This morning I got to sit in on an interview with a student for a story being written by a reporter after I, in what is far too normal, opened my mouth to talk about my students. It is an occurrence that happens often once you get me talking about education. There is no reason for me to keep these solid gold stories to myself about what I get to see and experience in my job and in my dealings with teenagers. If you have one (a teenager, that is) and you’ve ever wondered about how it is their brains work then I’m not the one to ask. I can’t figure them out any better than anyone else even though I’ve raised a few in my time as a mom. But I’m precariously close to having a great deal of empathy for them. So much so that I’m closer to tears some days than they realize. I’m a professional, though. I have learned to wait until I’m out of their presence before I shed a tear.
In the movie Broadcast News the character Jane Craig that is played by Holly Hunter is an empathetic reporter who does her job efficiently and effectively without letting herself get close enough to be betrayed. She has a habit of waiting until she’s along and then she weeps uncontrollably, collects herself, and goes back about her job.
I’ve learned to do that. Far too well I might add.
It’s not my intention to tell her story. It is my intention to tell mine. As much as I want to share things about these fantastic students in my charge I am learning to be more and more cautious. (Mostly to savor them and fully explore some of them in my book.) (Oh, have I piqued your interest? Yay! Buy my book!) (You know. Someday. When I finish writing it.)
In the years I’ve written online I have learned two things for certain: 1) everyone has a story to tell and 2) when you tell it well you work your way into the heart of the reader. How familiar you become with the author of a story depends on how much you trust them. When I sit and listen to my students tell me their story that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s all this stuff underneath that’s been building for a long time and if they don’t trust me, they don’t tell me. If they don’t tell me, I can’t help them as I so desperately wish.
Oftentimes I think, “I can’t wait to tell that story!” or “This is such a great anecdote!” It’s hard because then I feel guilty. I don’t mean to exploit them. I just mean to show people, through writing, a slice of my work. My writing is at its best when I’m doing that or when I’m trying desperately to work through how I parent. When I write about being a mom I have to be more cautious because my children aren’t unknowns or just letters. “Child M said this.” or “Child M said that.” See how dumb it was of me to give them all names that start with M’s? I must have known I was going to write a blog someday, hmm? But my students are anonymous and I tell stories that are current or ones that happened many years ago, yet the fine line is always there. I had this moment recently where I thought it was stupid to keep telling the stories about my children and my students and how I should stop completely.
Then, I stopped listening to that voice in my head. It’s not like I’m living my like Tila Tequila for crying out loud. Right?
I think I’m having another moment.
This must be what writers think like. No wonder they’re crazy.
January 11, 2010 @ 9:54 pm | Filed under Brain Swamp, Can You Tell I've Been To My Therapist?, Does This Confession Make My Ass Look Fat?, Education | Permalink | Comments (10)
BOSSY Said,
January 11, 2010 @ 10:08 pm
You can never stop. You’ll have all of us to answer to!
coffeecupkat Said,
January 12, 2010 @ 7:21 am
It’s hard when your story is tangled up with someone else’s story. When you try to separate the two, so you can leave theirs out, you just end up with a knotted mess that doesn’t make any sense. So you keep putting your story out there, and the bits of other people’s stories, and hope for the best, I think.
Good luck with the book.
Cynthia Samuels Said,
January 12, 2010 @ 7:52 am
The way you tell stories is never exploitation. You always offer something from which we can learn. (OH and Broadcast News is basically my 30 and 40.s) Motive and retention of the dignity of those we write about is everything. I’ve agonized about it often with regard to my kids and my community; there is so much to share and so much risk if we do it wrong.
And you are a prime role model of how to do it right and help us all see and understand something we might not otherwise realize. You are the gold standard.
furiousBall Said,
January 12, 2010 @ 7:53 am
you know if you read this too quickly…
“Far too well I might add.”
it looks like …
“Fart well I might add.”
lagata Said,
January 12, 2010 @ 8:44 am
I love your stories, they are so full of hope, and truth – something we need to hear more of. Your book – oh, your book…. Can’t wait to read it
)
trayday Said,
January 12, 2010 @ 9:33 am
Hi sister,
Did you say Solid Gold?…
http://www.sgdanceconnection.com/dancers.html
xoxo
Yvonne Said,
January 14, 2010 @ 7:06 pm
You have never yet told us any story that hasn’t protected the privacy of others. You manage to make us laugh and cry along with the stories. You have the ability to tell it all without taking the anonymity away from anyone. Though just once can you write us a “Child M” story just for the giggle factor?
Stop thinking so much, breathe and just be you. BECAUSE YOU ROCK!
I was always under the impression that being mentally unstable was a prerequisite to being a writer. Maybe you just are not quite unstable enough yet? LOL xoxoxox
Laurie Said,
January 14, 2010 @ 8:40 pm
I have one right now whose story I restrain myself from babbling about to everyone in my vicinity. You know how it is, sometimes one just grabs you and you want to fix everything even though it’s unlikely that you can.
I describe my job as a combination of social work and teaching at this point. These lives I work with are so heavy and what I find out has nothing to do with why they come to me in the first place.
I don’t tell their stories at all, even anonymously, but you make me think about it more these days.
Mocha Momma » Are You Listening? Said,
January 15, 2010 @ 7:58 am
[...] recent post was a direct result of me worrying about telling these stories about students and I think, after [...]
Jonathan Said,
January 17, 2010 @ 3:59 pm
I love reading your blog. It’s like an open window straight into your brain at times (I almost wrote “brian”, which conjures up all manner of Pythonesque scenes).
I’m trying not to think about the machinations of teenagers brains – I have enough trouble with a four, six, and nine year old at home.