. Tummy, you’re kinda jerky for doing that to me) but I’ve become a single [...]
Angel Said,
December 19, 2009 @ 10:27 am
This has JUST happened to me too! Years of enjoyment, drinking milk on ice with pancakes, chili, most meals, for that matter~and suddenly I can’t/my body won’t deal.
The thought of Soy scares the crap outta me~my solution? I drink milk or eat cereal late at night. Saves me from any ingestion problems and I think my husband is happier for it too.
I love milk, cheese~oh hell….I’m southern, I JUST LOVE EATING. Going without milk is devastating~and being almost 43, I need this stuff for my bones.
Cindy Said,
December 21, 2009 @ 7:20 pm
I second the Earth’s Balance for tub margarine (you can even bake with it). Trader Joe’s has a darned good ice cream substitute and also a decent soy cheese. I also make cheese cake with Toffutti’s “cream cheese”. And there is a new product by Nasoya called Silken Creations. You find it in the refrigerated section. I swear the chocolate flavor is awesome right out of the package; just like pudding!